Americans we are oversenstive sometimes.
We sometimes overreact to news.
We sometimes overreact to statements.
We sometimes overreact to others beliefs.
We sometimes overreact in crisis.
We sometimes overreact to family problems.
We sometimes overreact to animals problems.
We sometimes need to realize that life is unscripted and we
need to react camly.

In between   (a poem)
.
my mind struggles against its own illusion
nightmare tumbles out into still morning
light is heavy,
a fog of echoes...
and I am caught
.
day dreams the sunlight
dreams light the day
and I am caught in between
mourning echoes...
like a stillborn ghost
who can't take a breath in the present

….
  
I live on a tropical island and just want to go surfing with my husband, but the nausea in the early morning as I try to eat  breakfast and drive with him to the beach is so uncomfortable.  Day after day it makes even surfing a chore, and I consider not going anymore.  Background anxiety and unreasonable irritation interferes with our marriage, frustrates him enough to want me out.  

For me, a trip to the grocery store or meeting a group of people awakens the same dreadful fear as rockclimbing a cliff. Perspective has been lost in the extremes.  I try to gain some control over this hindering nuisance, seeking situations that bring the same surges of adrenaline so I can learn to master it.  If I can just push past the avoidance that would keep me inside doing nothing, if I can just ignore the feeling I want to throw up, if I can just get out there, I am rewarded with life’s potential beauty eventually.  Many days I do enjoy the thrill of mountain biking or connection with nature when surfing, but there are too many days of internal struggle that reduce what should be enjoyable to a relentless chore of wrestling inner demons.

The VA offers a few sessions of marriage counseling, and the doctor begins to explain PTSD.  ***, I’ve learned to cope with an unreliable brain, but now there’s this?  From what I understand (and that’s just me, an amateur philosopher) Sometimes the brain is so traumatized, that the memory is literally sealed off, encapsulated, protecting it from changing.  If later something happens that is similar, the brain triggers avoidance responses as a take-no-chances survival mechanism.  Literally the brain is protecting one’s self from one’s self.  This all-or-nothing strategy works fending off potential dinosaur attacks, but in our complex society, these automatic avoidance behaviors complicate functioning and well being.  Life becomes an attitude of constant reaction instead of motivated intention.

The website for the National center for PTSD says.  “After a trauma or life-threatening event, it is common to have reactions such as upsetting memories of the event, increased jumpiness, or trouble sleeping. If these reactions do not go away or if they get worse, you may have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.”  

“Common reactions to trauma are:
• Fear or anxiety: In moments of danger, our bodies prepare to fight our enemy, flee the situation, or freeze in the hope that the danger will move past us. But those feelings of alertness may stay even after the danger has passed. You may:feel tense or afraid, be agitated and jumpy, feel on alert.  
• Sadness or depression: Sadness after a trauma may come from a sense of loss---of a loved one, of trust in the world, faith, or a previous way of life. You may:have crying spells, lose interest in things you used to enjoy, want to be alone all the time, feel tired, empty, and numb.  
• Guilt and shame: You may feel guilty that you did not do more to prevent the trauma. You may feel ashamed because during the trauma you acted in ways that you would not otherwise have done. You may:feel responsible for what happened, feel guilty because others were injured or killed and you survived.  
• Anger and irritability: Anger may result from feeling you have been unfairly treated. Anger can make you feel irritated and cause you to be easily set off. You may:lash out at your partner or spouse, have less patience with your children, overreact to small misunderstandings.  
• Behavior changes: You may act in unhealthy ways. You may:drink, use drugs, or smoke too much, drive aggressively, neglect your health, avoid certain people or situations.”   It lists four main symptoms: reliving the event, avoiding situations that remind of the event, feeling numb, and feeling keyed up (also called hyperarousal)”

Four words strung together: Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  They’ve become a tired cliché, exhausted from the endless threat of random cruelty camouflaged in banality, weary of the weight shouldering back the wall that separates death and gore from the living.  Living was a reflex beyond willpower and devoid of choice. Control was self-deception.  The mind was so preoccupied with A: survival, B: sanity, in that order.  Rest was a cruel illusion.  The tank was drained, no room for emotions ditched.  Empathy took too much effort, fear was greedy.  Hopefully they can be remembered and found on the other side, if there is one.  Sleep deprived cells were left hyper-alert from the imminent, shot up and addicted to adrenaline.  Living was Fate and Chance, and meant leaving that time and place sealed in forgetfulness.  

Now PTSD is a worn out acronym, a cold shadow of what it feels like.  I try to think of something more personal that can describe the way it randomly visits me, now resigned to its familiar unwelcome influence.  It steals through my brain, flying ahead of me with its own agenda of protecting sabotage.  Its like the Guardian Trickster of Native American legend.  Its an archetype but real enough to make mistakes: Chulyen, the black raven.

A decade after the ER, contentment is found in a garden of slow tranquility as a butterfly interrupts a sunbeam.  My heart fills with bittersweet as I’ve finally found something I love and want to keep.  Just then Chulyen’s grasping black claws clamp my heart with painful arrhythmia and it fills to burst, tripping in panic trying to recover its pace.  The sudden pain drops me to my knees, in the dirt between fragrant lavender and cherry tomatoes.  Pain stops breath and time and makes me remember the ER, when my heart rebelled its ordained purpose for a week.  I had tried to throw my bitter life back in God’s face but He didn’t take it.  Now that I have peace and a life that I treasure, He’s taking it now.  The price for my mistake is due.  It was all just borrowed time and I’m still so young, my children just babies.  God with a flick of cruelty reminds me not to put faith in the tangible, especially when its treasured.  The sharp claws finally relent and I can breathe, looking up with a gasp and the Raven takes flight overhead leaving a shadow.  Bright noon warmth, unusually heavy and foreboding, seems to say ‘there will come a time when you will not welcome the sun.’   Doctors run an EKG and diagnose ‘stress’.

The bird perches on my shoulder two more decades later, always seeing death just over there.  So I sit on the porch just a little longer and check my list again, delaying the unavoidable racing heart and rush of tension when I fix the motorcycle helmet strap under my chin.  I know all those stupid drivers have my life in their cell-phone distracted hands and hope my husband knows how much I love him, and my daughters too.  

Chulyen wakes me at 3:00 am when autumn’s wind aggravates the trees.  His rustle of black feathers outside unsettles summer’s calm night.  He brings an end-of-the-world portent that hints this peace is just temporary, borrowed.  Tribulation will return.

Ravens are attracted to bright shiny things.  Chulyen steals off with treasures like intention, and contentment.  I don’t realize they are missing until occasionally I find myself truly living in the moment.  I guess that is another reason why I crave adventure, for those instants and epiphanies that snap me out of that long term modis operandi of reacting, instead of being.  The daily list of ‘I must, or I should’ can for a brief while become ‘I want’  and I am free.

My companion the black bird perches relaxed in the desert on the gatepost of a memory.  A bullet-scarred paint-faded sign dangles by one corner from rusty barbed wire:
    No Trespassing    
    That Means You
I have a haunted idea what's behind the fence.  Chulyen implies the memory with a simple mistaken sound:
a Harley in the distance is for a second the agitating echo of a helicopter...
or those were the very same words they said when...
or I hear a few jangling clinks of forks in our warm kitchen...
hinting a cold cafeteria at 5:00 am smelling of fake eggs and industrial maple flavored corn syrup,
and everything else that happened that day...
My cells recollect, brace with the addictive rush of adrenaline.  But the raven denies access to the memory, distracting with discomfort.  I trip and I fall hard into the gritty dirt of irritation at the person who unknowingly reminded me.  Anxiety floods in along with fatigue of the helplessness of it all, back then and still now.  I can't go further.  Chulyen’s tricking deception says Leave This Memory, you never wanted to come back.
But I already knew from just recognizing the bird patiently sitting there a sentinal,
recalling every other time he tricked me with nausea and depression.
I tried to tell myself again that behind that gate,
the past has dried up from neglect.
Disintegrated into dust,
Blown away,
doesn't
exist.
…


After everything else, how to work through this?  The VA gave me a manual, a crudely printed set of worksheets with a government-looking blue cover page:  Cognitive Processing Therapy.
“In normal recovery from PTSD symptioms, intrusion, thoughts, and emotions decrease over time and no longer trigger each other.  However, in those who don’t recover, the vivid images, negative thoughts, and strong emotions lead to escape and avoidance.  Avoidance prevents the processing of the trauma that is needed for recovery and works only temporarily.  The ultimate goal is acceptance.  
There may be “stuck points”, conflicting beliefs or strong negative beliefs that create additional unpleasant emotions and unhealthy behavior.  For example, a prior belief may have been “ I am able to protect myself in dangerous situations.”  But after being harmed during military service, a conflicting belief surfaces, “I was harmed during service, and I am to blame.”  If one is ‘stuck’ here, it may take some time until one is able to get feelings out about the trauma, because one is processing a number of rationales.  “I deserved it because…” , or “I misinterpreted what happened, I acted inappropriately, I must be crazy…”  The goal is to change the prior belief to one that does not hinder acceptance.  For example, “I may not be able to protect myself in all situations.”

(chapter continues with recovery methods)

Women aren’t better than men
we stand on the same ground
we can do what they can
women aren’t weaker
or less important
we want to be treated the same
human is all of our name
we don't want to be judged by our physical traits
our body parts aren't to be used as baits
equality is all that we seek
for everyone to see
what we can be
a girl shouldn’t be stopped by her looks
she shouldn’t be judged by how she cooks
or what books
she reads
A girl shouldn't be afraid to chase her dreams
because of society’s screams
if she wants to be president she shouldn't be stopped
because her opponent is in a suit and she's in a dress
they say she can't be trusted with such big choices
because women's judgement is worth less
women are too emotional
they make everything personal  
they overreact
they’re weak
too soft
attention is all they seek
are all stereotypes of what I am
even though I never knew them
the ones who said these things
the ones we're supposed to look at like kings
but there can not be kings without queens
there can not be peas without beans
men need women to stay alive
for humankind to thrive
why is it so hard to be the same
to be equal
what kind of pull
does it take
for everyone to finally wake
to open our eyes and see
your insides are the same as me
black, white
short, tall
men, women
none of it means anything at all
it doesn't matter what you wear
it doesn’t matter how much you care
about what others think
women want the same things
they just want to be able to reach everything life brings
they just want to be free
to be what they want to be
I don't want something as small as gender to limit what i can say
or what i do with my day
i want to live my life in my own way
gender shouldn't define you
or what you can do
it shouldn’t limit your dreams
or your life goals
women shouldn’t be set on a pedestal
women weren’t created only for your pleasure
to be used whenever
they aren’t to be used for you to shame
they say she chose to wear that
so she's the one to blame
if she didn’t want it to happen maybe she should have worn a hat
what happened no one can know
About it you can't talk
They tell you to continue to walk
schools dictate what girls wear
because schools care
more about their clothes
than if they learn
or what the teacher actually knows
no shoulders she can show
your shorts have to be this long
spaghetti straps are wrong
leggings reveal too much
they persuade boys to touch
but maybe if boys were taught
that girls weren’t toys
to be sought
it wouldn’t matter what i wear
or how i do my hair
you wouldn’t pull me out of class
because you think my outfit looks like trash
all we ask for is respect
to be equal
neck to neck
we achieve the same feats
we walk the same streets
yet women are inferior
men are superior
but men and women were created on the same day
created in the same way
we eat the same things
in school we swung on the same swings
as children who we played with
didn't matter what you were born with
gender doesn't determine who could be friends
didn't matter who was by your side around the bends
but as you got older
it started to change
your priorities started to rearrange
men became dominant
women submissive
women suddenly became not permissive
childbearers they say
The kitchen is the place for you
Cooking and cleaning is what you do
home makers is the woman's way
Women aren't just a piece of ***
To be caught like a Bass
Women aren't to be just thrown back when you're done
Thinking you have won
Women aren't to be forced to their knees
As you ignore their pleas
Just because you say she's a tease
Doesn't mean women were created to just please
women have been mistreated
and to get them men have competed
they've been used
thrown on the ground
bruised
Everyone has times they are wrong
Women and Men should be free to feel strong
its why all we want is to be equal
to sit down and write the sequel
Gender equality isn't here to dictate your life
It's not here to take away your wife
It gives you  a choice
where you can finally use your voice
gender equality is seen as a woman’s issue
but it concerns men too
It's the woman’s right
as much men
to continue to fight
another name people call it is feminism
but that name is considered bad
because many see feminists as women who are just mad
Mainly because they don't know the truth
They get their facts from a sleuth
it's actually the right to receive social, economic and political
equality , it's really not diacritical
It's more about doing what you believe
to strive to achieve
Am I a feminist?
sure it's not a sin
to stand up for what i believe in

I may overreact daily
Tis only because I knoweth
Mine last breathe shalt be quite soon,

As for that reason
Anyone wouldst overreact to.

As I knoweth theres not all the seconds in the world
To do what I need to do....

I stare at the crowd
rapid breath intakes
sweaty palms
I can't do this

I look back at her
telling her I can't do it
don't overreact
she says

my heartbeat is deafening
faster
faster
as if it wants to escape

I can do this
I think
but i know I can't

I'll fail
fail
f a i l

I feel nauseous
why am i so stupid
all I have to do is go there
just walk
**** it
why am i afraid?

I can do this,
I convince myself again
but my heart and sweaty palms
told me otherwise  

I look back to her again
with my pleading eyes
on the verge of crying

it's so simple
how can you fail,
everyone else can do it
she says

simple for her,
but I am not her
nor everyone else

why are you forcing me?

i bite my lip,
so hard that it's bleeding

I stammer
but- I - can't-do- it

why can't you understand?

just like that the words entered the screen through my mind as if my fingertips were playing the dance of death and instead of me being able to meet the grim reaper i was ready to meet the end of this relationship with a weak mind and feeble heart

you see, my love is nuclear and the minute you try to touch it you will see sparks flying everywhere because boy this **** kills people by the hundreds, my motivation is your lips but my saliva is uranium and months after i leave you'll need to go in for that x-ray because your lungs will be on fire from my saliva and the countless cigarettes you've smoked

you want me to stop then fine i'll stop but just know that when i resort to being something other than kind to you you will learn the ******* definition of being radioactive

"The global bull market has continued its seemingly relentless advance, unchanged by geopolitical concerns…….."

• The Israeli-Hamas conflict now blazing in Gaza, Palestine, two military forces locked in a deadly struggle to the end, killing and maiming thousands of ordinary citizens.

• Malaysia Airlines flight 17 blasted out of a clear blue Ukraine sky by the Bus surface to air missile
             unleashed by the Pro-Russian Separatists killing 298 unsuspecting, innocent, international travellers.
             Culpability denied by all.

• Anwar Al Awlaki, the American born Cleric, directing clandestine terror attacks and assassination by Al Qaeda beyond the Middle east into Asia and Europe.

• Deposed President, Mohammed Morsi’s Muslim Brotherhood, responsible for terrorist activities including multiple car bombings throughout Egypt.

• President Bashar Assad of the Alawite minority, an offshoot of Syria’s Shiite religion, waging religious genocide against his own nations people
             and now in open conflict with the Muslim uprising Sunni forces of the new Isis Caliphate.

• The beheadings, slaughter and terror unleashed by the Sunni, Isis Caliphate uprising rampaging through Iraq.

• Russia’s sudden invasion and forceful annexation of the Crimea.

• Russia’s brutal pressure on the sovereignty of the Ukraine through its clandestine weaponry supply and sponsorship of the Pro-Russian Separatist Forces occupying the nations East.

The Middle East is now…an Apocalypse.

This epoch of cruel waste
Where man kills man
For God and gold,
For power’s lust.
Where the Sword of Calamity
Wields destruction and death
On those who can least afford it
By they who should never impose it.

In the face of all this …..an unbelievable prioritization with this headline quote from today’s NZ Herald….

“There are financial risks to be endlessly jumping at shadows…to overreact to market noise!"

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!**

M.
Auckland,
NEW ZEALAND
31 July 2014

and i’m probably wrong,
but- good.
everyone else gets to be wrong, and be proud of it,
and be supported in their fallacies
shallow girls with their fickle girlfreinds
so eager to agree that “guys ****”,
hey, newsflash,
if you want to earn the right to be so fragile,
stop treating other people like they’re made of stone,
and these girlfriends who are there for you now,
was it only last week that they were all “*******”
and didn’t you hate them for all the things they said about you to each other behind your back
(all the same things you say about them behind theirs)
all the girls you would call fat and ugly then turn to me hours later for consolation about insecurities or insult to your own appearance,
all the friends you forced me to get to know,
then forced me to hate,
the warnings you ignored,
only to overreact at the end as if you didn’t know,
and still somehow blame it or take it out on me.
this is for the beanie baby turtle you made me throw out of the window because it was a christmas present to me from your now ex-best friend.
this is for the girl i’ve known since i was a toddler that came to my dad’s fiftieth birthday party with my aunt who used to babysit us both.
she came along because she thought it would be fun to see all the people that she hadn’t for the greater part of ten years.
she came to see me.
she was very beautiful.
i forced myself to ignore her because i knew how you would have reacted.
i will never forgive myself for that.
i’ll probably never see her again.
this is for the class i failed
staying up the night before because “i HAD to call you”
the night before the big test because you were so upset over something that was literally nothing at all
and i told you it was stupid to act like it was a real problem
but i still talked to you well into the early morning as i stumbled around the dark streets
in the cold
because i needed privacy to talk to you and my roommate was in the room.
and so was my calculus book i was trying to read through.
but no- you’re not selfish,
that’s me.
the truth is you need me more than i need you
and the truth is when i first met you, you put on an innocent girl act
but you were just a ****,
you and all your friends, the easy, broken girls who didnt get enough love,
from semi-broken homes, who didn’t know what normal or okay were,
and i gave you everything i could.
and you took it all
and then you took it for granted
and then you took me so far in that i never could get back out
i’m tired of being your soft spoken boy
don’t tell me i’m inconsiderate.
don’t tell me i’m not understanding.
don’t tell me you love me when we make up.
you wouldn't know the first thing about it.

I have a tendency to overthink and overreact. I'm quick to get angry. That's just who I am. It's something I get from my dad who got it from his. But I'm going to try and remain calm and not over think and overreact. Just being hurt so many times, it's kind of like a self defense mechanism. I haven't been the best person to be with recently and it hurts me and I can tell it hurts them. But I can guarantee you with my heart, if you stick with me, I won't make you regret it. I know what needs to be done and what I need to change. And I'm GOING to do it.

We were so ecstatic waiting for the wind
to wind its way through the trees--
there was an electricity in the air,
a charged warning.

We sat on the porch guarded by
oversized hoodies
and a wooden awning--
smoked bowls and snickered
at the squirrels dashing
lightning speed from unsteady
branches into hidden havens.

For hours we waited and watched
lawn chairs, trashcans, and
fields of leaves swirl up into the sky,
finally earning a retreat
into chaos. The newly
boarded windows withstood
the huffing and puffing of
nature’s big bad wolf-

he was not so ravenous this time.
Not like Katrina or Andrew.
Not enough to warrant
a week of cancelled classes
and hours of uninterrupted
news coverage- how quickly we
overreact to even the slightest
threat of rain or snow.

This was nothing more
than a PG rated epic but parents
sheltered their children,
covered their eyes and ears,
rocked them to sleep as even
picnic tables stood their ground.

Want me to tell you a secret?

I could tell you the secret but then I might have to **** you

The truth hurts so my hands gripping your throat kind of matches up

No?, well **** it

All lies don’t sink because the truth floats

**** do you need from me?

You ask for the truth

But I don’t believe you can handle the truth

You’ll get crushed under the pleasure like fat chicks ******* midgets

The lies keeps a smile on your face wouldn’t you agree?

I the truth is the lie’s shadow

I’d rather lay with you

Yes, I’d rather lay here and continue to lie here

Than give you my honesty cause honestly your just going to overreact

Which in turn you’re really just going to react the way your suppose to

See in a perfect world lies wouldn’t be told

And the truth would be accepted without drastic measures

I’d tell you the truth but you always told me to tell you what you want to hear

The truth is far from what you want to hear so I’m a keep it far from your ear lobes

I am dramatic.
I like to overreact.
I like to laugh loudly
I enjoy sobbing
I make big deals out of things
I make grand statements
If you don't like it...?

Go away.

Regretting the juice I spilled on your lawn
and lingering on the things I said that sounded like my mother,
I drank myself to whispers so I could stop myself from yelling.
There are books about people like me,
people like me whose whispers hurt their children,
but that's the only good reason to be forty and bitter and alone.

So alone that I forget to check the expiration date on yogurt,
so bitter that I like 100% cocoa  chocolate.
I can hear you forgiving me, as if everything I do is okay
at least, maybe until I stop chewing something that isn’t there.
You make me feel like I overreact, when you're the one who loved me;
when you're the one who left.

And when you went the door was left ajar
because it doesn't matter who sees into my house,
but it matters that I could see into your heart (******* hypocrite).

Three years makes you feel like you've had your laugh lines forever
but you didn't make me smile
and you couldn't see any difference in my eyes
when I'm obviously seeing you in such a different way.
Facing you earlier in the backyard was like looking at myself
(when I was twelve)
and it made me happy to be eating 100% cocoa
and paying for my rent in cash from my back pocket.

I’d forgotten what it was to be afraid of speaking,
to be afraid of being alone.

The world is flipped
With odd angles
And strange curves
It has a bit too much
Or maybe it's not enough
Words invert
Shapes mutilate
Atoms overreact
Emotions are switched
Truths are lies
Happiness is an emotional overload
Stress builds up
When's the combustion point?
When does it all become
Too much
Or maybe not enough
When do the tears flow up
When do our smiles shatter
Like glass
When does time end
In a distorted reality
When does time flow
Backwards
Or is it sideways
Odd thoughts become more
Abundant
Your view tilted
40° to the left
Body shifted 32°
To the right
When does end
Where is the clarity
Like putting on glasses
For the first time
Everything snaps into
Focus
Is that my reality?

ive been going back to a better time
collecting comics because it was a hobby when i was a child
i got a hacky sack it reminds me off my college days
******* wrestling fan rocking my tees
ready to go back to jui jitsu get my black belt
play a guitar making music release my soul through the sound
write to get it all out since i dont always have some to talk with
i dont quick making the comeback
learned to stay come not overreact
live strong be strong
be tough when things go wrong

my head hurts
i don't know if its from the light from my phone
it probably is let's be honest
or from thinking of you
i think about you a lot though and have never suffered anything more than heartache
so im going to go with the former

You'll pay for everything I need
and for that I am grateful
but you don't even know me
you never go to my band performances
but band is my life.
you never care who my friends are
but they're my reason for being
everyone on the internet says im funny
I can draw
I can write
I'm an artist
I'm a poet
You've never seen my sketchbook
or read the poems I write when you make me cry
Do you care to ask about the boy I'm in love with?
thats right
you don't know about him
though you should
he gives me the love and attention you never did
you'll never ask me whats wrong when I'm down
because you don't care.
I ask you to stop texting when you drive
because I care about you
and you tell me to shut up
You spend every weekend at your lovers house
because I guess I'm not enough for you
I try to tell you these things
And I'm terrible at showing how I feel
So when I muster up the strength
to cry out
you laugh
because i'm just a stupid teenager
and I overreact
because my feelings dont count.

Each day when I rise and I walk out my door,
The world that I see isn’t mine anymore.

The rules are all bent so I can’t see their shape,
And on every street corner I pass police tape.

When you sign onto Twitter, catch up on the news,
But it might not be true, so watch out for the clues.

They say, “Hey, you’re transgender? We can’t let you fight.”
“Oh, you’re black? Or you’re Asian? We’re best ‘cause we’re white.”

If they’re caught in their lies, they don’t overreact,
Mumble “something-or-other alternative fact.

If you glance out your window one night and you find
A torch wielding mob, well, just never you mind.

Join the big three ring circus! Its painted faced clowns,
And its ringleader with his red white and blue crown!

So turn on your TV, watch the latest debate,
And what you will see is the next Watergate.

Or just do what I do, use your eyes and your heart,
Then you, too, can watch as fear tears us apart.

Or maybe it won’t, if enough of us see,
When we all work together, we still might break free.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't want to care,
I don't wanna feel like this anymore

I can't ask for your help
because i would have
to explain myself,
and that would make it
ten times worse

I should just stop speaking to you,
but you did nothing to hurt me;
I'm stupid and i overreact
because I'm insecure
and, on my mind,
there's no place for me
in your heart

But what if,
maybe,
I'm not wrong at all?

I'm fiery, impulsive.
I talk too much,
I think too much
and sometimes not at all.
I complain a lot,
and I cry and laugh,
I blab a lot,
overreact.
Hyperbolise,
and overanalyse
and take things wrong
and get offended,
I don't trust,
I hate, I love
with fiery passion,
I've hot blood.

The sea's not always calm,
please captain, take me,
I might be too much,
but try not to let me go.

What did you expect from me
when I'm crying,
and you know every reason why?

What did you expect from me
when you claim to understand me?
It is clear through your tone
that that's what you think,
but I sure as hell can tell you:
you don't know.

What did you expect from me
when you walked into my room
like you owned it?

What did you expect from me
when you say I overreact,
then insult me in any way possible?

What did you expect from me?

What do you expect from me?

I can tell you what to expect.
But maybe that might be an "overreaction."

I don't answer to you.
Good bye,
and good riddance.

My heart is not a toy,Oh please you silly boy.
Do not come back to break me again,
you make my heart ache,and made my whole world quake.
Speaking with you makes me shake,these feelings I have always been unable to fake.
My biggest mistake was letting you make me weak,but to me you were just so unique,
I never knew anyone quite like you,you threw my heart aside,didn't you see how I cried even through the pain I tried,but I was too late your soul had died,But my love was still implied,from my insides to my outsides.
I had to let go you know it hurt to remember what could never again be,you had to see what I saw,how my heart would always withdraw.
After you it could never love no matter how often I gave it a shove,It already chose.then I suppose it must have froze,so nothing would impose.Everyone would oppose the choices I made when it came to him,but it wasn't his fault my world went dim,
I couldn't let go,though so much time had passed, my love for him still seemed to last,
I would ask why,scream it in-fact.He made my heart crack.I did not overreact,he extracted all my light and replaced it with the dark of night,I could never again be all right,He stole anything bright I contained,since then I always felt so drained,My heart always strained in pain.I never would complain,
I could sustain,though a part of me was slain.Even though I was momentarily insane.
Out of the insanity came a new version of my humanity.
Though part of me died,another part of me began to stride.The hollow abyss forced me to reminisce,sometimes those are the days I miss,but now I must climb my way back to the light and away from the darkness of night

This is to the person
Who lives the way I do...
Whose life is a distortion
Created by the veil
That covers our minds from the truth
That living like this is hell:
The moments you overreact,
You cry and have panic attacks
The moments that you’re in your bed
When demons inhabit your head
When you push away those that you love
Because being yourself is too much
This is to those with this
Distortion,
Distortion that lives in your brain,
Beneath every single headache and then cracked between the pain.

I am having a crisis,
But you cannot respond,
We wonder why I'm like this
Why was I ever born?

Being under psychosis,
But you won't acknowledge
So I tell you somethings
Overreact, astonished

Calm down, there's nothing
There is nothing to fear
For you, I'll change my perceptions
It's alright, I don't need prescriptions

I know it's set in stone
The future's always your way
So I should stop making up all these things
For the fun of it, for play

I know, you're a human,
I know, it makes you scared,
Seeing all the work you put into me
With an eye blink disappear

Because you're human,
I exist to be your slave
Your word is how I should go
Since you say so, I should behave

i'm not your ******* therapist
for every pain
and every itch
for every hurt that you feel
I cannot cure
I cannot heal
the mind can boggle
it does with you
the things you say contradict
the things that you do
a double standard
seems to apply
if you can do that
then, why can't i?
and I do care
what you're going through
but somehow i'm the one to blame
when all the while it's you
overreact, then apologise
imagine dark scenarios through blind eyes
this overwhelming lack of trust
i try my best, do what you must
some days you just cannot see
if i didn't want to be here
then why would i be?