I charge up my power to fight you off
But deep inside my heart is soft
Why do we fight? You know my lies
So dissapointed I may cry
I'm sorry little brother
For the way i slay
Father and mother
But know that no matter what you do
I will always love you.

Not angry.
Not sad.
Not broken
Not depressed.
Not upset.
Not even jealous.
I thought I was at first, but I don’t think I am
Because I really meant what I said
Reading that text made me smile
Happy for you
I hope it works out
I’m just a little disappointed.
That’s all.
:(
Repost if you are a little crestfallen.
Please comment I love to read interpretations of my poetry, and anything else! Stories, suggestions, etc. anything really.

4am On the drunken floor of my Wingmans apartment I place my red solo tankard down to instigate a quest.
"ROADKILL!"
That's what we call my wingman.
"Roadkill! Lets go on an adventure to king richards faire tomorrow!"
"Sure! When do we leave?"
"Don't worry, I'll wake you up."

See. When your best friend says they need you,
you don't just call them.
You drive.
Tonight,
on the anniversary of Roadkills worst tragedies,
we are getting drunk.
In the morning,
We're going to prove that life is worth living.

7:30am our alarms go off.
"Uhhhg."
"Curse you phone."
Hands slap towards the noise,
Spilling last nights wounded soldiers.

"Roadkill your shirts inside out."
"Thanks man."
Actually, while you have it off.

Black doesn't go with brown.
Pick a whole different shirt."
"It's fine."
"*******. There's a blue shirt right here."

Belting sailor shantees
Roadkill and I adventure three hours in
My four wheeled ground Zepplin.

"A curse to you lads,
a curse on your head,
Drinking pint after pint
until I am dead
I just keep drinking
and I don't know why,
But tonight is the night
that I drink 'til I die!"

Upon arriving at the faire we spot an ocean of goregeous maidens.
The ticket booth doth not take credit cards, however.
So we needed to speak to the gatekeeper.
"Excuse me, where's the atm?" I Ask.
"it's right over there, Handsome.
I'll need your id's first, though.
Don't worry, I don't bite
... hard."

Roadkills eyes grow the size of stormwind.
"I need to bring you everywhere man.
You make everyone love us."

we return with cash in hand
The gatekeeper pulls our ID's from her corset
looks them over before handing them back.
"How are you boys younger than me?"
"It's the beard. "
I wink.
"Keep a secret?"

Swords on hips
songs in chest.
Mead was flowing
Boots were clomping

Roadkill paused to look around
Standing like a pleased statue.

I bounced excitedlly around like a child.
ROADKILL
LOOK AT ALL OF THESE GOREGEOUS OUTFITS ON THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!
"Hey!"
handsome men, too.
"Thank you"
It's like we teleported to Flurb heaven!
Look!
a garb shop!
Oh my god
A boot store!
They have a whole store
for leather larpy boots!
There is a tail shop!
I could buy and wear a fuzzy furry tail!
This is amazing!
There is a giant duck
Being pushed back and forth by two huge jacked dudes.

"I need to hug everyone!"
I am in love with everything!"
"Can i please hug you?"

"I swear to god, Nick if you touch me."

We try the knife throwing challenge.
The crossbow challenge.
The dart throwing challenge.
We **** at all of it but we have a blast.

We walk into a leather shop.
A small redheaded girl dances around us. She puts fur around our necks
Her hands trace our chests as she ties them up
You boys look like the type to rock these.
She drags us by the belts to a mirror.
Look at how handsome you both are.

"Roadkill" I whisper.
He is already lost in her eyes.
I place a hand below his chin and close his mouth.
They talk about where they're from.
Their families.
What they do for fun.
"Oh you do larp? We do dagohir it's like full contact grappley shield kicking larp"

A group of customers walk in and she leaves to tend to them.
A brunette helps take off roadkills stole.
"How much are these anyway?"
Roadkill asks the brunette.
"$600" she answers.
"I feel ashamed for even trying it on"
Says roadkill slipping off the precious treasure.
"Goodbye ladies! have fun today!"
I say, pulling roadkill by the arm.
"Oh... okay then... bye."

"They seemed sad we left.
What was that about?" Asked roadkill.
"Well do you want the blunt educated version or the ignorant positive version?"

"Ignorant of coarse."
Then they're dissapointed because they were interested in us.
"Out of curiousity, what's the blunt educated version?"
"They're upset We didn't fall for their act and buy their expensive wares."
"Whelp... there goes my self confidence. Ignorance really is bliss"
"Yes it is roadkill. Yes it is."

We Travel back home.
Again, singing sailor shantees.

"A curse to you lads,
a curse on your head,
Drinking pint after pint
until I am dead
I just keep drinking
and I don't know why,
But tonight is the night
that I drink 'til I die!"

Park the four wheeled ground zeppelin in front of the Apartment.
Clonk our boots up the stairs
Grab angry orchards out of the fridge
Slunk into the beaten brown couch
raise my bottle into the air
"To living one more day exactly the way we want too, Roadkill."
Roadkill raises his bottle.
clinks it against mine.
"To living."

I breathe in.
I feel love and tears of joy.
I breathe out.
I cry, I laugh; The world is but a toy.

I breathe in.
I’m curious;
Just a fish looking at the hook.
I breathe out.
I want it all;
I search, I seek, I look.

I breathe in.
The river of woe,
with no warning does flow.
I breathe out.
Dissapointed and confused,
I boldy look for the More.

I breathe in.
Down and up and up and down,
I am still standing.
I breathe out.
Now I know,
that I know nothing.

I breathe in.
I passed the test;
I found love, made it work.
I breathe out.
I’m just glad that there still is road.

I breathe in.
The road does have holes;
That’s how it is, we are just in our roles.
I breathe out.
One day it will be past,
I am true, so it can last.

I breathe in.
I found my soul.
I breathe out.
I find that all we need is just in the plain and small.

I breathe in.
I get my love, I set sail.
I breathe out.
Oh, I have not a single regret.

I breathe in.
The time has passed, only memories are left.
I breathe out.
No more I move, no more I have breath.

I flip through the pictures some are so great
some are just dull and need to be thrown away
The ones that make me smile are of friends
they are not just any friends
They will love you
And support you
always tell the truth no matter how much it hurts
We have different personalities
and we see the good in everyone
With Macy the one who is always there
is not afraid to say what she thinks
With Grace and her Pride so perfect not to stretched
Without her life wouldn't be so far fetched
With Emma and her energy so crazy and wild
The barn is always dull without that child
With morgan and her loyalty thats incredibly fierce
She will laugh and cry with you
What I am trying to say is we have been through so much
we have stayed with each other and comforted each other
through too thick and very thin
Where friends leave us sobbing I will i will always know i will have you.
When i think of you guys you make me smile
I would die for you really
Because I've got your back Just as you've got mine
So while i bring this poem to an end i have one thing to say
after all the friends that have dissapointed me
I don't trust easily
I know i will trust you when i trust know one else
We will go from thick and thin and who knows what else........

She sits and waits
Begging for that boy to prove them wrong.

He’s never going to come
they all say.
You’re too good for him!
they all say.
You’re wasting your trust.

Please she pleads
Please don’t abandon me.

She waited for him for hours
And sang for him forever,
but in the end
That boy never came for her.


-ARI

THE BOXING DAY SALES



WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE BOXING DAY SALES

WELL, THE MALL IS OFTEN A PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO

DO THEIR STUFF, BUT BOXING DAY EVERYONE

IS PUSHING OVER EACH OTHER

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GOING TO THE MALL ON BOXING DAY

BUT BE PREPARED, IT’S LIKE ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE

YA SEE, PEOPLE BUY THINFS THEY NEVER USE

AND THE MOTHERS BUY KIDS LUNCH, NEVER GETS EATEN

KIDS RUNNING AROUND, SAYING YEAH WE AIN’T AT SCHOOL

LET’S CELEBRATE LET’S CELEBRATE

YOU SEE BOXING DAY IS THE FRANTIC DAY

IF YOU LIKE THE REGULAR DAYS AT THE MALL

NEVER GO ON BOXING DAY

CAUSE, THEY CALL IT BOXING DAY

CAUSE PEOPLE AT THE MALL BOX YOU OUT OF THE WAY

TO EXCHANGE THE TACKY COAT YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU

TO A STYLISH RED LEATHER COAT, LOOKS BETTER AND COSTS THE FUCKEN EARTH

YA SEE IN MELBOURNE, THE BOXING DAY TEST, WITH AUSTRALIA AGAINST THE REST

AND THEN IN SYDNEY, IS THE SYDNEY - HOBART YACHT RACE, AND THAT IS RAD

AND OFTEN PEOPLE ARE CAMPED OUTSIDE SHOPPING CENTRES

TO GET FIRST GRASP AT THE BOXING DAY SALES

WITH ME, I SHOP FOR THE MOMENT, SOM I DON’T GET DISSAPOINTED

I DON’T NEED TO FALL ASLEEP OUTSIDE WESTFIELD BELCONNEN MALL

I AM USING PANADOL CAUSE ATHENA’S METHANE IS POUNDING

BUT THAT IS PREVIOUS LIFE TRAUMA, YA SEE THE PARACETAMOL IS REALLY GETTING IN

AND I CAN FEEL, WITH THE COCA COLA, AND REGULAR BRUSHING

THERE WILL BE ON INFECTION IN MY MOUTH, I DON’T WANT THAT

I PUT MY VIDEOS ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO ATTRACT A COOLER KIND OF PERSON

YA SEE, I DON’T NEED THE FIRST THINGS IN THE BOXING DAY SALES

I GET WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE, I REMEMBER A SONG

THE FESTIVAL OF SYDNEY IS OUR DAY, SYDNEY SYDNEY SYDNEY OI OI OI

I HAVE MY HOME NOW, SO I DON’T NEED TO HANG AT THE MALL AS MUCH

BUT CURRENTLY I AM DOING A TAPESTRY ON PATRICK DUNBARS LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL

I FEEL COOL, I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD, LOOKING, OVER CREATION, LOOKING

THE ONLY SOLUTION I CAN FIND, AND AS I SANG FINE, PETER BUCHANAN

A MATE IN WOODBERRY IN THE 1970S, DID A REALLY COOL FINNNEEE

WITH A DEEPER VOICE, HE WAS COOOL MAN

I FAKED HIM TO PROVE A POINT TO THE YOUNG DUDES SAYING

JUST BECAUSE THE OTHER YOUNG DUDES UNDERSTOOD DAD’S WAY

DOESN’T MEAN I DID, HE LOOKED LIKE A REAL PAIN IN THE ***

TAKING MY COOL KID AWAY, BUT MUSTN’T DWELL, WE MUST HAVE FUN

I AM OFF TO THE CAVALRY MATCH TOMORROW, TO SEE THE FIRST

BUT I AM LEAVING AFTER THE FIRST MATCH, NO BUSES IN THE NIGHT

AND THE BOXING DAY SALES BRINGS OUT THE RIFF RAFF THE ROUGHER TYPES

AND THE CHEAP SUPERMARKET PUDDING JUNKIES LIKE ME WHO NEED TO GO TO THE MALL TO LEAVE THE HOUSE

BUT BOXING DAY SALES ARE FUN, IF YOU AIN’T IN THE INITIAL LINE

THAT CAN BE FRANTIC

My big headed people said ity, i trusted, 'hiriz' has never dissapointed themy,
my hatred for non conformity, enormous, i surely hated the conformity truly,
i almost lost it for 'hiriz' sakey, **** it, ill never have wanted to lose this beauty,

i had it  weirdly thinking ablazey, loozing?, no, i hadnt  and  you n they didnt realize fastly,
loosing soo fast  about  lowly sinking sinly,curse all day i ,ever had thee meeting to lyfy,
wit all the  a vitue TRUELY INVESTMENT **** no lievly, forget me darl; once and  for ever dony

one more what you  waznyt quetly, cool openly, man must lively sweetly
that a day woud spoily truely, madly mey, sooooooo losty i had made a choisy,
refusing my being theiyyyyy, lucky  me doing, buty,  i love thater that am no longy

your timey was wanting by virtuey,  truey. luck **** spyty this shiety oul
endy began truely sure truelly, fukciey, its thats badyy, me lost it shortlley
man must livevy or diiey, truely, gotta  ity, man look for bread i wannaity


withought even hiriz it all worked welly, herey,  i am.  fu** like ity
dead

In order to be succesful you must be a fool…

Thats the worse advise you can get ever..
I am so hurt after i got an advise like that…

Maybe i dont get the message right, help.
Being stupid means letting other people oppress you to get succesful,
I stil dont get it…

Steve Biko ” THEY HAVE TAKEN A BRIEF LOOK AT WHAT IS, AND HAVE DIAGNOSED THE PROBLEM INCORRECTLY. THEY HAVE ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECTS AND HAVE NOT EVEN CONSIDERED THE ROOT CAUSE. HENCE WHATEVER IS IMPROVISED AS A REMEDY WILL HARDLY CURE THE CONDITION.” From I write what i like the chapter We blacks…

The sad part is even after 19years of democratic freedom in South Africa, some people wont change the State of mind about racial oppression it stil exist especially more in work plaće enviroment…

For someone who grew up Free, born Free generation stil put the whites superior and continue worshiping them to be superior than the other fellow nlack brothers grow up…

I am a fighter, i refuse to sell my soul to please fellow White brothers for favours of better treatment because of my dark Colored skin…

Its a sign, with the more knowledge i am equiping My self with for better and my space of democratic freedom and rights, i will succed in life…

For all the previously disadvantaged people they went through some tough time and cruel struggle…
For instance the “72 Hour Clause. A clause in apartheid regulations which controlled the movement of African from one district to another.”

Those people struggled but they fought dor equality. Now that we have equality you stil wanna plaese a fellow White brother with all the previllages you have.

I my self i know that through struggle that i encounter in life i learn more on survival and live to tell a story…

Im dissapointed already about some of the side effect of the past but im not ackwoledging racial discrimination nor even allow it to happen infront of me with a mute sense…

Can’t you see the light!
Its sign…
For all the unprevillaged people the is no succes without a struggle…

From the struggle you learn how to survive and live to tell a story…

Don’t water a thorn tree and expect an apple…

They say where ever your birthmark is located on your body
Is where you were stabbed, shot, hung or whatever other means
Of death are plausible in your past life.

I have come to the conclusion
That I am not human.
I do not have a birthmark anywhere on my body
A patch of pigmented skin different from the rest
This is both englightening and very very very dissapointing

This means there was never a low blow to my calf, a karate chop at my neck, a gunshot to my ankle
Nothing to symbolize that I once maybe had another life.

A life where I was the cracks in the sidwalk
or the wind gently stirring up chaos on days when I just **** felt like being noticed
or maybe i lived out my seven year old dreams of becoming the sixth member of the Spice Girls
or even an NSYNC groupie

I will never know.
I never emerged from my mothers womb
With a scar baring my worth

I was never blessed with a kiss from an angel
As other mothers told their children

I was never born with a birthmark,
and while this is perfectly natural.
I am very dissapointed, beacause maybe I was never given a chance.

Maybe I was crushed before I entered the world
A womb filled with disgust and hatred

Maybe I preferred to stay as the cracks in the concrete or the wind
Because I'd rather deal with the simple casualities of life rather than the mess humans tend to create

Maybe I was never given a second chance because
I never made something of myself here first.

Or just maybe there is a possiblity that I'm immortal
and if that's the case.
You are all invited to my 106th birthday party.

What can a man do, helpless as we are hopeless, believe it or not, the only truth about human existance is that; both the rich, the poor, the wise, the foolish, the good, the evil, we are all slaves to destiny, no matter how we try to change it, deny it, fact is; it is the end of it all, we live at the mercy of destiny, though destiny can not be dissapointed as for man live and die, so will you and i; destiny is the ultimate decider of a man's reality, never have i stood aside when man rise and fight their battles, watch man suffer and die at the hands of destiny, then i knew that if we are really slaves of destiny, we must not always slave in tears and hardship, we can atleast slave in dignity and comfort

I'm that girl that is afraid to fall inlove cause she has been hurt.
I'm that girl who can't trust anyone cause she has been dissapointed.
I'm that girl that once shared my weaknesess with someone and the they used it against me.

I'm that girl that smiles while she is hurting inside.
I'm that girl that hates to be happy.
I'm that girl who always tries to stand out but can't.
I'm that girl that stays in the dark when the sky is painted blue.
I'm that girl that thinks of ways to end her life.
I'm that girl crying everyday.
I'm that girl who wonders if she is ever goin to have peace.

Yah I'm that girl sitting next to you...

“Love” is too strong of a word.
I’m not there yet.

“Like” isn’t strong enough
to describe the heartpounding feeling I get when I’m near you.

“Interested” conveys a more accurate meaning for how I feel
But also lacks emotion…

I think the word that takes the prize to describe me perfectly is
“CRUSH”.

Because if nothing happens but this feeling, I’ll be dissapointed and left with a crush
But if something happens and it doesn’t work out
I will be
Crushed.

A closed book
lying on your bed
deem it an adventure?
as you open the first page,
crease the middle,
fall into her seductive introduction?
or do you feel trapped,
stuck,
disturbed by how much further
you have left to discover.
dissapointed she wasnt
lying there, split open,
only a little bit left to finish,
another check on your list.
dejected she wasnt the typical
spark-note woman
who cuts to the chase?
or do you praise her detail,
her structure?
her beautiful expressions
or appreciate her chapters?
enticed to keep reading
but pace to savor the journey
of a story selected
for your eyes only?

Putting your hopes up in someone who does not care for you. Is almost like trying to throw a lasso over a cloud. It is impossible and will never work.

I hope you noticed.
I hope you saw me go.
I hoped you turned around,
To see my foot prints in the snow.

I hope you feel hurt.
I hope you care.
I hope you went to turn to me,
To see i was no longer there.

I hope I mean something.
I hope the something is good.
I hope im not annoying,
And I did what i should.

I hope you feel a loss.
I hope you feel blue.
I hope you feel cold,
With all your friends around you.

I hope you feel betrayed.
I hope you feel discusted.
I hope you feel dissapointed,
That our friendship is pretty rusted.

I hope you feel regret.
I hope you feel pain.
I hope you know whos fault it is,
And your the one you blame.

I hope you know I walked away.
I hope you missed my goodbye.
Oh how I hope so many things,
When I'm just about to cry.

For walls and a roof... sitting on the floor.
Broken dreams are like shattered glass.
Don't move! You will get hurt.
You will always get hurt when your dreams are broken and your hopes shattered.

The light is broken and it's dark outside.
Can't tell where there is a door or window.
Escape out of side. So why look for it?
You will only get dissapointed when you hope to find something in the utter dark.

He see's me cover my
face in shame, What have I
done. How could I
do it again. He told
me I shouldn't, yet I
did. I'm falling
from my pedestal.
Down into a canyon. Hate
or Love. What matters
anymore.

I'm on the bottom. The pit
uncaring.  Who cares
about me now. Now that
I've done it again.
No one can trust
me, they all look at
me dissapointed.  I get
glares of untrue rumors.
But they are all variations
of reality.

It changed
everything, what
have I done.
The walls are caving
in and the roof
is falling down. No
where to escape the
deep abyss. No way to
turn and falling
farther.

No way to
escape it.  Everyone
knows.  I continue
falling. Scared and
ashamed am I.
It's done, can't
change it now. No
longer on the throne,
now with the beggars.
No love around me.

No where to belong.  What
shame I have
committed. What
dissapointment on
his face.  
On mine.
Will I
ever
belong
again.

Endless at times
after swimming,
I dry off and there are droplets appearing on my arms
and chest...have I been rained upon? Many times a day
I sit in a cool breeze and grass clippings attach themselves to my legs
like coconut shavings to frosting
Working here, my laptop for companionship
hot machine highlights the labour of this
don't want to do this work
sweat, worry, will I finish?
she said, Nothing is wrong with your life
you're just taking classes you don't like
I was dissapointed

I was sad and angry,
all I wanted was to sit and cry.
The people I dissapointed.
The oppertunities
I have already missed.
From nowhere bumblebee came
and gave me a kiss.
I was so suprised.

Touching my cheeck.
Remembered the most important thing
is the calmness in me.

When I was younger I told my mother
"Yo quiero ser como tu cuando crezca"
She kneeled down and said
"No"

I remembeer when I was younger
I looked up to my mother and I dreamed,
of the day I would grow up and be just like her.
She would always say "No"

Hasta que un día, me canse y le grite
"Cuando crezca voy a ser igualita a ti!"
She kneeled down and said
"Tu vas a ser mucho mejor que yo!"

I remember the first time I talked to my mom in english
"A mi me hablas en español!"

The first time I asked if I could go to a sleepover,
"Que no tienes casa o que?"

The first time I asked her permission to go on a fieldtrip
"Entonces para que te mando a la escuela?"

And the first time,
I told her I wanted to go to college,
"Pues a ver como le hacemos pero esta bien"

I remember her eyes, slightly dissapointed
Not at me, but at herself.
She wanted to give her daughter, only the best!

She wanted me to have the chances she never got

She wanted me to be better than her.

I don't remember:
A day that she didn't work
A day she didn't cook
A day she didn't say
"Echale ganas mija"

I do remember:
When she dropped me off at college,
She smiled and said,
"Eres como yo!"

"Eres como yo!"
Trabajadora,
Luchona,
No te rindes,
Humilde,
Sensilla,
Generosa,
Amorosa,
y Valiosa! "

In a juncture of three years he traipsed ***** nilly close to christ
He was the treasurer and all the finances he kept safe in a pouch hanging on his chest
He was a chosen in the midst of the chosen twelve he existed
All the miracles the son of man performed he witnessed
In his gospel all he recorded
Yet deep within he charred with bitterness he was dissapointed with the long awaited messiah
Tears of hatred soaked his soul
Ironically he felt betrayed this is not the saviour he had longed for
His iron heart had yearned for revolution
All his selfish heart wanted was the surrender of the roman
His heart pumped blood saturated with patriotism and christ with his spiritual
Kingdom was a foe of the jews whose throat were parched with the thirst of a political king
He had been preordained and he had to fulfill the divine decree
It was a calling he couldn't overcome
Thats when the ministry of christ was done and together they sat to eat the last meal the lord dropped a hint about him
He sopped a bread in wine and urged him to hastily fulfill his mission as the other disciples sat there clueless
This was a golden chance for he knew by assuming the role of a traitor he will precipitate the action of messiah and induce him to manifest his miraculous powers
For he longed for this savior to perfom the miracle he had pergorme throughout judea
For thirty pieces of silver he betrayed his master Because of his greed he condemned an innocent man to be banished from the land of living to abyss
And when the son of man was condemned his sense of guilt stirred from a deep slumber
He became despondent at his repulse by the  chief priest and elders he cast down the accursed payment into the santuary
The gnawing guilt took him to a tree and with a thread rope he terminated his life
He burst asunder and for hundred year the smell of his bowels lingered in the potters field of which the betrayal money bought

On the hill of skull the man on the cross breathed last and into hell he descended not only to settle scores with the lord of underwords lucifer but to free the soul of his follower from abyss
For it was written he had to die for salvation of humankind and his betrayer was the first to b redempted

The man called judas triggered a series of pretold happening
The man called judas fulfilled old centuries prophecy
The man called judas ensured redemption knocked in every sinners door
The man called judas jumpsttsarted the birth of christianity
The man called judas need a better slot in our history

i've dissapointed the people
that care about me the most
i've let them down
after all they've done for me
and now
i feel lost
out of breath
as if the earth has swallowed me
and trapped me in darkness

When I walk in the street I feel like I always have to hold my breath as I pass people.
When I'm in a crowded place I litrally freak out because I always feel like around people something bad happens to me.
Am I weird ??
I look at people sometimes and I'm like how the hell do they get it to always be this happy.
I look at relationships sometimes and I'm like how the **** can u be so inlove with someone and get along.
I look at friends and I'm like they trust each other??
Am I weird?
I sometimes stare at the mirror and then start to cry when I think.
I want something so bad but when its here I don't want it anymore.
Am I weird ?
I'm scared to get attached to someone.
Am I weird?
I don't really think I'm weird or anything I just think I have been dissapointed too much...

We're so young we dont know better
So let us make our mistakes
You forget you too were young
And you too went through it all.

So now let us live it to the fullest
Let us dive into the unknown
Let us explore what we want to discover
Let us rupture and let us repair.

Leave us with the alcohol
Leave us with a joint
Leave us round the bonfire
Sharing our deepest secrets

Please dont use the word 'dissapointed'
Dont tell us that we're wrong
Let us live and breathe
How we wish and i swear we'll succeed.

We'll show you we're just fine
Maybe a little crazy and wild
Maybe completley insane
But let us do it our way.

Our way is by far the best.

Try it and you'll see.

It's only 11:30 when I plug it in and go bed,
Screaming at myself, tears in my eyes
It had only been five days
and I didn't love her Monday,
I grew into it
and I thought she had too,
until those three words came from her tongue-


"I have someone"

my world shouldn't have shattered
I shouldn't have stayed up all night
screaming at myself and writhing in pain,
clutching my aching stomach.
I should have rolled over and gone to sleep
unsurprised.

I should be used to it
Used to spending nights like this
Used to being dissapointed
To having to turn the thermostat up to 75°
so I'm not cold at night.
To having to get on facebook and talk
so I don't fall asleep completely lonely.
To having to write so I can say
"I love you"
at the end of a poem
just to get those words out of my system.

Everything can be going great. You're out on the town with freinds and you're following their car in front of you to the next destination. Suddenly, you're staring at the their fading taillights dissapear, you're in the center of a busy intersection and your car won't go into gear. Now the light has turned and everybody is waiting on you to go but all you can do is listen to the clutch grinding. Constantly worried, helpless, lost, and mostly dissapointed in yourself. Your mind races in empty circles looking for a grip to reality but you just sit and do nothing because all you can focus on is the spinning. That is what my adhd is to me.

I'm not good in arts
Never hit the bull-eye
In a game of darts
But mine eyes can be arty
Especially when dissapointed, by the one I'm hearting
If my thoughts were painting(s), vivid they would be
Above everything...

The mirror never lies and I've tested this
And everything on it I can see my bliss
See the reflection of my tears, the point is
My mirror never lies

Beauty is in the eye(s) of the beholder, but as you grow older
You will know that there's no order in this
A diamond is a diamond to me, but just a stone to you
Yes its true

Mine eyes are arty
I know this is confusing but, the celestial environment I dwell in
Just took over these thoughts and blew me away
So now I say, try and surf my wave
I'm far away from the normal state
I'm calm, I'm rough, I'm tumbling
Call me a high tide, I'm reaching for the zenith
Cause in it, I find myself
Growing floral thoughts

This mirror is creative, or is it my eyes
Cause I see myself wading
And everybody, waving
As if I'm leaving
All along I've been creating a lake with mine eyes
These none **** brown eyes
Have created a lake of tears
Tears of joy

Man my eyes are arty

Today was a good day,
tomorrow is always a disaster,
tell her today.

Better off, her smell returned,
her cuteness left me concerned,
but her laugh and word,
escape the recurred.

I can barely even tell the truth,
unknown why I can not say,
dissapointed do I sleuth.

Enjoying the last bits of youth.

When farewell is said
And no light is seen anymore
When you know sleep is not in the cards
And eyes are all shut around you
The world around becomes your own
Personal hell

You see dancing shadows against the ceiling
And your eyes are fixed on them, you try to follow their way
The smile of a wicked lover reflects from the mirror and it sends shivers down your spine
You hear the desperate shout of a woman
No one will be answering her
Not then, not now, not ever.

The man who sits there, night after night,
Paging through forgotten memoirs, with the dark soul and piercing eyes. He is the one who breaks your heart. With a ciggarette in his hand, he reminds you that life with the light on is just a hoax.

"The bitterness of dissapointed will be the persistant flavour in your mouth if you keep on believing there is more to everything around you." He says, "So go on, little girl, without putting any of your faith in that light."

He became your nightly companion. Said some wise words and made you think. Until one night he took everything with him.
The dancing shadows on the ceiling, the reflecting smile of a wicked lover and the desperate shout of a woman.
And finally you could sleep.

My teacher told me everyone was a liar , institutions , family ,church!
He was telling me about our hopeless young generation
Dissapointed on life that's what he seemed.
I smiled and told him not to worry , there were people who was good .
besides everybody is a liar maybe he was lying too.

Then i realiized life it's not worth for any sadness nor fatalism or regret.
Life is beautiful and charmin' only there you'll find love lies too.

Cough syrup
Red
Leaves you dead
Cherry
Filled with kodine
I leave a note filled with
Tears & love
This is not your fault i reapeat
Over And over
like a catchphrase
After I have written my last words
I sneak off into the darkened bathroom
The shadows in the corners
Amplyfiying my anxiety and the darkness in my head
The emptiness of my bed
After a moment of hesitation
I bring the bleach bottle to my lips
the mint smelling liquid burning away
the skin on my soft lips
I hold the liquid on my tongue
Oh how it burned
Oh how that first drink burned
I sip two more times
Two more times
The flesh of my tongue
Lips
And throat
Raw
I cough and gag
I walk back to my room
Deafeated
I am not dead
Suddenly as I sit in my lime chair
A red gleam catches my eye
Cough syrup prescribed to me
Months ago
Three teaspoons gone from it
I unscrew the cap
Guzzling down the vile liquid
The smell, and taste enough  to make me gag
I down half of the poison
Letting it purify my insides
I smile for the first time in days
Finally free from
Burdening all who care for me
I stand my body diminishing from the inside out
My once pink insides
Now dyed a ****** red and happy
Happy to be rotting
After a few agonizing hours of awaiting to  become a rotting corpse i stumble to my kitchen and examine my mom's set of knifes
Each one has sharpened teeth designed
To cut me open like a tender cut of meat
My eyes gleam in childlike wonder as I try to pick which one will slice my veins
I choose one like a kid choosing candy
Selective and critical
Finally i pick one and slide it quickly d across my wrists
I am shocked at how much blood comes pouring
From my wounds
But i quickly become addicted
Addicted to my blood
Addicted to the pain
Addicted to the thought of my death
After several cuts
I walk to bed to see if I can become a corpse in my bed
When i awake
I am dissapointed and relieved all at once
Relieved to be alive
Disappointed to be alive
Over the day my sticky red insides
Reject any nourishment
Expelling any of it through my mouth
My thoughts run a mile a minute
I find myself unable to focus on anything
My muscles feel ghostly cold
Meanwhile my skin is boiling hot
Once my mom comes home
Rushed to the hospital
Ordered not to fall asleep
in the rumbling car
But all my tired brain
And sticky red insides want
Is a permenant
Eternal
Happy
Sleep
But i was never given that sleep
That oh so sweet release
Water was washed through me to get rid of
The toxic red in my system
Now my insides are pink and truly happy again
Happy to not be rotting and decaying
Happy to be alive

I woke up late. **** it I hate waking up late.
Hungover. Terribly hungover.
Shower


the only way ill be able to start today is if i crawl in that shower. turn the water all the way up to scolding.
I sit and let the water hit my back like ambers from fresh flames
i watch my skin turn pink from the heat.
I sit and sit and think of where to start and how I didnt want too and there is too much to do ,
going back and forth with myself for much to long on where to begin
I grab my shampoo and begin to wash my hair.
Wash it all out baby, it's all good, just wash it out.
Skin still burning
Im still sitting
Still dissapointed in myself for drinking
and then all at once ,
I wasnt.
I sat up and then I just got up. I got up and reached the dial and turned the water all the way cold. I needed it this is what I need I need to get out of my comfort I need different my body and life is begging for change so I turn the water even more make me feel like im ice
Wake me up.
i reach for my conditioner and massage it into my hair from the tips to the root and twist it into a bun
I grabbed my sponge and teatree wash and poured
and told myself
Scrub.
Scrub it all away. Today is a new day you are reborn everyday is a new chance every day you are forgiven if forgiveness is what you choose and you can be better. todays my chance to be better. All I have to do is begin
I walk back underneath the icy water and my eucalyptus plant and i rinse
I close my eyes and rinse
and I stay under awhile longer and just embraced the cold.
I open my eyes turn the water off .
Thankyou
Bless You

Rose bloom even in dawn
Never withered once in my heart
How I miss October so much
The time you first give a roses to a girl name I

I never wanted these to ever happen
Cause I know I really need you most of the time
How I miss October so much
I try to comfort that you will be the last of my life

You, crossed my mind everyday, every night
I, try ingored it everything and everytime,
How I miss October so much
Cause, this is the month I met you the one of my life

Everything moving too fast
Even faster in all the time I got
How I miss October so much
Cause everything change between us

Each time I tell myself to let it go
My heart don't ever want to try to
How I miss October so much
Even you never ever be mine

I try and try to moving on
Forget memories, also forget ours
How I miss October so much
Because I know I dissapointed you very hard

I keep dreaming about you in the darkness night
You never leave me all the time I got
How I miss October so much
Even you never want me in your life