looking at
like where did time go
no make up
just shower
moisturize
comb my hair
brush my teeth
no breakfast needed
driving half asleep
maybe a coffee might do it
maybe some food
no when I work out
no maybe be if I listen to music
no that didn’t do it
maybe talk to a friend
no maybe ice cream
nothings cutting it
maybe seeing the light one day will do it
I hope when I do die that’ll be the day I get the peace I prayed so hard for because this earth has never will never be my home
I will never belong

I could never get tired of you
the days I go mute
I wonder more about you
yea
I’ve been getting mad and snapping at everyone as I realized it’s June another year another chapter I think it’s safe to say I’ll start my new clean slate I don’t hate you I hate myself for loving you more than I loved myself and caring so much but I couldn’t even do it different it’s just who I am
But when I don’t hear from you and read your
subliminal messages they do make me more depressed cause I’m so tired
I’m barely holding on and you just wanna cut off my fingers that are grasping on to the ropes of our despair I really do pray for peace but my hearts been so broken it’s felt like a part of me has been missing for years so many people hurt me but why can’t I get over you I really do try
I do hide it well this isn’t a good bye this is seventeen year old me asking the one whose gonna be twenty four year old wondering should she wait even for him when he just admitted he’d never comitt and doesnt prefer remedy
I been doing time in my head
And this time I’m doing time on love that’ll never recieve and that’s depressing

if I gave you all my love
would you know what to do with it
if I gave all my time
how would you go about it
commitment issues
I know attaching and detaching
never been easy
seen it all before I could stand straight
I’m not perfect either
But if you see
If I’m all that you need
Ain’t no other could compare
No I could never share
It’s me or them
And you said them
But the chase is gonna get old
And when you really do fall in love
I’m tellin you
It’s like you gone really want that one person around
The random chicks that show up link up
and leave that ish be depressing
Cause why not wake up next to the same person
that could really put a spring in your step
The reason why you get up every morning  and smile
The one person you come home rushing to work from
Instead of wondering why every night you lookin over at your bed
Like what’s real love feel like
Love **** more than actually attempted *urder
That’s why you got issues with remedy cause the cause war in head telling you it’s better to never comitt is the issue
it couldn’t be me could it
I hope whoever she is she gets to experience all of you and not parts of you and she’ll love you for it

God didn’t want me to go backwards
But a part of me feels like you need to know this
He says to me now child turn away and refrain from this , it is only hurting you and him.
So I’ll say this in the purest way possible.
She is the girl you once knew
She is the girl who made your dark days renewed
She is the girl who’d wait to see you and then laugh with you
Hours felt like seconds
Who knew earth could  be shared by two
You taught me so much
How no matter how you care and how much you cry they’ll never change or take accountability
No matter how many years you try to reach out
Their will never be a response
It’s like the image I get in my head
The ******* the floor crying and banging on the door screaming let me in but the door remains shut
So my breathes are now counted
Because as time goes on this earth really never felt like home
My life had no meaning to you
I’ll always be too ghetto for you and you’ll always be the boy who was well off and only wants what he wants and when wants and never care for the damage caused and what was torn apart. You split me into two and then wonder what happened.
Please continue to reject me , treat me like a black sheep and tell me how I could never be loved. One day I’m gonna hug god and say thanking for allowing me to feel so much pain and so much joy. Thank you god for allowing me to see things from your perspective and not the world.

Let’s suffer in silence
smile bright
and cry inside
and let our hearts crush
and then wonder why it hurts so much
and then tell others we’re alright
we moved past it all but the worst part is
we can’t stand to look at one another
the fear of looking into each others eyes
and you’d wonder if it’ll give you life or rip your heart  into shreads inside
I’ll tell you this
every time I saw you and you didn’t see me
I use to isolate myself
and go through breathing techniques
so my heart didn’t break it raced out my chest
and then I’d cry and wonder why
the boy I loved became the boy I feared
here it is to the boy I once knew

yeah words do carry weight
you know what did it for me when it came to you
I could stare at you all day even when you were shy and quiet but when you spoke and when you had something to say I would sit back and take something away
a man of a few powerful words
so please uplift me do not break me

Sometimes I just wonder
Is that why you never
act on it
Or take action or charge
Listen to me very clear
Despite our challenges
Dear god knows how I pray for your well being and for you to remain protected against the world that can be so evil and cruel
I’ve seen how the world had already consumed
You we meet for a reason and theirs a reason why you can’t forget me so listen
You will have to disappoint people
You will have to walk away from many
You will have to close doors
You will be rejected by several
But do not ever let that define your future
For every lose their was one win coming to you after you work on it and trust me when I say
You are no ordinary person