You were a drug to me, babe.
      You weren't the medicinal kind either.
                                          You weren't just a painkiller.
You weren't an antidepressant.
                                                     You weren't a Xanax.
                                                        You weren't ******.
You weren't even the good kind of drug.

                    You weren't ****** or **** or ecstasy.
You were the kind of drug that
                                           messed around with my heart and left my brain feeling clouded.
You were the kind of drug that left me confused and
                                                                               feeling worse than before I took you.
But I did.
Again and
again.
I told myself I would
break this vicious cycle of unscrewing your cap and
                                                                   hating myself for it afterwards.
That I wouldn't draw back the plunger and
                                                          force you into my veins anymore.
But I didn't.
Again and
again.

I told myself you
                                                would be the death of me.

Every high you gave me left me feeling
                                                                          lost in the clouds.

I might as well have been
                                    six feet deep.

You were the definition of
             Satisfaction.
You were the    blood
                                  in my veins, and
the smoke     in my lungs.  
I was addicted to you in the worst of ways.
It was you who could quench the eternal thirst at my lips. And it was you who could satisfy the ravenous hunger in my bones.
You were everything I needed all at once. And You gave me everything I ever wanted.
A love that
                  consumed  
                             me.

It's become obvious you are not coming back
The thought of you and her together hits me like a smack
The blood that runs rampant through my veins suddenly starts to freeze
My heart stops pumping as I drop straight to my knees
It shatters to pieces and the shrapnel fills my chest
Impaling my lungs
Making my breathing congest
Silence has no business settling inside my ears
But the fact that it does confirms my worst fears
There is not a word I could say to possibly change your mind
Without hesitation you effortlessly leave me behind
If you're not in love anymore why couldn't you let me know?
I gave you many opportunities to let me go
Yet you are such a coward you hid how you feel
Led me to believe your emotions were still real
Then you vanished without courtesy of a text or call
I guess the truth is I meant nothing to you at all

i. i am lying beside you and i am looking at the skin on your face. i can see the air escape your mouth. soon it will be home to my lips, and they will caress yours with softness i never before possessed.

ii. life is not worth living if i am not beautiful.

iii. i am in an unfamiliar place. i am lying in a stranger’s bed. hands that i don’t recognise are turning my skin to ashes. i watch as my thighs burn. i am grieving for the dead ocean now occupying my eyes.

iv. i lift up the hem of my skirt, hoping you would see the dark starbursts printed on the skin on my thighs.

v. i have seen you without clothes but you have seen me without skin.

vi. he takes my skin and plants baby’s breaths on me, but they leave incisions in my heart. i am shaking now. i am in a shaking hell.

vii. i scoop up all your promises while you spill them onto another’s skin. i pick lies from the insides of your pockets. i clean dried blood from the corner of your mouth.

viii. my vein is tied carefully around your finger. it takes two minutes to **** the knot, and then me.

I cover my heart
in a layer of steel
so that the things she has said
I cannot feel

It makes it harder to push
the blood through my veins
but we can grow a little
learning from the pain

Your heart will grow stronger
in its little steel cage
keeping you centered
letting go of the rage

When your mind is healed
and your body has calmed
You'll notice the cold steel on your heart
is now in your palm.