all the flags
waving in front
of me are red
and the thoughts
of dread
and feelings of
excitement
are fighting
violently
in my head

there’s something
about having to hide
that makes me
feel dead
inside
but at the same time
i hate seeing myself
and all my ugliness
in the light
maybe this is wrong
maybe it’s the only thing
that’s right
in my life

i don’t know
anymore
i can barely
even
sleep at night

i know i’m a **** up
and even when i
really
really
try
the efforts are
pointless
i end up
stuck
again
and
again
with no end in sight
never even
dreaming or hoping
that i’ll end up
on top
or even in the middle
i’ll keep bringing
myself back down
to the bottom
until
the hole is deeper
than the darkest
part of the ocean

The fault with seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses is that we do not know when to stop.

When the lights at the crossroads flicker red, all we see is light, not colour.

We run, we hide in nostalgia’s walls, playing with the toys we grew out of, talking to the skeletons in our closet.

“Life is so strange,” we say, as though we are no stranger ourselves.

Romanticise, don’t realise
love is like hate
passion like anger, anxiety
and blood, just another fluid

Roses, red all the same

Wine, flows through oesophagus like water flowing like tears of the child’s sighs at night yearning for a relief of the pain of a

strange life

being no stranger ourselves

seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses

not knowing when to stop.

Never make someone the center of your universe.
For eyes cannot see red flags, when blinded by light.

i haven't known you that long
so i wasn't thinking of what could go wrong.
i liked all of you verily
thought we'd be more than friends happily.

but you were a scoundrel,
one i did not know too well.
you were a fabulist,
deceit is what you always insist.

i guess i was just too naive
in you i continued to believe.
now the red flags are waving at me,
telling me to go and fly free.

I held on so tight to the string that was attached to the storm cloud of our relationship. Afraid that if I let go I will not see the sunshine that was once us.

I held on to the smiles of happier times and the looks of love. I held onto the effortlessness of our beginning and the passion in our kiss.

The cloud became heavier and heavier and some helped me to hold on, others begged me to forget.

I found my strength in remembering.

Every red flag that I painted white. All the dreams that died when you left. I remember the wasted time spent on forlorn hope of empty promises.

It took me awhile to realize that I was holding on to a mistake because I took so long to make it, blinded by the fantasy of what we could be. I cannot continue watering a dead plant.

I’m ready to let go of every ‘what if’.
I’m ready to let go for me, for a heart that doesn’t lie and a love I can believe in.

All of those cracks and chips
They intrigue me so

Tell me the stories of your scars
What caused those tear stains

Who broke you so beautifully?
I have to know because I care

You are a masterpiece
Don’t listen to anyone else