When I first met you, I did not like you.

I hated that you were always on top of your work,
That you were always so focused all I could do was lurk.
I hated that you always tried to be the best,
Competing with me in disregard to my request.

I was jealous of you because you were so perfect.
You made everything seem so worth it.
I never saw you walk away with anything other than an A.
All work was done in the best possible way.
I found myself comparing myself to you.
I wanted to be perfect too.

I tried to change myself to resemble you.
It actually helped me get out of the blues.
Many would say that you should never change who you are,
But when I was with you,
I felt like a star.

I started to distance myself because depression got in the way.
You were my first real friend and I doubted you would stay.
I dug myself into a hole to get away from you,
With this sadness following me too.
I never looked back to see you following me.
I would soon realize that you were a precious treat.

You stayed with me for a very long time,
You stayed with me until I was ready to climb.
Until I met you,
all I knew was demons
But you soon convicted them of treason.

You demonstrated the definition of a bright light.
And I could never thank you enough for showing me what was right.
Continue to be you: such a beautiful rose.
Dispose of any thoughts that may oppose.

beautiful; the pleasing of the senses or mind aesthetically.
    a word so simple, but yet im so scared of it
   when something is rare to you
   and almost foreign
    fear accompanies each time
    im scared of the opinions of my peers and my people and myself
    i stand here trying to look like everybody else
    i stand here and try to be beautiful
the stereotypes are degrading
    it feels as if our beauty has grading
    A, B, C, D? Y, does so much beauty go over looked?
    some girls hear it everyday
    others wait for a lifetime
    a word so delicate and charmingly used
    that eats away at my brain
    as i point out the hues of my red under-toned cheeks
    and stare into the mirror
    just trying to see clearer into myself and not just what i see in front of me
    i have a fear of looking different and my fear is a reality that i live everyday
   i don’t look like you and you don’t look like me
   but i still so strongly believe that you’re more beautiful than me
    and you can tell me all you want and as I hear the sympathy in your voice
     i give myself a choice to either listen and lie
    or go home and cry
    the tears ive shed for my looks are the same tears ive shed for the books
   as i remember each time previous that I cried on my bed while staring at gorgeous girls
   and wondered, when will i be praised for my beauty or i question if I have beauty at all
   and i soon fall into a deep pit
    staring at my body and into my own reflections eyes as i slowly start to crumble
    break down in defeat, hard to recover
    get knocked off my feet
    look up at a light to dry my tears
    walk outside the bathroom door and face my fear of being asked “did you just cry?”
    to which i answer “no” and make up a stupid lie
    im not begging for people to tell me im beautiful
    im begging for people to be more open
    and never thinking of closing
    don’t tell me im funny, tell me i have a pretty personality
   don’t tell me im smart, tell me im intelligent because smarts are probably beautiful too
   and don’t tell me you miss me, tell me you want to be around my lovely self
   or don’t at all
   and be open and tell me that i have a ****** personality
   or that i brag about my grades
   or i get too annoying for you
   because what pleases you, pleases me
   gaining a new perspective of someones beauty
   no matter the fire from the response
   whether it be from thoughts, actions or words
  there is beauty in all of it
   and please don’t be like me
   cause can’t you see?
   i never thought i had beauty
    until i wrote this
    and now i see what i wanna be
    because now i see beauty in me

I stretch like a thinning cloud
Watch me and I'd be gone.

My sick little dog
Wiggles and bothers
Let's go out, out, out!

I take random pictures
Brooding.
What would I miss?

She sets the pace
Sniff, pause, backtrack
Dance.

A breeze plays with strands
Of a weeping willow.
A million hidden smells.

Today
For both of us
It is enough.

-ALA

March 21, 2016

My love for you will never fade,
It will only increase with a high rate,
You give me strength to stand-up tall,
And you are always there every time I fall.
Everyday you are on my mind,
Person like you is hard to find.
When I first saw you,
You took my breath away,
And I fell in love with you from that very first day :)