When was the last time you were truly happy,
not merely existing but truly alive?
When was the last time you smiled sincerely,
not that rehearsed facade?

When was the last time you were honest with yourself,
embracing your flaws and strengths,
saying what was in your mind,
genuine and unfiltered?

When was the last time laughter flowed freely,
genuine and unrestrained?

When was the last time you spoke passionately,
about something you love deeply?
When was the last time you loved yourself deeply,
accepting every part of who you are?
When was the last time your heart was in sync with your mind,
free and unburdened?

So tell me, when was the last time you were truly you?

What is this that I've let build up inside of me?
I'm only human, I get lonely
So, at first, it's easy to see why I didn't really mind the company
...at first...
With every attempt to shine a light on it, it seemed to get more ugly and angry
Personally becoming so entangled in my past I found myself imprisoned in my head, lost away and locked the key
Mass delusion feeds mass confusion obviously
Abused by depression and anxiety
Used simultaneously as prison guards to keep me here in captivity
A single inmate maximum security penitentiary
Making a mockery of my first 40
While I watch the worst of me became the only me
I foolishly pretend no one else could possibly see
As behind the scenes I try to wiggle free for a second or three
In an attempt at some sort of damage control on this fragile soul and fractured mentality
Trying in vain to make sense of the recipe
'Cause if this is how it's supposed to be
Then someone's going to need to explain to me
Exactly why my straight to TV, B movie horror mystery
Was scripted to be such a difficult and seemingly impossible journey
Where's the humanity?

©2024

Vibrant despair blowing out like sand paper from the soul
Dreams of colour
Fearless hallucination of love
for the World

A stream of consciousness so pure and thick
like a raw gem
like a river
like a marching bull
Painfully fulfilling me full

I could run for miles if I had the Sea to sightsee
if I had the Sun gleaming on me
if I had your figure in memory
even if I had nothing and wasn't meant to be

A fuel that bursts my pupils into a huge void
serotonin
dopamine
adrenaline
and so
a rocket to the Moon and my hands on this keyboard
setting the stage for another round

I cannot be stopped, I can only be blunt
I can only do it
I can only run
Veins bulk in a steaming rush
and thus time disappears like a fog

I am lucky I am here