Eyes wide open in a panic
Weighted down by both grief and my covers
My dreams, though horrific enough to make me feel manic  
Are more preferable than this nightmare I’m living, soon I’ll discover

Autopilot drags my aching body from the comfort of my bed
The cool air of my room fences me in, I am chilled to the bone
Tedious step by step, so numb I’m halfway convinced that I’m dead
How foolish to believe it was all getting better, really, I should have known

Keys in hand, I shakily open the front door  
Shocked to be faced with scattered frail drops of rain
The world is quiet, nature’s silence a deafening roar
Strangely enough, it eases the war in my brain

With a purr of the ignition, I snap back to reality
Streetlights and stoplights fly by, illuminating the dull of my face
Focused on raindrops on windshield, dreaming of all that could be
All I need is something good to finally take place

You are the star
of each and every
one of my nightmares,
in most of them

You hand me a sugar cube
With the brightest smile
So welcoming
so warm

I greedily accepted
Placing it on the tip
Of my tongue

Until reality sets in
I did not get delivered sugar,
But rather

salt

This is what abuse is:
Hoping you will get sugar
Every time

But always ending with salt
For seventeen year.

may inner peace and self love find you someday