I find you in the shadows
where no one looks
and you decorate
the cobwebs
in my closet.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

It seems to me
if I'm to love,
it means I have to lose.
𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲?
That im capable
to put anothers needs
before my own?
𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥?

It seems to me
if I'm to love,
it means I dont come first.
𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝘁?
To honour
my own desires
before those of another?
𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘥?

It seems to me
that the qualities
so loved of me
came to be
when I met my needs.

It seems to me
that I'll cease to be
all the things
I'm loved for being..

𝗜𝗳 𝗜'𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲.

.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘥?

"Bury me,
in your protection."
𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥,
"Keep me
and my heart collected."
𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥,
"I will
embrace your affection,
𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐,
feel safe
wrapped in this connection."

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐...

𝗚𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

I handed you in pieces,
all my beauty and my truth.
You promised you would hold them
with love the whole way through.

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥,
to believe
that it was 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘺,
I believed
that it was 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

But for some reason, this feeling
makes me commit treason.
I cause my own bleeding -
my boundaries weaken.

This lighting's deceiving
and I'm seeking to find,
the line intervening
between you and I.
But it's gone to the night.
You're all that I want.
You're all that's in sight.

I don't want to escape 𝘺𝘰𝘶,
or this 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭 on my 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁.

So, when you asked me...
"𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?"

𝗜 𝗴𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲.

Blinded by
this lustful yearn. I'd,
never seen eyes that
didn't fear me first. I'd,
never met a mouth
so pretty as yours.

Craving the flavour,
the taste of my curves.
Seeking to savour
the twists and the turns,
of 𝘮𝘺 body, 𝘮𝘺 kiss,
and 𝘮𝘺 tongue.

My 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻 and my 𝗯𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀
to you I'd serve.

All I can do is
𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙪𝙢𝙗.

𝘐𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵...

I forgot just where
my mind went. I'd,
misplaced and lost
the sentiment, that
centres me
in these
elements. The
intensity
is relevant
to the detriment
of my disconnect
to the self I sense.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐...

𝗟𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 I know is true.

When you asked for me,
I gave you 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 than you could 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘸.

And I wanted you to swallow it, 𝙩𝙤𝙤.

But the problem is...
All this complicated
**** you say
I regurgitated,
is a result of how
intoxicated
I am from always
accomodating
a level of love
approximated. I,
never know if I'm
dominated, or
if this loves
consolidated, and

all I did,
was 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 this...

Slowly losing you. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴...
Never finding truth...
Never knowing what you do.

Giving me a piece,
and then taking back two.

Pushing and pulling
in and out of my view.
Raining down sentiments
that keep me confused.

I can't find my way
in the dark of the moon.
Can't locate your love
in this light, misconstrued.

As I pick up the pieces
you dont care to lose,
I 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 if 𝗜
Can 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝...

And thats when I lost me;
𝙄 𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙬.

Tumbling backwards
to a past I once knew,
of cyclical madness
and embedded abuse.

In madness and lament,
I'm fully consumed.
My 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 meets the 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵,
and I act like a 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗹.

𝘈𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨,
looking right 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵.

𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯.

On this trail I'm left lost in,
when you leave, it turns to 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.

...

I wish you wouldnt hold my hand,
telling me about your youth;
carving our names in the sand,
only not to pursue.

I wish you didn't say my name
when you look at the moon.
Whispering melodies
in a deviant tune.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸,
𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂.


▪︎ mica light ▪︎

My love unfolds only,
where hemlines meet.

In the space between skin,
and black satin sheets.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Your eyes drip hot wax
on the bare of my back.
I 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘮 at the 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯,
𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲.
  
I dont make a sound
as it cools down.
Your 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘦 fastened 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵,
𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗸𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲.

You flash me your teeth -
I forget how to breathe.
And I 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦, I can't 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦
𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
    
So I fill up the room
with the scent of my mood.
Can't 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘺 you get 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩
𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗼𝗼.
    
Your tongue licks your lips.
Hungry, I am your fix.
Well 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 in your 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗸𝗶𝘀𝘀.

You follow my gridlines,
I etch you in fineline.
𝘌𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥, we've 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘥
𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘀.
  
Your skin sends out shivers
to make my hips quiver.
They're 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 and 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨
𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲.

I keep it discrete
as you watch me low key,
til 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 on the
𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗿.


▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Salvating at the scent
of *** in the room
as you linger
in the back of my throat,
on the edges of my tongue,
and in the purse of my lips.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

I don't believe you when you say
that your hands are tied.

I don't believe you when you say
that your hands don't have holes in them.

That the sand doesn't slowly pour out through the cracks between your fingers.

...

𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯...

when you asked me
to hand you my soul,

that the depths of its love,
your hands, 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱.

...

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

STUCK
In the space between
What we know
And what they don't.

HERE
In this room, that your eyes
Are filling with smoke
That only I can choke on.

YOU
Take up so much space
In this place, you and that
Fly on the wall.

AND
We keep a safe distance
Until a red carpet rolls out
To the livingroom floor.

I
Find myself submitting,
Cause your mouth is so delicious.
Your eyes are so insatiable,

And this story's too salacious.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

[𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎]

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗?

𝙸'𝚖 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚘𝚏
𝙰 𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗.



[𝙸]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚙𝚞𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚒𝚝
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎
𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝙸 𝚊𝚖.


[𝙸𝙸]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚌 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗.



[𝙸𝙸𝙸]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚍
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗
𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚜.



[𝙸𝚅]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜
𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚑.



[𝚅]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚔𝚒𝚗
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝
𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚕.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚍.



[𝚅𝙸]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚍 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚗
𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚝𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐,
𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐.

... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕.



[𝚅𝙸𝙸]
𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚙𝚞𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍.
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚕𝚎
𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 -
(𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍.)


... 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚙 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗.



[𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎]

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗,
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚘𝚠?

𝙸'𝚖 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍
𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍.


[𝙵𝚒𝚗]


- 𝙼𝚒𝚌𝚊 𝙻𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝  

       𝟶𝟾/𝟶𝟾/𝟸𝟹

It's been a while since this,
feeling,
came to visit.       This,
all too familiar...
crawl-out-of-my-skin,
feeling.       This,
boulder-in-my-throat,
choking-not-breathing,
feeling.       This,
isolate-and-hide,
I've-been-compromised,
feeling.       This,
     𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴...
     that if you go now,
     my heart might stop beating.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

A spark sets fire to the walls,
of my tightly sealed chest.
Treasures of past pain,
it previously kept.
Memories of hurt,
betrayal and regret -
now fueling the flames
of my burning rage.

𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺.

𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

There's very few who know,
how to get close to this flame.
How to steady its burn,
and feel it without pain.
I am nestled deep within,
and the love I have to give,
𝗜𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲.
...But it's locked up in a cage.
Guarded by my fears.
Protected by my rage.
And if it's not safe to play,
then I won't play it safe.
I'll set fire to it all,
just so that my heart can't break.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

(𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕: 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔)

'°¤°☆°¤°'

I don't know how
To get her home,
Or if she has one...
Does 𝘴𝘩𝘦 even know?

If I reached out my hand,
Would she even pull?

She's been making herself larger.
I can feel her reappearance.
She gets brighter, I get darker.
Interfering with my impulse,
And it happened again...

I forgot how I got here,
Don't where I began.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Constantly on the brink,
Of letting it all go, or
Letting it all sink.

I treasure the moments
When I can feel,
Small fragments of me
Release and heal.

Saying no to you,
Carved a line in the earth.

It stood in front all the ways,
I'd been broken before.

It kept back all the pain,
While I learned to walk away.

Your breath invades me.
Consumed in full.
I cant evade you.
Escape this pull.

Your lips are tender,
But your teeth will bite.
Your tongue is wet,
And your grip is tight.

Your eyes see through me,
And our skin combines.
Ive become your offering,
And you've become mine.

It was wet on my face at 6am today, but
I won.
My heart was jumping hurdles all day, but
I won.
My thoughts were spilling into each other, but
I won.

𝗧𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱.

Today,
All the fragments
Of myself
That ive transformed
From the inside out, well...
Today,
They were tested.
And,
I won.

I won because,
Despite today
And all my fears,
I did it anyway.

I won because,
I stood my ground,
Gracefully,
And im proud.

I won because,
I innerstand
My love of self
Is a part of the plan.

Theres a reason why,
When we honour ourselves,
We make waves in the ocean of life, but
𝗪𝗲 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗮𝘆.

Its okay to put your own needs first,
Even when it rocks the boats of others.
And its okay to put someone else first,
As long as your not abandoning ship to do so.

Loving yourself isnt about not loving other people.
𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴.

And today, well...
𝗧𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱, but
I won.

Because no matter
How hard
They tried to pull me away...

Today,
𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙙.

▪︎ micalight ▪︎

Lost in the ruins of you.
My soul in tune,
With your tattered truth.

Oh, throw me down,
And show me now,
Just how you drown.

The wind
Hasn't spoken
To me in weeks,
And I miss her.

I've lasted, but
In some ways
I haven't found
What she left me with.

I love how the sky
Is stitched to my skin,
Breathing life to my bones...
𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

I sit with myself
A little too often.
Is it healthy
To stare this deep?

I find what
I'm looking for,
But then I always
Find more to look for...

And I wonder,
𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦?
A broken record
Reminding me.

𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯...

These universal lessons -
They have no end.

I could try to find
The reasons why,
But I haven't much time.
So I don't ask why.

For I am much too far
From the night sky stars,

     To ever,

                truly,

                      know.


                           .♡.

                   ▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Clearly now I see,
That my soul had a plan.
Laid out perfectly for me,
To endure and withstand.

No I wouldn't do it over,
But Id never give it up.
I just keep moving forward,
Through the lessons I pick up.

I hear it in my soul,
When it's time to make a move.
A pull I can't control,
Brings me to another truth.

A lesson meets me there,
But at first I'm blind to see it.
Repeat repeat - til I'm aware,
And then she will reveal it.

Soul decoding old ways,
Uploading what is new.
These stories of your earthly days,
Are the building blocks of you.

The source collecting energy,
From all your transformation.
With every ancestor redeemed,
She is raising her vibration.

So tune into your highest self,
And don't you ever doubt,
That you come from a higher realm,
Made of stardust all throughout.

You bring this all within you,
So watch carefully for signs.
Youll know just what to do,
When the universe aligns.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

She walks out
and bears her soul
to the unknown.

Step by step.
Trusting that the path
Will continue to form
Before her.

It's a feeling.
An instinct.
A drive.
A knowing.

It's malleable.
Create-able.
Magical.

It lives.
It relates.
It changes.
It grows.

And when I get lost,
I always know
This feeling will take me
Where I need to go.

So i listen carefully
For the calls in my soul.
And go the direction
That i feel pulled.

Mica Light

𝗧𝗪: 𝗦𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

It wasn't until I heard
Someone say, "me too"
That I started to view
That this pain was from you.
And you. And you.
And yes, you too.
But especially... 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

I came fractured and bruised.
The deprecation of my self worth
Started before you.
I'd long since been used
As a punching bag for others'
Emotional wounds.

So, when I met you...
I was a perfect package
Of cracked porcelain
Just pretty enough
To salvage.

Your attention and approval
Became my food.
Like a flower needs the sun
I thought that without you
Shining on me
That I'd be all for none.

Your claws dug deep in my belly,
And mine into yours.
Validating eachother,
In a toxic swirl.
You in the center,
Creating a world,
Where "no" has no weight,
Coming from a young girl.

"You're so pretty" you said.

My skin was like rice paper.

"I love the curls on your head"

My throat was titanium.

"Come sleep in my bed."

My stomach turned sideways.

I had told myself enough times by now,
"This is what you signed up for,
So you'd better allow.
It comes with the territory."
I believed this somehow.

I attached so much of myself to you.
Addicted to the magic,
scattered in with the abuse.
The pleasure in the pain,
Covering up the dark truth.
So well, I couldn't tell
That we were actually living
In some kind of hell,
Being sold to us
As love and friendship,
But it was just a shell
For dead end *******.

Sometimes I find I look back
To these times reminiscing,
But then all I can think is,
"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨?"

Cause now I sit here and wonder,
Why did I have no edge?
I had lost the understanding of what
A "no" feels like in bed.

It took me years to cut you off.
𝗧𝗲𝗻 to be exact.
All this time I've hidden
These dark secrets of the past.

Not even realizing
It was fear
Holding me back.
Not even realizing
That this ****
Fed how I act.

𝗜𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟮 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 "𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿" 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.

How brain washed is 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?

Ever since I dug your
Claws out of my belly,
My wounds began to heal
And i started to see fully,
This relationship with you -
You were nothing but a bully.
𝗔 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗲.

I've liberated myself from you.
And all the guilt and shame.
Understanding now,
Why so long I played your game.
I've taken back my power, and
I've taken back my name.
I'm not a victim of abuse.
I'm a raging, healing flame.
Burning down what you became.

Ashes are easy to blow away.
I rid of you and I'm on my way.
No longer afraid,
Of the monsters in the night.
Because, guess what?

I know what a '𝘆𝗲𝘀' feels like.

Mica Light

When I am 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵,
I am grounded,
I am safe.
But like rock,
I can be cracked, or
Crumbled.
Struggling,  
Trying,
To collect my self back up.

But when I am 𝗮𝗶𝗿,
I cannot break -
I can only be felt.
My state,
Doesn't relate,
To the futile,
Attempts,
To hurt me.
But it can get tiring,
Without being able,
To land.

And sometimes,
I'm like 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲.
A flame,
Of passion,
Can burst,
Into a Raging blaze,
Of love,
Or hate,
Or somewhere,
In between.

And other times,
I am like 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.
I am lifted.
I float atop.
I am given a break,
Or,
I am given a lesson.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The waves...
Can turn into a monsoon, and

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The fire...
Could completely engulf me, and

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The winds..
May blow a bit too fierce, and
  
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The earth...
Can sometimes shatter beneath me,

𝗜 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿.

For if I am to live this life,
There is nothing more,
And nothing less,
I could do.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Little drips of honey,
Trickle down your kiss.
Fingertips like
Water wells
That know my
Every wish.

Liquid lovely spilling,
Messing up my bed.
Whispering
Like fire burns
On every
Word that's said.

Tattered trails tasted,
You know my every turn.
Tracing lines
Like pathways
That you never
Had to learn.

Flowing, we are floating,
Suspended in the air.
Lifted up
Like stardust
Bodies weightless,
Minds aware.

Move me through the night,
Take me all the way.
Touching me
Like morning glory
Opens up
The day.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

I know you're there.
Deep in my bones,
I can feel you.

You're a written scripture,
On the ancient DNA,
Of my body of flesh, bones,
And impermanence.
It permeates,
Into any existence,
Where you and I,
Have hearts,
That beat.

I see now,
That I had to have it all,
Taken away.
Peeled back.
Removed.
So that all that was left,
Was me.

I never needed you.

You have an outdated version
Of me in your head.
And that's fine.
But I can't lie,
I'm pretty heartbroken,
That you'd leave me behind,
This time.

I thought you understood.
I guess...
I thought I knew you better.

I don't want to keep you.
I don't have a reason to.
Time and time again,
Your the constant,
That I always knew.
That simple kind of love,
That I never had to try to do.

But my trust in this truth...
This time - I handed you.

Of all the things I've had to let go,
You were the last.
And when you turned your back,
It was clear -
There really isn't,
Anyone,
To trust here.

And I don't mean that,
In some sad, bitter way.
I mean it to say...
I trust no one but me,
And what a beautiful scene.

My crystalline heart is,
No longer in hands that,
Bring me to places,
Too far from myself.

I am the only one that holds me.
This is how I'm meant to be.
More sure than I've ever been.
I've never felt more free.

But it's a funny thing,
That even though,
you can't be seen...

I can still feel you.

Deep in my bones.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

You talk like being in love controls you.

Love is not meant to control you.

Love is here,
To show us radical acceptance.
To be trusted to be free, and
To have the freedom to trust.

Love shouldn't pull you away from yourself.

Love should bring you closer to you.

Are you afraid when you talk to them?
Or do you feel calm,
Well articulated,
At ease, with them?

Or do you feel anxious?

Do you feel like everything you say,
No matter what about,
Is always misunderstood?

Do you get embarrassed?
Frustrated?
Do you feel unseen?

This is because,
You are residing,
In a place
That is much too far
From you.

Sometimes, we have to walk away
From the things we love most, because...
By staying,
We are not listening to ourselves.
By staying,
We are not honouring ourselves.
By staying, we are saying:

"𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

...

All I ask is that this time,
You choose yourself.

So that the love that is meant for you,
Can find you.

▪︎ micalight ▪︎

Fire burning red hot.
Who will be the next to burn?
Ignite a soul and light the way.
Okay.    Now it's your turn.

In my mind like spring time.
Dew drops steam off the soft
Flowers they became upon.
I evaporate to high skies from
The ground I'm standing on.

Something of a bad bliss.
I stumble into your forbidden kiss.
And I feel like myself again.

For I am no Saint.
These words may be faint.
But to you, I'd lend my hand again.
It's you who I will lay again,
In the dangerous alley ways
Of my hidden places.

And when you come looking,
Just search in the shadows.

This is where I'll meet you.

Crystalline Palace,
Wave to the other side.
Touch my mountain, high peak.
𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸?
Hold your breath, cause
It's hard for us to know.
Though inside, it does reside.
We push through the unknown.
Awaiting your arrival,
My soul begins to float
In the glimmer of the moon.

My Angels Say You'll Be Here Soon.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

The waves tickle the shore,
Kissing the earth, reminding her
That she is loved.

The sand lives between
The rocks, gently holding and
Keeping them safe.

The trees whisper
Sweet nothings, that ring the
Chimes in my old soul.

And the mountains hug what I cannot.

The sun brings life to the day, and
Comfort in the dusk...
When it melts into oranges, pinks & golds.

Beams of safety coat the ocean.
Golden light washes over me, and
Penetrates my body.

That is when I see you there,
Letting the light lift you;
Dissipate you.

Right now, we are 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 energy.

We are timeless in our golden hour.

I never want to leave this daze.
Let's stay in this golden way.

'Cause it's pretty cool,
That we can stop time,
𝘐𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘵?

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

She calls and cries,
But there are only echoes
Bouncing on the walls
Of my empty chest.

She is forgotten.
She gets pushed aside.

𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥?

.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Tell me,
How do you walk
With all of that pain?

You move on this earth
Steady, going
For so long now
That you believe
This is
A part of you.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, quietly
Draining your will,
Your connection.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, numbing
Out feelings,
Causing friction.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, waiting
For your eviction.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

So locate it, banish it.
I promise you, I swear
Oh, precious one,

You'll find that 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Hiding. She's
Trying. I keep her
Confined.

Sleeping. She's
Weeping. She screams out her
Cries.

Falling. She's
Calling. There's pain in her
Eyes.

Dormant. She's
Latent. She feels
Paralyzed.

Shifting. She's
Drifting. But I keep her
Inside.

Uneasy. She's
Queasy. Yet I
Minimize.

Refracted. She's
Lasted. She cant be
Denied.

Bleeding. She's
Seeking. To be
Recognized.

Unwitting. I'm
Splitting. I say my
Goodbyes.

Heating. It's
Fleeting. My old peace of
Mind.

Conquered. I'm
Anchored. I'm treading
Neck-high.

Drowning. Heart
Pounding. My sight going
Blind.

Vehement. Not
Present. I am losing my
Pride.

Engaging. I'm
Raging. She's loud from
Inside.

Neurotic. I'm
seasick. From pain left
Behind.

Messy. We're
Heavy. There's blood on our
Lies.

Damage. I
Manage. This fall from up
High.

Numbness. Crave
Oneness. This banal state,
Mine.

Transgressing. Keep
shedding. And I'll find her
Smile.

Uplifting. Deep
Thinking. I tame what is
Wild.

           Releasing and healing
                     My own inner-child.

      
☼ Mica Light

In the morning
The sky
Is so beautiful.
The wind
sways the trees
And urges me
to dance.
The sun's rays
Shine with clarity
And the birds' songs
Invite the light.

I am at peace.

So.. I can be.

But,

Sometimes...

Swiftly...

Do you hear it?
There's a whispering...
Don't listen.
It's a trap.
There's no way.
There's no chance.

There it is again,
That fear.
The storm -
Here it comes.
Buckle down.
Id better hide.
Quick, try.
Before it sweeps
Me up too high...

But it's got my mind.
It's here.
Strong and loud,
This time.
And not slowly, but
Instantly, It
Sweeps,
Me,
Up.

I am thrown in.
I am lost within
A black space
With no boundary.
I can't find the edge.
And I've forgotten,
How,
To function.

I scream.
I collapse.
I cry.
I destroy.
I despise
Every bit
of myself.
And, still
I can't find
The way out of here.

The storm -
It thrusts
And sways.
Unsettles
And circulates.
Until it
Can no longer
Keep up
With demands.

The perpetual motion
Slows down,
And the winds
Begin to calm.
But the black
Smokey fog
Doesn't leave...

The dust
begins to settle
On top packages
Of self doubt,
Shame,
Guilt,
And worthlessness.

Then without warning
Gravity pulls me
Back
Into my body.
And in silence,
I am left,
Sifting through
What remains of me...
Shattered sorrow
Tired eyes, and
No light that I can see.

...

I am so angry
Because
The sky
Was so beautiful today.
And so was I.
But I wasn't bigger
Than the storm.

Not this time.

• Mica Light •