it would have been quite the morbid sight
if someone watched me last night
sobbing and pulling at my skin
saying and praying
''is this a dream''
over and over
counting my fingers
over and over

for the last two weeks
i have been noticing a strange distance in my eyes
ever since i started waking up
from a sequence of dreams
involving you, me, a beach


and the unfamiliar absence of sound
hissing like a dog whistle

in a dream i was told to keep talking to you because you will disappear if i stop

people's touch always burns and hugs are so ******* short-lived. i hate them. what is the point if u are not going to hold me for the whole night while i stain every shirt and *****. no point. hugs are just another form of abandonment. understanding can be found on the inside - i will say to myself and others. but inside there is only the stale air of tonight, an image of a teenager kicking an ill kitten, me as a child and people's quiet, strong contempt towards me. i feel lied to. and the beach of tomorrow is my last sanctuary

you are so strange to be around
and so strange to talk to
but i really feel like missing you tonight

why does it all feel so pointless yet when i try to end it somehow i always end up looking into my cat's eyes.