Oh, how the world took you away
Like an un-deserv-ed toy
Oh, how the world took you away
And with you....all of joy.

All the ways of loss
Of people, things, and sway
How desperate must the godless feel
When they kneel down to pray.

When the knife just won't ****
And the bough won't even break
When the wind stays still
And there's nothing left to take
When passion has no power
And hope's wings are cut
When life is in it's final hour
And the mind's eyes are shut
No matter
No matter
No matter then
Where heart or soul or feet have been.

Hate.
The one thing we are told never to have.
And yet, sometimes it becomes our only protection.

If I could seen the future
And just what one act of kindness would do
The domino effect that was coming
Perhaps I would not have checked on a lonely long time friend
But no.
I still would have.
That's who I am.
The only peace I ever found was when I conformed to my own nature.
I check on the weak
Try to help the sick
Pray for the broken
I feed and clothe addicts
Hurt when others hurt
Make difficult phone calls
Place virtue high
Integrity higher
Love what is real
Do what I believe is right
I am honest
Trustworthy
Kind
Faithful
Those things are not WHAT I am....
They are WHO I am.
I can not conform to world-accepted behaviors created by insecure fools.
They can't recognize genuine anymore.
They have been in the dark too long.
I don't belong there.
I will remain rare, unchanged, and mostly misunderstood.
I will be ME.
And I am beautiful whether or not I am ever seen.

I am more guarded now.
I shake off compliments.
I weigh my words carefully
I explain my actions in advance
When I say "I love you" now it means something different,
Not something special.
I walk away from the slightest conflict.
I don't even fight for myself anymore.
Not since losing a fight I should have won to someone who didn't play by the rules.
Human touch is also different now.
Almost intrusive.
I avoid extremes and yet find no peace in that.
I am just another sad tragedy.

Not a single day has passed
Since that morning in December
Without you inside my head
It should be getting easier
The pain... harder to remember
But I just feel it more instead.