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Angie Jul 2021
I shouted to the world that I loved you like a fool
But I could never confess I was speaking to you
Tried for so long to hate you
Like if I focused on your flaws, I could pick you apart
Into something I would have no choice
But to love a little less

The truth is that sitting out here next to you
On the curb outside my work
My hands ache to touch you, my lips to kiss you
It's selfish and it's miserable and I wish
I didn't yearn to confess to you
That I've been tormented by the ways
I've fallen in love with you

You're telling me how when you graduate college
You plan to marry her, you plan to adopt with her
And you're asking if I'll be slutty at the wedding
And I can almost hear you ask me to be your maid of honor
My honor to stand next to the woman I love
As she says her vows to the woman she loves

Before you go you're handing me
Your little blue cassette player, and my tape is still in it
And my voice breaks when I remind you to keep your ear phones
Because I've got a set of my own
And my voice breaks when I say I love you, too, I'll see you later

And my heart is shattered at our feet
But I found the route to smile back at you
As Im walking away, still thinking of our place
Where you used to sleep in my bed, used to make my coffee exactly right
And I was the coward who never made a move
When I know you wanted me to
Angie Jul 2021
I was walking out of the Quaff, roommate by my side
Heading up Broadway to my poorly parked car
And you came running out after me, yelling "John, John wait!"
And I told you earlier, you shouldn't call me that
Just because you can't remember my name
But you couldn't help yourself, I think

A group of drunk kids on scooters are racing past us
I'm looking at you while you look through me  
And John, actual John is glancing from you to me to you to the street
You look like you might kiss me
And John looks like he doesn't want to see it

So I remind you that you meant to head home hours ago
And you laugh and say you just might  
And a drunk woman is calling your name
And your eyes are glossy and far away
And part of me wants you to
And the rest of me just says "I'll see you tomorrow night"
And we go our separate ways
And I worry about you all night
My precious darling bartender, stop drinking red bull when you're hungover, you should know better, but you should also know better on other matters and you might not
Angie Apr 2015
My hair is getting longer,
softer, thicker
Days are growing longer,
warmer, greener
Time is moving slowly
As I'm slowly
falling out of love
with you
A poem a day 4/7
Angie Feb 2014
I'm sorry
For writing
In books
And underlining
The best parts
I'm sorry
For wanting
To remember
Angie Nov 2015
I said your name
When he was on top of me
Inside of me
His breath on my neck
Fingers tugging at my hair
His chest heaving against my back
The creaking
Of his bed
Kept him from hearing
Angie Feb 2014
A first kiss is a deadly weapon
ours was nervous and in secret
a large dog making me sneeze
jumping over the SUV
because your stepdad can't park
and clinging to you
because he also can't drive
When you met my parents
on New Years, pictionary
we both yelled "anarchy"
and I will never not smile about that
Wow look another poem that doesn't rhyme and has no rhythm *laughs for eight years*
Angie Mar 2014
I cannot express to you
how empty I feel

my eyes are staring blankly
and my heart beat is slow

I know I slept
but I'm feeling none of the benefits

my walls are now covered
with the art I've been making

my lungs are full
of the toxins I'm breathing in

I cannot express to you
the emptiness
that I feel
Angie Mar 2014
to say
that I am invisible
would not do justice
to the fact
that you do not see me
and when you speak to me
your words are empty

to say
that I am useless
would not do justice
to the fact
that I do not try
and when you speak to me
my words are empty

to say
that I am meaningless
would not do justice
to the fact
that you do not enjoy me
and when you speak to me
your words are empty

to say
that I am lost
would not do justice
to the fact
that I do not want this
and when you speak to me
my words are empty
Angie Apr 2014
I feel faded
like the dye in my hair
and the color in my sheets

I feel faded
like the roof on this house
and the lights in the lamps

I feel faded
like the storm in the sky
and the roses in my garden

I feel faded
like the old photos on my wall
and the shoes on my feet

I feel faded
and far away
Angie Oct 2014
We are falling
Apart
And I am falling
into the grave
That you left
On your side
Of the bed
Angie Apr 2014
I stood by the water
and I listened to the birds
the wind tossed my hair
and the grass kissed my bare feet

I felt far away
I felt like a plant who dug up its roots to look around
and I knew right away
I wanted to feel that way with you
Angie Sep 2014
I don't know
How to write
The words
I need to say
To show you how
I'm feeling
When I'm feeling
Like I'm feeling
Right now
Angie Sep 2014
How many cups of coffee
How many cigarettes
How many ****** poems
How many life changes
How many sleepless nights
Until I feel
Like I felt
With you
Angie Nov 2013
You were the rain that soaked through my well-built facade
As you drew me back into the darkness of never knowing
You turned out the lights and tuned out my thoughts
Who am I to say you're wrong?
A box full of papers into the fire
Happy pagan new year darling
Forgive me for trying to forget you.
Angie Jan 2014
The silence of eternity is deafening
Thinking forbidden thoughts
Like the longing for a stranger's touch
No recollection of how I got here
Just the sinking feeling like falling
And a broken hearted blood painting
Longing for a smoke or maybe a shower
Drowning in the loneliness of lifelessness
Pondering the temptation to waste away
If I jumped in the void so willingly
Would you hear my everlasting screams?
Would you notice my absence of failure?
Left in her shadow every day, never heard
Would my silence be missed or go unnoticed?
Walking near the edge is like a ***** game
You won't win if you aren't afraid of falling
Angie Sep 2014
I feel
Like
The birds when winter
Starts to tease my feathers
The porch when weather
Puts me in shambles
Curtains caught on kitten claws
Pipes reduced to rust
Rivers flowing poison
I feel
Angie Feb 2014
I met an angel
And I crushed her pretty wings
I made her fall so many feet
Just to catch her by surprise

I met an angel
And I showed her my own hell
I made her fall apart
Just to put myself together

I met an angel
And I showed her how to fly
I made her the wrong kind of high
Just to lose her to her pain

I met an angel
And I showed her my dark side
I made her fall in love with me
Just to try and survive
I was writing about a very sweet friend finding out about my self harm at first. But then I was writing about my two best friends and our lost friendships I think. I dunno I'm having a bad night and I drank some coffee and now here we are
Angie Mar 2014
well you asked me
how I was doing
I covered my mouth
to tell you
that I am fine

when you turned around
I spit up blood
its happening again
but don't worry
I am fine

my head is louder
than your words
and I'm nodding
to tell you
that I am fine

I can't see straight
I am feeling shadows
but I just smile
to assure you
I am fine

memories flood my mind
I am not here
but yet I am
to show you
that I am fine

maybe when this passes
my words will be true
when I'm talking to you
to remind you
that I am fine

and maybe one day
I wont have to lie
and I can say
that I am fine
Angie Oct 2013
Look to my right
Headlights
Too close
Too fast
"No"

Eyes shut
I am spinning
And so many sounds
I don't remember
And then
My name, yelled
"Are you okay?"
"No"

Glass in palms
The crawl to safety
leaving me ******
And I am
in your arms
And I feel
Everything
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know"

And then
Sitting down
Touching
Cringing
My head
My thigh
My chest
My back
My arm
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know"

Walking
Stopping
Just to breathe
My hand is warm
In yours
"Are you okay?"

Porch light
Desperate search
Found keys
Dogs barking
Your lips
On mine
I stop
"Are you okay?"
I feel
Everything

Cold
White
Ambulance
But not mine
You're fine
Take this
Take those too
Cold showers
No exercise
"Are you okay?"
Good.
Go home"

And later
At night
Awake
I finally answer

"No"
Okay so I truly got in an accident last Monday. A man ran a stop sign and smashed into our car. I now have a lot of internal bruising, a concussion, and a bit of insomnia. So I decided to try and write about my experience, and this is what came out.
Angie Jan 2014
When I hear this song I'm in your basement
I know I will never be there again
It's very short but it's all I needed
Angie Jul 2021
I.
she is quenchable
aching but yearns
to be held
to be fed
to be told
just come to bed

II.
peach crumb cake on the counter
she takes her time
consumes with limits
she feasts
tenderly
modestly

III.
i missed your voice
and i shouldn't say that
not to you
stupid
incomprehensible
intolerable
i think of your lips on mine
over and over all night
and my insides are
soft
squishy
intolerable

IV.
love is made here
in the sunlight in the kitchen
if she would not step foot here
it must not be her

V.
in the laundry room
she is his four paws and tiny nose
poking under the door
she is asking
"what u up 2?"
she is tails that wag and eyes wide
she is racing down the hallway
to the back door
back to the kitchen

VI.
he said he doesn't love her anymore
doesn't feel anything for her anymore
but his eyes glance through the neighborhood
towards her home, their home
his words always find their way back to her

VII.
she is patiently waiting at the front door
chilled wine and fruit
she already drew you a bath
there's rose petals in the water
there's candles across the floor
she doesn't ask to join
she just wishes you her best
tells you to relax and take your time
she is still just a concept
but she is warm and light and beautiful
she is always welcome here

VIII.
lukewarm coffee in the press
you silently watch me grab the ***
then tell me to turn around
you already made coffee this morning
and you tell me it's delicious
simply wonderful
and i am sipping it
on the front porch
it tastes like love used to live here
its been six years since i submitted anything here. we still doing this??
Angie Nov 2010
Broken glass in smaller cracks
walking down the street, for the meet
get ready to say god-night,
there's no more time to fight.

Speak the words and close your eyes
you're the only one who can decide,
running for your life, 'less you wanna die
so get ready to say good-night
there's no more time to fight
Angie Jul 2021
When you're sitting next to me
With those glossy brown eyes
Speaking absolute gibberish into my ear
I just want to grab you by your soft little hands
And kiss your incomprehensible mouth
So I can tell you to shut the **** up
I do not understand your silly brain one bit when you've been drinking darling.

Named as such after a small altercation where a man was shooting his shot for me over and over even tho I kept rejecting him then Adam showed up wearing a unicorn kitty tee shirt and the guys friends freaked out because "of course the pretty girl doesn't want to talk to the guy wearing a normal ******* shirt she has to go for this idiot"

The kitty shirt was adorable and he totally smoked home boy in the gray tee shirt
Angie Apr 2014
You were my partner in crime
now you are
1000 miles
18 hours
away
and 6 feet under
and I should be
there
when they put you in the ground
Angie Aug 2021
She met me at the bar,
My bar, on Broadway
Her hair was up, her makeup done
She smiled sweetly like she always does
I didn't tell her what I had done
She was too busy telling me
That she's moving to new York

Part of me felt like
She was giving me a chance
To ask her to stay
Part of me felt like
I needed to take a chance
And ask her to stay

She sounded so pleased
As if this was a piece of her puzzle
So I faked my excitement
Wished her and her girl well
Pushed away the feeling
That when she left, it was over

So maybe I'll do what I do best
Right before she goes
Lay this to rest, confess
That I can't stay in touch
I love her too much
Right before she goes
I'll be gone
Ohhhh I hurt for this
Angie Feb 2014
Part of me
Is ready to run
Back to you
Part of me
Is desperate
To escape
Part of me
Is ripping
At the seams
Part of me
Wants to climb on the roof
And smoke a cigarette
Angie Feb 2014
I made you a playlist
with songs from every genre
each one tells a story
of love, hate, friendship, joy

I made you a playlist
with songs you hate
but they tell my story
and speak in an absence of words

I made you a playlist
with songs that saved me
the story of losing you
that you will never hear

I made you a playlist
Angie Mar 2014
you put me up on a podium
and forced me to talk about recovery
when I was barely tasting it

and now you sound so angry
why are you so surprised
that your least favorite daughter
is still falling apart

I'm playing hide and seek
with the shadows in my heart
the dogs are chasing me
i think I'm losing this game

i may be writing songs
but I'm barely holding on
whats the ******* point
anymore

give me a reason to breathe
because I'm fading fast
and life is pointless

give me a reason to hold on
because I'm letting go
my life is ******* pointless
Angie Feb 2014
When you’re trying
Every day
There’s always pressure
To do better
But you’re doing the best you can
Everyone wants the best for you
I would settle for less
Angie Jun 2010
Pretend for just a minute, love,
pretend that you cared.
Would you tell me that you love me,
and you'll wish that I was there?
Would you hold me in your arms,
maybe play with my hair?

And even though I know it's not true,
I'd eat it all up, because it's from you.

Pretend for just a minute, dear,
pretend that you cared.
Would you wrap your arms around me,
and say that it's all right?

Because that's what I really want,
that's what I really need...
Angie Mar 2014
how nice would it be
to
rediscover you
while you
rediscover me

you talked about
it
rediscovering love
while we
rediscover us

I laugh because
I
rediscovered you
while you
lost yourself
Angie Jun 2014
Two years ago
do you remember
in the summer
on my porch
when
nobody knew
you were here

The cool night air
and my head
on your shoulder
kissing you goodbye
tell me
do you remember
Angie Nov 2015
You loved me until the star dust
Spilled from my body onto the floor
And the galaxies spinning inside of me
Crashed out of control
Angie Feb 2014
My head is pounding furiously
I've been on the verge of throwing up for days
I don't know why I'm here
An empty bottle of pain killers I abused
A cold floor to hold me
As I sleep away the bad feelings
I can barely breathe
Without you next to me
But lately I've taken deeper breaths
I know I'll get better one day
Without your help
Angie Jun 2013
Ten thirty at night
sitting alone
keeping company
with a juice pouch
and some pop-tarts
the lights are off
nursing my pride
admitting that
I have given up
trying to wait
is something I can't do
and promising myself
sleepless nights will help
starving myself
has gotten old
and I'm still
sitting alone
Angie Jan 2015
The phone
In your hand
And your inability
To look me in the eyes
Is telling me
That your love for me
Is slipping
Angie Feb 2014
When I can’t sleep
I climb up on the roof
And stare at the stars
I think about my past
I think about my future
The stars make me feel
Like I’m home
Even when I’m lost
Angie Feb 2014
I wonder how many stars there are
I bet the number
Would take your breath away
Like you take mine
Every day
Angie Apr 2014
I never understood why
girls cried over boys
until razor blades took
my best friend away
from me.
I drove around
then I bought one
of those energy drinks you hate
and every time
I thought about dying
I took a drink
but it was half empty
before I made it off my street.
So I ran until I couldn't breathe
and then I ran until
I collapsed on my knees
but I got up and somehow
I made it home and
now I'm washing
you out of my hair,
trying to find you,
are you in my veins?
Or should I carve into my lungs?
You have to be somewhere,
I can't live without you.
I think I understand now.
Angie Oct 2014
You are
The Ocean
And I
Am
Drowning
Angie Apr 2012
Kiss, touch, fingertips brush.
On stage, off stage, in the shop.
Night time, day time, even show time.
A kiss, a touch, and fingertips brush.
Whispers, laughs, photographs.
Sitting, standing, laying down.
They kiss, they touch, their fingertips brush.
On the couch, in the bed, even on the floor.
With him, with her, or with them both.
We kiss, we touch, our fingertips brush.
Angie Jun 2014
I  think the worst part
of missing you
is trying to find you
in coffee
and alcohol
and pills
spilled on the floor
Angie Feb 2014
They told me to write a poem
I drank some coffee
I read some lyrics
This is the best I could do
Angie Mar 2014
You said you were thinking of me
thinking of me? just once
you're thinking of me
Thursday June 6 at 11:55 am?
But why now?

Are you unaware of what this means?
Nothing
everything
I am always thinking of you
Always
Never
You, my first thought when I wake up
Me, a single thought that crossed your mind
Me
You

"I don't want to be a part of your life anymore"
Weeks before
And yet here you are
thinking of me
I am
thinking of you
obvs I wrote this last year oops
Angie Feb 2014
I want to check on you
I want to ask about your day
I want to ask you over for coffee
I want to fall asleep in your arms
I want to remind you I exist
I'm going to sleep now
Angie Jun 2012
Sad eyes singing a haunting melody,
words on paper spelling out her tragedy,
drowning in tears and cigarette burns,
her sorrows screamed out through desperate lips.

Choking and coughing, lungs collapsing,
the world feels like it's ending
and she has nobody to run to,
her ****** wrists pouring out her soul.

Angry at the world for everything,
she opens her heart to show me something,
tragic tales from her memory,
opening up the world of the lost.
Angie Dec 2010
I cried myself to sleep last night,
these tears are all I have.
I cried myself to sleep last night,
you held my heart in your hands.

Everything happens for a reason,
is this part of the plan?
Maybe I'll recover
or else be forced to move on.
My heart is ripped in two again,
and she holds the bigger half.

There is a major fear
of which I seem to have,
a fear of true love,
and a fear of where I've been.
It's sort of been a problem
that I've had right from the start.

The people in my past,
who have hurt me the most,
are the people in my future,
to haunt me like a ghost.

The plan was working perfectly,
until I fell for you.
But the memories were stronger,
they made me come unglued
12.7.10
Angie Jan 2015
The watch
On my wrist
Is ticking
Slowly

Counting down
The seconds
Of silence
Between us
Angie Nov 2013
When you lie awake at night
I want you to write stupid songs about losing me.
At three in the morning when you've cried
Until you can't breathe
I want you to think of me
And all the promises you didn't keep
And maybe you'll write them all down
So you can do better with the next one

When you lie awake at night
I want you to imagine that you're holding me
You'd like that wouldn't you?
And when you've had too much to drink
And you've smoked a full pack
I want you to remember me
And how I steered you towards recovery.

When you lie awake at night
I want you to play your stupid bass
And scream until your lungs burst
With the overwhelming sense of loss
And when nobody is there for you
I want you to remember how I always was
And then you'll realize how you've lost.

When you lie awake at night
I want you to be stuck on me
I want you to never forget
The look on my face as you walked away
And while I'll be flying high
You'll go back to digging your own grave
While you lie awake at night.
Angie Mar 2015
I saw you
walking with her
and I
choked because
I think that I
am in love
with you
and you
are in love
with her
and she
could not
care less
I feel so sick
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