I'm sorry, I care so deeply about you. You have made me feel so deeply, so grateful and special. I wish I felt better, I wish I felt more worthy, I wish you felt I was worthy too... I am sorry. I want you to be happy again. I want your eyes to light up the way they used to when you saw me. I want to feel comfortable with both feet in, I'm sorry I've never committed fully to you, it's something that scares me to the core, like maybe if I jump on board completely I'll sink, maybe I'm not enough and if I give myself completely to someone they'll know, they'll know I'm not enough. I'm sorry I have never given you that, I'm sorry I never made you feel like enough. I will always love you Jeff, I will always want you to be happy, I just don't know how to be okay, I just don't know what to do. I will never forgive myself for how I've hurt you.

So hollow now
You're hungry for another hit
You just needed a little bit
But I'm not your dope anymore
Pupils don't rush to the edges of your eyes no more, eager to meet mine
Baby she's a dime
**** her into your blood stream
Stuck in some pipe dream
She hits you hard baby
And you like it
maybe

I woke up in a cool sweat with tangles in my head.
hands shaking ever so slightly
the sheets kicked off my bed.
I tried to swallow hard,
holding back a scream
the beeping of my clock
helped me escape from my bad dreams.

Have you ever caught a Firefly,
Cupped between your fingers on humid summer nights?
And have you ever put one hand in front of the other,
Trying to keep a lady bug from crawling off of them?
Or picked up worms out of puddles in the rain,
So they wouldn’t drown?
And do you ever feel butterflies,
Their perfect wings,
Flitting against your stomach.
Did you feel butterflies
When you saw me?

It’s too hot to sleep, and so I’m sitting on the curb. A mosquito whispers in my ear and I lazily sweep her away, I don’t have time to listen.  Not tonight. Not now when his breath is stained with alcohol, not when his eyes are red from restless nights. Wakeless nightmares. He sits on the curb in silence--sitting next to me--hunched over, his spine silhouetted on his skin. And we sit there for hours, exchanging no words, only breaths. Each taking a turn breathing in a little poison.

Her fingers dance
Inches from the flashlight.
Inches from the bottom bunk wall
And like magic,
A bunny I could hold in my hand,
A butterfly the size of my face,
A dog, howling at the glow in the dark stars and moon
Pasted on the ceiling.
Tonight we giggle in hushed tones.
Tonight I don't race off to Mamas bed.
Tonight she chases away the bad dreams with shadow puppets

The stars have left us
Replaced by the morning light
Now I close my eyes