It must be nice if the
Worst day of your life
Is really just one day
Mine looks through my windows
It knows my email address
It feeds on my fear
And sleeps in my stress
The worst day of my life
Is eighteen months long
So far, and I don’t know
If I can go on
In this sleepless nightmare
Each day is the same
Many more months of worst days
And I’ll go insane

People ask me
‘What have you been up to?’
And I say ‘staying alive’
People find it funny
Another silly joke from
Silly little me
But it’s not a joke at all
For here I am
On a Wednesday afternoon
Eating a cheese toastie
Instead of killing myself

I’m trying to stand in the sun
But your moonlit ******
Hooks my heart
I love the warmth on my skin
But your voice is akin
To musicians
Plucking beats in my soul
Thumping and twanging
When I say I want soft notes
Am I a liar or a lunatic?
For whatever music I learn
My voice only sings in tune to you
I’m trying to lie in the sun
But your night is all I know

Love isn’t even the word
There isn’t a word
For how my soul
Rests in the chaos
Of your world
Love isn’t even the feeling
Love isn’t enough
For how my hands
Want nothing but
To lay on you
I don’t even mind
What you think of me
Just see me sometimes
How I see you
Love me sometimes
Or pretend to
Treat me as bad as you can
As you do
And I my love, will still love you

Oh it can all be so perfect
To be one with myself
And so two with any of you
Only my voice is song
Only my hands are healers
Seeing for myself is my only sight
Oh it can all be so wonderful
Living for myself
And not at all for you

As I take a reluctant step
Outside the endless circle
That is our one sided love story,
I can see that you were never
Running the race alongside me.
The circle drawn by only
My footsteps. Dragging, tired
And restless round the same
Old road is dusty and old.
As I pull my heavy heart
Outside the reach of your radar,
Which has ****** me back
With magnet force each time I’ve
Left before.
I see that though you and you alone
Have been the driving source
Of all my life for nearly 2 years now,
You are just fine without me.
The circle was mine alone.

I may as well have ‘fragile’
Tattooed on my forehead.
For I am basically
A cardboard box,
Brimming with ceramics,
Glass and priceless art.
Just asking to be dropped
And to tumble down the stairs.
One wrong move and you’ll
Have nothing left to put up
On your walls.
Be careful with me when you go,
Or what’s the point in all that bubble wrap at all?