Remembering my old life, the life I lived before it all came crashing down,
I remember the plans I had and how hard I had worked to make sure the future that I saw before my eyes unfolded the way I wanted it too.

I remember how much it hurt when I saw it all crumbling down before my eyes.
How I had to mourn the loss of my old life.
How I now mourn for my old self...

I had to pick myself back up, gather up the broken pieces of my shattered heart and soul, and one by one, piece them back together with tape and glue and whatever I had nearby.

I have built myself back up and now I am finally looking forward in life.
I am ready to build up my new future.

The past is far behind me.
I won’t let it stop me from my new life and my new future.

As I light these candles to send lay to rest my old life, one by one, I watch the flames go out,
Sending off the old me.
Honouring him, for choosing life and for choosing to fight on.

Listen here, little buddy... You may rest now,
I've got this. I'll take it from here.

When I look at you, it’s like I’m looking through the viewpoint of a kaleidoscope…

All those random, scattered and sometimes broken pieces, coming together to form something breathtaking, majestic and beautiful.

That is how I see you. To me, you are the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen, shattered fragments and all.

And I love all of those pieces as well, because they come together to make you who you are.

Your heart, soul, essence and light have always remained so soft and elegant, so radiant and delicate.

I will always love every single piece of you, no matter what they look like.

I will always love you, my little kaleidoscope.

You know what???

I think you knew… You knew what you had.
You knew how good I was and what I deserved.

I think you felt it. Sensed it.
You knew I could do better…

But once the addiction of a having a loving man hit you,
You knew you couldn't lose me.
You needed me.

I became your safety, serenity and warmth in this cold, darkened world…

So….. you broke me. You broke me down every single day.
Making me think it was my fault.
Like I was not good enough for you…
You broke me down every day I stayed
Bit by painful bit, casting storm clouds above my head that hid my true worth,

And only when you FINALLY walked away, did I begin to see,
How much I truly deserve in this life.
How much damage you truly cast upon me.

But, as time went on, I healed.

As I shed the negative energy of you, I picked up my broken pieces and put myself back together...

And now??? I am getting what I crave...

So, you watch, as I finally get what I deserve,

And you are left in the dust…

Why do I make the choice, every single day, to keep on living???
To keep on fighting, every single storm I ever go through…
Fighting every single day, to make it to the next…

Well….


I have a story.
I have a voice.
And I will never be silent…

And my voice, my story,

Can change the lives of others.
I can give them hope, for victories in their battles.
I can be a light on their darkest days.
I can protect them from facing the battles that I have faced…

I lived today, so I could be a protector…
I can help change the script in the story of someone’s life…
I can help brighten the pages, soon to be written.

This, is why I fight…
This is why I live.

Healing is glorified

They make you think healing is sweet, soft, delicate.
They show the end result, when you finally open your eyes after a long rest, feeling better and ready for life…

But really, healing the hardest process to go through

You feel so much, you relive the past. You wonder about the future and what it holds.

Sometimes, it breaks you down to your knees.

Healing is messy. Healing is painful. Healing is hard

Healing can feel like you are fighting a war, some days losing that war.
And some days winning it.

But in the end, healing is worth it

When you wake up on the other side and the sun is shining on you and you feel more free than you ever have.

When the burdens of the past cease to exist and the weight of the world you once carried on your shoulders fades into oblivion.

Some day, that is what I wish for you, and for myself.
That we are free, unburdened, unchained, by the events of our past.

My life is like a book.

Each day, words - etched into the pages of the book of my life.

Words, moments. In this ever growing tale.

Years = chapters….

Each new year - The next chapter in the book.

The Last chapter, Love, Sadness, Heartbreak, …

… Hope, Strength, Resilience.

Victory.

As rough as the battle was, victory was still achieved.


Now… Get ready for the next great chapter,

In the book of MY life…