i need to drive away
i need to get out
i need to explore
i need to experience
i need to scratch a never-ending itch
i need to pop the bubble
i need to be free

but i can’t

i have been tossed into a sea of the thickest honey
i have been stitched into the fabric itself
i have been locked in a cold metal box
i have been thrown into the ocean with a weight
i have been stabbed and cut into pieces
i have been drowning for years
i have been strangled every second of every day

i am suffocating

i don’t belong here

its like a box
slowly growing smaller
and encroaching my mind

its like an entire lifetime of sugar and fast food
waiting to fill my arteries
and suppressing my blood and bones

its like a chaotic muddle of yarn
tangled around me
and suffocating my soul

its killing me
but its also killing you

i keep wishing for the adventure
filling the time with inevitable annoyance
and trying to forget, like they all say

you see my unhappiness
and try to fix it,
try to fill the voids of unhappiness

but it can’t be fixed

because i don’t belong here
because its killing me
because its killing you

Take someone
far away,
take them on a journey
through more than words,
but by their absence.

or at least
that's what we all

wish.


See,
Words put a box,
a name,
on feelings
on emotions
that deserve
to be free.

I know what I need to say
but I don't have the time,
the energy,
or the words
to say it

Why does everyone focus
so intently
on the monetary value
as if nothing else
mattered?

with so much given
comes an unexpected addition -
stress-giving,
anxiety ridden,
pressure inducing -

upholding the expectations
and surpassing them
to make everyone else's efforts
worth it

It's not about you
escaping life.

It's about not letting
life escape
**you.