you stuffed the sharpest fragments of your past
deep into the pockets of that green coat
so that they couldn’t pierce you anymore

sometimes in conversation, your hand shifts towards a pocket
I give the gesture attention, so you go ahead and reach in

the memory you pull out, you hold before you like a line-up
I tell you I’m not taking mental-picture mugshots

all I want is to hold the parts of your past that hurt the most
and grace them with my tears

for when I look at you, I see a girl with the courage
to pick the broken fragments of her shattered self off the floor
and piece them back together

I see a girl who dares to ask the deepest questions of life
because she has already been broken
and is not afraid of the answer

I'd
Like
To
Describe
Your
Beauty
But
You
Are
Ineffable

Piper
Best bro I've had
Sweet, black Goldendoodle
Respect, laid back philosopher
Cool dog

I pour myself
a glass of
Klonopin water
and chase it down
with a handle of
cheap *****
and a cigarette.

I move slowly
and stand in front
of my bathroom mirror
and watch my eyes
change from
bloodshot
to
blackout

and I ghostwalk
to the bottom
of my mind,
the venom slowly
filling my veins
and I dive deeper
into this hideous
numbness.

I ate a taco the other day and smiled because I couldn't think of what side of the fence to stand on in war and love and self defense.





And I am okay with that.

staring at a blank sheet of paper
expecting the words to just appear
my emotions to raw to form
into the letters needed to express.

beating at my chest i pull and tear
begging and screaming into the night
trying to get a grasp on to any courage
I might have so to tell you
that everything i need
everything i want
is just you

Desperately clinging to pen and paper
needing to write it all down
this inconsolable loneliness i have without you
how the world was just black and white
then i met you and it was like seeing color
so vivid and bright, for the very first time

how just the slightest touch from you
ignites a fire under my skin
bringing life into the dead world i live in
and gives me a reason to go on

still so much to say but there isn't enough
words to describe what I feel for you
if you ever doubt anything i do or say
just have faith in my words here
for they are the truest i've ever spoken
no matter what, i'll always love you.