if i was a pearl i’d feel itchy scratchy stuck inside an oyster shell if i was a tree i’d  be a big fat redwood fantasizing about Julia Butterfly Hill living and peeing around me if i was a dog i’d be a Catahoula hound if i was Italian i’d be Sicilian if i was pasta i’d be spaghetti if i was Icelandic i’d be Bjork if i was a rock star i’d be Elvis Presley Bob Dylan Jimi Hendrix Jim Morrison John Lennon Bruce Spingsteen Maynard James Keenan if i was i writer i’d be Herman Melville Mark Twain James Joyce William Faulkner Thomas Bernhard Yukio Mishima Naguib Mahfouz Phillip K. **** Gabriel Garcia Marquez Annie Proulx Lydia Davis if i was a poet i’d be Walt Whitman Sylvia Plath Ted Hughes Gwendolyn Brooks Pablo Neruda  Heather McHugh Carl Sandburg Robert Frost Arthur Rimbaud Dante Alighieri Homer if i was a painter i’d be Leonardo Da Vinci Michelangelo da Caravaggio Johan Vermeer Rembrandt van Rijn Paul Cezanne Marcel Duchamp Jackson ******* Mark Rothko Ad Reinhardt Anselm Kiefer Susan Rothenberg if i was a photographer i’d be Man Ray Ansel Adams Edward Weston Diane Arbus Robert Mapplethorpe Sally Mann Helmut Newton Richard Avedon Annie Leibovitz if i was a philosopher i’d be Socrates Plato Aristotle Jean Jacques Rousseau Sören Kierkegaard Immanuel Kant Karl Marx Georg Hegel Friedrich Nietzsche Henry David Thoreau Ralph Waldo Emerson  Jean-Paul Sartre Jean Baudrillard Michel Foucault if i was a singer i’d be Woody Guthrie Otis Redding Grace Slick Bob Marley Joni Mitchell Marvin Gaye Johnny Cash Patsy Cline June Carter Patti Smith Chrissie Hinde Nick Cave P J Harvey Beyonce if i wa a band i’d be Velvet Underground Ramones *** Pistols Clash Cure Smiths Joy Division Uncle Tupelo Pixies Nirvana Nine Inch Nails Madrugada Sigur Ros White Stripes Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra Justice of the Unicorns if i was a boot i’d be Chippewa Frye Ariat Red Wing Tony Lama Wellington if i was a shoe i’d be Christian Louboutin Jimmy Choo Kedds Chaco Chuck Taylor p f flyer if i was a dress i’d be Channel Dolce & Gabbanna Giorgio Armani Marc Jacobs Comme des Garçons if i was a cowboy shirt i’d be H bar C Rockmount Temp Tex Karman Wrangler Levis Strauss Lee if i was a hat i’d be a Stetson Borsalino Stephen Jones if i was a fruit i’d be a mango apple banana blackberry if i was an scent i’d smell like fresh perspiration jasmine sandalwood ylang ylang the ocean if i was a doctor i’d be a gynecologist neurosurgeon if i was a flower i’d be a hibiscus rose orchard if i was a stone i’d be a sparkling ruby diamond opal if i was a knife i’d be a k-bar switch-blade machete if i was a gun i’d be a Remington Winchester Beretta Glock AK-47 if i was a car i’d be a Lamborghini Ferrari BMW Saab Volkswagen GTO Ford Mustang Dodge Challenger if i was a  TV show i’d be Law and Order if i was actor i’d be Charlie Chaplin Humphrey Bogart Steve McQueen Robert De Niro Ed Norton Shawn Penn if i was an actress i’d be Marlene Dietrich Ingrid Bergman Natalie Wood Audrey Hepburn Marilyn Monroe Helen Mirren  Meryil Streep Brigette Fonda Robin Wright Julianne Moore Angie Harmon if i was a female comedian i’d be Gilda Radner Lily Tomlin Nora Dunn Joan Cusack Sarah Silverman Tina Fey if i was a  football player i’d be Sid Luckman George Blanda Walter Payton **** Butkus Mike Singletary Joe Montana Jerry Rice Payton Manning LaDanian Tomlinson  Drew Breeze if i was a celebrity i’d be Charlotte Gainsbourg if i was a rapper i’d be Tupac Shakur if i was a movie director i’d be Sam Peckinpah Robert Altman Stanley Kubrick Roman Polanski Werner Herzog Rainer Fassbinder Louis Bunuel Alfred Hitchcock Jean-Luc Godard François Truffaut if i was a bird i’d be a eagle hawk sparrow bluebird if i was a fish i’d be a dolphin shark narwhal Charlie the tuna if i was breakfast i’d be a French toast pancake folded in half with 2 strips of bacon in between if i was a cold cereal i’d be snap crackle popping rice crispies shredded wheat cheerios oatmeal if i was tea i’d be Japanese green matcha Irish breakfast Tulsi Thai holy basil Lapsang souchong Luzianne Lipton if i was a soap i’d be French hand milled ayurvedic Avon Ivory Dove Pears Aveda  if i was a man i’d be a football basketball baseball tennis swimmer athlete if i was a woman i’d be a track star runner writer painter gardener doctor nurse yoga mom i'm just scratching the surface and the beat goes on lahdy dah dah

I wake up nightly just to ***
I start before I'm there
It might seem strange
But as I age
I really do not care

I wake up to the alarm clock
My back's sore and I ****
My hips are screaming meanies
My chest hurts near my heart

I stumble to the bathroom
Like I did two times last night
My knees are cracking loudly
My head don't feel quite right

My vision is all blurry
My right arm is all numb
Three fingers are all tingly
I've a funny feeling in my ***

My shoulders ache like crazy
I sound like rice crispies with cold milk
I stumble and I bumble
I move as smooth as silk

All of this together
Means I'm alive for one more day
Getting old is ******
What more is there to say?

This is
Almost all.

Cereal.
12 bites chocolate koala crispies
Chris along with some horizon
fat-free organic milk
but again 12 bytes.
Short stack flapjacks
Safeway maple syrup drenching it.

Patrick's IRA send it
One hot fudge sundae
from McDonald's
one half bite of hot fudge.
Six bytes of salsa recipe.
Four microwaved Chinese potstickers
Some HighC
orange lovers
I also ate Mark's soup

25 Cheetos
Xcessive?
I also ate some
of my accent.

One can Wolfgang Puck
used as a base
added some roasted
breast chopped
roughly 2 wings
scanner on onion
red rock refrigerator
did an onion
rings tile cut.

Think I know I'm
sorry sweetie
they are kind.

Honey.

12 bites chocolate koala crispies
Chris along with some horizon
fat-free organic milk
but again 12 bytes.
Short stack flapjacks
Safeway maple syrup drenching it.

Patrick's IRA send it

1 hot fudge sundae
from McDonald's.
1/2  bite of hot fudge
4 bites soft serve.

6 bytes of salsa recipe.
4 microwaved Chinese
potstickers some
HighC orange lovers

I create Mark's suit.

1 can Wolfgang Puck
used as a base
added some chicken
******* roasted
chopped roughly
Spoon cut.

2 wings
25 Cheetos
Xcessive?
I also ate
my accent.

Scan him some onion
red rock ringed
Reiterate Beings
tile cut.

Think I know I'm
sorry sweetie
they are kind



Of sinking.

Rice crispies for breakfast
for lunch and for dinner
for supper, rice crispies
and
I am getting thinner,

the doctor says,
I'm going through a phase
and that one of these days
I'll snap, crackle and pop
right out of it.

Today I wake n baked with the world.
I stepped outside into the 11 o clock sun and let my eyes adjust,
"Hello clouds, lookin good, hows it hangin?"
They didnt answer, they never do.
But they did me a solid and stuck around for me to look at.
I sat down on the second step and put my **** down next to me. I took a deep breath and looked around at the fenced in yard and grass that needed cutting but the spring weather wont permit it lately. I remember when there was no fence, the now slight dip in the yard was a crater, and when the skirting was missing after numerous hurricanes. Rosie followed me down and went on to lay in the sun for a while.
I took a hit and held it in, the warmth a familiar feeling in my lungs, I smiled and exhaled into the sun.
After I was finished coughing and whatever song was on ended it was too serene for me to ruin with more rap music at the moment.
There were honeybees and there were wasps everywhere in the grass, hunting, very active. I never noticed how graceful and well equipped wasps are until I was able to observe and appreciate one for more than a pain bringing nuisance. I watched as a wasp flew around my foot then off into the grass clearly not interested in me.
He landed on a piece of grass mid flight and quickly crawled around under the grass, im assuming hunting. Regardless it was cool and ive never seen that, I saw other wasps doing it and started thinking about the fact that they are the only real insect predator in my yard I think. There are probably others like spiders and stuff but wasps seem the most prevalent, and the most determined.
As I stopped focusing so much on the wasps I noticed it seemed like the grass was talking. It sounded like it was making that "snap crackle pop" noise from rice crispies or whatever that cereal is. Im not sure what the noise really was but I would swear the grass was just saying hello.
On closer examination maybe it was singing hello? The noise was lovely, almost enchanting.
Idk but I prolly sound crazy, oh well.

I ponder
Through the murky wasteland
Trying to clear the clatter
That rattles in my mind

Ill call out to my ideas
But it seems
That it prefers
Tranquility
Over the epiphanies
That seem to
Snap,
Crackle,
POP!
To the rhythm
Of the Rice Crispies
I had this morning

"I have no clue what to write."

Maybe if I rubbed my head
It could get
All of the Knots
Out of my Knoty head

My hand
Connected with pen
Feels tongue tied
To the cotton *****
That spring
Out of my imagination
And lands onto
Um.... What?

"I need to take a walk"

All in the munch
A bowl full in a bunch
Milk adding to the moist
But you have a choice
Breakfast cereal being your morning start
Feel nourished then depart
Your day will have begun
Feel energized like the Star Trek Enterprise
Meeting your destiny
Yes Rice Crispies maybe tiny
But the taste is uncanny.

How come you
dance so_ good
Don't do a Tina Turner
Table dance on me
Whats love got to do
with fads
Never know what you
had_
Fads Like P-op-Sugar
Lads Like Laptop- sister
Austrian lads
Alice-y Mads

A spoon full
of sugar
helps her
meds go
down
Jewels 4 Julie in the
most delightful
way
Dogs named
Andrews those
honey cashews

She pops
crackle Rice
crispies
For her Nephews
Over-sugared curfew
Julia Roberts her
business flew
Perk up (Pretty Women)
Not!! first class?
Money VIP Pass
Cafe hot and
boiling
His temper bad
habits spoiling

You cannot buy
a girl
off with
((Pricetags))
The ending
with no
friends so sad
Beginning

Sugar is your
poison that depends

No, I love you
Valentine cards
No hello and regards
Go Cincinnati
Rock and Roll
Hall of Fane*
Fads **** and Jane
spots her men
Her engraved
hands classical
Vivaldi opera
Pops with Pavarotti
To the love wall
Sweet Sardi
Please  no
Godfather Gotti

The Godmother
tutti fruity

Or Sardinia
Miami Beach
Pop  bikini's
Come together
words Beatles
I want to hold your
_?

Talking heads
Caramelly popcorn
Christmas ghost past
Talking to herself
Will this love
ever last
Like a hard toffee
She could soften
any hallway

Harvard Men
Freshman
Chewing fad
of spearmint
Gum
No etiquette
Men of bourbon
Spicy sweets
Ladies festive
turbans
Hotel tons of sweets
At the Marriott
Sweet Brandy doll
Marionette

Raw or
Angel equal
brown sugar

The finest of crepe
Suzette like a sequel

When my gut starts bursting
From the blue button up shirt
That my friend just bought me
And Walking a few blocks
Leaves me wheezing
Well at least I know that I’m alive

When I nick the tip of my chin
Barely piercing my aging skin
And a tiny droplet starts falling
Then at least I know I am alive

When I bust my knee
From falling upstairs
While I’m trying to run
Tripping up like
Your two year old son
Well at least I know I am alive

When my vision blurs
And my back cracks
Like I got a pair of spurs
Clacking and smacking
Pop, snap, crackling
Like a bowl of rice crispies
Causing a severe state of pain
At least I know I am alive

When my brother and best friend
Go doing that grave dancing
Dirt napping coffin trapping trend
I will cry to see them die
But at least I will know that I am alive

When my memories start to go
Till I don’t know
Who you are
Or where I am
And I forget my brilliant
Exit plan
Losing the best of what I was
And not what I am
Well, **** man
If the Alzheimer’s kicks in
I won’t be able to remember
What I was just saying
So, put me on that morphine drip
Let my consciousness mist up and slip away
Cause on that day
I’m not going to say
At least I am alive

It was an ****** thought
Of Milk and Rice Crispies
With a yearning between out eyes
The first time is magic

I try to contain it....
In a sealed box in the attic of my dark mind,
I try to push through my depression,
But this anger has become an obsession,

They say:
"Be cool, be the better person"
Well I'm sorry to disappoint I just DONT wanna be that!
I've been that, I still I get scorched while deceitful liars are well off,

Im bout squash that,
I'm done waiting that ***** karma be taking her sweet- *** time while I'm steady decaying,
Waiting for my piece of the cake,
So I'll speed up this process,
**** I'll bake the whole cake,
Keep your slice,
It's time for them to pay the price,

I've been waiting,
Anticipating for the day I finally let loose this demon I've been controlling,
She's now famished,
And ****** thirsty,
She's that other me that gives no *****,

**** your two-sense it is useless,
I have lost reason,
And all I see is RED,
Painted concrete with your **** brains,
Your ****** up ways have had a viceral effect to the point I'm almost puking,

Just the thought of you right now,
Makes me ravenous & I fantasize about taking that long lovely hair,
Tieying a 13 knot noose to hang you from it,

Twist your bowels,
Snap your spine,
Hear them go SNAP CRACKLE & POP like a bowl of rice crispies,
Squeeze the air right out of your lungs...
Gimme four minutes to **** the oxygen to your brain and YOU'RE DONE!

Better yet here is a gun,
You basically shot yourself in the foot when you ****** UP!
But if you'd like I can always sever a main artery and give you 14 mins til you bleed out,

You have turned me into this ruthless savage....
There's no turning back,
I was already in the brink of Darkness,
But when you turned your back on me again I was DONE!
Done with you and humanities *******