Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Vivian Pennock Apr 2015
Poets have been lying to me. I can't reach out and grasp constellations with my bare words and I am not the deep blue sea that you think I am. I am a dried up stream of self doubt and I am just a rough draft that was tossed aside because it's clearly not worth working on. I am that short straw no one wants to pick. But godammit all I want is to be that one who shines brighter than the sun or who you are at a loss for words with and I want you to see the infinite possibilities in my eyes and not the sad wreck that is actually there. And god is there anything I wouldn't do to make those words dance on the page again just for you but instead I am at a loss for anything or anyone  when all I pray for is love, for even a single friend in this empty world because ****, I can't look at you without imagining what won't be.
I need advice on how to improve this one i dont think i like it just yet
  Feb 2015 Vivian Pennock
LJ Chaplin
Inject me,
Pierce the skin
And it let it merge
With blood cells and
Bacardi,
Press your lips against mine
And slip the pill onto my tongue,
Don't pull away until each grain
dissolves
Stacks of cash
From selling love in bottles,
Capsules,
IV drips,
Losing our minds as we
Become entangled in unconsciousness.

But when I wake up you're gone.
Sweaty palms,
Goosebumps,
The fear of relinquishing control,
Or even losing my mind?
We become addicted to the visions
In our head,
The dreams we steal from dark corners
Of the brain
When we are intoxicated,
Yet with each passing of time
We rely on what numbs the pain
Of what we lost.
Vivian Pennock Jan 2015
I still do hate the fact that I just breathed another breath 
And 
I hate the way I have to put my insecurities on someone else 
and 
I hate the way I can't just be happy I am me
And
I hate that having you doesn't fill me with joy
And
I might just be empty
but 
I like the way that time moves on 
and
I like how people forget
And 
I like that I still have you
And
I like the face you make when you try not to smile
And
Don't be offended if I don't smile back
It's just me
Vivian Pennock Jul 2014
This dreary black room
Let's me be alone
To drown
In a pit of fear.
I cannot find the walls, yet I feel them around me,
Crushing,
Consuming,
Eating me alive.
My panicked self runs in every possible direction,
Yet cannot grasp anything.

There is no light at the end of my tunnel.

Limbs pointless yet flailing.
Eyes blinded yet looking.
Heart hopeless yet racing.
Fear consuming yet comforting.
But eventually I fall,
And the darkness
Consumes me whole.
Vivian Pennock May 2014
Oh god
Why am I so shaky?
Oh god
Spilled a few more red dots on the floor.
Oh god
Better rinse the blade.
Oh god
I better
Stop
I mean
Make them collide again.
Oh god
I should
…..wait.....
I should NOT tell my parents.
Oh god
I need
HELP
I mean yeah I am fine.
I don't cry myself to sleep every night.
Oh god
This feels painful
Wait no
Amazing.
Oh god thank you
for making the cuts take the pictures away.
Even for a minute.
Oh god
Let this feeling stay forever.
And the suicidal thought stay back.
So I can live in peace.
Vivian Pennock May 2014
My parents tell me
"Watch out.
Most poets
Go crazy
And **** themselves."

What if I am
Crazy,
And I'm already
Dead
Inside?
Feeling more depressed and useless than normal... Ugh
Vivian Pennock May 2014
I Lie.
I cheat.
I steal.
This is me.

I lie.
I cheat.
I steal.
Why can I not just tell the truth?
Its so simple.
You say “I love You'
And so do I.
But I don't.
I hate you.
When you say I love you,
I can feel the bugs crawling under my skin.
I want to throw up.
I want to hurt you.
But I don't.
I say “I love you too”
And stomach this anger that is boiling from my past.
Because maybe you
are lying as well.
I lie so much
there is a fog over what is
true
and what is a
lie.
Wait,
how can I even be sure?

I lie.
I steal.
I cheat.
Whoever you are,
I have cheated you
at least once before.
Said.
Done.
Taken.
Given.
To get what I want.
You haven't even realized it yet.
Cheating is an impulse.
I don't notice
until it is too late.
Until the damage
has been done.
Why do I cheat
even though I know
how much it hurts?
Do I like receiving
I mean giving
this pain?

I lie.
I cheat.
I steal.
I don't steal physical things.
Too easy.
I have no desire for these
cursed
wretched
pathetic
things of the world that are supposed to matter.
Instead,
I steal small pieces of
You.
I have stolen your
Sympathy.
Concern.
Innocence.
Judgement.
And the worst part
is that I love it.
How can I steal
when I know what it will do to you?

My cycle of three.
Beautiful
but only to me.
It is deadly
to you.
Builds me up!
Tears you down.
Why are you all so weak?
Have you not seen the real world?
Or is all I see
Hell?
Are you the blind one,
or am I?
Relieving myself through pain.
Intensifying yours.
How can you
look me
in my fiery but blue eyes,
that are filled with hatred,
and say that I have a conscience
when you
don't
even
know
the
real
me?
This one kinda ***** but i got bored in class haha.
Next page