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 1h Man
honest
periodically during breaks i sit down with two of my coworkers.
i forget what prompted the conversation,
but i told one of my coworkers i could tell he had never been in love before.
he asked, "how do you know if i've never said so?"

i explained it overconfidently,
"well, you've told us before when things start to get serious, you start to pull back. i think, if you've experienced love before, you wouldn't be so afraid to feel it again. but also, if you've experienced it and lost it, i think it would show in your perspectives on life, loss, and relationships."

even though i was right about him, i was probably projecting a little.

maybe never experiencing love "for real" is what keeps me open to it. and for someone else, maybe the pain of losing it is enough reason to not want it anymore.

that could never be me—

i'm not scared to get hurt if things fall through again;
i just want a love that's worth the potential heartbreak.
i don't want fear to hold me back from experiencing this thing called "love."
 1h Man
honest
1/8/23
 1h Man
honest
recently i've been a better friend to myself,
accepting that i don't have to replay past situations in my head to rationalize if my actions were fair.

and when i spiral into doubt and regret i reassure myself that i don't have to repeat explanations in my head to try to convince myself that i did the right thing.

i tell myself,
i don't want to love someone
whose love you feel like you have to beg for.
 10h Man
leeaaun
Falling in love wasn't easy with him—
he was trying to rise in love with me.
We were like two currents
in the same river,
one flowing down,
the other reaching up,
both seeking the ocean’s embrace
but from different angles of yearning.

I stumbled into affection,
tripping over my own heartstrings,
while he stood tall,
planting seeds of devotion
in the fertile soil of my soul,
watching them grow slowly,
tenderly,
with the patience of a gardener
who knows that beauty takes time.

His love was not a descent,
not a cascade of emotion,
but a steady ascent,
a climb towards the sun,
lifting me gently,
each touch a rung on the ladder
leading us to the skies.

In his eyes, I saw horizons,
infinite and inviting,
and though I fell,
I found myself rising,
carried by the wings
of his unwavering trust,
his belief that love could soar,
could be an elevation of spirits
intertwined and free.

Together, we learned
that love is not a plunge,
but a shared ascent,
a journey to the peaks,
where we both could stand,
breathing the rarefied air
of a connection
that defied gravity,
turning our hearts into stars,
forever reaching higher,
together.
 13h Man
Pen Lux
tough break, my love
you can't shake my love.
I've awoken to hot rain
skin humid
eyes tired
wanting to see you.

I'm growing, my love
I can't stop, my love.
 13h Man
Pen Lux
fghjk
 13h Man
Pen Lux
today there is time
a handful of options to choose from.
this restlessness has been dissolved
with people that help me to rest
so that this forgetfulness processed.

I found myself chugging down opinions
from people who speak with broken teeth,
finding clarity through curled toes in washed clothes,
roughed up shoes, and coconut stains.
june 2012
 13h Man
Pen Lux
the bark
in my peeling
is revealing
what I'd rather hide

what's inside?
something sweet
yet not a bite

what's in your mind?
held in your mouth
please spell it out

share with your lips
not just in a kiss
what's in your heart
as I tear apart
my present from my past
to move forward at last

I have come to you
and long
to take you
caress you
undress you from within
and return you to my heart
 13h Man
Pen Lux
I grow inside
turned outward
peeled back
savage
flaming
tender

emotional ******
hearts blend to render
me weak to my hearts prayers
my layers wound tight
entangled with fright
of what's right
if it's just a thought
reality it's not
but the thoughts still tickle
tingle
down my spine
into my *****
throbbing
from inside the mind

what's this I find?
my shadow basking in it's pleasures
as I sit and sip my coffee
smoke my spliff
play the same old riff
inhaling the impaling
that plays out in my mind
the same old tune
we played in june
only this time it's me thinking ***** things
feeling guilty that you're not a part of my fantasies
feeling grateful that you're a part of my reality
unsure where you fit
if you fit, and if it feels nice.
 13h Man
Fey
Poets and flowers persist alike
They both bloom and wither away while they align
To the harsh winters, the shifting currents of life
has to offer

Will you gently dance with me
till I too,
wither?

And will you hold my petals
as if you were to
kiss the palm of my hand too
as we both sway away,
as we both drift together?

© fey (16/05/24)
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