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MuseumofMax Mar 22
I overthink everything

and it’s exhausting

I wish I could stop
and I’m trying

But it’s hard to unlearn what used to help me survive

Now it only clouds my mind.

I’m so tired of not being able to enjoy things I love
for fear that they won’t last

I’m tired of worrying about how I will do
on my next test

I’m so mentally drained

My self doubt screams in my ears

You try and tell me to calm down
And I’m sorry because it doesn’t always work

  …

I’m sorry to myself for forgetting how to be care-free

I’m trying to quiet the monsters in my head
and lay down on your chest

I remember the other day what you said
and it made my head hurt a little less

One day I won’t let my anxieties run my life

One day I’ll go beyond my doubts
and my brain can finally rest

No more tests
No more doubts
No more wondering how I can get out

I’ll find the peace I’ve been crying for
and leave behind my worries,
Cast-away, never more

And finally I’ll see
My life was right in front of me
It’s sort of all over the place but I guess that fits the title
Sinking in silence,
My breath is shallow.
Mind is rapid
Yet still so hollow.
'Let it pass'
They say,
Thoughts will subside.
But mine continue
To haunt me inside.
My body is tired,
Brain on fire.
As pressures of life
Raise much higher.
The darkness holds desires
Through life is always there
Presence that never expires
Can always feel his stare

Waiting to take happiness
Step off a ledge to get away
That only brings me more stress
I struggle every day
Depression is always looming overhead just waiting to come back around and bring rain clouds
Anais Vionet Mar 5
The sharpened mind - with care - takes aim
- at university, we play ruthless games.
Where pencils scratch, their graphite gray,
and scholarly answers take the day.

I've finished midterms!
It was like one of those TV shows, ‘survivor’ or something.

Enzyme kinetics, metabolic pathways, protein structures and functions be ****** - no, be double ******.

I’d been working problems raw in dreams, waking up tired.

Sunday, I was so stressed I'd felt calm, like I’d accepted my fate.
I can tell you that now - now that I survived.

“I was strazzled but controlled - there's a difference in how
I struggle internally - and what I let show.” I told Leong.
“Is that why you were yelling at everyone?” she replied.

“Now that midterms are over, I feel luminary,” I informed Leong, “am I glowing?”
She looked up and said, “No.” Communists aren’t sentimental.
Of course I meant luminary in both achievement and radiance.

My Uncle Remy used to tell me:
“Little one, don’t worry about being a failure,
that’s your parent’s job.”

I Love you Uncle Remy.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Luminary: is a person of brilliance or a celestial body.

strazzled = stressed and frazzled

Our cast:  Leong and I.
Leong, (roommate) 20, is from Macau, China and she’s a proud communist ("don’t knock it til you’ve tried it"). She's a ‘molecular, cellular, and developmental biology major.’ We both speak Cantonese, and we talk a lot of secret trash together.

Spring break is in two days - I'm packing for Paris!
Anais Vionet Feb 26
You can only spend so many hours in labs, study groups and classrooms - under relentless, fluorescent lighting - before you start feeling life withdrawal.

When I hit that stresshold, I need to rebalance myself.

I could go to the New Haven harbor - I find the ocean endlessly relaxing - or for a quick fix, I can always rely on the warmth of multicolored product packaging.

For the last one, a grocery store will do. I’ll walk the bright, prismatic cereal aisle, and run my finger gently along the gratuitous, rainbowed variety of selections.

It’s a soothing gesture that I repeat several times. A reminder that there are still beautiful, shiny things out there, on demand, in the uncomplicated, non-academic world.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Gratuitous: unnecessary and over the top
My Dear Poet Feb 26
a tear dropped
from the face of despair
and wove it’s way down
it’s entangled hair
weaving through waves
of dry dead strands
it untangled the knots
the braids and the bands
sliding ever so slowly
soothing out like oil
every curve and curl
of every anxious coil
straightening the stress
as it falls to the ground
shaking your head off the mess
let your hair hang down
Sleepz Feb 10
We wake up to that alarming sound,
Pick up the cellphone

Scroll, Scroll, Scroll
Unread messages, missed calls

The darkness and lonesome of waking up,
Covered, Isolated,
but recharged from the constant stimulus
and daily overload of the senses.

Eyes feel weighted,
Stretching open as if rubber bands hold them shut.

The sound of TVs, Music, Cars,
Technology
Dressing well, presentation is key.

The anxiety of fulfilling plans, responding to emails, presenting your body to wherever it needs to be.  

Enslaved by the concept of time,
the necessary effort to find time for you,
but the feeling of losing, and the learned mentality that tells you to be lazy is to sit.  

In this quiet realm,
listening to ones own thoughts and wondering:
how many of these are a result of influence?  

Where am I?  
Where is me?

Everyday we wear this armor,
ready to battle,
but seeking
peace,
tranquility.

When was the last time you noticed the birds chirp?
The patterns of wind, as is winds up,
and as it winds down.  
As it quiets down enough to hear a pen drop,
and then it leaves you for a moment.
The cold as it triggers goosebumps and lifts the hair on your arms.

The annoyance of grass,
irritating your bare skin as you sit on it,
but you choose tolerance.  

And all of this provokes the realization,
of the constant loop you are in.  
To get here you have to escape.

The expectations of each one of your roles,
Son or Daughter, Man or Woman, Friend or Foe, to choose you or someone else,
Human.
The appoinments of life,
the need to insistingly value your time,
the sin of escaping your daily routine.

Days like these

A machine constantly in motion

To be the free bird that fights for survival,
where a meal is never guaranteed.
Or to be caged,
and fed by the social constructs,
and partake of what is given to you.  

Either way,
A loop is a loop.
British Literacy Analysis - William Blake Inspiration : Woodsworth, Letters of the early spring
David Cunha Dec 2023
Hurdles and trials
Deadlines and bills, stress galore,
Find me an angel
- David Cunha
december 28, 2023
12:34 p.m.
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