In here, You will find years and years worth of memories, some forgotten, some to be cherished eternally.

You will find laughters that I have gathered from my family, my friends and my own.

You will find a closet filled with my smiles in hangers,
Waiting to be used for whatever reason to be accomplished, either for genuinity or for pretend.

You will find this temporary storage for the times I have lost people,
Certain “someones” who I thought would remain in my life for a long time if not forever.

You will find shattered pieces of my heart, that made its way to my mind,
Remembering the hurt that I've experienced and endured, the lessons keeping me grounded but hurting me time and time again.

You will find a broken record that speaks only when it wants to,
My overthinking habit once again plays its opinions as loud as it can.

You will find denial and confusion dancing to the harmony of this broken record,
Like dancers on a stage wearing costumes, my denial and confusion too, disguises itself with trickery that maybe for once, I am finally accepting of what's happening to me and that for once, I am okay with it.  

You will find Lies, Lies, Lies,
Piling on top of each other like a stacking game, I have control but it is a force to be reckoned with,
Eventually it falls and when it does, I become more and more tired of trying to stack the pieces, but where is peace? In the midst of this chaos. I am once again scattered.

You will find an empty room,
But you may not enter here, not anymore,
I have created a barrier...well contributed at least, You may not see it but you can feel it.
This room can be whatever I want it to be, I can label it whatever I want, For it is an empty space in my heart.
You say “It looks absolutely stunning inside, why not let me in?” Please don’t be deceived. Stunning on the outside, yes, but that ironically empty room is filled with darkness inside,
So please No. I may not have known it then what I know now, That the only people I allowed access to this room were trespassers,
Every time I allowed them inside of this room, it only made me hurt.
They said they were builders, they told me they were going to build me up in the most healthy way, that they would teach me how to work on tools that would build my self-love, that they’ll be there whenever I fall apart.
But they lied, they were helping me build a barrier with tools from the pain they gave and the debris of the memories they left. They built up my ego, my pride.
Though, the final touch was my decision to complete this barrier. To shut it off from builders who weren’t worthy of me. I admit that I have forgotten that I am the architect of my body, my soul, myself as a whole. I realize now that I am my own builder, and there is not a single trespasser out there who will ever point me in different directions on how to love myself in my own structure ever again.  

Are you lost? Hold on!
Don't give it up before you even find it.
It's over there, Hope.

You found hope. There's something special about this one. Hope is my very own lighthouse keeper.But like the tides, it rises and falls. Hope is the best at its job. It is at the top of the lighthouse when I feel most ecstatic about something. But it descends slowly with each passing day. But if I am blessed, hope shines brightly enough through my eyes for someone to notice it. Hope is what guides me to itself, my lighthouse in a storm. It safely brings me to wander back home.

I didnt understand
Didnt know
I was broken
Because Ive never known
What it means to be whole

Ive always been
Broken.
But,
I thought we're all whole
Before we break.
Lies
Ive always been
Broken.

You wore your heart on your sleeve
Until you couldn't take the pain anymore.
Then one day, it shattered on the floor.
You could pick it up
And put it back together.
But you can't help but wonder...
"What for?"
Your frustration eventually brings
Tears to your eyes as you realize
That all you want is to feel okay again.
But you're worried if you do,
You could let your guard down
And your heart could break again.
Here's the thing: it doesn't matter
How high or thick your walls are.
You will get hurt one way or another.
So why not let yourself be happy
For awhile.
Go ahead. Have some fun.
Because as far as we know,
You only get one.

looked at you for too long
and then i realized
you are human, too

fallible
uncertain
flawed

piously pined for
palatial splendor i
placed in my dreams of you,
imperfect you

and it's no ones fault
a figure headed facade
fabricated by figments
of my frivolous imagination

put you on a pedestal
made you divine
made you holy

you, the ceiling
high above my head
and i, looking up
in the sistine chapel

untouchable
untarnished

couldn't see the cracks
beneath the varnish

then, close enough to study
a faint fresco with critical eyes
fantasy faded in the fault lines
of your frowning face

looked for too long
until i realized
you were just as broken as me

a collection of shattered pieces
shrouded and shy
once a shrine
now a shriek

wide eyes on you
a sinner, still
i called you sacred

ignoring the nature of
the irreverent, the profane

liked the luster
of longing lingering
on my lips
when i breathed your name

the veil torn
the truth beheld
and you are not god

gambling grief and
gleaming gloom
thought i could be
the sun to your moon

majesty to malignancy
momentarily merciful
moreover cruel

monstrous mr monsoon
after all, human, too

A coffin came my way,
They said, therein you lay;

I could believe them nay,
Until they said they could flay;

Wild I went,
I could not vent;

The expression remaining,
Before it started draining;

I was no longer composed,
I had to be dosed;

You were ethereal,
This had to be surreal;

No enmity could matter,
When everything had shattered;

You had been battered,
When you had me flattered;

I can not apologise,
You have been baptized;

I seek not your forgiveness,
I need not your liveness;

For you’ll always be,
Right here, in my heart;

I woke up, to find you gone,
For EVER in your zone..

I need not repent,
For I have your scent;

Your memories alive,
Shall always thrive;

You were one of a kind,
Never out of your mind;

It is not cowardice,
For it requires courage;

It shall not be despised,
For it was your suffrage..

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has the heart to hold me?

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has the guts to save me?

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has a mind that can see me?

Lost in confusing feelings
A heart not knowing is a heart that can't see clearly
All desires of the dangerous
Blinded by love, crisp hatred and faith.
Launched in agony,
Apathy encompassing creativity
Glow under the canopy of the great.

From shattered bits of mirrors
and mirroring hearts made of steel,
Gold white plain's
Recomposing the one that I am,
The essence away with the one wholeheartedly loved...
Duty remains duty,
Love will be love
And hatred will find a reason
If not for the sake of the game then for what?

Assumed life,
Assumed reasons to carry on with
Until the hearts melt away,
Feelings storming with no option to make you pay
For their hunger,
Active in their wait for your decline,
Sick, tired and paced with your light feat
You disappear in the haze of vapours
Caused by luxurious rain.

Heart of shattered dreams,
Illusions on all screens: Possibilities screams!

Heart of mine, broken, blue,
                                               cry for the love lost.

For the pride of your greatest, the mightiest,
                             your beloved.

Admiring your strength, your truth,
                                                             in times of loneliness, no despair,
Heart of darkness, heart of wishes, desires and hopes.
                             Melting away,
Giving life to a soldier,
                                      worthy.

What to do for you, dear?
Do deserve your kingdom, of broken hearts, loose, lovely!

Fake happiness, turning into a real miracle,
Your soul says it all, there's no need of cruelty call.

Life to create out of nothing, out of shame, out of something...
Examples to take.

"Did I expect anything else from you?
How dared I?"
(to know, to care, to hope)
Believing was probably my greatest mistake,
Not
"Problem causing distress
                                          more agony .(?).
Sure!"

Bring it on, ready for one more fight?
Yes, I was trained right!
Do I care?!

Heart of shattered hopes,
Illusions, dreams and lores,
Realities for people to live.
Humans to love...

Did I expect anything better from you?
(For my own sake)
                                 I hope I did not!

Two strangers become lovers
The tension thick as ice
One whispers out a simple hello
In hopes of a response
Both craving affection

Each immersing themselves into mystery
Joy overlaps the loneliness
But eventually the darkness will creep back in
For every demon returns

Head in the clouds
Living on a sugar high
Ignorance preventing an escape
Oblivious to reality setting in
The two shattered within