I am not up on the bima
A cantor sings in his baritone voice that I do not have and I am not up on the bima

I am not up on the bima
“What’s the right choice to make as Jews?” the rabbi asks and I am not up on the bima

I am not up on the bima
I cut my hair and I “don’t have time” so I am not up on the bima

I am not up on the bima
It isn’t fair I’m scared of what’s mine and I am not up on the bima

How can I be up on the bima?
Sacrificing myself? Do you want to cut me in half so I can be up on the bima?

How can I be up on the bima?
I stand back by the shelves, away from the staff and I am definitely not up on the bima.

When will I be up on the bima?
Next Shabbat or years from now when I am welcome up on the bima?

When will I be up on the bima?
When my life is taught, all of it, not just some when I am up on the bima

I see others up on the bima
There’s never beings like me up on the bima

I see others up on the bima
Then I start seeing YOU up on the bima

I am not up on the bima
But YOU are.  You’ve cut your hair, but you are not scared and YOU are up on the bima

I am up on the bima
Through your spirit because we are all one when there is someone up on the bima

I am up on the bima
Because you are there and we share not only a G-d but a pride in ourselves standing tall up on the bima

I am up on the bima
And if there is one place I belong, it’s: UP ON THE BIMA

Labelist theory states:
If a person is labeled something they are not and they don't agree with, one day they will stop defending themselves and be exactly what they are accused of being.

I'm being called an arsonist by a jury of my peers. By a jury of people who hang with me but now listening to someone who solely wants to see me dangling. I find myself constantly trying to protect my image like copyrights. But no matter the protection plan I enstate, I always find my name somewhere being defaced. I guess respect, loyalty and friendship wasn't enough to protect something like that. If it is then why am I catching charges. Why am I catching OJ treatment when yall say I will be missed like Ladanian on the chargers. Why is action only taken when the news say to take someone out like Michael Vick and not when a player asks you to look at the real problem like Colin Kaepernick. Maybe I'm not the one on trial, maybe this trial was a trial and error to see if this jury was a jury of my peers in the first place. And if this is the case then this a mistrial because I won't allow people who say they will miss me like Ladanian to the chargers be the same ones to take everything I worked with to another area code and call it by the same name. You can foot me the Bills because this is a OJ glove that I see fit. I am arsonist to the ties we had because that same rope won't be my nuse. I set fire to all your expectations of me because I won't watch my name get defaced like your personal property anymore. I accept your label for me with open arms because there is some borderline truth behind every sterotype, rumor, or lie because I have found mine.

I burn **** between my lips.
one by one.
******* them down with skill.
Skull to lungs,
ashes to ashes.
I am the smoke of myself that  
gathers deep inside
and prowls out, darkly
like faceless men at night
sunken in city pavement,  
pacing towards desire.
And so the word saunters and spirals,
clouding upwards
from my red hot tongue.
I watch it as it leaves me.
I lick my lips of the sting,
and ash drips on my shoe.
I take a deeper breath.
and look ahead.
perhaps smiling,
perhaps darkly.
As it twists itself into nothingness,
sinking headlong,  
like the private history that it is,
into the ignorant, pretty sky above.

You praised my heart and helping hand
And for the longest time I could not understand
How any of that could make me special
Until you used those words to describe her
And how perfect she is.

And that is the paragraph on how you broke my heart for the first time ever.

But even in my darkest hour, my darkest day
Your doings could not take my humor away.
I am more than what you did to me,
I am more than what you made me feel.

Even when you broke my heart
I could not be mean enough to try and tear you apart.
I cried so many tears,
But for the next few years
I wished you only the best.

Even after you left that gaping hole
Right there in the very centre of my soul,
I could not hate you, never hate you
Because I loved you, always loved you
Beyond your kind heart and helping hands
Your everlasting patience and my high demands
You understood me like no one else had ever done
You listened to me when I was undone
You cared for me when I broke down
And then you took my heart, my very crown.

You broke my heart, my spirit, my pride
But the one thing you could never take from me is my reflex to fight
I'll fight your impact, your demeanour, what you made me feel
I'll reclaim what you took me from me and reveal
Once and for all what I know to be my greatest strength
My love for myself. And that can really
For real
Unlike you
And what I once allowed myself to feel for you
Last the entire length.

that ocean
yeah
cried that one
land reclamation now underway

@journeyofdays

One man alone...emerges
seeking to claim His own

Barely, yes
but still breathing

Desolations disgrace
is what has been shown

Clawing up from where
crushingly abandoned

Sure to escape
the horror the man
He has known

Describe Him
despicable rejected
Quite altogether forlorn
Surely far lower
than hopeless

Still advancing steadily on

There is not one
that He can call out to
Neither friend
nor family or home

Ignoring
the laughter of cynics
Oblivious
to the jeering of scorn

The continuous
critical whispers
only lengthen the sojourn He is upon

But still through
the music of His conscious
His soul cries
a sad quiet groan
The total
incalculable sorrow
of all the man He has borne

Finding
yet always pursuing
Searching for all
His destiny has sworn

One man alone......emerges
Seeking....... and sure
to reclaim His Own.

-R.

(06)
TX