The past two days were recklessly engorged with alcohol.
Intoxication has become habitual. Each weekend, drowning one's self in an illusion of joy and folly; The jester entertaining not Kings nor Queens, but the ****, the weak, to deceive the empty crowd in my mind that I matter to someone. But matter is fleeting and we, myself and the abyss, understand the plight of today; waking up to nothing-- the empty abyss for which I am well acquainted with. Simply put, I am revisiting my old home from a not so distant past. The only difference between then and now is the relentless bottoms of empty glasses and a false sense of security and composure.

sly masked marauder
recklessly raucous raccoon
~ the final frontier






Mark Toney © 2021

I have a crush on death
And it's growing every day

                 I grab the bottle

Maybe its time to slip away
Into the darkness
Let the pain swallow me up

                 I take off the top

My thoughts would slow and
Soften to a hum

                 I reach for the rope

My eyes would close for the last time
I never have to see myself again

                  I tie the noose

How wonderful it would be
To never have another thought
To never hear my voice again
To finally make it stop

                  I revise my note
  . .
   . .
    . .

But
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude reality

                  I put the bottle away
                  I untie the rope
                  I place the note with the others

        Take a deep breath and
        Keep these moments to myself

we had a risky kind of love

a young kind of love

a reckless kind of love

a “we don’t know where we’re going
but get in my passenger seat
and we’ll know when we get there”
kind of love

a skinny dipping

crazy adventures

endless road trips
kind of love

a “there’s so much to do.
but touch me and just for tonight,
let’s forget about everything else”
kind of love

a smoke clouds

red eyes

breathe me in
and hold me there
kind of love

a “the world is scary
but hold onto my hand
and you’ll be fine”
kind of love

a late night drives

flushed cheeks

“shut up and kiss me”
kind of love

we had a risky kind of love
but *******
it was so worth the risk

why would you smoke a cigarette
but leave half of it dropped onto the sidewalk?

“our cigarette butts leave signs,”
you told me,
“I threw it there to
let others know that
I can control my bad habits.”

this is who you are.
you’re the type of person
who leaves cigarette butts on concrete
to scream “I was here.”

you’re the type of person
who purposefully lives an unfinished life
for the world to wonder
what you would’ve done
if you had more time.

this was the same way you left me.
halfway through our dreams and goals,
only to find out that I loved you
wholeheartedly, obsessively, and recklessly,
while you walked away
with a mouthful of tobacco smoke
and halfway love.

A deep breath in
Let my world collapse
And rebuild on its own

Tear down those walls
By the bricks that I laid down
Tear down those walls
With the light of her world

It was perfectly reckless
The way you left me defenseless
You broke me in
Then let me down

A deep breath in
And the world is spinning around into the atmosphere

How can these words hold so much weight?
It was perfectly reckless
The way you left me defenseless

You took my hand and promised me the world. Like childish intentions you let
Me fall and I'm swimming among the ashes..

A deep breath in
Let my world collapse
And rebuild on its own