sometimes I think
if I can't have it all then
let me go back
but back so far nothing can hurt
right off the plane of existence

Worthless, worthless, says the preacher
Self-important, self-taught teacher

Worthless, worthless, says the buyer
Yet your price was never higher

You get it cheap, and start to boast
And then leave nothing for the host

But emperors are like their clothes
Their what and whether no-one knows

You take their treasure in your hand
And feel your fist is full of sand

You search for some security
See things become, but never be

Why seek to run a perfect race,
If past the sun is only space?

Would you rather face the end?
Or live to chase the wind?

My mother recently took me to another doctor
she said, ‘her condition is becoming outrageous ,
she hasn’t laughed in a year, avoids any talking,
never leaves the house until the night draws in. ’

And I think the sun should rather concern her.
Burning things don’t make good companions.
Bought a ticket for a train, northbound at night,
my eyes hurt from the condolences of daylight.

Went back south in September, I surrendered,
had to promise to be good again and presentable.
Indifferent on life, did I suffer from depression?
It’s not been an illness but a philosophic decision.

One Sunday, it was quiet during breakfast time,  
somebody from town recently took their life.
Rised brows behind the newspaper’s edges,
secretly, I admire the courage and recklessness.

But I act eager and am polite with relatives,
at holiday occasions I behave and give kisses
until one proposes a toast to life being a gift.
I say nothing in exchange, I feel guilty to exist.

It all changed one day, when I found me a lover.
He sins for amusement while I sin to self punish.
I love that he’s mortal, of a perishable texture,
hope to be buried, rot with him in the graveyard.

We agree on senselessness without any pity,
he watches me fail life and thinks it’s poetic.
We can’t hurt since there’s nothing to heal from.
A physical love wich in it’s essence is platonic.

Don't allow yourself to close your eyes;
To sleep or rest, to look away.
You see, you know,
They all lied to you.

Existence;
Immersed in it's ambiguities.
Meaningless suffering,
Life is unjust.

Left behind.
Drowning in real
Refusing to ignore,
It's killing you.

It is all truly there,
It is all that there is.
Onerous to accept it.
You're creating a war with a reality
Who only seeks to destroy.

Nearly lost elation,  
Thoughts transmitted in times of joy,
Hope at times afforded.
Faint memories of it will linger,
Just try to hold on.

-

You think so highly of such a lowlife as yourself,
Or are you it?
Are you it?

the meaning of an apology:
echoes of a thousand I’m Sorry’s;
the silence of deceit, its awful slink;
the humbled hope to atone,
to pay amends where due,
to mend the maimed,
and trust renew.

forgiveness is a sad word:
it bears the scar of a wound;
to forgive is to hope with hurt.
it is to trust in tide to wash ashore;
for in lack of trust and hope,
it is noble to sink with the ship.
it is bolder yet to hop asea,
and let tide be guide.

the parable of the builders:
the wiser built his house on  rock,
the rain came down,
the floods came,
the winds blew,
and beat on that house;
and it did not fall,
for it was founded on a rock

the foolish built his on sand,
the rain came down,
the floods came,
the winds blew,
and beat on that house;
and it fell — and great was its fall.

determination's downfall;
for, is a house still not a house
despite its foundation?
fortune's fortress looms;
our sandcastle holdfasts hampered in comparison,
but home is neither keep nor battlement,
neither moat nor bailey,
neither portcullis nor drawbridge;

home is where you touch the ground,
where you choose to grow...

the rain will retain its hiss;
but the rain is still the rain,
the floods remain the floods,
and the wind is just the wind.

~ Inori

why must i care
for a world so unforgiving
why must i be
when there is no point in living

the world pushes and pulls
with all of its might
never a happy ending
nearing my sight

so as a stand
at an intersection a few
tell me, world
what must i do

why need i
care oh so much
when a world of nothing
has me in its clutch

need i always put myself
in the way of harm
when apathy already
has me in its arms

As the light seeps into the west,
And the Sun slumbers in to a rest,
Weary birds go out of sight,
The night, shy, comes from twilight.

The calm spilling over the pure,
With stars sprinkled on azure,
Come to light the puny lives,
Easy to miss, in the looming abyss.

Yet, Star-lit sky, through its heavenly rains,
Showers peace, on thoughtful plains.
Ecstatic nectar, flows from the moon,
as river of solace, by the hills of reason.