It’s probably because these days,
now that my knees hurt more,
that when I’ve tackled our K2  stairs -
and I’m on the top floor,
you might just hear me ask
“what the **** did I come up here for?”
You see it’s not just the legs
but the brain that’s weak.
All the plusses that old age holds in store…
out of breath, can’t speak, need a leak…
but sod it, what did I actually come up here for?
It’ll come to me in a minute if I give it some thought
just for a minute or so...
I know, have at least two of everything,
one up one down, so that wherever you go
there’ll be what you want right there…
Or... just move to a bungalow!

Meanwhile... what did I come up here for?

Pacing around
Stuck on the ground
Music blast
A trip to the past

The truth is, I want to hold you
Tell you
That everything is gonna be okay
If not today
Then tomorrow
You don't have to be in sorrow

Love, I'm right here
For you my dear
I will listen to you
No matter what you do
I'll be here
For you

I caused alarm
Didn't want to cause harm
I'm sorry Love
I just want to see you free as a dove

See me now
This is how
I am inside
I try to hide
From the world
My knees curled
To my chest
Where you say I have a heart of gold
Like buried treasure

Music blaring
I'm still wearing
The bracelet you made me
And when you look at yours
As you do your chores
Think of me
And I hope
You do not mope
And that you can forgive me

All I want to do
Is hold you
Brush your hair behind your ear
And hear
You say,
"Stay,"
"Here with me."
And we can be
Just you and me

Please
I reach to seize
Your hand
Please
Take me to the land
Of dreams
Where we are dancing in the moonbeams
And I can feel again
Free as a wren

It's like I'm falling
And you're falling too
I reach to you
And I can't see

Wind stinging my eyes
Blinding me
I feel so far from you
But you're only 12 miles away
Love, I want you to stay
With me
You hear my plea

I said words that got carried
In my head they are buried
You told me one thing
Told your mother another
That's okay
But just tell me that you'll be

I love you, I miss you
I'm right here, my dear
I care, and I dare
Say that I always will
Because baby
Just maybe
If you let me
The future could be so bright
Bright as your shining eyes
So please stay
Here with me.

- Jay M
February 19th, 2020

he touched me
and my knees felt weak
my mind went blank
and i didn't know how to speak

Today my knee popped again.
For the fifteenth time since it's began.

Skinned palms from breaking my fall.
Again, the hot blade of searing pain.
I hate how these are things I can perfectly recall.

I've sworn myself not to cry;
instead, my body goes into shock.
Screaming as if I were to die.

Catching my breath, the agony is finally over.
I used to be helped up from the ground.
But now, I get the cold shoulder.

In Phy Ed. class, they whispered that it was for attention.
I found that funny, considering I hate that.
And the brace, I would never mention.

As long as I am alive,
I will always see the boy,
Feel the boy,
Smell the boy.
It’s my nightly terror
And my daily reality.

I’ll be living
Halfway around the world
And the smell of him
Will find me
And drag me back to
His bedroom,
On my heads and knees begging.

It will bring me back
To the fear of this dusty town
And all the suffering he’s put me through.
I will always fear the boy,
And I will always fear you
For you could become the boy.