i hate how you're so utterly perfect
i wonder if other people also notice it
how your scattered freckles mimic the stars
little dipper's tail has made home by your lips

i hate your contagious smile, that look in your eyes
for your perfect boyfriend and his indie rock band
i am no longer myself; i am hopelessly tossing coins
and wishing to hold a constellation in my hand

Here I sit
In this basement of
some other house
In the core of the city-
I'm almost on my own...
This January's night
Flashes frozen-
As I adicite, light
I see all that I've chosen:

perturbation, and frustration,
Entwine in all my fascination
Stinging- they whip my body &
paint on lacerations

What you've chosen I cannot see
And the light I catch redefines me
Shadows ignite
That December's day
Reminds me I'm not alone.
In the outskirts of Toronto-
In my Parents home-
My room, my bed - my life's in
The basement

its there; I cry.

how loudly
that clock ticks
when all you want
is ******* sleep

In the silence of the night, footsteps echo,
A man walks a solitary path, a journey untold.
Shadows lengthen, as the city holds its breath,
An unspoken weight in the rhythm of his steps.

The neon glow of urban life flickers,
Illuminating a face weathered by the weight of shadows.
Eyes, once reflecting the universe's wonders,
Now mirror a desolate cosmos, devoid of stars.

He moves with purpose, a specter in the urban sprawl,
Echoes of despair resonate with each step.
Train tracks, a silver ribbon of destiny, await,
A final destination etched in the cold steel.

The night air, pregnant with unspoken farewells,
Breathes life into the silhouette of his solitude.
A decision crystallized in the stillness,
As he approaches the threshold between worlds.

The distant wail of a train, an approaching requiem,
Steel wheels on rails, an ominous hymn of finality.
The man, standing at the edge of oblivion,
A silhouette against the impending locomotive's glow.

In the interplay of shadows and artificial light,
A soul grapples with the void,
unseen and unheard.
The city sleeps, unaware of the silent elegy,
As the man surrenders to the oncoming tide.

In the final breath before impact, a fleeting tableau,
A life extinguished in the collision of despair and steel.
Train tracks, witnesses to a story's tragic terminus,
As the city awakens to a dawn without one soul.

The emotions surge within my consciousness,
Akin to a category 5 hurricane,
Annihilating any semblance of goodness in its wake.

The storm's winds blur my vision,
As if only I exist in this moment with time,
Hurling me through life without forewarning,
While the inner demons seize command.

The eye of the storm draws near,
And resistance becomes futile,
My strength depleted,
The demons gaining ground.

Admitting defeat is a bitter pill,
Yet, no alternative remains,
But to surrender to the tempest,
And relinquish myself.

The inevitable moment looms,
When the battle must cease,
As I'm engulfed by the torrential downpour,
Defeated by the internal tumult.

First I nurse the realization
That this pain will echo
And in all my attempts to grasp it
And keep it close to my lungs
It weaves itself into my breath
And spills out into the open
Seeping into the damp earth
Whistling between the fog
Sinking among the morning dew
And slowly creeping it’s way close to you
My hands are far too unstable
To offer you some peace
I’d give you my bones and everything
That I thought I could be
I would wrap it in the flowers
That we wished for our garden
But this pain it’s too unpredictable
It leaps away from me
It touches anyone who dares
To give me a moment of their time
and when they tell me they are sorry
We both begin our decline
This grief, she sits at the table
It’s never just you and I
This pain it always echoes
Bouncing between your words
And mine