When the clock strikes twelve
in a quarter of an hour,
it shall be your special day
The lady of the hour.

I want to tell you happy birthday
my sweet, pretty flower.
To see you on this special day
I'd do anything in my power.

I want to say that I love you
I pray to God you still care
I want to say I miss you so much
There's no one else like you anywhere.

I want to say that I'm sorry
I never meant to push you away
We used to fight sometimes
It hurt a lot sometimes
But I still want you back anyway

I think about you every day
There must have been a better way
I need you right now more than ever
Please tell me this silence won't be forever

I’m too smart to fail
I’m too good to mess up
I’m too pretty to be insecure
I’m too talented to be doubtful
I’m too perfect to be anxious
I’m too loved to hate myself

I wish this was the truth.

Mother don't cry,
Have I disappointed you?
I know I have.
I know when I have, it ***** that I do.
And I’m sorry
that despite my best efforts,
I am not the child that will check what expectations fill your list,
But rather, am the one that will make you create new ones.

It would be terrible if you found out
But I think you'd still talk to me after some time
You might already know
But the problem is you're too much of a gentlemen
To let me know that you know what I know about you
But they know
The people you know
And who's to stop their delicate pink folds of skin
Trap the sound vibrations inside their mouth
Before their warm breath fogs up the crisp air
The secret escaping

I'd be so easy for them to open wide
And let it out like a lightning strike
Shocking news of untold truth
It's okay
I'd understand
The temptation of gossip is hard to withstand

I could hardly keep it in myself
My blushes and laughs
Wanting to hang out at sunset
Like distant thunder claps getting closer and closer
Tempting the lightning to strike
Right here, the roof I am under

Meanwhile your eyes were on her
So how much of me you registered
I'm not so sure
But you're a kind gentleman
You'd never say
Instead, let it all fade away
With the breeze of a cool fall day

So, when we get coffee or lunch
Never dinner or brunch
I staple my mouth shut
Take no chances on weak lips
Leaking trembling heart vibrations
Someday, 8 years from now
Thunder will clap softly in the background
I'll let my lips speak freely
The truth crawling out
Covered by the dust of 10 years of memories
Thunder getting louder and louder now
"I was in love with you once, ..."
Lighting strikes
Burns this roof down
Deep breath, I pause
Let no more sound speak its cause
That's enough lightening for one day
Any more sound and the whole town will burn down
Once again I'll pull out my office supplies
That I once shoved in back corner of my mind
And staple my lips closed again
At least now he knows what I thought he knew
And what they knew
And what I knew since the day I saw you in the library room

Far off in a distance
Thunder claps again
Faint, but creeping ever closer
How soon will it be
Till lightning strikes another dismembered tree?

they're living in flowers
up high and across the sea

while we avoid potholes
and bugs just to scrape by

It treated me with extreme cruelty
I tried to run away from it
but I kept coming back for it
because Death wasn't ready to welcome me

I was not supposed to die like that...
It was all the failed suicide attempts

That's why I'm still here...

I chose to take a painful path,
Where my bloodied footprints
Trailed upon life's broken glass,
Bleeding out across the shards
Of shattered hopes, discarded hearts.

In loves gutter I found my truth,
Face down in that waste of you
Which bittered every taste of youth,
Spat out your words so dearly held
And choked that hope on cruel untruths.

TS Lefort 2021