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Aa Harvey  Sep 2018
SCARED
Aa Harvey Sep 2018
SCARED


SCARED of losing your place, SCARED of being pushed back.
SCARED of missing the bus, SCARED of getting the sack.
SCARED of your colleagues, SCARED of your boss.
SCARED of being late again, SCARED of losing your job.


SCARED of feeling the fool, SCARED of being a joke.
SCARED of being a loser, SCARED of what you just smoked.
SCARED of what was in it, SCARED of what you were given.
SCARED of what they gave you, SCARED of no longer living.


SCARED of not knowing;
SCARED of knowing too much.
SCARED of commitment;
SCARED of being able to trust.


SCARED of a horror movie, SCARED of spiders.
SCARED of not being beautiful, SCARED of what's inside us.
SCARED of being thought ugly, SCARED of being thought plain.
SCARED of being thought stupid, SCARED of trusting your brain.


SCARED of telling her, SCARED of her knowing.
SCARED of your feelings, SCARED of them showing.
SCARED of pain, SCARED of hurt.
SCARED of her, dishing the dirt.


SCARED of showing emotion, SCARED of crying.
SCARED of showing weakness, SCARED of dying.
SCARED of losing a pet, SCARED of losing a child.
SCARED of losing a loved one, SCARED of being too wild.
SCARED of the consequences, SCARED of what you might do.
SCARED of who you may harm, SCARED of them harming you.


SCARED of being a father, SCARED of being a mother.
SCARED of being cheated on, by your lover.


SCARED of being threatened, SCARED of being hit.
SCARED of pressing charges, SCARED no-one gives a ****.
SCARED of their reaction, SCARED of what they may do.
SCARED of them? Or SCARED of you?
SCARED of forgetting, SCARED of a lie.
SCARED of the judge, not being on your side.
SCARED of accusations, SCARED of being called a liar.
SCARED of them not being punished;
SCARED of getting any higher.


SCARED of being too happy, SCARED of always being sad.
SCARED of being optimistic, SCARED of feeling so bad.
SCARED of depression, SCARED of sadness.
SCARED of joy, SCARED of happiness.
SCARED of being so happy, you feel you can fly.
SCARED of losing your wings, SCARED of falling from the sky.
SCARED of being another Icarus,
SCARED of being another Moses.
SCARED of lying in a coffin, covered with roses.
SCARED of lying in the ground, SCARED of being buried alive.
SCARED to be like the stories, too SCARED to try.


SCARED of not being strong, SCARED of not being right.
SCARED of being proven wrong, SCARED of losing the fight.


SCARED of getting it wrong, SCARED of failing the exam.
SCARED of not getting in the army, SCARED of failing uncle Sam.
SCARED of being stabbed, SCARED of being shot.
SCARED of them taking, all that you've got.
SCARED of being held prisoner, SCARED of torture.
SCARED of dying in a war, SCARED of losing your only daughter.
SCARED of losing a sibling, SCARED of losing a friend.
SCARED of your parents, SCARED of them meeting their end.


SCARED of living forever, SCARED to death.
SCARED of the end, SCARED of taking your last breath.


SCARED of being a memory, SCARED of being forgot.
SCARED of nobody caring, SCARED of losing all you've got.
SCARED of losing your memory, SCARED of getting old.
SCARED of alzheimer’s, SCARED of being put in a home.


SCARED of being buried, SCARED of no one knowing your name.
SCARED of your wife dying, SCARED you'll forget her name.
SCARED of nobody being there, when you finally die.
SCARED of being cremated, SCARED of being burnt alive.
SCARED of being dissected, SCARED of being cut up.
SCARED of necrophilia, SCARED of that wooden box.


SCARED of being a fable, SCARED of being a myth.
SCARED of just being a story, SCARED you didn't exist.
SCARED of being made up, SCARED of not really being here.
SCARED of what you've been told;
SCARED of what you didn't hear.


SCARED of facing God, SCARED of having no answers.
SCARED of going to Hell, SCARED of having no more chances.



(C)2005 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
PEARL SMOKE Jun 2018
Scared Prt 1.
2014
iM Scared Of Losing What
iHave Left.
iM Scared Of Seeing What
iHave Left Go Away.
iM Scared Of Disappointing
My Loved Ones Again.
iM Scared Of Being Reminded
What the reality of Drugs.                        can do once again.
iM Scared iF iM Sober Then Fall
iWont Ever Change again
iM Scared The Drugs Can
Take over me Like it Has before
Once more.
Scared Of Feeling Numb And Live The Whole Drug Addiction Cycle all over.

Scared prt 2.

I Relapsed & Now I'm worried.
Will I Go back to my old ways?
As much as I desire The Feeling of escaping my reality,
I can't live Like that. I don't want to be a drug addict all over again.
The Feeling Is pleasant . The Living of being 1 Is Horrific.

Scared prt 3
2017
I’m scared
Of never finding hope
To believe my life has no worth
To never finding a light
To get lost in the
Darkness of my depression.
Im Scared
To never feel true happiness
To believe I have
No purpose in life.
To see I really don’t matter ..
I’m scared to prove
Myself right.
To really never start a life.
I’m scared to
Then lose my self again
To lonely nights with toxic touches

Scared prt 4

Be aware
I’m not scared like I used to be.
To lose  you, see you walk out.
Watch you leave & end us.
I have drugs.
To replace you,
Forget who you were
Erases our memories & best times.
Be aware
If you do me *****, I don’t care.
Drugs will always be there .
Il depend to forever not feel..
If you leave me, I won’t cry.
I have lines to get me past times.
So please know , I’m not scared.
To be left ,

Scared prt 5
2018

I’m Trapped.
I’m not ok , I’m not safe.
The habits creeping up.
Slowly but rapidly.
I believe I got it together.
I tell myself I got it under control.
But do I really?
Relapsing after 2yrs is making an impact.
I’ve been falling frequently.
For a short time but I’m still using .
It will take ahold of me unexpectedly.
Slowly convince me this Drug life’s worth risking .
I need help .
I look fine.
I haven’t used severely but my minds hyped.
Il Get To that level.
If I don’t reach out in time.
My thoughts are converting slow
I can feel the careless emotions growing.
That’s why I’ve found it so easy to use and get away with it.
“Just today” “it’s only alittle” “I can handle this”
That’s until I build up my tolerance.
Lord Help me .. you know il cause heartbreaks if I turn back to what I Once was..

Scared

I’m so scared.
To get played again .
To get lied and betrayed.
I’m scared of my reaction.
I know il die alive.
I won’t even have the strength to ****** you.
I’d be so broken and just let the world walk all over me.
If you Do me *****
I’d lose it completely.
You’d prove all my doubts correct.
Assumptions I already knew were true in my head.
If you play me, Id lose my head.
Literally, go insane due to confusion & hate.
If you hurt me.
Drugs is what I’m going to be out searching.
Not even ask for an explanation.
I’d be too focused walking straight ahead to my connects house.
If you do me shady.
I Will Be angry at the world.
Scream to the top of my lungs
“WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
I would drown myself in drugs.
I’d hate the world completely for hurting me when I’ve done none wrong.
I’d go So crazy.
How can I So Loyal Be Played With.
Etcetc can’t even write more

Scared prt 6

2018
Im not scared
Anymore .
I don’t know what to feel
Anymore.
I think I’m worried,
I just don’t feel it
Anymore.
My thoughts try to
Tell me something’s wrong.
I Can’t think of anything..
I’m unsure If I’m ok.
I don’t know if I’m
Even thinking straight.
I remember once feeling
So afraid.
I had to seek help on my own .
For the sake of my sanity.
My heart felt a heavy
Storm coming.
It rushed me to look out
Find shelter .
With strong material .
I started moving .
But did I act fast enough ?
Did I act before or after
Time had already passed..

Scared prt 7.
I’m scared
To Relapse & Stay Stuck
To give up recovery
I’m scared to
Look at you and walk away forever.
To just not care wether you believed I truly loved you.
I’m scared
For my love to be trapped
For all My strength to be gone
Lose it all ,
I’m crying.
Addiction will forever live in me
Wether Active or Overcomed
This drug will Always come
Aslong as I’m Happy , Positive
I won’t want to take a hit
But Even if nothing’s going on
My body & mind will randomly itch.
Ive been walking with this for too long to just erase it .
To forget I had a habit .


Scared prt 8
Jan 2018
Im not scared
Anymore .
I don’t know what to feel
Anymore.
I think I’m worried,
I just don’t feel it
Anymore.
My thoughts try to
Tell me something’s wrong.
I Can’t think of anything..
I’m unsure If I’m ok.
I don’t know if I’m
Even thinking straight.
I remember once feeling
So afraid.
I had to seek help on my own .
For the sake of my sanity.
My heart felt a heavy
Storm coming.
It rushed me to look out
Find shelter .
With strong material .
I started moving .
But did I act fast enough ?
Did I act before or after
Time had already passed..

Scared Part 9
Am I Fine.
Will I not rack a line.
Never touch a Rock in my life.

Am I Good.
Will I not Use again .
Will temptations not be seen as threats ?
Can I handle.
My urges to not Tweak again.
Will my triggers Be nothing to worry about?

Will I never feel tempted.
Have I finally over come every Obstacle of addiction?

I’m sorry.
I’ve worsen , I’m stuck once again.
This time it will be harder .
I’m a recovering addict
Stuck in a constant relapse Cycle.
What must I do
Should I sit & wait
On my next down fall ..

SCARED PRT 10

March 2018
I Didn’t notice.
Like always
I believed I had it all under control.
Everything was ok.
Everything seemed fine.
I felt normal,
I would stop soon.

I was Wrong ..
I Fell Down So quick.
I went hard.
No dubs or teeners.
I went straight to a Ball.
I just went all out.


I lost myself again.
I Lost control of the substance.
I Was trapped.
It became a problem.
One I wasn’t aware of.
I Had no recognition of at all.
I Didn’t see that I couldn’t stop.
I kept going
Kept using without seeing the frequency.
The days spent stuck.
I lost touch with reality.
This previous Relapse
Has been the worst in my life .
I haven’t had a binge like this time since 2015.
I used every day .
For 6 1/2 Weeks.
I lost track of the days & time.
I Sniffed & Smoked 2 8 ***** all to my self.

At the time I didn’t see how crazy that was.
Those weeks, an 8 didn’t surprise me.
The amount didn’t shock or Worry me.

I was fine , I had control.
I was doing ok , everything seemed & felt normal.
It was just a small relapse.


I was wrong
I lost touch with reality.
I formed a habit .
I was addicted again .

The sad part is
I’m able to acknowledge this Only through writing.
In real life , my denial mind
I’m able to handle my addiction. I’m ok & Dont have a problem.


It angers me.
Since my 1st Relapse
In August.
I’ve Fallen Very often.
It saddens me.
How I quickly Skipped
The Weight.
Why does it worry me?
My mind will no longer seek a Dub when I’m triggered to use.
It will want Another ball.

Anything less
My Addictive mind
no longer craves.
It now settles for Big.
This relapse has changed the game for my addict ways.
I’ve Relapsed every month
Since August.
I Had it all under control.
I Was able to use and stop.
Just this last time
I completely lost it.

Scared prt 11

I’m scared .
To lose my strength.
Have no durability.
To Give in So quick.
Be that weak
Where I don’t fear Tweak.
Find it easy
To just go seek.

I’m Worried
To reach that level .
Just Relapse constantly .
not care who Knows.
My problems
Have me overwhelmed.
Every day
The Stress grows .
I can’t bare another
Tug & Pull.
Saumya Sep 2018
I'm not scared of the tenebrosity of a room, I'm scared of the thoughts which struck me.

I'm not scared of humans, I'm scared of the demon which resides in them.

I'm not scared of being alone, I'm scared people will forget me if I'm not in touch with them.

I'm not scared of going naked in the outside world, I'm scared of losing my self-esteem.

I'm not scared of the society, I'm scared of the hoaxes they spread.

I'm not scared of your love, I'm scared of being abandoned by you.

I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared that I haven't lived enough.

I'm not scared of making memories either good or bad, I'm scared of these memories fading away.

I'm not scared of the past or the future, I'm scared of the present.

I'm not scared of slumping, I'm scared of failure.

I'm not scared of asking questions, I'm scared they'll remain unanswered.

I'm not scared of being corrupt, I'm scared of losing myself. The sacred me.

I'm not scared of the aftermath, I'm scared of the side-effects it has.

I'm not scared of being scared, I'm scared that you'll think I'm frail.

~Saumya.
this is my first poem.
Lord Cam  Apr 2020
SCARED
Lord Cam Apr 2020
Look What We've Become!
SOO SCARED to Live On! WHY?
And Yet Even Much More Scared To Give Up And Die.
Scared of our ourselves making failures; Scared of Others.
Scared Of War(s), Oppression & Victimisations.
Scared Of the enemies, scared of Hate and Hatred;
Scared of Evil; Scared Every Single Day, Even More Scared at Night.
Much too Scared to to trust anyone-Even So called Friends or Family.
Nearly Always Scared; Forever Scared....though feeling Sacred.

The Feeling Will Not Go Away.
Too Scared To Sleep, Scared to awake to another day.
Scared to lose friends , or loved ones'
Scared friends might turn on Us,
Scared to Trust anyone.
Scared of the Hypocrisy & Double Standards;
Too Scared to go for a walk.
Scared of Viruses & Corona.
Scared of the Murders and Robberies andCrimes.
Scared To even watch a movie.
Scared to eat; Scared of Becoming fat.
It's So Soo Scary!!  Too Scared!
Lord Cam-Nevis , West Indies
Whitney  Sep 2012
Brave.
Whitney Sep 2012
I'm scared of being a disappointment.
I'm scared of being vulnerable.
I'm scared of what people really think of me.
I'm scared of breaking your heart.
I'm scared of not being enough.
I'm scared of saying "I love you."
I'm scared of being complimented.
I'm scared of people smelling my breath when I don't brush my teeth.
I'm scared of using public toilets.
I'm scared of what parents say about me.
I'm scared of what teachers say about me.
I'm scared of the truth.
I'm scared of not having friends.
I'm scared of breaking the rules.
I'm scared of acting.
I'm scared of having regrets.
I'm scared of my past affecting my future.
I'm scared I'm not worth the trouble.
I'm scared of choking on a necklace in my sleep.
I'm scared of communicating deeply about my feelings with others.
I'm scared of doing something wrong.
I'm scared of not going to a good college.
I'm scared of talking about religion.
I'm scared of talking about money.
I'm scared of causing anyone unneeded grief.

But, I'm brave too.
CI Thomas  Nov 2020
scared
CI Thomas Nov 2020
Scared of the dark
Scared of the light
Scared of the noise
Scared of the silence

Scared of feeling too much
Scared of not feeling enough
Scared of making friends
Scared of being alone

Scared of yes
Scared of no
Scared of hello
Scared of goodbye

Scared of would've been
Scared of should've been
Scared of could've been
Scared of never been

Scared of everything
Scared of nothing
Scared of always being scared
Scared of me
Sam Anthony May 2019
I'm scared. I'm scared to sleep at night, that the next time I wake up everyone that I love is gone. I'm scared. I'm scared that once I die I would be forgotten, barely a distant memory. I'm scared. I'm scared to love again, scared of the possibility that it end like the others leaving me broken and empty. I'm scared. I'm scared whats this worlds becoming, people killing others for no reason; carrying knives to harm each other. Spreading hate instead of love. I'm scared. I'm scared to be alone because when I'm alone the voices inside my head get louder, so loud its hard to block them out. I'm scared. I'm scared that the voices are right, that I'm worthless, that no-one cares. I'm scared. I'm scared to be surrounded by people yet to feel lonely. I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll always be scared.
Izzy May 2017
I.    Scared
This is real for me
This is love to me.
And some days I’m scared out of my mind at how genuine this is.
Nothing has ever felt this authentic to me, other than maybe pain.
This is new to me.
You read the stories and love is this all powerful magic and its so **** powerful that it scares me. It scares me that this thing, this emotion, may rip my heart out of my chest and leave it in a million little pieces.
I’m not scared of you,
I’m not scared of us,
I’m not scared of a fight,
I’m not scared of love,
I’m not scared of forever,
And I’m definitely not scared of heartbreak, my heart has known its scars and I’m not afraid of gathering more.
I’m scared of an ending that’s everything but happy,
I’m scared of the strength of my feelings,
scared I’ll let you down,
scared I’ll hurt you,
scared of anything and everything, all my demons coming out to play and every inch of me is screaming run.
I’m scared that I’ll run,
I’m scared of losing you,
of not being enough.
But as scared as I am, I’m willing to fight for this.
For us.
For our forever
Our happy ever after.

II.    Two
Two souls, more different yet similar than most, met while on their own paths.
They continued together for a while, like many others.
A poet and a soldier, each claiming their own hell, living in their own darkness.
Finding comfort in each other’s arms.

III.    Love
How do you measure a relationship?
By the future?
By the arguments?
I’ve always measured it by how far I could see down the road.
And honestly, with some I could see into 20’s or 30’s, but never the end of our road. Those thoughts were foggy, these are too but more clear, everything is blurred but your face, where with them everything but their face was clear.
With them, I saw lives I didn’t want, lives that were comfortably numb. I saw superficial happy endings.
But with you I see my forever.
I see 5 years down the road, chasing dreams
I see 10 years, building a family
I see 15 years, balancing life
I see 40 years, retiring
I see 50 years, walking down random city streets, hands intertwined
I see 60+ years and meeting again someday in another existence  

I see forever with you
I want forever with you.
Hanna Kelley  Jun 2016
Scared
Hanna Kelley Jun 2016
I am scared.
Of everything.
I am scared that the people that have been there for me in the past will not be there for me when I need them most.
I am scared that maybe I won't graduate.
That I won't go to college.
I'm scared that I might actually go to college but then I won't know what to do.
I'm scared that I am not aiming for the right degree.
I'm scared that I will get the right degree and get my dream job but then I won't like it.
I'm scared that I am too focused on my future that I will look back on my past and realize that I didn't do anything with it.
I'm scared that I am wasting my time trying to become something for the possibly that I might become nothing.
I am scared to move.
I am scared to get out of this town and get lost in a big city with no one to run to.
I am scared to stay here and this be the only place I will ever know.
I am scared of my genetics.
I am scared to have kids and have them suffer because they will have some hereditary disease that I can't watch them live through.
I am scared that I will never become a mother because of my fear of being a failure.
I am scared that these fears mean nothing but I am obsessing over them anyways.
I am scared of having a reason to be scared...
And that scares me.
Dan Bolens  Jan 2014
Scared
Dan Bolens Jan 2014
Why am I scared?

The last time I ate with a friend they said goodbye.
Maybe I'm scared of losing you.
Maybe I'm scared of being alone again.
Maybe I'm scared I'm being clingy.
Maybe I'm scared you're mad at me.
Maybe I'm scared I'm taking away time from being with work friends.
Maybe I'm scared of hurting you.
Maybe I'm scared of eating too fast or too slow.
Maybe I'm scared of having nothing to talk about.
Maybe I'm scared of being early.
Maybe I'm scared of being late.
Maybe I'm scared of hugging you too long or too hard.
Maybe I'm scared of talking to loud.
Maybe I'm scared of my leg acting up.
And maybe I'm scared of falling in love again.

— The End —