Renae

Renae Feb 13

My ego

My ego is a part of me
It protects my self esteem
gives me ultra confidence
It can also make me mean
my ego can be seen as cruel
It would be stupid for me not to see
My ego can be healthy,
be my downfall...
My ego decides my destiny
I have to check my ego
Ultimately
Because in the end,
my ego, can be the death of me.

#ego #self #selfish #selfesteem #confidence

Renae Jan 30

Existence

breathe
in deep, out long
inhale, exhale
if i inhale this medication
will i feel again?
just begin, no, sleep in
long hours, looking
watching them
scrolling,
learning survival
is all i'm interested in

one day
i'll take action
til then
days drag on
skin wilting
strength fleeting
sleep, more sleep
help, no...
i give in

get up
you're still alive
open the blinds
it's nice outside
don't you want to
start, start something
somewhere
don't close your eyes

#depression #existence #fight #alive #dead

Renae Dec 2023

Addiction

Fine print signatures hardly exist when
little white lines guide your mind
Trusted friends, kin,
I believed when they said I'd win
Surely this won't take me
I claim invincibility
Laugh louder outside
Inside I am screaming
Save me
I am imploding
She is empty what happened to us
What happened to me
I am in disbelief
I chose this ending

#addiction #white #depression #drugs #life #death #choices

Renae Dec 2023

Trauma

When trauma feels like home
It can be a lonely place
Isolation from family, from everything but the truth
It's a total disgrace.
We know inside, it's not healthy
there is no comfort
it's not bringing peace.
Oh but familiarity
seems like clarity
I fear this delusion
will continue
until Im certainly deceased.

#phycological #trauma #abuse #mental #health #delusion

Renae Sep 2023

Revenge

Revenge, sounds like fun, sounds like healing doesn't it?
Revenge, sounds like justice, but is it?
Hate is a wall we build within.
That wall reaches the heavens, and revenge can turn everything dark.
The knife that we pulled from our back with revenge, has now stabbed us straight through the heart.

#revenge #vengeance #wrath #anger #hurt

Renae Sep 2023

Rain

I love the pitter patter it makes
on the spanish tiles
of my roof top.
It splish splashes
on my window panes.
The Earth is thirsty
after the summer
the sun was unforgiving
for so long
I watch the fields soak up
What they've been needing
It felt like ages
we went without.
Now the rain falls
and the Earth is quenched
It sprouts again
The fresh smell feels the air
And I sip my coffee
under my cozy covered porch
as I listen in peace and I smile.

Renae Aug 2023

I might die tomorrow

I might die tomorrow.

I am 5, & I don't know my family. I was born like this.
They say my life is in gods hands,
but I don't know what God is? God if you are there, will you please send me an angel?

I heard angels are beautiful.

A lady came today, she said I was so pretty. She told me she would take me somewhere special where they would take care of me, is she your angel?

3 days later I was on the ocean, shoved into a train car on a boat. All of us, children,
we need baths, we need food. She lied, we are not safe.

Oh no! Where am I?
This place doesn't look clean,
this is scary, now I am in a cage like an animal!
We all are, all the children around me, they are crying... they are not safe,
we are so sad,
they are hurting.
Where am I?

It is so dark in here, it is so cold. Please bring help,

I might die tomorrow.

Please send me an angel.
please send me an angel.

#*** #trafficking #children #innocence #sad #death #realize #reality