Yiska knows how she feels but how it got that way she's unsure and that aspect worries her the uncertainty of life and being young being thirteen being like an unfolding flower she feels vulnerable and yet excited as if she could suddenly jump up in class at school and say I am me I am who I am and I love Benedict and I don’t give a **** who knows it and such and such but she doesn't she just waits for the school bus to arrive with him on-board see his face in the window peering out looking for her he a year older and in a different class and some days she doesn't see him(except like now waiting for the school bus) or maybe if it is sunny and they can out on the playing field during recess and she meet him and be with him for a while but it looks like rain and she knows that means she might not see him any more that day unless she's lucky and sees him in the corridor in between lessons as she did the other day on her way to biology and he was coming the other way(she can picture him now his hazel eyes and quiff of brown hair and that Elvis smile) and he paused and spoke to her briefly and touched her hand O so softly his fingers gently holding(hots O hots) and she felt perspiration run down the back of her legs and elsewhere and the other students with her were saying O come on Yiska put him down you don't know where he's been and such words but she didn't care she had him briefly and then a prefect came along and said to move on get to classes but now she waits for the bus the rain beginning to come down so she moves under shelter of the front door and peers out through the rain at the road leading into the school the wire fence mesh fence trees each side of the road other students arriving on foot but no bus and she thinks of the time they managed to get behind the maths block and be alone and out of sight of others(the teachers gone for their lunch) and she sat on his knees and he held her around the waist and kissed her and spoke and said things about his life and she was listening but not listening her body was on fire each particle of her was vibrating each nerve tingled her hands around him were wet with perspiration her neck damp where his lips had been and her cheek wet and warm and her heart beat so fast it felt as if it might take off out of her ******* and she wondered how far can they go and how far is far? the bus comes into sight slowly taking the bend and she looks at it her eyes following its every move watching the windows looking for his face searching for a sight of him the rain down pouring now the students getting out of the bus and running towards school and she waits and looks and then there he is Benedict running towards school his head slightly bent forward his coat unbuttoned and flying out like wings and he sees her and waves a hand and she feels as if someone had knifed her guts and ripped her open so that her heart was hanging out there pumping for all to see and he comes over and stands with her in the cover of the front door and his hair is plastered down and his hazel eyes alight with eagerness and he says something but she is only half listening only catches the words and not meanings and he laughs and she laughs too and he whisperers in her ear and the words are warm as his breath and seem to echo through her like kids at play been waiting for you she says **** rain he says won't see you after this unless maybe in the corridor or after school as you get on your bus he looks at her his quiff of hair drowned and limp maybe we might he says maybe in the school gym and she feels a pleasure at this if it's free and no one else is there she thinks sensing him there his hand on hers and warm hand her flesh his skin touching better go he says bell will ring soon and he goes and she waits and watches him go her body a buzz of activity as if she were a bees nest buzzing and O she mutters and nerves seem to explode in her and fireworks in her head and her body best get a move on a teacher says who passes her by the door no place to linger and she looks at the teacher and nods her head but feels like saying drop off drop dead but moves off and out in the rain the wetness cooling down her hotness and she runs through the girl's playground towards the school buildings her coat of green damp and her hair beginning to hang limp by her face and she enters the school with a rush of emotions her thoughts everywhere her body tingling like a live wire ready to set alight on edge about to set all of her on fire.