I am a woman

I am a woman
who loves women
who loves men

I hate that I get confused
I hate that I act differently
depending on whom I’m with.

My name is Mayara Deo
I have a shaved head
I wear man jeans
I spread when I sit

And I rather prefer to be called masculine
than feminine

Still
I love my female body
I feel **** in bikinis
I feel **** in boxers
But I feel observed
         preyed on
         & harassed in bikinis.

I am a woman
I do have a ******

Still
I hate being told that I am not a man.

I hate that I still confuse
my identity
my sexuality
my being

for the sake of society’s expectations of
of whom I should be.

I crush on guys

I crush on girls

I have loved a man

I have loved a woman

And if one day
I love a person
I hope to marry them.

I hate labels
**** stereotypes

And
I ******* hate that they’re ingrained.

I hate not being considered
stable
sure
a manly-woman

a womanly-man.

My name is Mayara Deo
I am a person

And I want a person
to fall in love with my mind.

I don’t care to bear children
I do want kids
I want to always have a career
I want to care for my home.

I want to be seen as an equal

I want to feel comfortable
wearing a suit on date
with a man.

I want to feel comfortable holding my girlfriend’s hand

For I want to feel valued
as myself.

**** all men

**** all women

who choose to not understand

why I feel so confused:


It’s because of you.