There was a time when I called you friend.
There was a time when every secret
that I kept locked up inside me
was unlocked in order to be told to you.
There was a time when we would stay up until midnight
talking about everything under the stars,
about life about love about sadness about joy.
All my thoughts were told to you.

It was nice.
It was really really really nice.
To know there was someone I could trust.
Someone who knew just by looking at my face
that I needed a hug.
Someone that I could share my darkest secrets with.
Someone who would be there for me
until the very end.
At least that was what I thought.

Until one day you didn’t text back.
One day you didn’t ask me how I was doing,
if I needed to talk.
One day you didn’t notice
the look in my eye,
the look of me about to crack into a million pieces.
You had always noticed that look before.
You grew distant.
Our friendship was falling apart
and while I tried desperately to pick up the pieces
and put it back together again
you watched it crumble.

Like a flower starting to wilt,
I tried to water it everyday
hoping it wouldn’t die.
I put it in the windowsill
where it would get the most light,
but water and sunlight can’t help a plant
that you seemed to be poinsing behind my back.

We stopped hanging out.
We exchanged a few words in the hallway
now and then
and maybe if you felt like it you would give me a call.
Maybe.
Nothing like the friendship we use to have.
Nothing.

Now all I’m left with is memories.
Memories of a time where I didn’t have to fight
my inner demons alone
because you always stood by my side
with a sword and shield
not letting any of them get to me.
Now I just stand on trembling legs
telling the monsters I’m not scared of them
but I am so so scared.

I miss you.
I know you might not feel the same
but that does not make what I feel any less real
and I hate that I feel this way I really do.
I wish I could just erase you from my mind
because you can’t miss
something you never had.
But it doesn’t work that way does it?
You told me our friendship could last.
And I believed you.
How stupid, stupid I was.