Jealousy is an emotion i’ve found myself experiencing more
and more when i’m around you, my love. i know you don’t
understand what’s going through my head whenever you
talk to another girl, even when i know there’s no possible
way you would ever even give her a chance. i don’t fear you
being taken away from me, as you were never mine to begin
with. i’ve never even hinted at the fact that i’m falling for you,
therefore, i have no right to claim you as my own. however,
i would be lying if i said it didn’t hurt when you pay more
attention to other people, rather than giving me the love
and praise that i crave. what happened to you saying hi to
me when we pass each other? what happened to our little
jokes and petty arguments? what changed?

Everything about you still manages to make me feel warm
and fuzzy inside, despite the fact that we’ve grown apart
throughout the past few months. no, it hasn’t always been
like this. these feelings just creeped up on me, and then it
hit me. hard. i started noticing little things you do, like how
your melanated cheeks always become tinted with a red
hue when we talk. i steered clear of topics that clearly made
you uncomfortable, and tried to talk about other, sillier things.
i noticed how often you play with your hair, the gold chain
around your neck, and i noticed that you practically
get the same thing for lunch everyday. i noticed, believe me.

Rejection is one of my biggest fears, which is why i haven’t
told you about my little crush on you yet, my dear. for, living
in my pathetic fantasies of us, together, is not a risk to my
social life. however, if i were to finally tell you what i truly
feel, you would have every right to laugh in my face. i would
feel ashamed, and i wouldn’t know what to do. heartbreak
is not something i think i can bare to deal with right now.

Us, together, in my daydreams, is how i will cope. i will
continue daydreaming, and you will never know how
i feel. i will continue fantasizing about cuddling with you,
under a warm blanket while pretending to watch some
random cartoon that neither of us truly care about. all
we would truly care about, in that moment, would be
each other. for we are the last missing pieces in the
puzzle called life, and in that moment, we are finally
happy. and safe. and whole.

None of this will ever happen, though. as you do not
feel the same way i feel, and i am far too much of a
***** to admit i have these feelings.