You've never been a good friend,
But what do I expect
You to care about my every woe
And not leave me in neglect?

It's not like you're my mother;
You shouldn't have to keep me whole,
But you set me up again and again
And with my feelings you will bowl.

I just want you to be happy;
That's all I care about.
It doesn't matter that I cry alone,
If your heart still beats loud.

So I will drag myself through the day;
'round my stomach, my arms wrapped tight.
You don't see my insecurities
Or tell me it's alright.

I no longer feel my soul;
I've given it to you.
I tell you that you're beautiful,
And you say "Thanks you too".

I can't bare the thought that you are sad
Or hurting deep inside.
I want you to be happy
to enjoy all of life.

I repeat my words of praise,
so you know that you are loved,
But I don't recognize the words I say;
My voice sounds much too rough.

People tell me I don't look so good.
Have I been getting any sleep?
I don't know how to tell them
That I no longer eat.

I just don't have the energy
to lift a fork up to my mouth.
What If I need to say I love you?
I cannot miss my rounds.

I'm slipping slipping slipping.
Are my eyes open or shut?
Did I tell you are smart?
Have I complimented you enough?

I don't do it because I have to,
I just know it should be said;
How much I appreciate you,
How much I'm glad that you're not dead.

You're all the emotions I have left:
Love and lust and pain.
I can tell you don't care if I'm there;
You have nothing left to gain.

But I don't mind,
Why don't I mind?
My light has fizzled out.
I should mind,
I should try,
To be cared about.

I know that it is pointless
Because there's nothing left to love,
But when I see a certain someone
I feel he was sent here from above.

Yet I could never tell you this
Because you loved him first,
And it will never be the same
You'd say "i guess he could do worse".

I'm not a decent person.
I am not very "nice".
I slice open my skin,
And put mascara on my eyes.

No one asks if I'm okay;
I don't think that they see.
That you're friendship drained all I had
And left a mess of me.
                                                          -M