Apr 2016
Dear you,
Hi it's me the idiot girl who fell in love with you.
As much as I don't like admitting this, I can no longer refuse to call it to the surface after 6 long years of mentally denying it.
I wish I hadn't; fallen in love with you that is.
I thought after what happened I could easily cut you out and try to forget, but I say this honestly now, that never really happened in my heart.
You don't have to worry though as much as my heart breaks and hurts I won't confess to you.
I will continue to play the role of "friend" and pick up my pieces after.
I will keep it locked inside me and one day, hopefully, I won't be the idiot girl anymore.
I will have let go and moved on.
But I'm not her now; as much as I would like.
Cause here I am still in love with you.
The memories I have of us are joyous but laced in pain.
When I delve into them it's like I willingly place my heart into the fire...... I can't help it.
Sometimes I wonder was any of it ever real?
You made me question my value.
Even to this day I shy away from intimacy and others that may try to get to know me.
And you know why?
Because it's your face I see, it's the way YOU make me feel that I feel.
They can't compare.
Then I wonder will I be like this forever?
Even when you lied to me, even when you began walking away, I still loved you, I still love you.
Sometimes it's hard to look at your face.
As we have begun to be friends again, I find myself holding back.
Reminding myself not to go back there again.
As much as I still love you, I know that it is just as much you still don't love me.
I have been asking God lately to help me when it comes to you.
I pray that He would change THE WAY I love you.
I have asked Him to help me see you as a brother, but He made me realize that first I must be willing to give up all the feelings I have for you now.
My grip is a lot stronger than I thought so it is going to take some time.
There are moments I physically remove myself from you so I can be firmly planted on the ground again.
Believe me when I say I am trying.
I don't want you to be constantly worried if I will like you again, although I have admitted to loving you this isn't what you have to watch out for.
This is a me thing.
This is a path I have to walk and funnily enough I have to walk it alone.
You can't fix it, you can't prevent it.
Only I can.
So I will continue to love you at a distance until my grip loosens and my love is able to change.
You don't need to worry, I've got this.
Continue being you and I will continue being me.
Eventually the knots will untangle and we will both be set free.
Sincerely,
The idiot girl in love with you.
Hi it's me the idiot girl who fell in love with you.
As much as I don't like admitting this, I can no longer refuse to call it to the surface after 6 long years of mentally denying it.
I wish I hadn't; fallen in love with you that is.
I thought after what happened I could easily cut you out and try to forget, but I say this honestly now, that never really happened in my heart.
You don't have to worry though as much as my heart breaks and hurts I won't confess to you.
I will continue to play the role of "friend" and pick up my pieces after.
I will keep it locked inside me and one day, hopefully, I won't be the idiot girl anymore.
I will have let go and moved on.
But I'm not her now; as much as I would like.
Cause here I am still in love with you.
The memories I have of us are joyous but laced in pain.
When I delve into them it's like I willingly place my heart into the fire...... I can't help it.
Sometimes I wonder was any of it ever real?
You made me question my value.
Even to this day I shy away from intimacy and others that may try to get to know me.
And you know why?
Because it's your face I see, it's the way YOU make me feel that I feel.
They can't compare.
Then I wonder will I be like this forever?
Even when you lied to me, even when you began walking away, I still loved you, I still love you.
Sometimes it's hard to look at your face.
As we have begun to be friends again, I find myself holding back.
Reminding myself not to go back there again.
As much as I still love you, I know that it is just as much you still don't love me.
I have been asking God lately to help me when it comes to you.
I pray that He would change THE WAY I love you.
I have asked Him to help me see you as a brother, but He made me realize that first I must be willing to give up all the feelings I have for you now.
My grip is a lot stronger than I thought so it is going to take some time.
There are moments I physically remove myself from you so I can be firmly planted on the ground again.
Believe me when I say I am trying.
I don't want you to be constantly worried if I will like you again, although I have admitted to loving you this isn't what you have to watch out for.
This is a me thing.
This is a path I have to walk and funnily enough I have to walk it alone.
You can't fix it, you can't prevent it.
Only I can.
So I will continue to love you at a distance until my grip loosens and my love is able to change.
You don't need to worry, I've got this.
Continue being you and I will continue being me.
Eventually the knots will untangle and we will both be set free.
Sincerely,
The idiot girl in love with you.
