Philia

Philia Jul 2021

an agnostic bad boy;
Chinese & full-tattooed all over his body;
the life of the party;
a vape pod or two in his pocket.

as arrogant as the Pharaoh,
tattooed on his forearms.
as ignorant as he can be,
doing whatever he loves.

reckless & stupid;
what the ****.

Philia Jun 2021

Dreams

they said,
Dreams are alternate realities.
different realities.

is it true that dreams are our realities in the parallel universe?

because it feels..
.. so real.

Philia Apr 2021

Don't get lost.

As I walked down memory lane yesterday,

I heard him said, "don't get lost".

I realized & laughed.

Philia Apr 2021

Irreplaceable.

How dare I dreamed about you last night?*

I scrolled through our conversations 5 years ago as soon as I woke up.

I read our fights and finally, our goodbyes.
It funny that I still felt the pain.

I told you in one of our last conversations,
that "I regret all those 2 years with you, & if I can go back I will not waste my time to be with you."

I lied.

You are one of the best things that ever happened in my life.
You are a sure thing, hurt me so deeply; but you are the lesson that I glad that I went thru.

I enjoy every second with you. & I did love you so much.

You are irreplaceable.
& I have no regret, none at all.

Philia Feb 2021

father.

I never ask you to call me your little princess;
I never ask you to hug me when I cried,
or kiss me good night;
I never ask you to be there for me.

well, they said, a father is a daughter's first love.
well, then I said that's *******.

Never in a million years,
I expect that my first heartbreak is from my own father.
long before any boy had the chance to.

I still remember when I was 7,
I already cursed him under my breath,
I even wrote about it in one of my very first diaries.

Sad to be true, but now I am almost 26.
19 years I live with all these wounds that never really healed.

I never asked him to love me.

Just stop hurting me.
Just stop hurting my feelings.

Philia Jun 2020

Him.

He's the memory she wants to forget.
A Summer Fling;
The one that still makes her wonder.
It's Him.

She opens her eyes this morning,
It's been awhile since She thinks about him.
In her dreams last night, everything looks so vivid.
Everything looks so real.

Are dreams made of what we want to happen?
Or is it just don’t actually mean anything?

She promised to stop thinking & talking about Him.
Let her break her promise just for today.

He looks so handsome in her dream.
He smiled at her. and she smiled back, awkwardly.
He drove her home & they talked about many things
Things that she cannot remember when she woke up.

He drove her home & smiled.*
Thing that is never happened in the real life.

If she insists that she didn't love him before,
then why is she still wondering?

Philia Dec 2019

Tears.

She talks to you a billion times,
just to make you understand.

She is for sure super complicated
& She herself is as confused as you are.
She's a mess.
But she wants you to know that no matter how crazy she is,
she knows what she wants.

She tries to talk to you.
First with a smile in her face..
Patiently explains to you.

& when everything happened again,
she repeatedly explains.
Finally she's sick with it. & explains to you in anger.

But still, you don't get it.

Communications between two lovers is the most important thing in the relationship, they said.

Maybe this time she'll let her tears to speak,
hopefully you'll understand better.
.
.