Loving you has broken me apart
All I need is one hug to get myself back together.
I can't feel the warmth of life since you left all I need is one hug from you to find the sun that once inside me.
These lonely nights are sleepless and lonely all I need is one more hug , just one more hug and I promise to sleep for all eternity or at least till the end of my eternity.
I just need that moment when your heart beats along with mine and the worlds stops and all light turns to us. I say again all I need is one last hug and I'll let you go , just one more hug , one more time to call you mine that's all I ask for one more hug in one more night.

I pity the masses
I pity the unfortunate
But I count my blessing.
Forgive me my love for I have been ungrateful.
I miss the now memories,  
I miss the old goodnight kisses
The long conversations
The looking into the future we wanted together.
Forgive me my love for I have been ungrateful
I forget to enjoy the blessing of getting a chance to love you
A chance not many are so lucky too.
My love it has been a blessing to have called you mine
Even if it was for a little to short while.
I pity all those who will never know the blessing of getting a chance to love you.
But then again a blessing wouldn't be a blessing if everyone was blessed with it.

If I have to use an hourglass to measure how long it will take for you to come back the clear crystal glass will be kept warm with a blanket of dust covering it for centuries.
I am that hourglass , going back and forth watching the grains fall hour after hour and with each hour that passes so does my hope of you returning.
I ponder on the concept of you coming back and us being what we once were , but trust and and faith are like glass once its broken picking up the pieces is as good as self harm.
An hour glass is shaped like an infinity sign but our infinity broke when you walked out.
I do love you , that is no lie , I do miss you that is the truth, but I cannot be with you as I once was and that is the sorrowful part. If our love was an hourglass I would turn back the sands and stop you , I would come after you or maybe I'd stop myself from loving you but our love is not an hourglass meant to run on forever instead its a sundial when dusk came our love ended and when dawn came a new time began for me and you -my yesterday become history.

There may have been a time I was soft
There may have been a time I cared
But that time is over.
You say if I don't start caring again I'm going to loose you
They say if I don't start feeling again their going to leave
But no one sees
No one sees that I do care just not in the open anymore
No one sees that I do feel just not as easily as before
Not many know that to fix a broken heart you have to mend it with iron but iron melts , so I tried aluminium
But its shiny appearance attracts to many theives, so I tried steel but its weak ability left me open than I remembered what I was once told , what the hardest metal can hold so I covered my heart with titanium.
Once you've been hurt by love its hard going back, and once your trust in love has been broken its hard to trust it again , I was once forced to play a game where I lost everything and a man who lost everything has nothing left to loose so leave or stay but my attitude will remain and my Titanium heart will never again feel all that pain of love.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but in your case that's a lie.
When I look into your eyes I don't just see a soul I find our wonderland,
I see endless possibilities ,
I see endless opportunities
But most of all I find an endless amount of love.
Hidden deep withing your eyes is the secrets of the universe , the hope of a hundred suffering souls,
Withing the endless ocean of beauty you conceal a single truth , a whisper of love I do see but the single truth you conceal is hidden even from me and that is where you hide our endless wonder.

You will always see her face before you feel her heart
You will always want her body before you can love her
You will always look at her as a prize
You will never be hers truly
People will never look at you the way I do
Every morning waking up to the thoughts of you after a night of dreaming of you
Looking at you and seeing the heart that stole mine
Waking up to the sad bliss of missing you.
They ask me what I see in you , they say I deserve better , they think of me as a fool for fighting,
But I know that your heart is gold I know no matter how hard I try ill never deserve you , you'll always deserve better , and ive felt your heart and I know your worth every minute of my fighting your worth my life and more , death is no risk for me because as long as I die proving my love for you I'll die happy.
You deserve better then me but all I can do is be my best for you. I fell in love with that amazing person inside and she has me in more ways then one she has me whole heartedly. These words are cliché but I can say them in a million languages I can write them a 1000  different ways , I can express it in a 100 ways , I can say it 10 times but it will always have 1 meaning and that is I belong to you I love you my baby bear my perfect love

Every morning I wake up and stare in the mirror wondering why you are only in my dreams and not my reality. I know your real , even in my dreams as our fingers combine forming a bond unbreakable by man it feels so real as you whisper in my ears 'never let me go' as your arms reach our around me . Why are you stuck there , in that limbo of my fantasies I'll never know. Every morning waking up and remembering that it was just a dream ment to keep me warm through the night , the memories of a dream that felt so real breaks me.  To you my lost love I say I'm here waiting for the day our hands clash and our great bond and never ending love starts and for me to hear the words'never let me go'.

I love you with what can only be described as passion.
Passion even
Shakespeare himself dreamed of
Passion even
Leonardo himself lacked
Passion that the climbers of mount everest only taste.
My passion for you is my love for you.
Oh my beautiful what a passion I hold for you .
Even Satan himself lacks such a passion.
A passion so great
So powerful
Not even a broken soul can break
My passion for you is so immense intense inevitable
That all the colloquial
That all the alliteration
All of figures of speach
All the languages
Cannot begin to put it into words for you to understand . To comprehend . To ascend . To commend. How much it all means.
I know these are only words but look beyond the smoke and see whats on the other side of this hold.
Look and see how much passion I hold.

This is not a peom
But a story
A story of me and you
And all of us
Sitting up at night
Wondering why
Why me ?
Why ,what did I do ?
This is for the brave ones
Who defy rules and boundaries
Who break barriers
And create new limits to be broken.
This is our stories , the late nights crying , the moments of walking alone in the rain and any other '******' day life has thrown to us.
This is for all of us who've made it when they said quit now,
For those who said I can
And for those who fell while pushing back up.
This is a story of how we all are going to make it and of how we're not going to fail at it.

Forget what you know.
Forget about the saying:
"If they love you , they won't only share the good times with you"
Love , true love is not a feeling or an emotion its a power , the only supernatural thing that we have physical proof of.
If they love you and if you want to know that they truly love you
Then they will fight with you,
They will get annoyed with you
They look at you speaking to others and smile and say she's mine
They won't just stand by you in tough times , they'll break the tough times ,
They won't enjoy the good times they'll make the good times
When the love is true they'll flirt with other girls but infront of you,
When the love is true they'll speak to other girls about you,
When the love is true they won't break down your enemies they'll make them your friends.
When the love is true they won't stand and wipe your tears away they'll stand and cry next to you.
When the love is true and someone hurts you they'll end up in jail only for you.
When the love is true there is no addiction or drug or pleasure to strong to give up for you.
There is no true defenition of love or true love but when the love is true they'll tell you everyday I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you Monotonously telling you I'm going to marry you.

sometimes I wonder
wonder if you care
wonder if your even there
wonder if you miss me and what we once shared now your with him the cold hearted fool who stole that which was mine , but then again how could it have truly been mine when another could swiftly grab it , no matter I have shut the door and thrown you out , just as the river flows , so shall my life . Goodbye means we shall meet again , so I shall not say goodbye but rather give you a silent letting go to the one I once gave up my life for I now let you go and free myself from the curse of this one sided love.

Gardens of roses appear ,
At the edge you stand in all your glory,
The beauty of both you and the roses tell me I'm dreaming.
You left so long ago, and I've counted the days and months since you left.
This field is all I have , as the sky darkens and the heavens open , you run towards me and I you , our arms meet and bodies intertwin , my hands at the lower of your back and your arms around me , I see you close your eyes and smile , I know this is all you've wanted , your scent stays on me , your warmth holds me and in the garden of roses we stand in the peak of our love , I look into your eyes and see only innocence , this moment is so precious , this moment so perfect , our minds agree in silence as our  lips meet our souls bond. The crack of thunder wakes me and all that's left is the memory of a dream so perfect it was a nightmare to wake up to the reality where the rose garden was filled with thorns and all it ended in was me cutting myself as you walked into the fields of green.

people will always judge you ,
be it on your dressing
be it on your choices
be it on your life
no matter what what it may be people will always judge you, and the thing about judging is that they always expect you to fail and mess up and when you do they act shocked and disappointed but secretly they smiling and laughing saying I knew it and then they spread the news like wild fire, but when you become a success and you do what they didn't think you would they join in your glory and pretend like they always knew you would but secretly they Hating you for proving them wrong

Beauty beyond what the naked eye can see.
Hidden behind spectacles of tinny particles a warm frozen icy Kingdom falls.
Gracefully like her it caught my eye.
Astonishing like her it captures my being of reality.
And like the frozen warm snowflake I fell,
Down to reality through the frozen blizzard.
Bit my bit I froze,
Inch by inch I cracked,
A once beautiful form no more than winters terror.
No more than a frozen warm snowflake left to be alive in death.

A fools tale

They say we are born in pairs. Destined to be loved , destined to spend it with a significant other.
I've seen lovers find each other in the darkest of moments while I found myself alone. I've seen families come together in devastating ruins in a war stricken country but seen mine close their doors on me.
The books of God says we are made in pairs , the bible , the Quran , the Torah all speak of a love conceived in heaven but all I've found is hook ups sent from hell. They say love is pure and kind , I say ******* love is nothing but the door to torture and pain while falling is the key , the key I've so willingly turned many times. They say it's all about time , when the time is right ,when it's meant to be it will be , maybe when I'm dead and gone I'll be brought back as a rose, loved by some hated by others , can't be touched only plucked and given as a sign of love then left to dry away and die because that's all love has ever been to me a dying rose. I've heard them all say they love me , they gave me the same look and then walk away from me. So much for the love at first sight fairy tale *******, all the books , all the songs and movies have it " no one like you baby". Promise after promise I watched them break it but now you what makes you different ? What makes you the one to fix the broken parts and heal the scars that's been carved into my soul by the hot white burning lies it's been fed by the corrupted love it's been given ? nothing , he will come along and smile and then I'll be forgotten because that's all I've ever been the temporary guy , the one before the one. Left to fall and land on my own , the plane takes off but I fly solo. I see no point in putting effort into you or into this because in the end the three letter word will be said and a sappy story of " it's me not you" will be given with false pitiful eyes. Time after time , my faith never wavered but today I have none , none in you or your words, " I like you, your different" I am but you're not. All that's different is the way you'll end up leaving. Call me bitter but I see you here holding hands and looking at each other the way some of us would love to be looked at but all I can say is that blind lovers look at each more lovingly then I have. I envy you , I envy the fact you can wake up tomorrow and be gone and that would affect people , I envy the fact you can sleep tonight knowing that he or she next to you loves you , I envy the fact when I wake up tomorrow all that will be different is a time and day. Be patient they say she will come, yeah she will come but then she will go just as quick. No point in trying , no point in hoping or seeing myself with her in an hour from now let alone tomorrow because sadly my life and your life isn't the same because come tomorrow I'll seek meaning when all you have to do is wake up to one, I'll long for a home that won't ever exist with someone that doesn't exist and you'll wake up closer to it or in it ,only you know the blessings you have. This sounds like some sappy broken hearted fools tale of longing for a lover. It's a sappy broken hearted fools deepest thoughts and broken words of how he'd love to have a person be his person , trust him , love him , be with him and stand by him but like his name suggests his a broken hearted fool who believes in a fairytale that only exists in the world of an electronic box throwing him crafted pictures taken from a page a script written to give him false hope or ink on a page his crafted to be closer to his made up fairytale that he so longs for. And as for you , you aren't here and do you know why ? Because you are the same , you feed me lies give me hope and then ****** it all way , you do what she did ,you make me smile , make me feel , make me want to live again and feel as if I have a meaning ,as if I mean something to you ,if this time perhaps it's real and your words aren't as hollow as my soul. But letting you in will end in the same result ,letting my guard down will be an invitation to new Scars a self inflicted torture but maybe I love the pain , maybe the solitude and sorrow coupled with the torture of an absent lover covered by an illusion of one day sharing a warm home with her had gotten me addicted to the sharp pain of pleasure that tortures my being every time I see lovers love each other. You aren't here to hear this because in the end I am to you what today is to you , just another . My words are your food but the taste buds on your tongue will crave another for that's all I am and will ever be is a phase , a phase never to be loved or wanted.

Sometimes its a little to much to bare and sometimes its a little to cold and bitter, Why I fell in love with you I'll never understand.
Why I had to be the one to suffer your betrayal and cold one sided love I'll never understand
why I had to be the one to wish for your love I'll never understand
But the thing that bothers me most is why I cant I stop loving you with all the pain you've given me.

You
I see you
I see you all around
But you make not a sound
You
I see you when I dream
But I do not sleep
You
I see you where you're not supposed to be seen
You .
Your not real
You can't be
I lost you
Your not real
You cant be
Maybe I'm crazy
They told me I am crazy
Am I crazy ?
Why do you come and go
Why are you at every corner
Why are you so real yet vanish into thin air.
No you're not real
You can't be
It's my insanity
It's my insanity it has to be

At the stroke of midnight she cries.
Her cries are not heard ,
Her cries are loudly silent,
The pain creeps into her soul burning her from within,
She breaks slowly inside
She dies slowly inside
She feels alone tonight.
She reaches for death's hands in hope to find salvation ,
I watch her
I scream for her to stop
My scream is loudly silent,
She cuts the last bit of hope away.
I stop her but to little to late I fail to save the hope she sacrificed to find relief in a world of torture.

In a world where every day is a battlefield
In a world where every night is covert mission
In a world where every wound is a battle scar
In a world where weeks are years of torture
In a world where bombs and missiles are the nights stars
In a world where there is no hope I hold on to you , to the fight for you , to the hope of seeing you again, in a world where everything is going to end I have no attachments , I have no weaknesses I have no hopes or dreams but in a world where you and I exist I have only one weakness, one reason to fight and one reason to change the smoke to clouds , the bullets to flowers the pain to hope I have only one reason to keep going . I have only you to keep fighting for.

They ask me what my dying words will be , they
ask me what will my biggest regret be on my
death bed, what my death wish will be , they ask me all these questions of
death yet I'm alive .
But death comes just as swift as the wind , just as fast as the waves on the shore , death has no
time limit like us.
They say before you die your life flashes right
before your eyes , all your regrets , all your
dreams everything layed out like a red carpet.
If I die tomorrow , or if I die today , whenever I die I know I will see you.
I will see your beauty
I will hear your laugh as seldom as I did hear it
I will see your eyes
But most of all I'll see your smile
The one thing that always held me now in your absence.
On cold dark nights you would hold me tight ,
you would smile and say "its okay I'm here" , on
rainy days where thunder and lightening took
over the sky you smiled and said "its okay I'm
here" through every up and down you held me and smiled , holding the pain , fear , the sorrow
away from me.
If dying tomorrow means seeing your smile
again then I shall gladly die everyday
If dying tomorrow means seeing you again I
shall gladly go towards it If dying means being with you in my memories
then its not dying to me its living everyday for
aslong as I remember you.
If I could go back I would hold you every time
you said " it's okay I'm here" and tell you how
much I love you If I could go back I would tell you more often
than I did how much I love you
If I could go back I'd spend everyday-
every minute of everyday and night making you
smile.
Our time together had an expiration date but my love for you never did and never will. My awnser
to their question of death are
My biggest regret will be you not at my side
My dying wish will be to see you , and see you
smile again
my dying words will be your name.
If I die tomorrow before my soul departs from this world I will come find you and hold you one
final time.
I just wish and pray that someday you come
back and smile at me so you can make me whole
again.

When I close my eyes I see a glass box.
A box with a single moment
A moment when the world will gasp
A moment when a sleeping heart wakes.
The moment when we finally meet
A moment when all the missing pieces of the puzzle we call our lives finally come out and finish our 100 000 piece puzzle.
And all the memories we will make appear in that single glass box.
Where we will stand and meet for the first time.
In that glass box is all the faith I have
And as hard as it is
I still hope with no hope
I still try with no strenght
I still push forward when everything is pushing me back.
All because of that one single moment held in that glass box.

he knew his love for her was beyond his existence , he knew that this bond would be the death of him but when she called he ran , when she cried he broke and when she needed him he appeared. his love for her tested at every corner but never wavered , he held strong and gave her his all and he knew she would be the end of him. the night came and he world became dark , she called his name and he ran , racing through time and red lights with dead street lights throwing him in and out of darkness he never stopped , he never slowed he drove and drove he knew her called his and he knew she needed him, he knew this would be the end of him....  He ran into the room , engulfed by the sounds of beeping and screaming he was dazed , where is she ? he ran to the white clothed hero and begged and pleaded with the savior to let him see her, to take him to her but he was denied. he sat in a room full of people but he was never more alone, he lost everyone , he flashed back to the days when the nightmares haunted him , before he met her, before she showed him what it meant to be loved and to love, he knew she would be the end of him but his heart knew she was the one for him. they came for him , they looked at him with sorrow and he knew this was the end of him, he saw her , for the first time he saw her , tubes and wires blood drenched hands but he saw her and he had never seen her more beautiful that night , he had never seen her look more mesmerizing , even the night she wore that black dress and it rained and her got wet and she captured his heart for the first time could not compare to this. she was dying they said,  and his heart sunk , he would make a deal with the devil if he could , he would sell his soul if he knew how , but the devils ears were shut tonight , heaven had closed its doors and he was alone , the depression had taken her away from him more then the cancer did, the pain of seeing her decay cell by cell day by day had changed him , he knew this would be the end of him , he knew that this was his last , he knew this was her last , she touched his hand and the tears began to fall and she smiled and he smiled and he knew this was the last , the last time he saw that twinkle in her eye , the last time he would ever touch her or hug her ever again ...in this life.  he decided long ago that if she goes he goes and she left him, on that gloomy Tuesday night in April she left him...she left the promises of forever they had , she left the dreams they made together , she left him with the choice , love or leave. he walked that night , he walked with the intention of end , he walked to free himself , free himself from the devil within , free himself from the demons that bind him to her. he walked and walked until the waves touched his feet and they felt freeing , they felt warm in the midst of winter they hugged him the ocean called him , it called his name and he followed like the calls of a siren he fell into the arms of the ocean. he sank and the empty deafening silence spoke to him and he heard her voice , he heard her scream swim. he knew she was the end of him he knew she was the end of the his soul but he didn't know she was the end of an era and the freedom of a curse , he knew he had to live , he knew her death meant he lost a love but gained a strength and he knew she was with him because his love for her did not die with the cancer , she did not die with the cancer or blood loss , he knew she lived and he gave her the life , he freed her from the bounds of death and he found his freedom in her death

361
362
363
364.
I spend my days like a clock.
Ticking towards the stop.
The end
The final count down
To a year.
Missing you has been my strength
Remembering you has been my motivation
Loving you has been my life.
You were
Misunderstood
Misinterpreted
Misjudged
Misguided
Misplaced
But you weren't my mrs.
I cant tell you dear how dear you are to me
Or
How amazing you made this amazing life.
Or
How wonderfully wonderful you are.
But I love to say that I love you with all my loving heart.
And thats why miss
You and I never deserve to be apart.

to love with a love beyond comparison
is to love with a love a love unseen before
hold dear those who hold your heart dear
keep fear of the ones who seam unclear
a heart was built to love with love not to break like the promises one makes.

You and I were meant to be
We were the stars shinning brightest in the nights sky
We were the light in each others eyes keeping darkness away
We were each others hope when there wasn't hope anymore.
We were destined to be together
We were faiths favourite
Where did we go wrong ?
Where did I go wrong ?
We've reached our end
Our ******
Our not so happy ending
Because where we are now there is no going back
My heart is dead and yours belongs to another
For a time I believed in love I believed in a life with you at my side now I only see my side
For a time I was warm in the winter now I live with the cold
For a time I felt the future was bright and now ...
And now I don't know , I promised , I lied , I cheated , you cried , you promised , you lied , you cheated I cried
Same story different meanings , different lies I never cheated I never lied I promised but I can't cry
You broke what ever love was left in my heart , you took whatever light I held in the dark , you opened pandoras box in my soul and whatever darkness was in there consumed me whole and when it was done you ate my hope the last bit left in the depth of my pandoras box.

There are no clouds
No romantic places
No fireworks.
There's only you
Your smile
Your fair beauty
Your everything.
The way your eyes twinkles in the light, the way your smile lights up the night.
The way your words comfort even the most broken of souls , the way your voice guides even the most tormented souls to the light.
I can compare an eternity of wonders to how wonderful you are but nothing blunders me more than how wonderful you are.
How amazing you are
And
How you'll always be my dream

Her smile still makes me smile,
She left but her memories stayed.
On that day , it was a Sunday,
She waited for me in the warm summer sun , her hair swayed gracefully just as she was.
She smiled and as did I.
That was the last day.
I broke a bond of perfection with my greed of dissatisfaction, I hurt a perfect love and I paid the ultimate price.
On that day , it was a monday,
She waited for me in the moon light, she laughed when she saw me , her voice still echos across my mind,
On the bench of that ice cream parlour we sat and on that bench I saw the glimmer in her eyes.
On that day it was the first day.
If prayers had to be answered she would be proof,
If men's greed needed proof , I am the proof.
Words cannot describe our moments, our bond but they can describe my guilt.
On the day it was a the last day ,
You said goodbye and I said goodbye and our moments came to an end,
All my mistakes , all my greed everything I done broke us.
All those days, all those moments once a pleasure then a curse and now it's all I have.
I hope to meet again someday,
Maybe that day I can see your grace again.
On this day . I think of our days when we were together and had a future before I broke it.
Time heals , but memories never fade and you will always be my greatest.

when I look up at the moon I cant contain the ability to smile , because when I look at it I realise how dark the night is , how cold it gets and in all that darkness theres but a single light.

times are hard now , we start finding that people who once made us feel special now insult us and bring us down.

We find ourselves sleeping away into an empty , lonely abyss  never to find someone to pull us out of it , and we sleep with the thought of being alone forever.

But morning comes and the sun rises chasing away the demons and giving us light and warmth.

we don't need anyone to stand by us , befriend us or be with us because we can make it on our own

All the times I spent starring at you in the moments your mind ventured away ,
All the times I spent my nights pondering of you in search of the light ,while you slept through the darkness,
All the times I told you I loved you, all these times have decayed into the fabric of gone and forgotten time.
The memories of the nights we spent , the days we had and all the times I was grateful to have you as mine.
Your promises were like flames and our love was the fuel, in the end you were miles away from the explosion and I alone burnt.
All the times you gave me hope when I had none ,
All the times I looked to you for structural  support,
All foolish times,
And I alone was the kingdoms clown for believing you could be different.
A fool is a fool , and I was the biggest of them all.
I'd call our love a curse , a waste of time and detest the moments I spent with you , but a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all.
May happiness find it's way to you , may true love venture to your heart and may you never do to him what has been done on to me.
But a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all so I wish you well but in this grieving moment I do not griev I rejoice in the freedom you gave , and to the memories we made I make a flame to guide me out of the dark and leave to decay in the place you so eagerly left me.

They told me ,
"She'll come as quickly as she'll leave",
They told me ,
"You'll love her more then the sun loves the dawn"
They told me
"She'll be your light like the moon is to the night"
They told me
"She'll break your soul more then your heart"
They told me
"She'll love you for as long as she's there but when she leaves so will her love."
I curse the day I saw our future more then I curse the way I miss you.
I lack nothing in my empty life.
God has blessed me with so much so true.
But
He has taken away my one and only and that is why I miss you.
I beg of you
I plead yet again to you
Please
Please
Love me again.
Let the clairvoyant mistress who foresaw my doom be a fraud and come again to hold me before the cold takes hold of me.

Red the color of blood
Red the color of love
Red the color of hearts
Red the color of roses.
Red
Red
Red
The color of my insanity
The color of our once amazing love
The color of the heart I once gave you
The color of the love I gave you.
Red
The color of the blood that drips as the sharp knife of betrayal you so eagerly pushed through the heart that beats the letters of your name.
The heart that beats red with the love that runs through my veins
The love I have for you.
The love I had for you.
The love I have had for you.
Red
The color of the pill I take just not to see your face where it is not.
Red
The color of the tag that cuffs my hand
Red
The color of the liquid in the syringe that puts me to sleep before my insanity defeats me.

To many wishes do I hold dear and to little not so soon do they come true, but from all the wishes I have only a few do I so  yearn for to come true.
I wish there was more time in a day to spend with you.
I wish there was more stars in the night sky so that I may count them all with you.
I wish that there were more flowers of all kinds in the world so that I may give them all to you.
I wish the world knew what it felt like to love you and only you.
I wish for so much more-for you but none can compare to wishing to love you till the day I leave behind this life I've spent with you.

Everyday walking through the streets seeing people , couples , families , friends and non as lonely as I , I see them but they don't see me. I walk these streets alone , no one to hold my hand or to say 'it's going to be okay' , I walk a lonely road I sometimes delude myself into thinking I'm love by someone , but then she just proves me to be right I am alone. This lonely feeling slowly kills me inside , I think a bucket of acid would be less painful. My solitude isn't a curse or a gift , its a punishment for crimes I did not commit. How I yearn for the feeling of someone holding me , someone loving me , someone wanting me in their life , the unwanted feeling of wanting to be apart of someone's life or at least noticed. They say if you can't be happy alone then how can you be happy with someone else , but they don't know the feeling of being alone your entire life. This is my life , a never ending lonely road , with no hope for love , no hope for friendship , no hope for a life beyond the four corners of a house I'm bound to live in alone. This is my life the life of a lonely man.

361
362
363
364.
I spend my days like a clock.
Ticking towards the stop.
The end
The final count down
To a year.
Missing you has been my strength
Remembering you has been my motivation
Loving you has been my life.
You were
Misunderstood
Misinterpreted
Misjudged
Misguided
Misplaced
But you weren't my mrs.
I cant tell you dear how dear you are to me
Or
How amazing you made this amazing life.
Or
How wonderfully wonderful you are.
But I love to say that I love you with all my loving heart.
And thats why miss
You and I never deserve to be apart.

They say the coldest feeling in the world is jumping into a frozen river in the depths of winter. I've held on to you for to long and I still feel the same but now maybe I should let you go , but that would mean loosing apart of myself that once made me gold.  Why can't you hear my call , why are you walking with you back facing me , makes me feel like I'm never going to see you again. Makes me wonder what I actually meant to you , cause you make it so easy for me to see how u can let go of me. Knowing all this still my heart beats your name , I tell myself I don't love you but my heart reassures me I do. The coldest feeling in the world is loving someone who doesn't love you back. I can ask you for love but what the point love not given freely is sign it doesn't want to  be given. I can say I wasted time on u but we both know that time was never wasted. Guess I'm a sucker for love , a victim of an unpunished crime. But still the beat from my heart spell your name. The bitter coldness you've left me with is incomparable , its indescribable but weirdly its satisfying knowing the pain and confusion is from you.

It's the opposite of light , a dark place only some will enjoy.
it comes with its name it comes with the night.
I prefer the darkness over light ,
why you ask ?
It doesn't lie , it doesn't feed false hopes , it tells the truth ,
in it we find secrets , we find demons and ghosts, fear brings out the truth.
just as life is a big illusion so is light , they say light is at the end of the tunnel , but we walk for years with no luck , I for one think its time to best embrace the ****.
Accept the darkness and forget the light and suddenly your path will open up in plan sight , seak the truth and you will find no light but insted a darkness so true so bright it will become your guiding light.

Like a dagger our memories are sharp and pierce through my thoracic cavity plunging into my heart.
All veins and arteries stop the flow of blood ,and for a moment I die.
All pain , all emotions rise up to my cranial area and build a massive collection of pain and hurt. Like a river it all  flows down and my eyes close so that the waterfall of pain can continue to flow.
I blackout a moment as my central nervous system reboots to account for the sudden loss of life my body suffered.
My brain releases endorphins to numb all affected areas that are now suffering.
My memories begin to show and all I can see is us , and the machinery that is my body starts to be break and the light that is my soul starts to die and the cycle of life and pain begin all over again and I die.

There came a time I closed our doors
A time after you left
For the heart of my heart
I cannot lock the door.
There came a time our treasure chest met its eternal hole
For life of my life I cannot bury it.
They say you love once
If that was true
Why oh why
Do I keep falling in love with you
Everyday , every night and it repeats
My beautiful replay of our edwardian love.
You were my everything and now that my everything is gone I have nothing.
Grieve I grieve more then I should , I hurt more then I should but all I can think and do is only love you.
With sorrowful joy-
Theres a part of me that still thinks of you and whatever fears I have disappears

An undeniable feeling it was
An uncontrollable pain it is.
We were hero's flying through the skies you and I.
Destinations held up high in gods paradise.
Little did we know the devil waited below.
Hands intwined we took on the world day and night.
You came onto me like a divine revelation.
But
Our reality was not real
It was only made for play
And I your toy.
Suddenly I seamed to be flying alone and I took on the world alone.
And the devil below began to seam more like home and you were a lost side kick on our great vigilant tale.

Her sky covers the tall monuments of man , she holds secrets that we are to afraid to tell , she speaks of stories of days when gold was pulled from her roots.
Her name , her place all in the mits of beauty , she is a world class city whos streets are still yet to be touched by my feet.
I've seen her at sun rise and at sun set when the fires of the people blaze in uproar as they beg for more.
She is my home , she  is home to thousands.
But she cries , she cries at 3am when the blood of a father is spilt for the paper in the leather bound casing , she breaks when mothers abandon their mistakes on her rail roads , she screams when the young and innocent venture to her deep dark parts in search to ruin their lives for fun , she feels the pain of the women and children who are fouled by men with no soul. I see her beauty in the torture as I drive through her heart and I break knowing her words are unspoken she has been violated , she feel cursed , she is our home but we have broken our walls.
She waits for the day her people see her pain and change for her happiness and I wait for the day the sun shines and I know my home is safe.

When I had you I found comfort in you ,
When I lost you I found comfort in your memory ,
When I forgot you I found comfort in my dreams of you ,
When I stopped sleeping I found comfort in my hallucinations of you ,
When I lost my sanity I found our broken love in my insanity ,
now im on the break of insanity and I found my broken heart still beating the song of our broken love  waiting for the insanity to claim me.
Why was our love written on broken stones ,
Why was our love written in doomed  stars,
Why did we fall in love only to implode.
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love with you.

Days gone and forgotten.
Nights spent together and lost.
Mornings in each other's arms faded into the fabric of reality.
Your reality.
Each day we spent was yesterday , will be tomorrow for me.
Never ending shall we be.
Letting go is not me.
Holding on forever is where you'll find me.
The past is your past but we never spilt in my life.
We live on and shall die together some day at dawn watching the sun rise and than you'll be gone and I'll follow to the beyond so we can live forever .

why do I fear being replaced
why do I feel my place in your heart is outside cause another is there
why do I fear im loosing you
why do you talk 100's of others
am I not good enough , are my words to little or was my life not enough. Im so tired of fearing the morning because you might not be there anymore .
Im tired of you allowing someone else to come between us im tired of you not seeing my pain and torment because your eyes are on another. Why do you have to make this love so complicated

Hope in my reach yet not in an arms distance
Day after day the load gets heavier and heavier
as it becomes more and more difficult to continue
as the will to go on starts to slowly diminish
I look for a light but all I see is a pitch black ,
void filled with pain and sorrow ,  
The demons trip me and push me over as all the weight falls onto me , I slowly give up ,I slowly stop wanting to go.
I lay there , hope hanging by a thread , boulders crushing my spine suddenly all hope is lost , all strength is gone and my struggle to get up and continue begins

i cant hold on anymore
i cant hope anymore
its only been a year but it feels like decades without you.
I scream into the darkness of the night in hope to find the light you once shun on me to keep me warm.
I hold onto the cold in hope of finding the warmth you once held me with.
I cant see anything anymore , not love , not happiness , not even a future which is bright.
All i see is pitch black emptiness , where i'm going from here is unknown.
Do i care ?
No. I cant live a life without you , im not strong enough without you , i'm not good enough for you and i cant seam to get over you.
Im at the end , no more hope , no more trying to cope without you.
If the world comes crumbling beneath me , i wont run i'll fall in with the memory of you.
If the sky falls i wont run i'll be crushed with the last thought of our memories.
If I move away from you , i shall be taken away , i shall loose myself , my humanity , i'll loose whatever i have keeping me , me

The sun rises
Dawn comes
The dark runs
But so does our love.
A bird comes
he sits
I chase him
But he doesn't run
flying through the air things are herald at him but he doesn't run.
Dusk comes and I hate the bird.
His beautiful multicoloured feathers
His sweet song promises pain
He brings love but when I held him he took my love and flew away.
Betrayal bitter betrayal
Why my love why did you fly into my life and glide away with every thing I have and everything I am.

I love you silently
I mourn you quietly
I cry for you internally
I miss you abundantly
I look back at us constantly
I feel my love for you grow eternally
I ponder of you daily
What we were to what we are is unexplainable , what we had is indescribable
But in the end it’s only a memory I live with.

Like a  seed I lived off the rays of the sun.
I grew with soil , water and warmth.
Then you came in
You took over , you pulled me from the shackles of my roots and took me into your life.
You showed me what freedom is.
You became my sun day and night
Held me warm.
Your love was my nutrition
Your affection was my soil
You grew me into a beautiful rose.
My petals red and luminous.
My stem green and radiant
No thorns or broken petals.
Your love grew me
You loved me.
But
Like the seasons my sun disappeared and winters cold came.
You left me in a glass
And
Lost was I.
Many days I laid watching
Petal
After
Petal
Fall off me.
My red petals became a grey wrinkled leaf and now all that holds me is winters breeze.
I wait for summer
I wait for my sun
I wait for you to come back so that I may grow again
Or forever shall I remain
A broken old shriveled frame.

One too many we make,
One too many we are given
One too many happen by accident,
But all make you stronger.
A scar is not just a scar it's a sign of survival.
A sign life broke you
Cut you
Tore you apart
But you kept fighting.
Honour your scars because one day we shall look back and remember the tough times
The lonely nights
The cold moments
And we will smile a smile brighter than any smile cause we made it.
Hold your scar proudly as if its an emblem , a coat of arms , a flag for you are a warrior , a soldier , a titan who's fighting to survive in a world of death.