I said depressing
Not depression
One describes
And one implies
A more immutable
Condition
A disorder
We disguise
And when revealed
To you
It seals
Your condemnation
Of my plight
For I am just
The silence shrieking
In the darkest depths
Of night
And this is just
A cry for help,
An SOS,
A desperate plea
That resonates
In your commiseration  
So inaudibly

Brought my bastion
Packing
With me
Half a world away
No need to build
It over
Better
All attempts
To start
Delayed
No minds remain
Have I not swayed,
No feeble brains
Left to invade
My best endeavoring
To memory,
Eventually
Will fade
For I have made
My bed
My home
My place
On earth
Out of
The grave
And from the cradle
To its breaking
Shell
My body can be laid

Farther down
Than ever
I have ventured in
Uncertain
Unaware I was becoming
But an agent
Of subversion
So averse
To any orders
But abide by natural law
And only broken on
The impact
Of my fatal
Tragic flaw

Running so far
And hard
Hitting the trenches so hard
For a living
In service
To purposeless
Since the beginning
By practically
Shaping
Ideas into forms
Gone as I
Can surmise
Was the source
Of her scorn
Wounds will not cauterize
When one actively healing
The other
Bleeds out
Every ounce of sincerity
Cannot amount
To apology
Eulogy
Ever my words
Have meant but
Incredulity
Like singing birds
Go unheard
Nothing new to me
In the ensuing
Routinely
Bombarding
Accruing
The losses
And with them
Departing
The battlefield
Having secured
Lasting peace
In which horrors of war
Can so restlessly sleep

Somewhere
Along the way
Became the man
From once the boy
Not in an instant
But a litmus
Test
His limits
Could destroy
And what he saw
Not what he conquered
What he squandered
All the time
For he observed it
Then reverberated
Learning
To define
What constitutes
His attributes
As archetypically
Adult
And what refutes
His stance
And stature
As the leader
Of some cult

Measured
In merely
The fruits of his labor
And deeply embossed
In his cross my
Engraves her
For only on
Standards
Of what he provides
Will she teach him
To share
What his steely nerve
Hides
What divides them
This time
Is his task
To abridge
And embrace her again
Overlooking the ridge
Only there
Where he goes
For her
Over
And over her
Onward
Again
To the void
Ventures in
Then he finds him the one
That gets under his skin
But illuminates
Permeates
Every synapse
In her absence
The vacuousness
A relapse

Wish you would come
Back to bed
But I know
Had it stayed in my head
I’d be out in the snow
And we’d only grow further
Apart
In distrust
And we’d let our bones fade
By themselves
Into dust
So I only intend
To prevent bitter ends
For what’s merely temptation
Could never suspend
The impending
Foreboding
Without you
Portends