You wonder why
My words are little
In a world so large

Because I sing constellations
Universes, planets and solar systems
To even get a whisper to you.

My heartbeat is ripping through my chest,
I just remove the day I won't forget,
For a future of a regrets,
Loving myself lesser and less.

I'm a fool of righteousness and pride,
I'm staying up crying at night,
Praying I'll see the northern lights,
But as usual I'm a shadow of right.

I keep fearing I'm going to regret,
Letting you move away from me,
I don't want to be here in this town,
I want to feel the sun on the beach.

I want to feel my pride fill up my soul,
I can't deal with tears anymore,
I want to feel special and in debt,
Of all the future love on yet to get.

Instead I am a fool in a hermit light,
Wondering why I'm so alone that I,
Feel my chest ripping through my soul,
I really never wanna let you go.

If I write this down for you,
Would you care that I even did it too?
For your smile and your warmth and brown eyes too,
I feel like I'm madly in love with you.

I hope one day I get that chance to say,
How deep you make the feeling stay,
But I'm horrified and scared in a way,
you would just take what I have as I lay.

My husband says have faith more in you,
You're not the reason I have that fear too,
I've been constantly used,
For gain, pleasure and dismissal.

Is the season worth the rain at all,
The fire burns my skin as usual,
I'm used to the charcoal I leave behind,
I'm going to burn myself and love you til I die.

How does it feel?
To have feelings strong as oak.

I cried raindrops of empathy,
You used my water to keep your strength.

How does it feel?
To have vision as clear as fog.

I worked effortlessly to fight your fears,
And you repaid me by holding someone new.

How does it feel?
To shatter my heart completely.

I'm a daffodil of multiple heads,
Yet you ripped my petals off vigorously.

Now, how does it feel?
To build my hopes up everyday.

To destroy my walls mercilessly,
For me to regret being this way.

Fiction helps keep a lot of us sane,
Making up stories almost day-to-day.
Though fiction seems rational,
reality is off the rails,
Absolute madness everyday.

Picture frames in a home are lucky,
When this is all temporary for us.
We are comfortable and happy,
But they'll take - It's a 'must'.

Overanalyze my medical history,
As you let me down for years.
I've screamed for help forever,
You just silenced the child beneath this.

I fall in love with victim's of war,
Becoming comfortable is temporary.
As others experience hellscapes the same,
You show little care for anybody.

Sick to the core, coughing my lungs,
I want to sing and be free but it isn't enough.
One day I'll succumb and what do I get?
Nothing. But I deserved,
Better than this.