when suicide, is glued inside
The will to survive, in you divides
And when it gets too hard to deny
Do or die, becomes do and die....

So I divise a list wit a few or five
Plus 7 for 12 ways to do it by
And if I left a letter for suicide
Itd be this list and "***** it bye":

Knife to my throat is felt
Gun in my mouth, then squeeze
Inject ****** in myself to help
Permanently put me out, and sleep

Infront of a bus, I just leap
Cut my wrists, and slit deep
Find someone to lay wit aids and sleep
If they refuse I'll ****, like a creep

Start my cars engine, take a seat
parked in my garage that's closed
attach the exhaust pipe to a hose
Then inhale til pale, all the smoke

Go to a kkk rally, all black clothes
Blasting Rap music, then I'd say
I'm a Jewish Muslim feminist
against ****** & flamboyantly gay

While I burn a confederate flag
And If that don't get me killed
dad says I dont finish what I start, he'll be proud cuz this time will

So the bathtub with water I'll fill
Then Plug in my radio and shower
For execution by electrocution
or just Jump off the cn tower

Skip like a school girl in rush hour
Across the highway until Im hit
Climb in a dumpster on garbage day before their pick up and sit

And that's another 12 that's it
I reject what many call a gift
To reimburse this curse, that birth
Gave hurt, but I know this...

That.when suicides glued inside
will ...to survive, in ...you divides
It's too hard to.deny so you decide,
That Do or die, is do and die

My environment raised me to fantasize
and romanticize fairytale plots
Constantly told Everyones special, but if
everyone’s special, is special... not

told violence isn’t the answer, but grown men start wars, told its childish to fully
Manipulate and intimidate at school...
like adult workplaces don’t have bullies

My lack of contentment and resentment
are petty and petulant, so I’ll recant it
but impossible expectations make failure an inevitable feeling as disenchantment

comes from being sold magic and gold dreams were told to chase and harbour
but reality showed the fallacy, cuz the only happy endings are in massage parlours

Cuz maturation, brings lacerations
a mental state knowing only ******* for self exploration, so complications
with my identity caused me exasperation

so my child will learn of the wild waitin
Nothing inhumane, just rationalization
No Unrealistic imagery, or idealistic epiphany, just realizations


Instead of illusions most institutions
that directly rooted, or Alluded
Being intoxicated left toxic hatred,  
I got from the delusive undiluted

Euphoric delusion, an intrusion conducive  
with ecstasy come downs, now habitual
feeling missed opportunities residual
like manifestation of the metaphysical

actually exists, it insists, a ritual
a nagging cyst that sits, subliminal
like a psyches itch, that persists, and only exists, cuz I can’t resist, being miserable

but what is emphatically unequivocal
makes me combatively typical
Like my psychosis births mitosis roaches
that are magically cynical

like an angry lucky charms leprechaun who’s going insane, way passed clinical cuz I’m too myopic to see this topic,
making me neurotic, isn’t the typical

response cuz logic isnt the pinnacle
when trying to ration what is invisible
and take the hypothetically and try to remedy, what’s not theoretically divisible

So I’m left where I began, remaining
Knowing my complaining, is draining
Partially wishing, for the convincing
the world is beautiful, the painting

I use to see when faith in humans
and in destiny, still arresting me
instead of seeing how dark and cold it is, unable to ignore the unpleasantry

life isn’t all jewels and sparkling glitter
Happy thoughts & rainbows  and that
Doesn’t change earths mean maggots
Like jean jackets bedazzled, it’s still crap

We sacrifice what’s valuable for less
Than it accrues in interest on your debt
Which will only double like the puddles
When tears from struggles and regret

Come to collect your self respect
if our soul was fashionable you can bet
Most people would strangle the life from it, just to wear it around their neck

under the impression our possessions worth the Misdirection from stressin
including the Indiscretions collectiin
Like it’s infection is a blessin

Ignoring what’s left in its lessons
like imperfections are progression
Lack of investment in self affection
leaves us detesting our Reflection

Masking insecurities with our *******
women with make up, no exemption
Our projected Self imagerys Placed above our spiritual growth, causin is the tension

The Self hatred, suicide, depression
We forgot who we were impressin
our vanity is insanity, and its calamity
is savagery but these obsessions

are Useless as thoughts and prayers
Or Facebook profile pics with frames
Showing support for tragic Terrorist attacks, or mass shootings that aim

at the innocent, but the truth is
Most don’t care, as much as they buzz
They do it to feel better about doing nothing, when even donating blood,

is doing more that fake Facebook posts
Of useless sympathy could ever
It’s just condescending well wishes
from fake *******, we all must endeavour

As if were all eating each other’s *******
Putting on fake fronts for other fakes
like a masquerade for *******,to dress like **** heads, for other ******* snakes

and it’s hilarious, but also nefarious,
just like your local politician
who’s poisonous like physicians,
sellin big pharmas drugs wit prescriptions

causing opioid epidemic, addiction
but cognitive dissonance is positioned
So whistle blowing, the little knowing
is labelled conspiracy theory so vision

Is lost when brainwash takes intuition
leaving thought useless like tuition
why invest in an education system
when our own government ****** isn’t

societys becoming economical prison
but we just allow the constant piracy
too self indulgent to protect our rights
to protest and fight, so our privacy

Like freedom of speech, gone entirely
before anyone starts their *******
too distracted by issues for division
media creating bias’ on our television

Instigating prevention of unity risen
til our power in numbers gives immunity
strategically calculated, and predicated
on us inadvertently granting impunity

to the rich and powerful when brutally
is gun smoke, and cut throat lunacy
expressed in attitude to our neighbours, how can strangers have a community?

narrow minded views cause collision
sexuality, race, and gender, opinions
arguing over the illusion of equality ignoring quality, still we argue religion

and beliefs, that make us see difference
Instead of what’s common, our positions
On protecting our family, our jobs,
the fundamentals in the life we are livin

too blind to see any of it clearly
Most of our control we lost when ignored
busy hating each other while the
real threats are laughing at how poor

and how stupid, petty, and ridiculous
do you think rich powerful men
Give a **** what god another rich man prays to, or if and when

He chooses to have ***, who he bends
Over and rams? Cuz really ...in truth
Sexuality is irrelevant in this case
Cuz we’re all about to get *******

but what the hell do I know? True.
I’m just a self righteous dude with words
but one day we’re gonna be like caged parrots who look up at other birds

Who fly free in the sky
and pity them for not having their own
little space like they do not recognizing freedom, thinking his cage is a home

If he could find a dealer
To sell him the love
He needs to fill the void he tries
To avoid with drugs

He wouldn't be seen as an addict
Feelin axiety panic and rage
But the type of free spirits he loves
He knows, can't be his in a cage

Cuz a cage can't hold those free as a bird
Or the same attraction he finds
Is tainted, so he's faced with knowing
"She can never be mine"

Pained by the absence, their
Presence brings, when felt; is love
So like most, he's left with its ghost
Hoping to silence the pain with drugs

Leaving unfulfilled emptiness subdued
From a temporary substitute
But the dependancies supremacy
Blinds any chance for solving the root

Problem so like many lost
From the cost of being high as youths
Become the old and bitter as they wither,
never to reconsider the truth

Which is letting go and moving on
Sometimes means leaving haunted
Ghosts of those lost behind, but first
Letting go must be wanted

But sometimes embracing the pain
Of what's gone, will always remain
When the love held for it is too great
To recognize the power of a gain

That may come if only he could run
From the memories they hold
That are valued higher than what could be,
refusing to trade it for gold

Within the next treasure he is told
Maybe worth Just as much
But when he tries he can't deny
What's too real for him to touch

And almost feels, that moving on
Will only disrespect the way
He felt, as if yearning was the pay
Owed from the love that became

So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved

And that is more than any happiness can Bring,
knowing love can't stay
Not the type held by a free spirit who
Isn't the same if it's put in a cage.

.................
So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved.....



"God loved the birds
and invented trees.
Man loved the birds
and invented cages."

---  Jacques Deval

A child is not a pay cheque
A child is not a weapon
A child is not a priority
You can push down to second

A child is not a bargaining
Tool, a hassle or a pain
A child did not ask to be here
So Plz use ur ****** Brain

A child is not the person
U hate that u made them with
A child is not the one who needs
An excuse to be child-ish

A child is not a doll
A child is not to be resented
A child is not ur second chance
To live through, that's demented

A child is not to blame
A child is not a bother
A child is not to be without
Either it's mother or father!!!!!!

I wish I could explain it
To the ppl that have never
Been restricted, or afflicted
By being addicted, but forever

I'm left alone, not seen as clever
And the only time I feel better
Depression seized and Anxiety free,
That plagues me, is whenever

I get high, and deny I'll ever
Be able to function or cope
With sobriety in society,
Cuz to numb pain, I need dope

Otherwise I only get false hope
Causing me only to relapse
If not, my nerves are shot,
But deep down I always ask

If I really want to be controlled
By a drug, and never heal
I wanna be happy without feeling
Like I need drugs to not feel

The pain stained on my brain
But I just can't take the stress
The drug sickness, mood swings
Withdrawals, with cold sweats

I don't wanna to be a slave but
I don't want to stop the only
Thing that gives me salvation
From feeling pain, or when lonely

And maybe the truth is,
Deep down, and hard to admit
.. But in all honesty, I say i want to
Stop, when truth is I won't quit

But lie to myself and say
Maybe one day, I will
I just hope that one day isn't the
Same day I am killed

Cuz maybe only death can stop
The addiction that I fight
If I really want to stop I would
Wouldn't i... Why can't I right

What seems to be wrong
Why can't I be strong
.. Maybe I've been the only thing
Stopping me from quitting all along

Gotta release the stress
The only way I know how
Without an inebriation Or intoxication, type vacation, so now...

If only for a second, my weapon
To concentrate on conception
Of good karma, and ****** no one,
But often a ethical or moral direction

Leaves me second guessin
Do I even ask the right questions
When I'm answered with a lesson to
unfold more question So progression

Calls me infertile with contraception
That Clings like a
Chinese finger trap ****** and transgressions
Leaves Ramifications, or Consequence, Of my discrepancies,
To stir.... To bubble .. To boil..
Til the evil inside is a dichotomy, where good can try
but ego,tempts the unethical to hide
The moral fibers,
And seek pride
The pride it's chased being misplaced
Or erased for so long it's arbitrary,
As emotions ominous ocean Drowns it,
Til I'm surrounded
swallowed, like *****
and no help
Is self loathin or pity,
cuz it makes me a type of livid so vivid, even when it looks like it's asleep,
Still even Bill Cosby couldn't ****** it
knowin this is hell,
serves me well
And swells as its felt
From all the *******
...... I bring myself

Trust me I've tried to frame it
On anything like lazy People do immigrants,
but eventually I face it ...
Left with nothing but this release
That is the relief as a consolation
Airing my ****,
I try to keep in like some weird reverse constipation

Til I see stars but constellations
Even align to find a consultation
Gratuitous,
cause Im ******* abit
More than a bit,
so the offered achin'Im accepted,
cuz exceptions
Can't be made so I'm expecting my
Come around,
that went around
Like it goes around,
to my backside,
For a reach around.
Like ******,
I thought to be
The type of the
"try it once"anomaly
That didnt sound bad when awfully
Distracted indulging like an economy
Spending freely,
Makin commodities
Amenities and justify it like an idiotic neo Socrates to convince with a moronic
"YOLO"type Philosophy  
Maybe I shouldn't .....
But then again
YOLO ....
******* deep type ****
Cause in the end as men,
we invite in
Future discomfort if impulse hits
The present,
like the worst present
Ever presented to you,
but hell
Just for show ....
When i unwrap it
I'll act shocked,
and surprised...

I didn't realize this gifted go **** yourself was actually so literal...
So try not to **** yourself like I often do...unless...an ******* the residual

I hate how I always need validation
> Like the implication of insecurities are the only assurity that I'll never be alone
>
> Sometimes self love stops at *******
>
> Like the only time I love myself is when I can make myself feel the drastic *******, sensation
> Like the only vacation is ejactulation
> Otherwise the frustration is unbearable
>
> I try to remind myself that true wealth and real health is all about self help, but still I cry out that I am lonely
>
> Sometimes I wonder if being under the covers and under another is the only time I will ever feel whole,
> But deep down I know
> That filling a hole will never fill the hole left by feeling inferior
>
> Sometimes I find security in insecurities
> Sometimes feeling lonesome is the only way I can be alone, and still feel my home is not abandonment
>
> For once I feel the need to not need to succeed in the Greed of another's arms
> Cause being charmed should leave me alarmed but sadly even when I'm harmed I feel more loved than not bein used
>
> Not being bruised or subdued by being seduced, when I know deep down the only truth is that I don't love myself enough
>
> I find it tough to find self worth without some kind of self hurt or without being heard that I am loved
> Or that I'm needed
> But being needed is equivalent to be self defeated, to being depleted, and so I'm scared that I need it just to feel wanted
>
> To feel valued, or feel I am not cursed to be submerged on earth, with no worth, unless I feel first a loving embrace
>
> So I tell myself not to chase a fate without faith and instead of hating my own face, see how great I am and can be
> Without a strangers company, but it's strange to me as I am estranged from self love
>
> So leave the words above and beyond for those who feel they don't belong and let them know that they too can be strong
>
> Strong enough to see that you are enough for u
> And that I too have accrued the same attitude and crude mood of feeling desperation but refuse
>
> Refuse to being locked in a dungeon mocked by my own destruction
> And hope u release yourself as I do from it's abduction
>
> Released from the disease of the need to feel wanted or being left haunted by self hatred
> So I stand here naked, and sedated by leaving castrated the inflated loneliness narrated by my own self consciousness
> And leave only the promise of feeling self love that's honest even if it's only prompted from within
>
> And will no longer entertain the pain of feeling strain from stains left from
> A mundane train of thought
> Exhausted from feeling not good enough ...
>
>

She said"am I dying?"
As lots of blood departed
So much blood Moses would
Mistakenly try to part it

And since her screams started
In fear and confusion
I've been panicked its satanic
The imagery it's producing

And all she kept asking me
Why this is happening to her
And the pain made her cranky
And I just wasn't sure

What to say or what to do
"I'm only looking after u
Whille ur parents are gone
I'm just as ****** scared as u"

Then she asked for me to look
At it and see just how bad
It is and even though I said no
She persisted and then her dad

And mom came home to
See me and their daughter
****** and frantic, and that's
When her father

Asked me to stop examing
His daughter so well
As her pants were off and in
The panic I could hardly tell

Even though she's clearly
Bottomless but was distracted by fear
Since that day I can no longer
Watch horror films and it's been years

And when I run into her she acts
Like it was no big deal
But her screams and squeals
Still makes my stomach feel

So Uneasy that I get queezy
When my steaks medium rare
Knowing the meats been marinating
In its own blood and I swear

I literally have flashbacks
Start to sweat, I even gag
I hope I'm never around again the
a 12yr old comes on her first rag

He stood there...
Starring .....
Just ...
crying ...
and ....
Starring ....

He hasn’t looked away
Since the second he walked in
And found his best friend Lisa
dead ....Who’s head.....
Was mostly covering the wall
That was behind her.....

like an Erie painting
meant to be horrific..., but
somehow ....
still ...
it was....beautiful
....hard to explain...
But.....beautiful....

and as the police arrive
still his eyes....
They Stay glued to the wall
blood stained with reds,
chunks spread,
Leaving subtle
traces of pinks and Purples ....

then Lisa’s mother still crying
asks:

“are you ok?
“Let’s go....come on...
and though she said this to him....
Her body language ......
Like his.....
indicted ......
that she could not walk away
and now she also stares ......

he says  ...

“I’m a bit in shock I think .....
And feel guilt
from feeling maybe ...
I could have done .....more
Lisa was my best friend...”

and as he says this
his cries Burst out
and breaks harder .....
but ....
never talkin his eyes off the wall

her mom replied
“ she loved you so much ..”

and still
tbey stare , both crying.

Then he says :

“Do you think ammonia will be
Used to clean this up??”

Puzzled, her mom replies :

“I’m not sure ....why?”

he says;

“Because ...
I think this will sound crazy
but...
the way her blood ,
And all her insides splattered....
It’s.....
it’s beautiful.....

And this caused them both to cry even harder... ,
but also.....
Chuckle for a split Second
as they both knew the comment ...
was Seemingly out of place ....
But as they both still stare ...
Hypnotized by the wall.....
they both knew it
Was said genuinely....

Then he says ....
I really wish she could see this ...

Her mom even mow perplexed says:
“Why?”

and still,
Never looking away
he says:

...because ...
she always said .....
she felt ugly ...
said ....
She was ugly ....

Her mom says :
...I know ...
she was teased a lot in school
I think ....
I think she said it so much ....
That she believed it...

He says :
“ I know ...
she said it so much to me
That after a while
I’d get sick of hearing it ...
And often told her....

Her mom says ....

“ I know ...
you always said
Being beautiful on the inside
was  More important....

( Still starring)
he says :
“....ya...ironic isn’t it .....”

Her mom:
“What is?”

He says :

....that she wasn’t ugly at all
her beauty was like .....
Like ... Mona Lisa....
Off putting.....esoteric....
but .....beautiful...
and when they clean it ...
....it’ll be ammonia Lisa ...
left ......
To be.....
what she thought she wasn’t ....
beautiful ...
Beautiful as art.....

Like a painting so beautiful
Even her insides
that should be Hard to look at ....
are left like a symbolic piece of art
... the leaves her looking the way
she never felt she was ....
Beautiful....

like A Mona Lisa.....ammonia Lisa

even harder ....
......now they cried ,

almost wanting to laugh ....

still starring
starring at the beauty
that was painted in pain... art...
like A Mona Lisa....

......Ammonia Lisa ....

He stood there...
In shock..
Starring .....
crying . ....

He hasn’t looked away
Since the second he walked in..
while high on the acid
he was gonna do
with ....his best friend

The Same friend he now saw
Lying dead on the floor.

Laying limp against a wall,
That looked Like it was a canvas
For very beautiful and dark abstract art
.....painted with blood

they loved having deep Acid induced conversations
which he was looking forward to
But ...
before he could surprise her wit it,
He found her....Lisa.

Lisa.,
Who’s head now.....
Was mostly on the walls & floor
In fragments

Left reflecting imagery of horror
but ..
somehow ..
still ...
it was beautiful

hard to explain...
or maybe it was the acid ...
or... maybe It was beautiful....

and as the coroner and police arrive
still ...
his eyes Stay glued to the wall

Hypnotized by the blood stained
with pinks
Purples and reds.

chunks of her cranium spread,
Leaving subtle
traces of a peace of mind  ....
that’s not a piece of mind.

thats when Lisa’s mother
Slowly Walks over....

crying uncontrollably
still in shock

She asks:

“are you ok?
“Let’s go....come on...”

and though she said this to him....
Her body language ......
Like his.....
indicated ......
that she could not walk away
and now she also stares ......

he says  ...

“I’m a bit in shock I think .....

I can’t help feel guilt....
feeling maybe ...
I could have done .....more
She was my best friend...”

and as he says this
his cries finally Burst out
but .... still
he hasn’t talkin his eyes off the wall

her mom replied

“ she loved you so much ...”


and still ...
tbey stare.
both crying.

Then he says :

“Do you think ammonia will be Used
to clean this wall up??”

her mom was Puzzled by the question
and replied:

“I’m ... not sure ....why?”

he says

“Because ...
I think this will sound crazy ...
but...
the way her blood ,
And splattered....
It’s.....
it’s beautiful.....

And this caused them both
to cry even harder...
but also.....
breaking a smile for a split Second

as they both knew the comment ...
was obscure and out of place ....


But as they both still stare ...
Hypnotized by the wall.....
they both knew it Was said genuinely....

Then he says ....

“I really wish she could see this ...”

Her mom even more perplexed now
says:

“Why?”

still,
Not looking away


he says:

...because ...
she always said .....
she felt ugly ...

actually,
she said She was ugly ....

Her mom says :

...I know ...
the kids were relentless
when it came to teasing her

it got worse as a teen in school

I think ....
she heard it so much ....
That she believed it...
that’s why she’d always say it...
She would call herself ugly
more than her bullies did ...


He says :

“ I know ...
she said it so much to me
That after a while
I’d get sick of hearing it ...
And often told her it annoyed me

Her mom says ....

“ I know ...
I’d always tell her
true beauty
is when you’re beautiful on the inside...
That’s what is important....

( both Still starring)

he says :

“....ya...ironic isn’t it .....”

Her mom:

“What is?”

He says :

....that she wasn’t ugly at all
her beauty was like .....
Like ...

The Mona Lisa....
Off putting.....
esoteric....
but ....
beautiful...
and when this wall gets cleaned ...
it’ll be ...ammonia Lisa ...

she be exactly what she thought she wasn’t ....
beautiful.

Beautiful as art.....
Just like the “Mona Lisa”..
Ammonia lisa.

Like a painting so beautiful
Even her insides that should be
Hard to look at ....
are left like a symbolic piece of art
Leaving her to be what  she never
felt she was ....Beautiful....
like A Mona Lisa.....
ammonia Lisa ...

even harder now....they cried together....

almost wanting to laugh ....
still starring ....
starring at the beauty
that was painted in horror and pain..
like the most beautiful tragic art...

......Ammonia Lisa ....

I won't give up when it's difficult
I won't get discouraged when
Things don't go my way ill only
Say, it's ok and accept it there and then

I will no longer complain about Rain
cause its gonna rain sometimes
and I refuse to just write generic views so im
likedso if I disagree my belief is mine

I won't glorify drugs, violence or ***
Only make it a topic when it's truth
I will only embellish for obvious effect
And never to ***** cause that is art abuse

I will face my problems and own up
To any and all mistakes I make
I pray god kills me if I become infatuated
with materials or fake

I will follow my dreams even when it
Looks hopeless without drift
and never care if it fails
cause ill never have to wonder "what if "

I will respect other artists,
other Genres, the esoteric
I won't judge, discriminate or hate
anything/anyone without sufficient merit

Ill take risks, then take my loss like a man
Let the past go And move on
I will never forget that there's always someone
more determined more smart&mor;; strong

I will talk less so i listen
take advice when it is given
I will be grateful for the life im livin
Remain hungry ambitious and driven

I will pass along opportunity
and good fortune to the troubled
I will always pay it forward to the hungry
like I was given only double

I will no longer say anything
about anyone I don't first say
To their face and at the right place,
and i wont make everything about pay

I will work more than I play
Keep my word whenever I give it
I will not speak or act with impaired judgement
whether drunk or livid

I will embrace who I am and not
Embellish fraudulence to be
Anything or anyone I am not
or any success gained was not by me

I won't act according to jealousy
greed or even in lust
I will never turn on a friend or family
or violate my poetic code of trust

I will never give up,
give in or relinquish power in anyway
Even if I know I'm gonna lose
ill still fight like ill live another day

I won't make excuses or place blame
For my lack of vision or growth
And if I succeed or exceed
ill never be pretentious and boast

I will remember where I'm from
who i am and who I was with along the way
I will forgive and forget
no matter how bad I'm hurt or betrayed

I will never fully hate another human being
or refuse to love or trust
Just because i was mistreatedin the past
Ill never think of "I" before "Us"

I will not be too proud
to ask for help if I really need it
No matter how good I do ill always
be humble and never turn conceited

I promise to live this mission statement
not just write it so u read it
I promise to honor and live by these
Words then always repeat it

And always repeat it
And always repeat it.....
I promise to honor and live by these Words
And always repeat it.....

Despite my spite, I will forgive
You tonight
I won't wear my pain like armor
Cuz it won't help me fight

Forget wrong or right
Instead let's talk class
But this is no time for laughs
this is u bein left in the past
---------

Your not worth all the pain
Your not worth all the tears
It's funny how heartbroken I
Was throughout the years

Comparing u with my peers
That in my head never could
Measure up the way u would, cuz
On a pedi stool u stood

And I always helped put
You there, blind from seeing
That you were an empty vessel far
from special but looks are deceiving

Intriguing, til it was demeaning  
Feeling not good enough
So all I keep thinking of was ways
To make you think that I was

When you couldn't.cuz I wouldn't
So how could u ever
the reason love hurts is cuz it makes
u forget nothings forever

Like it's emotionally clever
And controls u with levers
Til the day you pay as u endeavor
Your once whole  heart severed

Feeling withdrawn from pleasure
From the love that was lost
Til your consumed by bitter sweet memories that wither and rot

the "I love yous"are now I love u nots
As your Stomachs in knots
The same way it was the day u met same feeling, but twisted plot

How sick is that? leaves u distraught
Petulant and angry
Hiding in my apartment crying
Ashamed I don't react manly

Cuz I'm weak and now im sadly
Feeling lonely from solitude
Trying hard to keep the little dignity
I have left by not callin you

And Begging you to come Back
Or asking how can I make u stay
Ill do anything and everything
I need u here, now,..... today

But it just ....pushes her away
And makes me look so pathetic
Leaving me a bill to pay back the
Self respect I'm now indebted

But that was past tense when I let it
Overwhelm me, not seeing
That she was very distant from the
all mighty superior being

I kept seeing u as but being
Alone forced to go on your own
Makes u realize how to be a guy
That can now be properly shown

How neglected he was when prone
To catering to someone he thought
Was deserving but after serving her
With Respect,that I never got

I Felt so meaningless but stopped
Seeing myself as undeserving
Deprived of the love i needed most
from myself to help the hurting

Cu losing the one I've been serving
constantly giving love away
Not realizing a true lover would give
Something back to trade

Instead of rewarding me like dogs so I got laid as a treat from my master
I felt like pavlovs dog,a lucky ******* Looking back it was such a disaster

So if I was a good boy I'd get an
Ear scratch, or a bone to hunt
I guess to be honest the equivalent more suited would be a leg to ****

Cuz she made me Forrest Gump
In love with a jenny
Too stupid to be offended by the many times she left for any

Man who treated her the opposite
Of the way that I did
Like she wanted to be put Down
Instead of wearin crowns cuz she is

Royalty to me But in time long after she left me for dead
My brain was confused, knowin the aim was happiness but Instead

She's gone so more self aware and  Self repair to bring myself where
I was needed, and now I feel cheated By my own neglect,impaired

So I forgive u cause if incase u care
You'd know that when u left
I didn't see it but I really needed u
Gone to see it was so incorrect

living to please who I respect
And not respecting myself
No wonder I felt beneath her and
Couldn't face the fear I felt

Cuz she left, leaving me blessed so
Yes if u see this u are forgiven
Thank you for constantly teaching
Me the hard lesson I was given

Bringin confidence I had prisoned
And all the sight I lacked from vision
To see how bad I need to be the first
one I love if I ever expect to be given

Another's love which is hidden
In self love that helps reflect
Once nurtured causing it to bounce off What comes off the opposite ***

So after this you'll finally be left
In my past as I have to move on
But I'll never forget all you left for me
as the lesson I keep to stay strong

And as a reminder, that the keeper
Of love is the loves designer
&should; be possessed to address the next love I get if I can find her

And when I do I'll think of you
and Know you gave me the best
Present by not being present cuz subtracting ur presence as u left

Is the reason I am blessed
And I read the email u swiftly
Sent a few days ago to hit me
By saying how much u miss me

And It was sweet but I simply
Can't be weak and entertain
The company of what had come to be the suffering but comforting pain

Cause I see you like I see the casino
Dat left me broke by takin my money
So The teacher of hard lessons Now takes on the form of how ****** ugly

The lesson can be if it's not learned
that's why knowledge is earned
So in my past with tears shed over u
Is where u will now return

Like my memories are her urn
That keeps her bottled to turn
Over in your grave for making me a
Slave to abuse but the burns

Sat bluntly"don't be a dummy
Or she will hurt u again"
Cu if I play with fire like my desire
From the attraction acquired then

I'll never allow it to retire unlike the
love I had and It was strongly felt
But I'll resist u¬ kiss u or Ill miss
u but if I fall again I cant be helped

With my issues needing tissues after I get My hopes up for nothing
So this is goodbye,cuz I must deny
the high I get when just one thing

Leads to another2leave me smothered, high by your scent
But I cant help remember how lonely I was, when u left, I jus say and wept

So it's time to accept the debt
We will now pay in our own way
By seeing what u had&did;;'t want but u want now... as it walks away

After forgiving all the bad moods
The abuse and all the cheating
And I'm not sure what my future path
Has but I know my past is keeping

You and I wish u well keep dreaming
And never ever go believing
U can be loved and not love or ull be in anothers past as he's leaving

You behind like I did in time,thanks for the lesson ....now here's mine
Open eyes, don't help love come out
It needs to be felt, til then ur blind

By a love ull never find
if u keep taking but never give
Cuz true love is like a 69 it can find
A way to receive as it gives

It's getting darker,
malice, resentment,
jealousy,
a fruit salad Of youth misfits
from hacker
to packer,
smuggler to rapper,
but what happen was after
Was The economy became a *******

with no fathers to guide it,
cause they already tried this
Now our kids like us could lose an earlier retirement

And I'm tired of it
causing a chain of half *** generation backlash,
so more get thier back thrashed
by their own family while a fat cat

Brings bad luck like a black cat
Filthy rich while some live out of a backpack
And this is me claiming my
two cents so u can tell
The government to tax that

Cuz they Always got us to laugh at
while they get their back scratched
But he gets a happy ending so it's
not just his back scratched

No wonder hes chaffing
and'll probably be chasing penicillin
Cuz itchy And scratchy has nothing to do with cartoons to this vilan

Now the employees the boss
And the boss like ur salads tossed
But we all have to bare a cross
Now my Stomachs all in knots

Cuz Everything's, rush rush
Kiss *** kiss *** blush blush
U wanna move on  up up?
Then find a **** And **** ****

While cancers at us like duck duck
And the goose is getting more then a goose egg
when their goose is cooked

and mother goose told us about 3 political parties not just one
she said
"Three blind mice see how they run"

So while George tells the idiot a story
about the rabbits
The greedy let money make them a savage
while We die slowly from our habits,

Why do we have it,
And To call us mankind is silly
Cuz what mans kind these days really? The one thinking with his wily

to free *****, feelin up a  womans manipulations and call it biology
By staying abreast psychologically
Which is a sociopaths  ideology

now im off of my own topic
Like i provided it just to rob it
Like I went to my bank and boosted the same cash I jus deposited

No wonder Im rich with annoyance
i must have won a lottery
thats how all these things bother me
my community missing comradery

Instead we steal with robbery
slaughterin wuts left of the economy
Like ur ****** coming back again
only this time for ******

Cuz things arnt the way dey outta be. Everything's about novelty
When we need less walk in clinics for addictions, and bad doctoring

Until narcotics flood the street
Someone tell those officering
dealers r those with Scripts 4 oxys
But nice that they're offering

Wut happen to philosophy
Where are all the neo saucrates?
Shooting for monopoly but that cant save u being a ******* obviously  

oh this horror is such comedy
Lately I think i need a lobotomy
good and evil battle within me opposed Im like a walking dichotomy

Now procreations odd to me
flawed To be a double standard like belief of having no right To play god and take life yet its ok to us to play god and make life

It's contradiction is guess
depends on position I guess
2balls to help my two cents express
so this is a requisition I guess

Far from living true freedom but its
Been gone so long who needs em
People say u cant find a trusting person these days..so Y dont u B one

But no, we always need some
Reward or valid reason,
When we already got the biggest...
sharing a home in all seasons

But lately were greatly
crazy, Like oh baby
maybe lately, we fried Our brains chasin the American Dream unsafely

No wonder I sadly dislike myself
And everyone else lately
this is how the world has made me
So u can love me or hate me

But from now, I refuse to allow
Another power to make or break me
I won't follow rules or lemming like fools, I will no longer live safely

Or by a risk management thought
Cause one day well all finally stop
And See that the only real thing
Given to us is each other and not

Valuing it Is like our words and being and heard, Feeling emotion to cry
But still were sick enuf to look in a lovers eye to say I love u as a lie

So don't let them , sell u a high
sell u a dream or sell u heaven
Cuz The ones selling treatment is
usually the same ones producing the weapons

And I tried to spare u this rant
But it just can't be kept in
Something smells badly and sadly
i think its the **** I just stepped in.....

Sometimes I struggle with
Seeing all im receiving, the things
I am blessed with, congested as I
Concentrate on what I didn't win

Or what I do when tempted by sin
Maybe that's why lately I've had
Nothing more cause if I don't adore
what has been given than I shouldnt have

more, if I'm not grateful already
So I'm trying to change
But to me change is very scary
Ill even admit to something strange

That I have lived in discomfort
many times Just to keep what I know
When I was aware that making
A change would arrange a fix and control

The problem causing discomfort
and That's how bad I have got
But I live by rather knowing my
Current devil over the one I do not

It's confusing which I do not
Make any better...it's stupid
Sometimes I exhaust myself
By making situations convoluted

But I'm just one of life's students
Trying to do it alone
But I try to put my pride aside
Cause inside I feel i have grown

Possessions are never really owned
But just borrowed til we die
And that puts in perspective
Why materialism will only deny

My consciousness to fly
Wrapped up in my toys
Computers plasma tv , tablet or car
Which was hot wheels as a boy

Proving we don't grow up much
Our toys just cost more
And like everyone else these
Days I keep buying what I can't afford

Just to be unhappy and bored
It's quite sad to be honest
But being a man takes none
Of that cuz his word in a promise

Is more an asset but many dishonest
People forgot the importance
Of being a good neighbor or
Samaritan, so we are all orphans

If not brothers in accordance
With origin blood or flesh
But we're too concerned with a
Cheque to collect what we earn, our net

Our gross and its gross its
Ugly but our trials and tribulations
Are essentially what fundamentally place
ramifications opposing us from manipulation

And I expect satan will be waitin
In a vacant room
To welcome me for welcoming the evil
that had me and my ego consumed

But temptation only groomed
The greed I had Inside
The need to succeed by any
Means with dreams i was sadly denied

So in these words I confide
Giving them the power it gave me
So when I read back the crap i confess i
collapse knowing nothing can save me

nor Will it calm down my crazy
To many variables so maybe
But I'll do what I have to for provisions
to provide for my baby

My boy, who's no baby but
Will always be my baby boy
If u told me 10 yrs ago I'd be
Changing diapers and still feel joy

I'd think u smoked rob fords pipe
and, probably think u hit it twice
But in essence it's all part of the
Beauty on this roller coaster of life

Up down upside down, upside the
Head, smack!!  go to bed
Before you know it turns to jobs,
, taxes and all else ****** that lead

By adolescence making me
Regret how fast I grew up
Always wanting to be older
Sacrificing the heart of a child but

We all make these **** ups
I'm just better at it then you
And as I end this reflection I feel the
stress lessin as this poems infused

With a new mind state leaving
These worrys behind
Coming to terms with imperfection
Or it will be effectin my mind

Wasting time which is a crime
But for a crime u do time
Which is earth to me sometimes
as i pray my stars will just align

And show me a destiny that I'm
The cause of manifesting or
Maybe my fate is to face with
Faith that I really need nothing more

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...

Why do women that i like
Always say **** like
"I like you , but I'm not ready for
something serious!"....right ....

Sounds like ******* to me
Cuz if she liked me she'd be
Ready, but instead she
Doesn't sag what she means

Cuz what she means is
"I think I'll wait for someone better"
Cuz I'm good enough to be
Friend zoned,  but she'll never

Admit I'm not good enough ever
Cuz I've seen this before
Some people get scared hearing
Gun shots but A closing door

Causes me way more horror
Cuz truth is the whole package
Doesn't consist of a fat body
Cuz I maybe cute but unattractive

Overall, so overhauled yet again
Is the familiar reflection
That personifies rejection
So I'll answer the question

Of why she doesn't like me
Cuz I'm a sketchers, not Nike
a no name handbag, when Gucci
Gets the coochi, so ***** likely

Will go to some ******* unlike me
With less heart to offer
who will take her for granted
But as long as he's hotter

Or makes money like a doctor
He's automatically above
I guess that's why I need drugs
The only substitution for love

To fill, what never will be filled
By a companion, cuz a bangin
Full gallery of Personality,, don't
Beat salary, so hangin

Like a man from a rope
as suicide takes air out his throat
Left dead, is my chance to advance
like I choke on hops

So of course back to dope
Is how I cope, but I know that
All I have to offer, isn't hotter
than the beauty of a 6 pack

Left wishing I was like crack
Like I was anything that stops me
From being inferior, like an exterior
Less inferior, so she'd want me

But like always all I'm wanting
Seems to just be too much
why can't someone want me
and not be , saying what she does

when she doesn't say
what she says , not saying it cuz
she don't wanna be rude and say The truth... I'm just not enough

SHE alone....
accentuates beauty,
her existence alone amplifies
why true perfection lies... in natural imperfection,
... and that....
...is the epitome of gorgeous,
wondrous...
A mysterious entity that makes me quiver at the nurturing womanhood...
.simplistic..
. True divinity, divinity that speaks to my soul in a language with roots far deeper than Latin...

A supernatural being that cannot be restricted by definition,
for it would only be an affliction
of her capacity,
so im left with nothing in which her beauty can be compared to,
for it's strength is far greater than any other force
....the beauty of a woman...
The embrace of her warmth and grace...
The softness...the independence...
The "love me for who I am"
...and i will..because....
it will always be more than enough...
and anyone who perceives it as less
...has never known true beauty
in the essence of a real woman ...
Thank you,
Thank you for teaching me compassion...
And passion...
sacrifice....
The bitter in bitter sweet, that is
arguably sweeter than the sweet...
A woman is much more than who she is,
but what she is...
and what she stands for...
It makes me strive to better myself as a man, so I do not let her down

...like I have....before

It may sound like tragedy
But beauty lies in calamity
The obstacles that test us
That make us and test our sanity

Self consciousnessness vanity
insecurities causing pressure
Forcing us to experiment with
Our limitations that help measure

What's important, what we treasure
What we sacrifice for pleasure
Giving us vision of clarity to find
What were carrying buried never

To be seen until bad weather
Makes us reach deep inside
To pull out courage that couldn't
Flourish without desperation to try

Our resilience that's why brilliance
Comes from hardships facing
Us opposed to expose weakness we
hold and learn to control making

The wrong move or fall to the
Inevitable damage inflicted
Helping us discover the strength
Covered never needing it evicted

But the loss of comfort from
bad situations start to train us to know
Our capability til like a distillery
our body produces an adrenaline buzz

That gives confidence like beer does
Like whiskey like ***
A natural substance like adderol
Now seeing the potential that some

Never uncover until there smothered
In fear nerves and sweat
Reminding you that a man
holds in his hands all he needs to stand next

To hurricanes and endure the rain
Cuz if he boards a plane and runs
He'll never know if he can survive &
if he runs the next time u come

To face fear it'll never be done
You'll always live scared your not
Able to stand your ground and reach
Deep down and evolution will stop

So sacrifice causer a loss
Is the cost of what will be found
Learn to be the master
of what happens after a disaster surrounds

Cause a master sees faster means of
recovery then goes to master these
Compilations of complication
s in the Situations of a catastrophe

And then he'll always have with him
the tools to fight Cataclysm
And learn to shape fate and hate
to tolerate misfortune like its Fascism

And by the end the little mishaps
And trials and tribulations
Will be welcome as u learn the pain
is worth the outcome&inspiration;

Not to mention the confirmation
That misfortune brings fortune
Like any adversity brings pain like
Surgery but the aftermath assuringly

Will be more asset than liability as
your left with something intangible
The knowledge that you are stronger
Than you imagined& still amicable

So charge toward fear, stand tall
Never hide or run away
Cuz unless the earth breaks
ull survive the earthquakes, and be ok

Hardships, cataclysm catastrophe
Calamity&disasters; are unusual
Cuz their misfortune brings fortune
So remember tragedy is beautiful

There were nights I held our son
And just cried,
As he too cried
it felt like u had died .

Like the love we had was a lie
But we gotta move on and try
Cuz u never died
U were a deadbeat alive

But I guess u didn't feel like
Growing up just yet
Even though we spent years
Getting high having multiple partners for ***

But it all turns to regret
If it wasn't part of growing
Into 2 responsible
People or wut is there really showing

That we evolved from who we are
inTo who were destined to be
It was fine to be immature when
It was just us two but now that 2 is 3

Its like u resent him and me
like we ruined all your fun
But it doesn't matter who pulls the
Trigger when u helped invent the gun

So now u leave 2 scared men
Or ....2scared boys to cry
Like a mother and lover died
i hardly remember a goodbye

our son has ur eyes
So His eyes r urs
So it hurts to look at him some
Days but he's still adored

i won't walk out the door
And leave him to cry
Like u did to him
Or like u did to me and  why

p*ss not important to an orphan
hoarding pain
But according to wut u tell my
Sister u stay away

Cuz I beg u to stay
And guilt trip u too long
But all I want is for our son
To see his ****** mom

You've never seen him Crawl
but he doesn't crawl no more
Now he walks like u walked
when you walked out our door

He's got about 7 teeth and
He dances to every song
And another piece of my heart
Breaks when he calls the wrong woman "mom"

Which he does alot lately
But as this all leaves my mouth
I want u to know that I don't
Just blame u I also blame myself

For not being enough to make
U stay...... and this is all
The reasons ur phone rings when
U ignore my calls

So I take as many photographs
As I can cuz one day i figure
When u regret not seeing your son grow up
I can always give u some ****** pictures.....

Binary code

Life to me is similar to
Binary code cause your either a one
Or your a zero not to be cruel like Nero
but that's just how it runs

Rich or poor zero and one
Not in the sense of you don't matter
But in the sense that some climb the
same corporate ladder

That others like me must of walked under
so zero represents hunger
And it maybe crazy to be labelled a statistic
but your always a number

Like a jail bird in prison social security
or even a credit score
Even prostitutes on escort websites
Are rated with a score

Your age, your salary,were all ******
It's not limited to profession
Even the priest tells u how many prayers
to say after confession

Racing time minutes from seconds
That accumulate to hours
9/11 two towers and 24 hours
In a day 7 days a week for power

We struggle hoping our troubles
Are more subtle hopin Donald trump
Isn't quoted by your boss
saying "your fired", a year is 12 months

But Friday the 13th if superstitious
Means 666 may send viscous
Demons while millions of ******
Are released in one ******* visit

Your height and weight, 6 pack
A perfect 10 describes good looks
5 stars tell how well your hotel is to dwell
but 187s a ****** and all crooks

Know tha 5.0 isn't a lottery# took
but a warning to book it or be booked
But in life we all have a 50/50 chance
if we really try but to look

With perfect eye sight is harder than just
having a 20/20 vision
Gotta watch for fakes that send over scams
til ur bent over, ****,,..now your  wishin

It could all be equal like positions
Designed so everyone can find
A balance of there talents a give and take,
if you will.... even like a.... 69?

Give me yours and here's mine
But nothing's that even, but as for odd
There's a lot of odd, cuz ppl are odd
And odds are someone will rob

You of your dignity. Money or job
Til too high is the number of your
Blood pressure that'll measure
if u need a stretcher and now to be sure

Let's check the number of your temperature
cuz outside it's 30 plus
But it feels more like 50 below zero
When your visa statement erupts

After your wife of number 10 years
of marriage decided to make
Another negative number work against you
at a 17% interest rate

It's all numerical I'm hysterical
Comparable to psychotics unrepairable
And after all this numerology psychologically
ima be damaged cuz its labotomy type terrible

All I want is some fresh bread for a sandwich
and to relax with a beer but first
I had to go to the bakery to get the fresh bread
and of course what occured....

I stand in line for such a long time
And got annoyed I wasn't served
So I yell what the hell, only to hear them tell
me  "please take a number sir "

Life...... life to me is similar to binary code
cause your either a numer one
Or your a zero .....
not to be cruel like Nero but that's just how it runs....


...... Ones and zeros I tell ya...
Ones an zeros......
.. If your not a one....

Sometimes it's easier to
Complain and sometimes
I do it outta habit and like
Love it can blind

So I decided to point out
All the things I got
Cause sometimes i cannot
But Unappreciative I'm not

For the beauty amidst the
Disaster the lining of silver
The people around me that
Stand as a pillar

To hold up all i juggle to
Make sure it dont fall
The blessings the people
The reasons I stand tall

The seemingly small
That I inadvertently take
For granted like its advantage
Was owed so I make

That ignorant mistake
The reason I write this
And admit it to urself that
We all can be like this

And my way to right this
Is to bring it to light
Cause I wish not to look
Ungreatful if I'm taken tonight

Cause for all that I might
Wish to get or that I had
Is a loss far less in comparison
To what I have

A sister mom and dad
Plus getting to be a dad
My car my apartment my
Friends and I'm glad

I have been so lucky cause
It's an honor to be
A part of there lives cause
Those special to me

Are worth more than anything
I feel I never possessed
Cause if u never recognize it
It's meaningless to even be blessed

So before all the stress
Starts to press again
And u hear me ***** about
All the things I intend

To have but don't pretend
That I said nothing at all
Cause frustration comes out
Of the mouth sounding small

And bitter, ungreateful
Greedy and whinny
But measured against the
Treasures I have it's tiny

And at the time it's hard to
See and hard to express
And deep down I do accept
That I have already been blessed

But we all wish to progress
No matter how much we have
And while doing so its easy
To forget things arnt so bad

So ill try to read this poem
Once a week to remind me
That I already got the greatest
Loved ones behind me

I already have all the things
Any person could ever need
I shouldn't need to be a slave
To finally appreciate bein free

I shouldn't have to be paraplegic
Or get my legs lost
To realize how lucky I am
That I can even walk

Cause not being blind terminally
Ill or constantly hungry
Doesn't mean I should forget
I could be but I have been lucky

And it can b hard to love me
But many still do
And it's sad that sometimes I
Forget in bad moods

That I am blessed I am lucky
I am chasing dreams and steady
So I tend to forget that fact
That I am living one already ......

She said she was a twin
And had a twin sibling
So right away as I'm not gay
You know what I'm thinking

And if not then I'll simply
Be abundantly clear
A ménage trios is wut a man
Fantasizes will appear

So I imply and she hears
Understands and says hey
"if that's wut u want then I will do
It cause I love u" and so I wait

For her twin siblings arrival
Still In shock that my girl
Is willing so I'm praising her in
My head, as best in the world

And as the doorbell rings she smiles
As I jump so eager
And I'm not the only one as my
Girl looks happy to greet her

So as she answers the door
And invites her sibling inside
They both walk where I sit in the
Living room so I

Lift my head from the magazine
I have been pretending to read
As they stand infront of me now
And as my girl introduces me

My face has shock as my
Sister talks and grins
Saying *** this is my twin
His names James but likes Jim

And he's **** ****** incase u
Still want to get
Freaky she says laughing
Walking away and yes

Twins are opposite ***
Sometimes I forgot
Now wut the hell am I gonna do
With this rock hard ****

I still wake up in a panic
wondering where you are,
Not remembering til i think hard ....
oh ya she left me ...And it's hard

Cause seven years of waking up
From night terrors to u by my side
Is now the backdrop for a cruel
Joke when I forget u said bye

Some nights I actually deny
The fact inside my sick head
And tell myself ur in the bathroom
So I can go back to bed

Less poetic and more
Pathetic trust me I know
But withdrawl from love is the worst
Withdrawl &Trust; me i would know

But don't think I don't know
I'm better off with u travellin
So I'm either ******* plain
Stupid or really like the challengin'

I guess it's hard imaginin'
A day now that me u and Ju
Can ever sit down together and
After all we been through

That's sad but I know that
We can't even be friends now
Ur a pig headed chicken head with
horse powered madness of mad cow

A sheep who always follows
Temptation as ur wool is over
Ur eyes and even if not ur sights
Still obstructed til ur sober

but "oh baby baby it's
A wild world...
It's hard to get by
just Upon a smile girl"

And I may miss u and still
I love u but I hate u equally
And u can visit ur son still just
because u can't have him legally

&Tak;; him for the night don't
mean U should write him off
And make him suffer for choices
u made resulting in u now not

Being able to take him
when the **** will u awaken
How many hearts must u be breakin
He shouldn't be feeling Forsaken

So whenever ur done vacation
At Club prescription Med
Maybe u should come Visit ur son
Before u overdose and are dead

But I said what I said I'd say
Plus more so ill walk away
From this poem like u did the
Home we built for 7years but hey

U were never very sentimental
Just very mental I guess
But I'm never far if u truly need
me just look in a mirror at ur chest

"Your on my heart just like a tattoo"
- Jordan sparks-

-Knowledge "hater" Gonzalez-

Another ******* knocked
Up a girl now holding a pre-****
And he'll run before 9 months
Is up don't need mrs Cleo to predict

And what's to become of
A single mother who's lonely
Victim of repeated history of many
When an I love u is phony

And wuts worse is she
Rather dead beat dad think shed abort
Before pride would allow her to
Find him for child support

So she works 2 jobs
And is stressed in the worst way
Seeing her child sad and empty
From a fatherless birthday

And when she's in school
Grade 1 her teacher asks
Why she's not making a fathers
Day present during arts and crafts

As many schools do in there class
So holidays always was
A let down as her mother says not
To get her hopes up but still she does

Only to be crushed
When Christmas calls
Even though she made clear
She wanted her father to Santa Claus

In both a letter and at the mall
Maybe she's on the naughty list
Now she starts to feel both her
Dad and Santa just don't exist

And all this time moms gotta
Watch her child in pain
While at the same time jealous
That for her child she always remained

And her father did not so
Y is he so important to this
Child she struggled to raise
Then feels guilty at how foolish

It is to be jealous of a man
Who's wanted but didn't want them
But sadly the child isn't the only
One hoping he returns cause when

Dead beat dad beat being a dad
Not just the child was left
But also a woman in love who's
Heartbroken and equally upset

But the child's obsessed
Making it hard to accept for mom
Who's bitter as tension Builds
as her child's now a teen and less calm

And takes her anger out on mom
While stuck in confusion
Pernicious from lack of a father
Figure adding to the pollution

Which may end concluding
With her herself as a single mom
As another high school drop out
Getting pregnant b4 prom

And when she breaks the news
It's déjà vu for a single mom
Now having to see her child
Be a single mom

But two single mom don't make
A single mom cause they
Won't be single long if that single
Bond grows to mentor protege

And soon the child will say
To her mom and new grandmother
A sincere thank u as What her mom
went through she now discovered

What was covered so well
Cause being a single moms hell
So she apologizes to her mom
As she could never tell

The emotional struggles of
abandonment and Heartache
But still have financial stability
And find time to partake

In school dances and plays
Clothes to wear and food to eat
Exhausted from 2 jobs and no
Support by a loving man to rub her feet

And finally after 18 years of
her high hopes that life would make
Her father come back on her birthday or
Christmas Start to fade

So with her high hopes fading
her lifes void dad left starts filling in
of course thats when chills go up moms
spine instinctively As the phone rings.....

She sits on the toilet seat,
in her washroom crying.
Holding a razor so sharp,
It could tear her flesh,

Until it causes her veins,
To slowly drain,
the unbearable pain
That stains...
just as the blood would.....
leaving a puddle,
Symbolizing her troubles
That she could no longer try to struggle with.

So as she sits on the toilet,
Hoping to cut herself,
Just like the knives did
when her friends stabbed her in the back.
She antagonizes herself,
to instigate and encourage,
What she sees as courage
To end an existence,
she feels Is worthless.
So on purpose,
She Forces out the memories,

The memories of all the love she gave.....
Never returned.
All the family who's backs turned,
All the people she loved,
Now lost, left in an urn.

She thinks of all the attention
She got from being fat,
And all the attention she did not get
because of that.

She thinks of all the times,
she was left to pick up the pieces
of her broken heart.

She thinks of all the lonely nights
She cried herself to sleep.
All the faded dreams
The insecurities that scream,
And the empty, broken promises.
She thinks of all the debt,
Being broke,
working a dead end job,
She busts her *** at,  
For a boss who constantly
degrades her.
Just so her parents can give her
a look of disappointment,
at every Holiday,
And family gathering,
That speaks in silence saying:

"Why did you drop out of college"
"Why can't you be more like your sister"

She thinks of all her friends,
Who got married,
and had kids,
And how she now stopped wondering
why no one loves her....
Because.....
How could they?

So she accepts,
What she feels, as true.
Feeling like she has nothing to offer.
Feeling like a constant failure who's
Only progression,
she stands possessing
Is waking up and not feeling the depression...
So she cuts,
Now Bleeding,
Frustrated with herself,
knowing it isn't deep enough.
Only to leave a scar,
Just like the other countless attempts that failed in the past,
When she sat,
on her toilet Wanting to die....
Til all that crosses her mind,
is the nauseating,
annoying, question:

"Can't I do anything right?"....
...all she wants is for the pain to stop.
All she wants,
Is to be free of the panic attacks.
Free of feeling like a burden
to those around her.
Free of the perpetual
pessimistic thoughts,
that now plague her,
As hopes of the manifestation
Of happiness,
Are gone,
and have only left her bitter.
So as she cuts again,
using more force,
She prays to a god
she no longer Believes in,
For the strength,
to be weak enough...
to end it...

Still crying,
And still denying,
That anything but dying
Will ever bring her
a piece of peace....

She always burned her
Barbie dolls after she cut
All the hair of that plastic,
Magic perfect blonde ****

She was 11 and had just
Always hated how all
Her family and friends kept
On giving her a doll

That was perfect and had all
And she just couldn't see
The relevance and the elephant
In the room is insecurity

So at 11 she Cant see what she is
but what she is not
her imperfections made her check
If Barbies got what she got

But Barbie did not barbies
perky with both ***** and ****
Her legs don't grow hair
And she don't need cover up

And her short legs look
Nothing like barbies do
Even her *** and
Thighs are all proportioned too

Fit her spectacular body's frame
that frames her reflexion
with the blame to detain
what remained as complexion

Of her oily pimpled skin that
Is too fair and needs a tan
And living up to all that not to
Mention a corvette and a man

That's why Barbie hangs across
Her closet where her mom
Saw the Barbie dolls She hung
by the neck yelling what's wrong

butShe just masks how she
felt so a head doctor was
a psychiatrist who sighed
A bit but had sided with her cause

She was an ugly duckling herself
That Never grew to be pretty
But the city has no pitty for no
Pretty so best you be witty

And told her to keep with the
hate she now held for Barbie
and before She left the doctor said
**** a corvette get a Ferrari

So She left happy but hardly
Cured of her obsession
Over beauty and style,
With a classy shoe collection

But she is now only 11
And reassures herself that she
Is no barbie and would repeat
barbies not prettier than me, and

Til she believes it she still burns them
To hang them soar
Shows a mirror to the bald barbie so
She knows she's not pretty no more

See what its like to feel too short
as She cuts at the knee
She says" i can be more
like Barbie if she's more like me"

Wheres obese Barbie,
or Immigrant Barbie from far
Black haired or short haired Barbie
Who's bus pass is her car

How about welfare Barbie or
realistic Barbie anything but
A smooth long haired long legged
Perfect shaped ***** and ****

With Friggin hips child birth was
Not made for and why
She asks Can't barbie have flaws so
I can pause the feeling that I

Will fail before I try if I
Am expected to be
So beautiful and Barbie never talks
No wonder kens easy to please

the message seems look pretty and
Dont talks all u need
So she hangs them violently
but quietly wishing they would bleed

But as she gets older shell
Like herself more and won't dwell
That god didn't make her a Barbie
maybe hes not as good as matel.

"Dad, why'd grandma leave?

Dad:

"She died son..."
"We all die some day"
(Son starts to cry)
Dad:
"Don't be scared of death"
Son:
"I'm not scared to die dad...
I'm scared of living
After you do...."

Sometimes when I'm faced
With a decision I freeze, great..
My Lifes taken to sticks it, and sit it,
At a fork In the road, to wait

For my choice, where's fate?
....cuz so far my choices to date
Is why I'm writing this, fighting it,
Knowing in my past I've made

Decisions causing collisions
Man made damnation,damaging
The way only a master of disaster
Can... With a strategy of calamity

A catastrophe, to make an *** of me
Like I compete VS. tragedy
To see who can cause more horror,. &destruction; but no match for me

Is he, as my demolition savagery
Similar to whenever havocs seen
And as it happens. I'm always like
"Yo..What the F$&@ is happening??!"

Clueless like Alicia silverstone
In the library with a wrench
As Cornel mustard calls her *****
And this is where ration ends

And wanders like it saunters off
topic hoping itll delay or help
Fantasies of **** woman come out
Now I'm a Plummer...hired to help

... But eventually, I'm back held
Forced to be an adult, oh why ..
..forced to pick a road or grow old
And hold stagnant, until I die

Which don't sound so bad, but a dad
Always has to consider
And factor in. to weigh the variable,
In the form of his lil diaper *******

Who really could use a baby sitter
Who is ****,so a ....baby sister
Can be made, but ...focus dont stray
This is no time to joke or play

Eeny-meeny miney moe
Catch a politician by its toe
So you can ask advice, then told:
"It's a gd time to relapse on blow"

Which is only said cuz my head
Controls the imagined figment
Which says nothing except that,my
Heads not where sane thoughts visit

So as I stare at the two paths
I feel debilitated and instead
Of perpetual fear, the thoughts fed
Says no matter which way I head

Ill be left to wonder where I'm lead
If I chose the path, which I did not
When I decide and divide I try the path I now continue so do not

think too much. and yet still
Frozen and paralyzed at a halt  
I stand a man, full of fear, a vault
holding a scared boy full of fault

But Self doubt amplifies as adults
At least for me, so immobile I'm left
Confused by why I'm still undecided
But already feel my choices regret ...

.....  I hope I don't fork myself .....

I can't believe ur gone I'll
Always mourn the loss
I don't know where u are
Some things can't be washed

A lesson learned in loss
Now only one remains
So my eyes are clouds
Bringing the rain

Can't believe ur gone
I try to stay strong
I know I left u but I came
Back and I can't find u so our bond

Breaks like my heartaches
I'm trying to deal with the loss
only one came out of the wash
They were my favorite ****** socks

I'm shocked, I'm distraught
How do I always lose the brother
In a pair of socks so sadly in
Horror I must throw out the other

And when I do I'm so blue
Two days later when ur found
Left again with one sock so I cry
As my knees hit the ground

Screaming at the sky
Why god why?
Now I gotta throw away the
Second sock as I frantically cry

Don't offer me what can be bought,
Or make an offer solely based,
On your soul, when faced,
With guilt seized,
So you can feel guilt flee
Like paying a guilts fee,
Leads you to guilt free.

So if you ever eventually
Find a mind of consciousness mentally    
You'll see, true empathy is empty, leaving sympathy, Rudementally,

Don't give me a coat, for freezing,
Stand in the cold, never leaving
Emotionally, blood in oceans leak
Cut yourself, so as one were bleeding

And I promise you when the years
Reverse and the curse, of your fears
Tear your flesh internally, turn to me
And for eternally I'll shed ur tears

With u, and yes. I know, how peculiar  and convoluted, it is when I say
"don't relinquish food to me
if I'm hungry.....Throw yours away,

Let me know I'm not alone.
Don't pull me out from dark depths
Crawl inside the dark cell in hell where I'm held, Where my secrets are kept

Don't try to heal my insecurities,
Reassuring me, assurity; obnoxious
Instead reveal, what makes you feel
Scars unhealed, or self conscious

Or like the others, be pompous
Judgemental, narcissistic corrosive
psychosomatic vanity, causing insanity a Psychotic fantasy, causing psychosis

To those like me, who see it's atrocious
So plz, keep youe charitable deposit
As it doesn't help me. As much as your
Guilt, so it doesn't hang in your closet

With the other skeletons, and elephants
And other less than eloquent shame
Don't act like u are feeling my pain
Don't R.kelly **** on me &cal;; it rain

I don't wanna stand under your umbrella, stand in the storm with me
So we never fear being with no umbrella, instead knowing that we

Survived the worst, that this earth
Could disperse, so never
Again will we fear it, but more than that, we'd Know whether the weather

Was the worse ever endevoired,
&fall; to death, that is still better
Than life where no ones love, is tested, to never know, what's truly forever

To never know, the beauty in pain
Or gifted lesson, in a hard loss
Cause what can ever be valued, with out knowing how to, sacrifice for a cost

The bi ****** polar bear felt shock when diagnosed bi-polar

I love Trees, never narcissistis they always let me talk about me

I am bad with Greek mythology it is my Achilles elbow

I can't say that I'm not a racist
I indulge in misanthropy

Lately I find myself hating
Me but then
I realize as I pause, that my flaws
Make me all I am

And all I am not, knots my stomach
But before I plummet to self loathing
That causes my insides eroding
I chose to stop internal imploding

By telling myself that only hoping
To be someone else
Makes me as fake as the snakes
That are the reason I need help

So I release all the doubt
And remind myself, to not give a ****
And consciously decide to give my reflection, affection, and be who I am

And those who oppose, can
Like I suppose they will
But our only chance to ever advance
Stands in knowing being unfulfilled

Comes from fighting who we are
Or we can never be
The person were meant to me
So be you, and I'll be me

Then we are truly free
Be you, and I'll be me
Cuz that's the only way
We are ever truly free

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about about ****, which
makes me think of all the **** I got away

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, not dumb

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But I'm not so crazy if family guys
Accurate maybe my kids like Stevie Griffin

Trying to **** my girl, ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who
Ur ****** is prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own that ****

Was the wrong way to go
Even if she was already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path I know

That I'm lucky I walked through
Without dying before I had u
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million beatings in one
Then explain that was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do but Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him when growing

And get a pair of lawyers in cause
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about ****, which makes me think
of all they didnt know, and all I got away.....

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, as a smarter one

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But not so crazy if family guys baby is  
Accurate .....so maybe my kids a Stewie Griffin

Trying to **** his mom.....ha , ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who you are
or were ****** .....is always prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid grow up, and make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own, not to go ****

cause its as wrong as that hyperboye was
Even if she was ...already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path i did, and that I know

That I'm lucky I walked through, and away from
Without dying before I had my lil dude
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million, trillion beatings in one
Then explain that it was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do
but still did Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him, as hes growing

And get a pair of lawyers incase
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming........ where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause
u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

I must be a stairway
The way I get stepped on
I must be a nightmare
The way I get slept on
I must be a ****
Cause all I got is *****
Life must be a maze the ways
I bump my back into walls
I must be a toilet cause
I'm constantly **** on
I must be repulsive rejected
Whoever I hit on
Must be a ****** as I'm spit on
Must be a door cause they push me
U r wut u eat and on good Friday
I always eat *****
Cause I love chicken *****
At Chinese food spots
I must. Be a target like a sponsor
For target the way they take shots
I must be in pain the way
I take pain killers So
I hope the pain stained is detained
And not refrain from slow
Pain removal and it soon'll
Tell by time but I'm weary
Mirrors seem to fear me
Homeless people are less. Needy
They don't. Need me I'm
Depressing and it stinks my clothes
I must have aids cause I can't even
Get laid by hoes
I must just be gross
Net pay and gross shows. Nothing
And I must. Be associated with
It as I'm nothing unless I'm something
Along the lines of an
******* or a *****
Or so I'm told by people cold
And wish I'd die but I did
Die because I seem to be a
Ghost to most I know
Only call me when there problems
Are so ****** up they know
No matter how ****** up there
Situation. Is that I've seen worse
Which is insulting and flattering
All in the same verse
I must have a curse
Like Toronto maple leafs
Who coulda had a cup by.now
But the phat cats are cheap
But stupid are we not them
Because there's no sense
In investing in a roster if merchandise
And seats commence
To sell and they do always
From loyal die hard fans
Who they rob of bein part of a
Contender team but the stands
Are full I guess losings just
A pass time now
But I'm so off track where was
I, **** I forget now
I believe I was ******* in my
Own special way
And I always get ****** cause I'm an
*** so I guess I'm gay
I must be a runaway
Cause I don't got a home
I can go back to, am I a dog
Cause in my pants is a bone
I must be a **** pad
Cause my wings don't help fly
I guess I'm not a big girl
Cause big girls dont cry
I must be a fat *** cause my
Fat has a fat mass
Equivalent to precious eaten
By fat joe and thats
Not the type of mass with
Stained glass and religion
Where an alter boys farts are
Never heard if u listened
In an amplifier I'm ampped on fire
But nobody sees it
So if I said president Obama
Had ****** diseases
No one would protest and say jesus
Christ that was wrong
What would Jesus do?
He would probably write a song
About his long slong his **** and
Very long hair
He'd. Never sleep with delilah
But still a cross he must bear
But I would never cross a bear
Are u aware jerusalems where
Darker skin toned people appear
So why is Jesus so fair
Well I don't really care
Not even sure why I asked
90% of the world is unattractive
Sounds harsh but do the math
Am I a long necked giraffe
Cause mom said I belong in a zoo
Which is appealing as the monkeys
Get to masterbated and throw poo
I have no hint let alone a clue,
Was. nEver quite clued in
Too busy angry collecting debt
Feeling disrespect and sins
I now and forever regret since
Ii grew up a little
Had to stop substituting ****** pills
For my bag full of skittles
So I must be a riddle
An enigma to ponder
I don't journey with destination
Only have patients to wander
So to be a doctors patient I
Saunter and walk into a walk in
Clinic so in it i mimic a ******* to
finish with a script for poppin
Perkecette oxycotton
Clonasapan diasapan even
So my back pain I make so real
It starts to hurt as I'm leavin
But giving. doctors are decieving
So deceiving them does not
Pin guilt aide it wilts knowing
The real drug dealers the doc
Sending people who got
Addiction problems to phone
A Clinic to start u a new dependency
Called methadone
So leave the **** alone, such
A mess and known
If ur not an ignorant clone
That can't see on there own
It's the same drug dealer
Just a different drug
So how does **** for oxy heads
Really help them its rough
I must be a mute cause all
My opinions arnt heard
And I protect my pocket with no
Pocket protecter so am I a nerd
I must be a bad ****** word
Cause whenever I am. Brought up
Eyes go wide as if I am a bad
Influence like I'm hopped up
On morphine and more fiends
Are. Created each day
As doctors seem to just
Wanna give there drugs away
Well I'm done for the day
That's enough complaints for me
And if u didn't like it call 1800
I don't give a **** and Plz
Remember if it's busy just hang
up and try ur Call  again
Cause I always look forward
To being **** on for when
I use the freedom of speech
Giving to me as a right
So those opposed your all *****
So that means I must. Be a ****
*** yikes ewww a **** yuck
Get it away
So what I say I had to say Plz don't play
With what lay in my spray
Of opions in the way I say
What I say when I say it
If u hate me I'm still on ur mind
And worth hating so go ahead hate it
Poetic dues I payed it
Roads I pave it so those
Who chose to be a voice for
His beliefs always knows
There way but in dismay
I may not pray for others
Cause they may see a dead end
Even though they are covered
And smothered in talent
But if never discovered ur covered
Lucky if Facebook will even read
Let alone brothers and mothers
Cause to hypnotize the others
Selling out lurks in the way
And wut defines selling out is such
An area of grey
So goodbye again I'll say
I'm on my way out and gone
Not even a penny for my thoughts
And it's so sad a penny's beyond
What most would pay
As they say I'm just one of alot
But I maybe a snowflake looking
The same but actually I am not

lately i feel like
your all i really got
but like everyone else i love
im the only one who talks
absent with the congregation
cant be selfish today
so i try not to bother you
with all i wont say
stomaches full of nerves
that make me feel i rot
so nervously i sweat when im
not even hot
every tear has a story
as well as salt that packs
in my tears, no wonder i
reflect so much fat
all i wants to be humble
and get my love returned
instead like the dead my hearts
needing an urn
wheres investments return
dont wanna go through this
wheres jesus christ, let him know i
have now found judas
sometimes i feel "***** this"
"that, him and her"
innocence is extinct in ones i
felt were so pure
so infered is the absurd uncured
desease that plagues me
i now understand how my
enemies passionately hate me
cause lately i hate me
so greatly as well
cant threaten me with the devil, im already
used to this hell
everyones **** ****** smells
mine and all of yours
snow white was trying to tell me
most woman are ******
in drawers of seven dwarfs
who no wonders either sleepy
***** or grumpy when will
i get a break or freebie
dark shadows pass so creepy
most people are deceitful and greedy
i swear i can almost feel
my soul wants to leave me
just like everyone leaving
loyaltys not a common relic
no wonder all we feel is so
uncalming and jealous
why cant i find strength embelished
prior used to front
but i rather be killed then *******
heartlessly hunt
and maybe thats why before you
i kneel and cry
asking for the mercy of death
i see such peace in the eye
of the one you will cry
for if they die but roughly
im jealous at funerals wondering
why im not so lucky
so in the name of the father
son and holy spirit
i pray if i dont see death today
that im hopefully near it
.....amen

He found out today that the little girl he called his daughter wasnt his
He's lost. And heartbroken so he confronts the woman who is

Supposedly and suppose to be
The one who's openly honest
But now heading south from
wedding bells and from the promise

Made in there vows as they vowed
Not to be
Deceitful but all people are capable
Of an evil. Deed
So as he yells and demands she
Stand before him and say
The name of who detains the title of
A man who stained with DNA
Their marriage to disparage the love that they had
And as he goes silent his wife in
Tears says. U are her dad
Cause u are the one who stayed up
All night when she was sick
Your the one she calls daddy and
If your not biologically it
By our daughter won't see it is
Like that in any way
She will only see the man she gave
Butterfly kisses to and gave
Cards that she made on your birthday and may
Not be blood to u but still comes to u
Every Father's Day
To hug u and love u and what can u
Remember
That ever showed otherwise
All I can say is forever
I will regret all I bet
And lost while I gambled
Our love, our marriage and family
The secret wasnt easy to handle

But if u chose to leave its fine I
Deserve it but plz stop
And realize with no angry thought
That what I deserve she does not

And as he swears to tell their now 12 year old daughter he leaves
To pick her up at school and when he does in the car she sneezed

And said she felt sick, and then said with a laugh
I might be sick but I don't mind because dad like u always have

U will bring me soup in bed and kiss my forehead and that
Always makes me feel better
Plus u do anything I ask

and he laughs with her knowing he is a servant when she's sick
And as they get home the car stops
And he says I think

I should tell u something important
Cuz it's better u know
And as she looks in his eyes with
Innocence she nods her head as to say go
And as he starts to cry their hands meet and hold once they touch
And he says... It's important u know... That I love u so much...

You sicken me lately
I can't look at you it's crazy
All I hate in myself plus more
Is in you and maybe

I shouldn't be taking
This approach by saying
Things that sound mean but
All I mean when I say them

Is for you to realize when
People don't like you
Thrse are many reasons
Why they spite you

Your easily frustrated
sense of humor of a fool
You swear too much and u
Never completed high school

You still wear your pants low
It looks like u crapped urself no lie
No wonder u can't ***** train your
Son who thinks why should I

Not crap myself if my dad still
does, look at his pants
And if u feel like your going nowhere
In life this is y u can't advance

You have a history of drugs
Hang with questionable people
Your pasts path had alot of
Smoked grass and acts of evil

This all adds up to equal minus
subtracted from your life
No luxury for u and the son
U had when multiplying real nice

Now divide you two from his
mother with a remainder of u
Who seems to have a fraction
of his **** For brains to the power of 2

And if your getting mad at me
Don't bother because
I'm the only one willing to tell u all
this, being blunt with truth and love

Hoping to help u salvage
What time u got left
Now reflect on all I've said
And take a deep breath

And when I stop talking u
U Will realize what is clear
That this whole conversation was
With yourself in front of a mirror

telling yourself all u needed to
Hear was a reflection to smarten you up
So this is a letter from me to me, or me to us
Wake up... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,That was really ******....

I've never been precocious
But Predication brought felicity
and intelligence has no relevance
like being benevolent for duplicity

remaining as reigning viciously
until my enemies show complicity
my boss wont know i was late, he
died in a car crash, what serendipity

no nihilism repair its ******* me
so im **** that it remains real
indigenous is my attitude cuz i feel
ruminative when immigrants steal

my land, and in my hand I am
holding the world so miraculous
but to live autonomous my abacus
calculates death comes to a pacifist

so goodbye i give the mass a kiss
and then give them my *** to kiss
while i ******* then after state
i am not a *******

So why I'm cantankerous
Or why I cauterize is convoluted and hard
To defend or guard but i cant ******
the shine of a star til i blow up like a petard

propensity relentlessly
Is pressing me til effusive
I talk trying to remain exclusive
to sanity But my whole life is elusive

So my proclivity limits me
and my ability cause being stupid
Is hard when ur insipid and predicted
the afflicted money addicted will get ruthless

while the medias news is
bias and newsless
but for so lomg now we new this
like stephen harper their useless

Scraps of Cardboard taped together, over a blue recycling box, with a long backing to rest a royal back on, so became his highness' throne ,His staff is made of intertwined hangers, bent and manipulated to weave together, and at the top is gutted tennis ball spray painted red, his crown is made of fast food cup trays, that are also sprayed a royal color, his cape is part of an old tattered carpet, as to resemble a majesty's robe, so as he graciously walks and takes his place seated, on his throne before his loyal, to royals minions, and though the gust of winds brings a raunchy, putrid, rotten garbage heep smell, it is still the stench of his village, and although his court jester, is a homeless man sir Chester, he is still a loyal follower, and even though this forgotten wasteland, with a mot of spoiled milk, it is still his land, and so as the king begins to speak, he welcomes you, to his enchanted castle,the one you insist on calling a junkyard..... Long live the king....

He's only 9 years old
so his mother thinks being on the brink of suicide
which she thinks about as much as she blinks
is totally oblivious to her son who is actually more in-sync

Then she knows or cares to know
cuz it would hurt her soo much
to know that every time she left the room to cry
he knew that she was

But we tend to think our kids
are more out of touch
or maybe we just hope
So her son like her copes alone cuz

He's only 9 yrs old
and doesn't know what to say
But psychologically it's damaging
As his emotions get away

From his control without a father
To guide him like he shoulda been
And his mom says his father died
but he knows she lies to protect him

From knowing he's unwanted
And as time goes on
All of this pain has build up putting
A timer that after so long

will set off a bomb
So as her son comes home from school
he heard his mom crying
And it has made him feel like a fool

So as he musters up the courage
he Walks in the bathroom door
To see his mom curled up in a ball
Crying in the corner on the floor

Where he sees the blood dripping
Off her arm where it withdrawls
Infront of her and On her so
He runs to her and falls

in her lap knowing the act that
Was Tryin to be done
So as he cries with her he
Looks in her eyes and says "mom "

I'm sorry for everytime I heard u
Cry, it was dumb not to
come find you and hug You
and tell you I love u

I'm sorry I never said that
and dad Maybe gone
But I'm still here and I'm not leaving
So please don't leave me mom

I know you think I don't know
All the things that I know
But I know a lot I just don't know
How to help stop it so

Its ok and i know dad isn't dead
I know He left cause of me
And I'm sorry that I ruined things
Cuz maybe he wouldn't leave

If I wasn't born, and thats what
left her torn which was enough
To make his mom totally lose it
As she tries to say his dad leaving was

Not his fault but
She couldn't breath let alone talk
She felt alone for so long but this
Time her observant son Left her in shock

And as they sit on the Floor crying,together,
her son says I'm always here if you need me
But plz mom promise
You'll never again try to leave me....

I write  myself love letters
That really make me blush
Like **** I must be sir mix Alot cause I ****** love ur fat ****

It's a surprise your not conceited
Anyway, I won't bug u
I just wanted to tell u ur amazing
P.S: I LOVE YOU

Cause I make mirrors look
Beautiful but u knew that I'm sure
I'm too **** to quote"I'm too ****"
sooo **** right said Fred's insecure

I look in the mirror and I cant
Help be a romantic falling in love
I can't believe god gave me so
much beauty and some not enough

What Am I doing looking in the mirror
U ask, well see I can't be far
From myself so I name my mirror
****** cuz it makes me hard

And since I'm so in love with me
And get so satisfied I'm needing
To stop having *** with ppl and just
******* or I feel I'm cheating

On the best thing to come in my life
Until my son was born
Everyone else is hard to digest so They r children of the corn

Me myself and my ****
So my *** tape is me
And I look cute as any fatter
Ron Jeremy would obviously be

Me in 3d without a 3d tv
It's emphatically amazing
Bubble bath, wine, a mirror, light flirting Then shower after bathing

Cause I keep making a mess all
Over Myself
Like Ernie does Burt or Santa does
To a slow toy making elf

I'm addicted so I need out
Ophelia plz Help!....**** it
Cuz if I loved someone over loving me
that "someone" will go above this

Love i have for myself and be
poetic as Me beautiful hair like me
A great sense of humor, like me
man who am I kidding its unlikely

There's no one that's  like me
So I touch myself alot
If beauty's in the eye of the beholder
Than everyone's be holding so stop

Telling me I'm incredibly conceited
Cuz I already knew
But how am I conceited when the
Fact is I'm amazing it's totally true

Even my mom says I'm special
And I don't mean I'm whacked
Even though sometimes toilet paper rips while wiping so nasty is that

But lucky for me in fact
Is My crap doesn't stink
I've never been in love with a
Man before but now I am i think

I maybe wearing more pink
Cause it makes me look good
Actually I can't look any better
So I make pink be what it should

**** like me, cuz I'm too
**** to be honest to ever be
With anyone else cause I'm
Almost even too good for me

But we all have to settle
At one time, and before I leave
Let me explain to u why I wrote
this and  hope it's not what it seems

Cause it seems I can be a bit
Down on myself alot lately
Like we all can be when we don't see
anything we like in mirrors making

It hard to let go of the insecurities
Kept bottled inside
Cuz society makes us feel only
Models are easy on the eyes

So I wrote this out
To trick myself into a balance
Hoping the self love will develope
If I first generically enforce the habit

To accept and love myself
Like u should do too
So write yourself some conceited
*** **** And set it all free

Cuz i figure my figure or lack of
Figures in the bank
Would suppress if I contest
My emotional mess and thank

Myself for pointing out all
The things that make me cool
Instead of feeling like the high school
Drop out I am, feelin like a fool

So I lie like I don't feel like a tool
Or stool and say im a star
And I call my bathroom mirror ******
Cuz it always gets me hard

"" OH Lord it's hard to be humble
When your perfect in every way...
I cant wait to look in a mirror
Cause I get better looking
each day "" -- Mac Davis

I use to have the opinion, that the worst affliction or restriction
Was the withdrawal symptoms
Of a chemical drug addiction

Until my hearts collision
Had me fall in love but didn't
Know the pain I would gain once
the aim of strains division

Smashed it, its like finding religion
Only to be horrified by the vision
That your gods path for u was different so u feel imprisoned

By the heartache Now given
Cuz at least a fiend can buy drugs
To help     with all the withdrawal
But the heart broke can't buy love

Or buy answers to why
When they ask as they cry
they are not good enough for the one who put the tears in their eyes

Needing a fix to get high, but the
dragon chased we learn
Isnt sold like gold, but still I hold
Onto the hope she'll return

I wish the constant validation
You crave, would be taken
From the one, u think as none
Like me instead of someone makin

You falsely validate the insecurities
That plague u inside
Wanting Ethics to abide, but like
name brand clothing provides

A shelter, you cannot hide
From yourself, when you see who
You've become, who's compromised,
But tries being anyone but you

When the you. is what is true
When I say I love u, I do
Beyond infatuation from landscapin, your **** body, but the you

Who even though knows truth
Of who you are doesn't come from
Validation, she's still cravin, the attention, and needing someone

To make her feel special, even
If it's temporary and then
That's when I'm important again
Who u friend zone cuz in the end

U already had em but when
The challenge craved shows you
The real value lies in the guys who loves u even after they know you

Are a narcissistic mind ****
A playin hard to get expert
But how long before your thongs a throw back like the thong song when heard
By the youth, but outdated,
Is never insecurity or hatred
That's why 45 year old Cougars
Still need to be validated

And then I wouldn't look faded
Or as "settling" does cuz jaded
By a strangers lust, makes me value
What's worthless, but I can't hate it

When thinking about u over taken
By raging hormonal lust
I'd never get jealous like most but
Enjoy the organic rush

But still u hold back on us
I know I'm not what's expected
Doctor, lawyer, executive
But who you are I've accepted

And loved even the things most
Who find hard to love if they knew
The real u, that I know about,
The superficial girl that'll refuse

Being called that or seem shallow
So in poetics she hides
The real person that divides
The class she wants and the lies

That determine who's compromised
And who will stop and see
That constant validation from strangers means more from me

I'm not saying not to be
The ***** girl u are, cuz to me
What u do, makes me more into
You when most wouldn't like if he

Was to get involved with u,
And so I ask. A real hard question
Who really knows u,ur imperfections
And sees attributes that lets them

Know who u really are&accepts; them
Instead of those u let in
That never even knows ur shoe size
Is 9 or that u get in

****** moods, so cold that sweatin
From the fire you give off
Is what comes with a territory Lost
In sanity when it's crossed

By the emotion u toss
And hope it lands somewhere nice
So your loves an std that u can
Only hope for twice

Like siphilous tasted like liquorice
That's what u are and taste like
I know that and still love u, so love
Me like that, and I'm loyal for life

i try to work with a punctilious
attitude, and be conscientious  
but it's tedious bein fastidious
vs. mischievous and pretentious

condescending, persnickety
assiduously, picky people
who keep nitpicking, snippy, sickly while judgemental they're evil

jerks, sedulously deceitful
methodical when diabolical
it's ridiculous how meticulous
these hypocrites are symbolical

is ice, so suffice is a Popsicle
society for sobriety is invidious
i drown in tears while amphibious
are the oblivious, and supercilious

who **** me like the lascivious
but most are naturally perfidious
& birth of its insipid incipience
always was, humans are hideous

and maniacal like puritanical
was a mechanical part of biology
which is like psychology based on astrology, so even mycology

can't explain some guys fungi
and some try to think logically
but being **** about hypocrisy
in thought can be, like ******

to the psyche, a likely lobotomy
cuz conscience is mythological
cuz wealth perpetual, comes to the less ethical so impossible

is altruism, as cynicism feeds the vision of their egotism
til rights far from wrong like paganism is to catholicism  

that's why i live metaphysical
A mental visual state that invisible
where happiness is centrical
and by sacrifice isn't divisible

or only seen by our peripherals
cuz it's the only way comin to bliss
the only invention to fight tension for prevention of cuttin my wrists

It was a little insane but who
Am I to judge?
You See ....my friend had a theory
how our world came to where it was

So as he told it to me, is how ill tell it
it to you, but not caring if ur believing
But simply I am just repeating
As I found it oddly intriguing

So, it all starts where a society of
of real gods all live
And their kids are subject to
Learning about their power& gifts

And as an assignment school kids
Were told they had to create reality
On a fictitious planet where it'll
inhabit a species with mortality

Using the knowledge you were taught
In science Eco system building
Using philosophy, math. Art anything
You've learned can help your vision

Now the rules of such a creation
We're to calculate things right
Cause once it's created it's living
And we don't extinguish life

So the teacher explained that if
You create and it goes off course
You can only watch it destruct for
example if u Forget a food source

If you forget to make the
physical bodies of the beings
To be properly resilient enough
to match the environmental skeems

You are forced to watch in horror
As the death u caused slowly comes
And only then will you know
What it takes to be a god, and no one

Will have similar projects so no ones
right or wrong that's why you create
It's imaginative and limitless
As long as u properly calculate

So only a week later long before
the deadline when projects are due
one student who made a planet called earth,
that reflected green and blue

And he asked his teacher if he
Could induce the process of creation
Knowing well, that inducing creation comes
after due date&presentation;

So the teacher replied that
Normally he would say no
But ill be honest im curious to see
if u finished only starting 7 days ago

But before you do. I hope you know
The ethical obligation
That comes with creation, don't
U wanna re work calculations?

Cause they need a way to breath
And have a way that their body
Can self remove or evacuate
And the student said like a hobby

I loved I recalculated made
Adjustment after adjustment
So if I'm missing something I won't
Find it cuz I can't see nothing.

So the teacher said go ahead
And the student left that night
To induce the roots that
Wi grow the fruit of life

So time passes and it's time
To present to the classes
This student presented last&when;
he showed earth all of them laughed

And since there is no wrong or right
The student was puzzlesd
As his classmates started asking
Questions so flaws shoe but subtle

"Why would free will have a need"
When u only need to program
The nucleus to force morality
Now it's on you when your plans

Are wrong, but the student
Explained that he could not plan
Like most others did cuz there are
Copious variables when they can

Make their own decisions and
Be there own gods
So I only gave them
the power and respect that we all got

Cause most of your planets are built
By plans, predetermined by control
Where as mine gives them the tools
Without manipulating them wit goals

Only the fear of survival and a
Heightened consciousness so
well aware before acting on wrong
as instinct warns, so they know

What they should do, and would you
Want a program instead of intuition
Robbed of the right to make decision
cuz in my Opinion that is no vision

of someone creating something livin
So overlooked my pessimism
So existence wit decision prevents
planet prison, think of a mechanism

Something designed to mimic
Life mearly living a planned cycle
So most of your plants are more
Mechanisms then life cause vital

Is the presence of survival so
It can serve as a reminder
That recklessness has consequence
To show control of what transpires

Is there's and with this I moved
On well aware it could end
Badly but sadly the same free will
I gave as a gift could curse them

And that's when his teacher said
Class congratulate earth
As I've never once had a student
Factor in free will which births

Authenticity of life otherwise
Your planet is a replication
This projects meaning is
built around the fact that your creation

Wouldn't really be a creation as
A school would never allow
A class of students to cause
creation with no knowledge of how

Uncontrollable true creation is
And that no creations perfected
And bearing the pain of knowing
Something exists in pain directed

By your creation so be patient
Don't spawn life just to see the odd
So the lesson,its dangerous
playing god so it's important u be a god

That's when the teacher dismissed
The class but asked his student
That created earth to stay after
Class so we can decide who is

Gonna break it to my bosses that
You created life
And when they were alone
teacher said plz fill me in and shed light

On how you got everything cohesive
I had to write a new thesis
Many times and felt so blind even
After schooling to breed this

Planet the way you did, how do
They breath explain
So he said out of the choices I had
For elements the easiest to maintain

So it's constant and remains
Is to have what's needed to breath
Surrounding them and that way the
wind acts to spread what they need

So all I had to do was create
an Eco system that's supported by
The same thing but used in a cycle
Opposite to another, so .....in my

case, earth is filled with What the
dominant and sub-dominant life needs
Just like a fish needs to be in water
Earth uses oxygen as its need

So upon designing plant life a tree
And other plants breath
Out the oxygen the eco system needs
so I hope the environment we

Left to them is taken care of,
So the teacher nods and says
One more question which makes
Me wonder if ur advanced or lead

By luck but what was your
thought process when programming how
A basic nucleus functions you
Added so much detail so now

I'm asking why greed, anger and
Other emotional gauges got
So complicated when these emotions
Develop in evolution with thought

So the student replied, ill be honest
I created earth to reflect me
So now I'm more bonded to my
Creation and empathy from me

Would lack if in fact I failed
To know how it felt
To be lonely. Scared or angry
And despite how there all felt

They make us constantly aware
Of ourselves leading to improvement
On a scale more significant so
They would have to be stupid

To not notice with how complicated
They are by instinct and emotion
That if the environment gets bad
Or poverty is had there's a notion

That nags inside them knowing
Something's Wrong and they'll fix it
But ill let u know as time passes
What happens no I'm sorry it isn't

Allowed to go with you. There's
Many issues, and unwritten law
All creations must be stored with
The proper personnel who log

A the findings as some bindings
Have taught us In the past
That evolution after creation has an
Outcome that is worth to track

Each creation and note the
Changes and evolutions as they
May hold the answer To a question
We won't ask til later so I say

You deserve a pat on the back
But we may very well be introuble
As its my job to make sure u don't
Stumble upon it but befuddled

Am I at how you factored In key
elements we purposely leave out
So when your creations crash it's
No harm some as the lessons passed

Cause reproductive systems are
Graphed and added to the math
When your much older in university
Although they teach in class

To give the female of a species
The means to self conceive
With only eggs and the fathers
DNA but still you achieved

A sustainable process, and
If as a novice u can do this
There's no telling what your future
Creations will teach us, but with

All of this comes responsibility
So lets go call the authorities
And let them know we are in
Possession of an unlicensed piece

Of science and be proud. That
U didn't just play god
You weighed the responsibility
And took well measured steps not

Even taught to you, and even
If earth is not with u
It still reflects how complex you as a
God think,so lets hope earth will too

Cuz any misanthropy is misplaced
As imperfections reflexion
is why conception of perfection
Leaves a contradicting impression

Cuz the same section that's stressin
Abnormalities exist
Is the same formality that makes it
normal so this paradox insists

That something is what it isn't
And it isn't what it is
Like love and hate, a perfect life
needs a nature where antonyms sit

And in essence this is why your
world leaves me impressed
But most ppl dont understand this
Theory and will judge it a mess.....

its hard letting it show and getting a hold
of emotion when letting go, or moving on
when all you gots self help knowing anyone else,
you vent to will give an apathetic yawn

So I record this for those who hoard this
same fear and board it needing strength
stress so enormous aborted is storage of gorgeous  
dreams resorted to feelin horrid for lifes length

It can be a struggle drowning in tear puddles
as trouble, less than subtle doubles to attack
And every stride doesn't abide or Coincide as snakes
rise, til your tries of going forward flies back

To square one, and in life rare is fun thats
fair to none, we were taught
Or told,so be bold in lifes cold and hope as you get old
youll get to hold the gold you sought

and ill be first confessing how distressing
and depressing life is, so less interesting to you
is being targets, and seeing how charmless the  
arm pitts of lifes hardships are, but true

is how we grew from it, learning to control
frustration when we lost and had to let go
teaching us the cost of a loss, and to cherish what we got  
before we do not, and learn as a whole

to fight it off dont write it off, from a loss, like
calling a cough fatal but a slump confuses
so we sacrifice triumph for lumps concluded
when at most it was only bumps and bruises

But the more humps eluded
The less theyre found to be intrusive
And lack of experience separates the greats
from the ignorant fake and stupid

Transforming Translucent to Lucid
Helping the disapproved prove its
Only movement with motivation will prove an
approved transformation to see improvement

Recycling for beneficial Accruement
so positioned positivity surrounds my proximity
Ignore judgement given with no realistic vision  
like religion and ****** Proclivity

Cuz alive and well is vocal Bigotry
Don't let it lead to Social misery
Nothing but insanity and vanity can come
from some dumb boastful imagery

Just concentrate on denying timidity
All u need is a path spacious for clarity
Be honest with yourself, embrace its sincerity
to trump the negatives of bein an Auspicious Rarity

And soon the limitations will dissipate
and'll incubate prematurity from the womb
so the happiness it Impedes will now lead with speed
and feed whats conceived and leave you immune

to The sadness that presumes to bloom and consume
the needed room to emphatically feel free
Sometimes the mentality of normality is just a fallacy
to stop empowering the masses but we

need To dissemble what resembles self hate
its poisonous to our mental plot  
so fight like you were a ****** blow addict
against psychosomatic havoc reeking thoughts

Of conformity when normalcy lives In abnormal
habitats, and almost extinct is average acts of affection
to ones self cause, and ones doubts'll come out as we
figure out, true perfection lies in imperfection

and that visions the driven means of conception
who we are, what is given and what will be
And evidentially this entity essentially will remedy
being our own enemy then eventually proceed

To prove as key, and all we ever need
To be secure, and to assure our second guessin
can be denied and die as no longer are we tied to  
what insecurities imply forcing us to question

If our quests less our own invention
as we are stuck restin' in a direction
Thatll leave us stressed and left in debt to our
future set, hoping to avoid collections

Cuz the confidence to believe we wont regret
is needed, while perusing
dreams seen as too far or too hard from where
you are but so is anything worth doing

So don't hesitate to pass and move on from a past
that knocked you off your path on your ***
Just continue this rat race or waste what awaits
as you erase manifestation to grasp

what destiny had, so Let go, and move on,
being victorious maybe laborious, but it'll help
emit the enriched bliss fueling you to dismiss
doubt amidst lifes struggles and finding out
  
that if you Learn from mistakes, and shake the self-hate
that makes you controlled by fears based  
on statistical outcomes, that say to out run the high
risk, but when you are faced

with a mirror showing the face of
your raised self doubt, dont mask it
cause within us is both the magic to pass it or the
havoc traffic of our doubts to help end tragic

so act drastic and grab it, hold the mirror that
mirrors doubts and grasp it
then **** residule subliminal doubt, of this cynical
criminals habitual ritual as you smash it

Cause confidence is needed to believe in what we do
and who we are while perusing
dreams that seem too far from where we are or too
hard but ..so is anything worth doing

Self improvement isn't always
Easy but nothing ever is
When it's worth equals your birth
And no longer do I feel cursed

Cause control with moderation
Accountability and resiliency
Needs alignment so my assignment
Is to create a formula like science

That leaves me less defiant
And use my rolodex of excuses  
Cause that laziness is useless
Or maybe I'm just to stupid

But you don't have to be smart
To learn from a mistake
That I inadvertently force on myself
Mimicking the traits of ****

Without the date so I try to escape
To make my life better
Cuz I believe it's never too late
Wait....they say never say never

Which is more convoluted than clever
So whatever, I just wanna be better
So I leave this motivational letter
to remind most hardship endeavored

Are created by me so whether
I call it bad luck deep down I know
lobotomy of proper ideology leaves my life like our Economy, and its told

Philosophy states success is made when preperation meets opportunity
And it's been hard prepping for what can feel like a dead end but... No

Cause faith isn't just for religion
You must calculate your vision
Cuz any goal met must first be set like premonition the first Provision

Of many on a desired mission
no longer will my present position discourage me cause courage.Be my currency even if currently conditions

Leave me impositioned by decisions
Of the past that finally crash
When it chases me to grasp
The changes I've made but that

Is the bad karma I rightfully have
Wooven like its tapestry that flows
So without a needle&thread; or learning to knit i still knew how2sew

forced to reep it and keep it asan
Expensive lesson given
Ramification and consequence
Once written will later find u wishin

That the epiphany now hittin me
Didn't need so much time to see
But the sams transgressions may
Also be a blessin, a present of me

Who is evolved from who I use to be
But still knowing its nor enough
So more consciously I move on as it cautions me to live lawfully tough

And although premature I grew up
This reflexion will be my incubator
better late than not seein the indicator to act as my Instigator

The initiative initiating creator
So if you judge me for early labour
That conceived the belief Received i only hope it relieves knowing these

Words are left to show your deceived
But if that's the cost I wagered
Then this poem now stands a receipt for dues paid and mayb one day later

I can be refunded or if nothing write it Off as a cost of business
Or even education bridging the gap
Of inflation since my occupation

Leaves me expendable so vacation
is taken at club prescription med
So metaphysically I fly to my own
Tropic island gettin out my own head

Where I dare swim in the despair
Of being overwhelmed by damage
left by dumb adolescence to manage
The mess it collects so i bandage

damage i caused Unnecessarily
Physical and mental damage
mislabeling Addiction as a habit like affliction warnings were in spanish

Walking around while I fly high
Not realizing I was being ravaged
So if i end average its stil better than
The full picnic basket short a sandwich

That I was, with a side order of
A chip on my shoulder
Which I learned to swallow with my
Pride which is y i got fat when older

Which is a built Im jacket as colder
It will definitely get til karmas done
Dishing out what outta be awfully
Close to described as ******

A relationship maintained constantly
And a futures what it's costin me
Basically karma holds the **** u emit
Like it was a bag of your colostomy

Only it gets tossed back onto me
Which sparked nostalgia in my head
Hearing my mothers voice echo
Now making sense of why she said

I was **** for brains or **** head
Like my dad often used
Not as abuse but to give truth
Of what becomes of wasted youth