I hate you.
When I get on the bus every morning and see you sitting there
I want to punch you in the face.
Sometimes we say hi and sometimes we don't.

I hate how you act around your friends
When I see you in the cafeteria with them
And two of them intercept me on my way to the trash can
I try to ignore them making fun of my make up.
"Why are your eyes black? It looks weird"
"It's eyeliner."
"It looks like you messed up."
"It looks like your mom messed up on you."
Walking away, you don't notice at all.

I know they're freshmen and I shouldn't let it bother me
And it doesn't but the fact that you don't seem to relish the fact that we're dating does bother me.

A lot.

I hate you so much.
You skip out on our dates and anime is always more important than me on the hour long bus ride home.
I hate how you know things about me that no one else does
I hate how I don't even have to tell you, you just figure it out somehow

But I really like you as well
You asked me three times what our relationship status was the day I asked you to prom and it was super cute.
I still get super happy when you text me meaningless things like if you're staying after school or not.
I like holding your hands before your art class.
I like making the teachers wonder about us.
I like making everyone wonder about us.

I like how we can sit and talk about random things.
I like how I can mostly be myself around you
I like how you know things about me that no one else does
And I don't even have to tell you, you just figure it out
I like how we have similar music taste
I like how you make me feel when it's just me and you

But most of all, I like you for being you.
I also hate you for being you.

And I don't know how to fix us.

I don't know about you but
Trust falls don't work
I know in my gut
You're only catching me because you're forced too.

Out in the jungle of high school,
No one can be trusted.
At least in my eyes.
Everyone is two-faced
Or has a huge mouth that loves to gossip.

Every ******* time
I wind up broken
Because I actually thought people could change.

"Hell, I hate this life"
I hope my back didn't break your knife.

I remember how whenever I see a family
The siblings are so nice too each other
You can see the love between them

As I slide the blade across my stomach
I wish I had that
I wish someone loved me

It makes me wonder
"Why me?"
"What is wrong with me"
"What the hell did I do to have god make my life so ******??.....if there even is a god.."

I wish I had a reason.

"Her daughter died
A couple of weeks ago"
She said.

"Oh that's awful"

The words slipped so easily out of his mouth
But I could tell they were meaningless.

Mom and dad,
Why do you try to make me feel like ****?
I thought you were bad before but with grandma here it would be better. Yet you get worse. Your verbal attacks cut at my soul.

Oh how I wish I had my cigarettes and razor blades. At least then I wouldn't feel as alone.

Because my only friends, the only things I can count on to always be there, are cigs and cuts.

You did this to me.
Would it really be so awful?

You **** so much
I hate you but
I love you at the same time.

Nicotine please don't do this to me.
How do I stop?

I hate the way you linger
On my clothes and my hands
But most of all my breath.

My parents can't find out about you and me
Or they will literally disown me.
I do so much work to hide our relationship
Which only makes me need you more.

I love the way you make me feel.
I love how I can forget when I'm with you
I love how you take me to a different world.

But then it ***** when I return.

On my own
It's not the first time I ever felt this lonely
Maybe one day you'll understand why
I'm always comin up with some kinda story

Right now
Somebody else is in control