The confessions of a self-critic
The one you can’t escape
That breathes in the same air as you
With every breathe you take
That stares into the mirror
Wondering when you’ll break
And laughs at your ineptitude
Because you can relate
The one that answers questions
With what you want to hear
That would rather stand in silence
Trembling in fear
Missing opportunities to share, with those that you hold dear
Not to mention not having any semblance
For a vocation or career
Constantly questioning your existence
And why it is your here
Crafting words to fit the narrative
Channeling your inner bard; Shakespeare
Not for things that wet your pallet
Greed is a sin you can avoid
You squint your eyes at the word hope
Because that theories already been destroyed
You’ll turn down your own mother
Suffering from a broken heart
Then throw a bunch of words down
Stand back and call it art
You’re selfish and you know it
Yet you’re reckless with self care
You’re too stubborn to change your life
Because you know you’re unprepared
Yet still you sit down on your ***
Too scared to even dare
Then complain that it’s too difficult
And state claim that life’s not fair
You’ve witnessed it
From your point of view
All the times you thought you knew
That life was not your choice to choose
So while you’re here
Why sing the blues
And walk around
Dazed and confused

Sometimes I wish I’d close my eyes
And not open them again
Left alone to navigate
How my time remaining will be spent
My light burns dim
My outlook’s grim
I see no future up ahead
I write these words, with a heavy heart
Laid up in my bed
There is no force that’s driving me
To get up and take part
Of the world we’re living in
Just to share my works of art
I create to feel relief
To add color to the grey
I see and feel inside myself
Almost every single day
I see rainbows in my mind
But the outcome stays the same
They highlight the good that’s left
In the corners of my brain
Sometimes there’s a *** of gold
But often times there’s not
It doesn’t even interest me
What I have and haven’t got
So I guess I’ll keep producing art
Until the air I breathe runs dry
And I’ll finally get the answer to
The age-old question, why?

I’m an utter disappointment
A letdown through and through
I’ve meandered through existence
Avoiding my own truth
I stare into the mirror
As if I needed visual proof
Of a living, breathing, disaster
Of someone I thought I knew
Don’t reach out to me, I’m hopeless
I’ve been so since my youth
Wasting my short existence
I hope, will conclude at some point soon
I’m too cowardly to end it all
I’m just waiting for my cue
To take the plunge into eternity
And end my doom and gloom
All the fight has left me
I’m in a constant state of blue
With not much energy to speak of
I’ve lost the will to do
To explore the world with wonder
For a new perspective; point of view
Everything seems meaningless
I’m withdrawn, I withdrew
Nothing new that life can teach me
Unless forbidden or taboo
I’m void of any passion
Nothing to inspire too
I’m confused as to why I’m still on earth
Simply howling at the moon
Just as a crying baby would
Fresh out of the womb

Always 10, Ren
Is back at it again
His heart’s on the mend
From the loss of close friends
At such a young age
He couldn’t dodge or evade
The wars being waged
Right in front of his face
Still, onwards he raged
His perspective was changed
Then stricken with illness
That caused indescribable pain
And for nearly a decade
It ate away at his brain
Misdiagnosed and untreated
He felt psychotic; insane
Until he met the right doctor
Using money, he himself raised
And then began healing
To douse, quench the flame
Which in turn, set the stage
For his songs and displays
Expressing emotions, in many various ways
Not for stardom, or praise
Or what the audience craves
It’s just what’s required to ease, tame the pain in his brain
Sometimes, words are no solace
Words can’t describe, or explain
But it can be heard in his music
That’s been written, arranged
And that can heal, as can the medicine, being shot in his veins
Just as well, for his audience
Who remain amazed, entertained

‪When the train runs off the tracks‬
‪When the odds are too high stacked‬
‪When the tide runs low‬
‪Yet, the tears still flow ‬
‪Keep resisting the attacks
‪Whether self induced ‬
‪Or sustained abuse ‬
‪Find peace in where you’re at‬
‪Stay safe from harm‬
‪In extended arms‬
‪By those that have your back
And if you can’t find love
At home, or above  
At least find peace and love within
For life is short
So why resort
To live in hell within your skin?
‬

‪He’s attentive and mindful ‬
‪Obliging, and kind‬
‪He has a sense of fulfillment ‬
That’s hard to describe
‪He’s spent time in the sunshine ‬
He’s made rather large strides
‪He’s held hands and danced‬
‪When given the chance ‬
‪He smiled for awhile‬
‪Helping lives feel enhanced ‬
‪He gives merit to morals‬
‪He’s accepted, acts calm‬
‪He lives in the moment ‬
‪And when called on, responds ‬

A metamorphic mountain
A metamorphic climb
A subconscious effort
To help describe what’s inside
The motivation, determination
The inspiration, and drive
The mission, the focus
The goal which we strive
The purpose, the meaning
What we’re here for; alive
Will we know when we get there?
Will we know we’ve arrived?