That seashell
you gave me
that looked like a turtle
I threw away
That Marine hoodie
that was "too small for you"
My best friend hid it away.
The entire two letters
you wrote me
live at the bottom of my "junk" drawer.
I deleted you off my facebook
hoping it might help.
I don't bring you up
and walk away from others
if your name is in the conversation.
I fall off the wagon
sometimes
and look at your photo.
But have improved
I rarely notice if your name
is in any of my novels.
I laugh out loud
that your name is Frank.
Blunt,
Straightforward,
Honest.
If only you could live up to your name.
I cried oceans when you went away.
Appropriate considering you're now an ocean away.
I didn't leave my apartment for days.
I've been sleeping on my couch
my bed is stained.
It was a crush
It never should have been more.
But after four years
I only loved you more.
Once in awhile now
this depression sinks in.
And I can hide your things, throw them away,
I can delete you off my page, I can avoid your name.
But these memories will always stay.

Shattered and Relieved
to realize
that what we had
was nothing more
than something small
and tragic.

Distressed and Smiling
to read the past
figure out the fact
that you are nothing.

I've wasted time
but not that much
having come to terms
with the word:
"enough."

Crushed and Invincible
I've been so bruised
that now I'm strong
And all I can do
is breathe and learn.

You're a fool
but so am I.
Otherwise I wouldn't cry.
You're wise.
I'll be wise too.
And walk away
avoid your eyes
until there's no more pain.

Destroyed but Rebuilding.
I may never forgive you
but I'm okay with that too.
Even if I do,
I will never be your friend.
So don't say hello.
We are no more than strangers.

Hurt but Happy.
It's a freeing feeling
knowing you've started healing
When you stop revolving around the sun.

And start living for yourself.

Desperate kisses
Taste roses and peaches
Grips hair
Breath trembles
Desire
Lust
Craving
Yearning
Velvet bed
Tight flower
Hot sheets enchant
Untie corset
Unhook garters
Fingers dance slow circles
Pouring wax
Stroking oil
Soft hips
Tongue stroking...
Strawberry shudders
Unyielding teeth
Weak pleasures
Sultry sway
Heightens raw need, greed

Burst Cherry
Exquisite cries
Swimming body freely
Skin glides
******
Penetrate
Damp Rhythm
Primitive, Swollen, Ragged, Fevered
                                                       ­                                         ****.

Melted marshmallow
Kisses
And
Hershey hugs
Are what you’re made of

A smore delight
A part of my desperate appetite

You starve me
And turn into
A cheater
A liar
A schemer

Graham ******* smiles crumble

Your kiss
My mouth
Diseased with regrets
A loss of innocence
A stolen breath

Poisoned my heart
Sugar coated truths gave me the stomach flu

But I still love you
Because I can’t stop thinking of...

Your
Marshmallow kisses
And all the sweet things
You used to be made of.

Moby ****
may have been
a
big
       BIG
fish
and Ishmael
didn't have it so easy
But I need, I dream
of the epitome
of a flawless
                        ideal
                        ­          piece of whitefish

A Succulent Bite
                        A Taste of Right
Hand battered
                              Deep fried
A
crunch
into heaven
Mouth-watering
                                   yet light

Next to
              crisp
                        oh-so
          ­                         crisp
                                             fries


Draft Rootbeer
Foam
              in a mug
of delight

Mmmm Mmmmm
Seafood
See, this food
                           tastes like hope

Up North
I salivate
thinking of its
                              taste
thinking of
                           perfection

Man
Oh, Man
They don't make it
like this
anymore

So
      so
             fresh

This piece
Creates a sense
of peace

Harmony
on your palate

It turns
you up-turned nose







down
to the aroma
of a fisherman's skill

Natural Salt
of this world
                                brings you to a world
                                                           ­                  of pleasure
                                                      ­                                                 in a nibble
A coming together
on my plate

Skin-lined
Red Skin
potatoes

Frothy
Quenching
Rootbeer

                     ­                       Whitefish.

Simple Things
I found this fine trip

Combined with waterfall air
to breathe deep

My taste buds
had
gone up in
                                smoke.

My tongue
realized with
surprise
                                 *the possibilities of life.

Sometimes I wish I lost my ability to speak
So I could stop saying anything
Without the stress of filling silence
and trying to impress, to entertain.
I fantasize about this everyday
Miss Social Butterfly flying away.
The talkative girl without a thing to say.
No more judgment. No more tears.
I could just smile and nod
to whatever you say.
No opinions. No arguments.
No longer worrying about
filling the awkward pauses others leave,
ridding the quiet of the late evening.
Being me, instead of pretending.
Instead of always talking without saying anything.
I talk and talk
and don't mean a thing I say at all.
I work to be the person
everyone wants me to be.
Outspoken and Independent
all the while wishing someone would stick up for me (speak for me)
instead of working to stand up for everybody.
Peaceful Muteness. Still and Stopped.
If I only didn't have a voice
to take for granted
and abuse
by speaking things without thought or meaning
then maybe, I would be happy
in speechlessness
just blending into the backward
and disappearing
going against my nature
and vanishing into the
background shaking of heads
and becoming only a ****** expression.
in the distance.

Stranger Pallbearer
Don't let that coffin slip
through your sweaty palms
Faithless preacher
read your psalms and
don't mispronounce his name
No one may have knew him
but he was still somebody
This sad little man
in his unmarked grave

An intricate
web of limbs
Hey there Slim
Tall drink of water
Let's go farther
Blurry vision
Pants unzip
The point in the night
You don't give a ****
It's sorta ****** up
I like you so much
Gettin' crushed
by a crush
Make my heart mush
rooms got me high
Like a falling airplane
Balance is lost in the sky
Bye bye birdie
Have you heard the word
It's not sober
this love
I flew the coop
Doesn't take a sleuth
to see
I’m trippin'
my balance is shakin
I'm floating
on false realities
Fake hopes for
you and me
One night stands
What's your name again?
Mary Jane is all I can remember
Suddenly skin feels like December
Everything turned sour
A foggy wasted hour
One flew
Over the cuckoo’s nest
And She never came back again

I don't care where I'm walking
as long as I'm walking away
Divorced from the world
Welcomes were over-stayed
Irreconcilable Differences
You, I, He, She
All those unspoken words in between
the lines
His pick-up lines
Her lines of coke
Both nothing but broke jokes
Rome may not have been built in a day
But
Rome fell anyway.

I want to be the girl they sing about
I want to be the one that "gets around"
I'd like to be the doorknob turned
I'd like to be "she never learns"
Breaking boys' poor little hearts
Teach me how and I'll play the part

Instead of the one who falls for the guy
Left all alone in her bedroom to cry
Tired of being
Miss Always gets hurt
I want to leave them first

I want to to be
The One you can't trust
Leave them all in the dust
The One who "got away"
The One who never stays in one place

I want my own trophy shelf

I'd like to be

The Girl with notches on her belt

I want to be

That *****

The One you fell in love with

The little red corvette
The poison
Your regret

The One who makes you feel sick
Who doesn't give a ****
The One who's keepin' score
Who never likes them more
The One all the girls hate
The Girl who plays mind games
The One who "has it all"
The Girl who watches them fall

The Spider
trapping you in a web
The Witch
placing curses, wishing you unwell

I'm so furious
if looks could ****
I'd watch your blood spill
The girls boys choose
while I continuously lose

I want to play the tricks
while you obey my every whim

Instead of being me
Miss Always Lonely

The Girl who leaves you
broken hearted
with a dismiss kiss
and
could care less you two parted

Instead of Miss Last Pick
Instead of The 19 year old ******
Instead of The Girl they'd all just love to ****
Instead of "great ****"
Instead of "nice ***"
Instead of The One you want to lay
Instead "never a relationship"
Instead of "hey, hot girl, let's play"
Instead of the body
Instead of too smart
Instead of too talkative
and weird
Instead of the feminist
Instead "Miss Morals"
Instead of 'What a *****"
Instead of a novelty
Instead of the rarity
Instead of past tense

When made fun of in elementary
and middle school
I used to wish and  hope
I could be Miss Hot
Miss Thousand Watts

And now...
I have nothing else but...

I want to beautiful too...
not just an *** and *****...

They don't want to talk
They just want to ****
So I blow them off

Only one boyfriend
where all I did was bend

and too many "I hardley know you"
drunken make outs
with too many doubts

Only One love
and he broke my heart...

The boyfriend
The love
were two different people

With the first I tried..

With the Second I cried
4 years of wasted time

They say I'm "too hard to figure out"
I'm "too hard to sleep with"
too much this
too much that
So maybe if I change
I can be Miss Perfect


In the end...
I just want to be loved...



everyone does.

You make me smile
When it's been a bad day
You'll do some silly thing
And I'll laugh
and laugh
You make me do that
like only you can
I want to suffocate you
with love
Sure, sometimes
you annoy me
and hog the bed
But then suddenly
I don't care
Because you're one of my best friends
And though you frustrate me
to my wits end
I'm so glad to have you there
Watson
You're the best **** dog here

It's a mental ******
Chase it
with some whiskey
wine and dine
on an alcoholic's appetite
A mental fight
It's wrong!
It's right!
My drink
A sanctuary
2 am and nothing means ****
I'm havin' a fit
Jim Beam, My main man
Kick with him
Catch it with nets I can
Worries disappear
With Captain's there's nothin' to fear
Can you hear
troubles fading away?
Problems that were
the rave of the day
No more
(No longer a do-right)
of what it's like to feel real
kneel at the uh-oh toilet
until upset subsides
All the pain of surprise
How can life be so unfair?
Do I care
anymore?
My loved ones turned to folklore
Bathe in the galore
of false realities
Am I me
or the person I chose to be?
After endless rounds of Jose Cuervo
Did I lose count? I count it
amongst my friends.
He's the only man
that's been there.
Are we square?
Tequila, my companion
of the day
Throw all your cares away
Hakuna Matata
what a wonderful stage
to come to
Kissin' the bottle
Lovin' the liquor
Runnin' down the throat
Tryin' to feel it quicker
Drunk and Happy
because life is a world away
Issues?
You don't need tissues
with beer as company
Lonely, doesn't mean a thing
and company is a closer fantasy
The smoke from a cigarette
the hit you can't quit
Bad habits
Carrots for rabbits
and nothin' feels as **** good
like ***** and nicotine
makes me lean and mean
ready for anything
Lickin' the sin off my chin
Party hardy
All fun with Bacardi
I can handle it
and down the rest of my ****
Until it's 11 a.m. the next day
late for work again
Maybe, I'm okay
It's meant to be, Eve
and her apple
Temptation's frustration
See? It's destiny
This poison and me
Crack, a poor man's coke
Jack, a poor girl's hope

Your movements
leave me fumbling
for words
Your hugs soothe
and make all seem right
in this world
Your strength
and masculinity
are the epitome of my dreams
Your rough caress
steals my breath
Your whispered suggestions
leave me stammering
My tongue knots itself
whenever you speak to me
Your very presence
awakens senses
I never knew I had
When you hold my hand
I am ridiculously nervous
And I try to wipe off my silly smile
The sparks we create when we just stare
could burn the world
And You grab a fistful of my hair
Pull me close
The slightest touch
leaves my soul pleading
wishing for more
Your lips on my cheek
shoot to my core
Your kiss down my throat
Your teeth
nipping my collarbone
has me sighing
and gasping for air
This lust is
Suffocating
This tension
Maddening
Slowly
You are breaking away
the barrier I've put up
All my control is falling apart

I. am. so. pathetic.

I'll look for days we work together
and look forward to it
only to end up
regretting
the fact that we did.

The days I know I'll see you
I'll try to be more pretty
A better version of me.

Only to have you not notice.

How is it possible that...

with one word,
you can ruin my day
week
month
life

with an action,
break my heart?

with a look,
make all cheer disappear?

And at the same time,
How is it possible that...

with a crooked smile,
you make my soul skip?

with a touch,
make my insides flip?

with an invasion in my thoughts,
make me blush?

with the sensation of your voice,
pep me up?

You hurt me
so much
un-intentional or not
you hurt me so much

yet I still
want you so bad

How can it be...

that in all misery,
I long to see
your face?

And at the same time...

want to
punch you
in that very face?

You made me feel special

at one point.

Made me feel wanted
even if
it was only
physically
sexually
you still
made me feel wanted.

And it felt so great
so good
to feel beautiful
but now...
it's horrible
feeling so horrid.

How you can...
toss my emotions
with such finesse
such ease
stuns me.

How I can...
dream, wish, hope
for you to
flirt
touch
tease
me

like you have before
and to do so once more
stupefies me.

You were
You are
my motivation
to impress
and look my
very best.

even if I fail.

Please!
I'm begging
you
at least pretend
you once again
like me
as more than a friend.

I don't care
if you play mind games
mess with my head
as long as
part of that time
I'll be in your arms again.

I hate
this desperation
hormonal infatuation
temptation and frustration
in having this almost-obsession for you.

My mind has changed
Now just go away
I may miss you
but still just
leave.

Because
the pain
of seeing you
all the time
knowing
you'll never be mine
is much worse
than "mixed feelings."

I can longer breathe.

Lift me up
out of love

During the fall
I broke too many bones.

But then again,

you're. as. pathetic. as. me.

because you can't see
how much more happy
you would be
if you let her go
move on.

She was never there.
She was always gone.

This V- romance
is too much
chance.

Let's break off

and

never

ever

get pieced together again.

Soft Spoken Deals
A Rough Caress
and No Common Sense

Lead me to you

Cheap Whiskey
Inexperience
Flirtations

Made it come true

for one night

Hours pass by
fogged up windows
backseats
reeks of regret

Lost Innocence.

You said you would never hurt me
Promises I took to heart
and I framed us that day.
While you were cheating on me
I was making us dinner
Your favorite.
It was tasty,
even if I ate it alone.
You accidentally left your phone at home.
We were supposed to be forever,
Unfortunately Stacy doesn't think so
By the way she texted "I love you"
I didn't want to pry but
it was tempting.
I found out while I was having a meal for one
You were having it for two.
You came home
pretending you weren't
a *****.
Good news;
I finally found a use
for our wedding knife.
I didn't want you to die
but it was tempting.
I couldn't stand the site
of lipstick on your collar.
I framed the other woman that night.
And The stain on your shirt grows
until your clothes are red.
To think you can be handsome
even though you're dead.
A laugh blisters up my throat
as I text you *"I love you."

I don't support this war,
but I don't have the key to this
government's door.
Even if I did they'd throw my opinions
to the Congress' janitor's floor
because the fruits of their heart
are rotten
right down to the core.

Do we even know anymore what we're fighting for?

And sometimes...
I feel like I can't speak,
can't say what I think.
The country I loved
is choking me.

On this war is spent billions and what for?
They could be,
should be
doing something
                  something more
Maybe, just maybe, feeding the poor?
Creating health insurance middle class and below can afford?

Our politicians are prostitutes, they're tainting our youth.

The unemployment line
keeps growing in size.
The cookie is crumbling,
This Nation's economy.

We need a Revolution.
Find the solution.
So LOOK
my generation and SEE
the bigger picture,
what's going on out there
and start to care.

Recycle you paper.
Refresh your beliefs.
Take my hand
and make a Stand with me.

Mr. Moronic,
you know who you are.
You don't speak for me.
Only wealthy companies.

And your most elite supporters
I want to know
is it for ***** money?
or something worse?

We are suppose to be your people.
You treat us like neglected pets.
What will come next?

You won't take way my choice.
You won't take away my voice.
So go ahead, burn me like the town witch.
Beacuse I won't conform.
Because I'm different.

USA!
Land of the Free!
Dig and you'll see.
You're in bad company.
And those freedoms you treasure
are being taken away
a little more
                        every
                            ­ day

Congress men and women bought
                      left and right
Will you be next?
Put up a fight.
We eat their half-truths
and puke up the ruse.

Government closes your eyes
by telling you pretty little lies.
But is it worth being blind?
Keep covering your ears
and you have nothing to fear.
But, eventually the Truth
will make you HEAR.

What we had
a flash in the pan
and it can't be solved
over pancakes.

The heart on my sleeve
has begun to chafe
and i finally picked up
my emotional luggage
at the baggage claim.

You were my speck in time
and I just a stage
So please don't hold on
I may pull a Fahrenheit 451
and burn our page

It's been such a short while
and you are smitten like a child
but I have long been grown
and can't afford a stray inside this home.

I won't always be a dime
or a good lookin' bird
soon I'll been a penny (for these thoughts)
and I may go from pretty to an ogre

So can you blame for our end
when
I don't like wasting time
however short and possibly sublime

Understand
I need a man
and am no longer such a school girl

And regardless, how cute
and kind
you may be
You lack an intensity
I've found I need

We were (are) not meant to be

Your world lives in an
anything is possible way
But there is no
"yes we can"
for us today

Goodbye
I'm so sorry
Goodbye
I hope I haven't altered your hopeful realities
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

She was above nasty gossip
and
He was a violent perfection
from rubber 24 hours

Because
His 24 hours was a
                                        violent
                ­                                        crazy
                   ­                                                  hate

He thinks stress has trans-fats

and

She has fear at all-nighters
because there's no such thing as
silly all-nighters
far from boredom and regrets

She wants to ban
her fear of boys being players with cement hearts
and
He wants to ban
pretty over-the-top perfection

The both fear
the regrets and pretty lies of love

But
He is pudding
when he's around her
and
She feels like he has a suit of
fresh cement lines

Because she's fallen and is now stuck

They get
jitters next to nerves
around each other

Sick of bad karma
on a birthday
on my birthday

She has 3x fresher ringtones
He thinks the sentence
"that smelly belly"
is funny
I love cheese

We are (nothing but)                                        
Rubber lines                                                   r     o            
like the ugly lies that were always  a      us      u
                                        ­                                    d         n

Ban Insecurity.

I’ve fallen out of love
I fell out of lust
A long time ago
Before you even noticed

I wish I still felt the same
as I did that first day
I wish those butterflies
would finally find their way

These escalators are going down
We could take steps backwards
But lose ourselves on the way up

I had high hopes
We could have found
What made us perfect
But now its not worth it
Anymore

Before I was your girl
But now as a woman
I’m not yours

Threads come undone
The pieces
Me and you
Don’t fit

It makes me
Kind of sad
That we lost our
Magic

The Rabbit won't come out of its hat
You can't pick my card
You can't find my heart

The people we were
young love birds
have changed
have lost common ground
on everything

But maybe
in the future
we'll have the same map
we'll meet up at the same place
it'll feel like that first day
even though the past has passed.

A Hazy serenity-
The dreams I have tonight,
only happen here

Windows opened frost my skin over but I don’t close off the chilled night. Sleep takes me to the beginnings and ends of subconscious, visions cause a heart warming as I see you in new lights – the natural makeup of your sighs. Billowing breathes and summer sweats dews my eyes from the beauty of this faulted perfection- here in this unreal land together - the sun always shines. A green feathered eminence our toes choose to curl on- we touch love’s fingerprints - newfound appreciation.  Smiling winds entwine locks of our hair creating in and of itself togetherness - foreverness. Sun's breath caresses our necks. Distant rivers heard from the soul, this is where life is born – jumping in we transform - the earth changes with us, suddenly the hidden resonance of the world is heard. Our ears finally brought to play.

A secluded epiphany-
Limbs wrap around each other
creating joyful fear

Pristine splendors – the melodies of nature, we apprehensively tip toe, troubled to not pollute the quiet waters and unspoiled skies.  We are chased by the unity of ocean and the heavens – summer beckons with cerulean and golden hands – acceptance. Tempting waves say stay, a pleading atmosphere, the grinning breeze gestures – welcoming arms. Those neurotic pieces of our psyche find peace here. Stepping along, beside winding creeks, hand in hand following the trees’ leaves, rising and falling plains calls attentions -  awakening intentions, roses kiss our senses and we waltz on the currents’ magic.  Trembling vines crawl up our fitted sides – tattooing us with the weathers’ delight. No turbulence or cries. The ground swallows me, swallows you- puzzle souls brought together- we are one.

I wake breathless
Glistening tears falling from eyes,
Watching dreams disappear

This hair
These eyes
lips
and nose
This figure
These toes
Is not who I am
We all have
fingernails and
eyelashes
But its what's underneath
My hopes and dreams
Our fears and flaws
That make us who we are
Those wishes we keep wishing
I wish you could really see me
No
I wish you could see
Beyond what you see
And realize your vision decieves
And I am more than what I appear to be
There is more to me than me.

It's such a shame
and such a pain
that all you do is complain.
What's to gain?
Is it a game?
How you drive me insane?
What's going on inside that brain?
I'm thinking of a million names
to call you.
All you do is whine
and waste away my time.
Life isn't all that bad
Why let everything get you so sad?
I tried
to help you once
you said you needed "space."
But when things go wrong,
I'm the first to be blamed.
Keep mope-ing about your day.
Keep pushing me  further away.
The smallest things goes ******
you throw a fit
turn to me to start to *****.
Well,
THAT'S ENOUGH
You're dismissed.
I can't take anymore of this ****.
Tired of your "woe-is me's"
Tired of your constant self-pitying.
Act like you're in such misery.
You're no longer fooling me.
Leave me be.
Forget about my house key.
This "relationship",
I'm leaving.
What we had,
lost its' meaning.
Keep feigning you're depressed.
Find a new girl to make a mess.
She won't be there for long.
Just like me,
She'll soon be gone.
When are you going to realize
that all your lies
and theatrical sighs
are letting the "good things" walk right out of your life.

I really did try.
I tried.
I tried.

**and tried.

We practiced
We tried to make it work
But it wasn't even close
                                                 to perfect
Hope Hurts

Can you walk anymore in a straight line?
                                  c      o                 ­ d
Because I walk      r          o                    with you on my mind.
                                                    k  e

Apple fell far from the tree
Fell in love
He peels away her layers
of skin
Bites through to the core
and juice runs down his chin
Pieces of her
Lost forever
Ignores the bruised bits
Bits he bruised
Throws leftover her away
But
the seeds of her grow
and she changes...
she learns...
Red
Adam and Eve Tempting
A Witches Apple
poisoned by past hurts
Looks can ****
and she'll never again be a victim
Lose Herself
and be swallowed whole
No Man
**will again reach the core of her

Searching for my lost self
Storing pain away on bookstore shelves
Narrow Hips
Bruised Lips
Cigarettes
Regrets
Coffee
Coughing
Looking over my shoulder for you
You left
but I disappeared
Kissed you last
when the sky stayed clear
Winter
I hate her

Thought First.
Write Tall & Learn her
Ripe World at last.
Read Planted Ideas & Teach Large Pictures.
Make Us Bread

Call me Ishmael.

Call me Jackie.

Call me a *****.

Call me as many names as you wish.

Call me
              lover
                       friend
or                             foe

Just call me something.

So I, too, can know.

I bite my nails,
Another bad habit.
Like the nicotine I inhale,
Give myself with hands so lavish.
As I smoke,
I think of games
that as a child I use to play...

Hangman,
I feel so sorry for you.
Made up of mistakes,
just like me, too.
Hang-girl,
that's how I feel.
I'm just for show.
I'm not for real.

What's my secret?
What will I say?
*Figure it out before I hang.

In the beginning
There was only you
And my longing
For you
Then
There was us
Living in our lives
We loved
You and I
At last
There was me
And I learned
I could no longer live
Half a life
I
being whole
came to terms
I could be happy
Alone
But not lonely

So far away.
These few feet in distance
Apart
from
them
Laughing faces.
Good times.
Friends of mine.
The next room over
and I can see them
But I can't see myself fitting.
Cards and Games.
***** and ****.
Loud voices.
Camraderie.
Why not me?
I want to join
but
I don't want to join.
I listen to their conversations
wallow in myself
with bluegrass
and cigarettes
as company.
Why not me?
I want to join
but
I dont want to join.
Alone.
Detached.
Broke up with the universe.
Too much fun in this room
It's suffocating.
Obnoxious.
I want to be obnoxious.
I want to suffocate
in joy and all around warmth.
But I'm claustrophobic
I'll stand
apart.
Cold.
Alone.
But lonely?