I have loved you with every piece of my soul,
the parts that make up my heart,
the parts I'm not even totally sure how to locate.
I loved you with it all.
Everything within me.
And I knew not just because of the ways our eyes would meet,
or in the times we'd smile as we took turns letting our loved ones know;
"I'm going to marry him/her."
I know because when you broke me you broke all of me.
Pieces I didn't know could carry feelings
Now felt crushed into a million,
Each weighed down by their own pain.
I know because the cliche's
Of girls being unable to eat
and going slightly crazy
No longer were something of a dramatic film.
But an experienced reality straonger than any other thing I've felt.
I was filled with fury,
So sure each part of me was cabale of turning red
Causeing burn to the touch
In the way my body consitantly shook from the adreinalin beneith my skin and the hollowness of my body lacking fuel.
Everything no long being apitising,
Just chores I was told I had to do.
I was angry with every fiber in my being.
In ways I've never felt,
And weren't prepared for.
Because it was you.
It was never meant to be you.
The tears that burnt my skin werent meant to blame you
The torture inflicted was never meant to have you as the cause.
The sleepless nights and workouts at 4am with hopes of exhaustion
Were never meant to be caused by you.
Entering my dreams turning them to nightmares.
It was you.
I was not prepared for it to be.

Because, it was always meant to be you...
Just in every possible alternative way.
It was meant to be you holding me while I cried.
It was meant to be you to fetch the tea.
It was meant to be you to embrace the stillness when words couldnt offer much.
It was meant to be you to chose the songs of emotion and love.
It was meant to be you in every other possible way.

But now I need to learn to know.
Who a person is
And who you thought they could be
Are rarely the same..

You’re actually not worth my ******* tears.

I think there's an extra layer of pain in the level of pain I feel.  It shows I had never loved, how I loved you.

I showed you my scars
And opened my pain before your eyes.
You made the choice to pierce my heart
So those scars were now wounds again

I truly loved you. With all my being.
But your actions forced me to make the decision and identify;
I deserved and owed it to myself that same level of love and respect.
And that’s why I walked away

You say she is the only one to truly know you.
So now you have lost a girl who loved the true you.
In atempt to entertain the versions of yourself you felt others wanted you to be.
In all this acting you've become so lost and numb to who you are.  
In what you stand for
In what you simply want.
The only thing you have left which is honest is
She, is
A true loss.

I had to be okay
Because it was judged others were worse.
I wasn't aloud to be angry,
Because others were angrier.
I needed the help.
But none was there.
It had all already been allocated to those who needed it 'more'.
I needed my parents,
But only ever had one.
And that one's attention was to busy with another.
I begged the other to step up,
But should of know only the inevitable would follow,
Betrayal and disapointment.
I had to be okay,
Because it was judged that others were worse.
So I became worse.
Losing the fights I had to face alone.
But I was "strong"
I was "independant"
I was "okay"
The truth is I just wasn't a priority,
When I needed to be one.
I was sick of being strong,
I was sick of feeling weak,
I was sick of not being aloud to be angry.
So I became angrier.
My voice would never be heard,
No matter how loud I became.
No matter how logical or articulate.
I was forever fighting,
With the more people shutting me down,
The more I fought.
I was not a priority for anyone.
Even fighting myself.
I could never accept their words,
Deep down begging myself to believe in the truth.
But what truth?
How true is something when everyone who is close to it is in denial
A truth I tried to self teach,
Became this glimmer of hope.
Please Lord let this be the truth.
Let it truly be wrong to be treaated this way.
Please Lord let it not be 'normal'
I can't be the only one not to accept this.
It's a funny thing acceptance.
When everyone goes against you
Recreating this 'truth'.
It is all to easy to get lost in it,
And thats where I found myself.
Lost in every version of this "truth".
Just hanging to this glimmer of hope of what my truth, truly is.