im back after a long time

I internalize my reds
though they find their way out
through the pores of my skin -
each pore, with a voice like a mouth
that's hungry, that roars and pours
the essence of survival,

do I have to crave life in the chapter of death to feel alive?

Drip by drip, I drip
unknowingly, in solitary,
drip by drip, only to anticipate self-destruction
drip by drip, to become half of who I was
drip by drip, I've dripped dry of I
and no one seems to notice the bloodless being
losing the essence of being, a being.

- Kaya Su

9pm, 10pm, 11pm, 12pm
I want to reverse time
12pm, 11pm, 10pm, 9pm
and - i crave to reverse time
9am, 12pm, 10pm, 1pm
stop - now nobody move
just look - just look as
i lay like stale food,
waiting to poison you
under your consent,
you, the person i speak to,
the person i see - as i stare
into the mirror
you - you stale food
i stare at you - i know you, Miss inhu'man'
"Miss inhu'man'"
Men and women to the world
Men and women of the world
stare into mirrors, I'll come through
like stale food - stale food into the mirror
flies around me, now buzz buzz buzz
give me company, within this solidarity
I see you, I see me in you
i am the men and the women around me
i am my stale food
i eat myself off the ground
the flies like audience,
they buzz buzz buzz like an applause
i consume and i consume and i consume - my reflection
my reflection - i present to you again Miss inhu'man'
the person - the performer -  in the mirror - in the crowd
as i continue to feast and feast
until the last of me
the flies, buzz and buzz
as i lay, as i screech
the last sound in me

Kaya SS

***** Tuesday, I write to you,

this time, help me stay afloat in this pool of life

for I, I can't swim being a messenger for my head

and my feet, I am parting - I'm parting for two escapes,

I'm parting - to put myself together,  

now tell me ***** Wednesday, what's in store 

Do I need to write to you as well, again?



- Kaya

the pigeons here, they aren’t afraid
of the feet that walk past them
on this grey street,
they are aware of our stories
the places we go and the faces we meet
they are aware of the soggy tissues
that fall above, from the balconies
they are aware of the life and stories
that live in those used tissues - they examine it,
a tissue for a moment in the past,
they think, I believe, they know and hear the emotions in those tissues that dry and travel around in these streets,
they know the secrets and seen faces, that even our close ones, could not
and so
I don’t mind the falling objects
I don’t mind the speeding cars  
I don’t mind the distant face
that caused these distant scars

these pigeons, they see us from afar
they know my heart, they know your heart

-Kaya

A thousand paper cuts
to hollow lungs- a void
mass loss of blood to blue
like blue ***** cricketing through
the vast red ocean

-Kaya

I wanted to be
I wanted to feel
I wanted to see
things as vast as a sea
in my pursuit- I lost myself
in this vast sea
I cannot see myself
find, or even be myself
deep down in this deep sea
i have lost myself to what i wanted
i could not see
i could not feel
i could not be
I have dissolved into these monstrous blues
I have become bait to these monstrous blues
I have become part of this deep sea
that i have always dreamt of- and now
I am afraid, I am not who i am
who am i, I asked again
In these million waves
the sea is in me
salt in my blood and bones
i am lost in myself- i have drowned
in this voyage of life

-Kaya