i used to believe
the cracks and missing pieces caused by another
would keep me from being with the one who could love me properly.
but as time, healing and care often does to you after heartbreak,
i have learnt something.
"love" with no space is simply attachment.
the spaces and cracks left behind are how someone learns to truly love you.
these spaces provide room for patience, understanding, growth.
love.
i’ve realised that loving someone means caring for them in the space between.
to love someone is to fix them.
to water them in their cracks with peace and light all to watch them grow.
all to watch them heal
all to watch them realise what love is.
all to watch them learn how to love
with space in between.

i see us for what we really were.
i look at the mirage of memories and now see them shrouded by clouds.
we were not happy kids, making the best memories,
we were simply two people trying to make the best out of gloomy weather

i hope one day someone’s hand will feel as perfect in mine as yours did.
i hope one day my lips meet lips as soft as yours were.
i hope one day my body will fit perfectly into the arms of another.
i hope one day my heart will feel the butterflies again that left when you did.
i hope one day to experience a love that doesn’t compare.
a love that makes me realise
that love with you
isn’t the only love i will ever experience.

the girl wandered
and dreamt
and got lost in her head
only to let it float up to the clouds.

she read books
and wrote poetry
and found magic in the ordinary world.

she contemplated
and spent time with herself
and drowned out the noise around her.

she absolved the chaos within herself
only through slighting that which occurred without.

she wandered away
until she could no longer find her place in the world
but, in doing so,
had found her place inside herself.

Which is the greater fear?
That you might
Despite all of your wishes
Be seen?
Or that you will find something
Once you truly begin looking?
My guess is that the truth of you
Lies somewhere in between
Lost but found
Like coins in this fountain of being
Young
(For now)

perhaps
my love was never enough
to fix a broken boy and his heart.

perhaps
my love was never enough
because my heart was the one which needed fixing.

perhaps
my love was never enough
not for him, but for me.

my love was never enough
because i gave it all up to fix a heart that didn’t need fixing.