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Jace Apr 2021
...
I'm not sure my questions are rhetorical anymore
I wish you'd give me an answer
Jace Mar 2021
When you wish nothing ever existed
Because it means there's too much to care about
When every problem needs to be fixed
But you can't make a single difference
When people think you are a problem
But you don't want to be fixed
Because who else is going to care
When you no longer dare
To even look at another person
Let alone help them and think about someone else
Because surely fixing you
means making you like them
A selfish, narcissistic ***** who couldn't give a crap
SORRY SELFISH NARCISSISTIC ******* BUT IT'S TRUE!
Jace Mar 2021
13th.
Good day
Everything goes well day
13th
Bad night
Everything goes wrong night
13th
Hard night
Try not to wash night
13th
Tough night
Try not to cut night
When the 13th is a good day then it’s a terrible night. Wish me luck and I’m sorry to the people I’ve promised if I can’t keep it tonight.
Jace Apr 2021
It’s fun to confuse people
Who are on the outside
They wish to understand
But ACCESS DENIED
Hey S 😂
Jace Mar 2021
Hair that flicked across his face
To make us joke he only had one eye
He made us hold our heads up high
When people pushed us down

The red eyes more frequently bloodshot
But we ignored all of the signs
After all it wasn't unusual that Alfie was high
He was high quite often

He wouldn't cry or tell us about him
Only ask about our day see if we were ok
While hiding his own problems away
Leaving us to think he was fine

I hope you're happy now Alfie
Now you've broken Lily and I
I know it's harsh and uncalled for
But did you have to go and die
What the **** am I gonna do now?
Try and stop your girlfriend falling apart?
Good luck with that
She was broken before you dropped her
Broken before you were
Broken but you held her together
You held us all together alfie.
Did you have to go and die?
Jace Apr 2021
You want an answer
I say I’m an open book.
You ask about my family
I tell you to *******
You said that I said
I’d answer your questions
But I didn’t
I said I was an open book.
If a book is open
You can still only see 2 pages.
Two random pages
In a story you cannot read
Without flicking and poking
And invading privacy.
I guess this doesn’t make much sense but neither does the inside of my head so deal with it!
Jace Mar 2021
I look back for once
And I'm proud of myself
For not breaking down
Where I stood
Jace Mar 2021
Every night i see the darkness or stars
Every night i hear the sound of the night birds
Every night i listen to my family sleep while
Every night i lie awake and alone
Every night i look at the stars instead of my lids
Every night i hear birds instead of dreaming
Every night i wish to escape
Every night i dread the next day
Every night that I don't sleep
Every night followed by a day of faking it
Every night trying to cover the dark circles
Every night trying to stay awake
Every night trying not to close my eyes
Every night dreading my subconscious mind
Every night watching my dad die
Every night though I never saw him alive
Every night watching my friends go down
Every night shot after shot
Every night i wish I could reopen my eyes
I'm scared of sleeping. I see my friends get killed or commit and then they moved into each other. It sometimes feels real and I expect them to be dead when I wake up. Other time I know it's a dream but I can't force myself awake. I long for a night of uninterrupted sleep but I also would rather stay awake. Sleeping pills make it worse they just make it harder to escape.
Jace Apr 2021
I can't deal with everyone else's pain anymore
But I care too much and worry if they don't tell me
It's an endless cycle and everything always feels too much
I just want to help but I never know how anymore
When I was okay I could help everyone else be okay too
But now if someone cried I have to fight the urge to breakdown
Because its too hard seeing someone else hurting
Especially when I can't do anything
It's like watching yourself break over and over
And the cracks become casms that I can't fill
What were that happy memories from that trip?
I only remember him throwing the first punch
What were the best things from school?
I only remember hiding in the toilets when I had biology
What was the greatest event last year?
I only remember missing out on all the things keeping me sane
Jace Apr 2021
On the top of the highest cloud it feels like you couldn’t possibly get knocked down, higher than life, higher than pain, higher than anything that bothers you from day to day-unbreakable.

At the bottom of the deepest well it feels like you’ll never be pulled out again, lower than sadness, lower than anger, lower than anything that could possibly hurt you-empty.

On solid earth it feels like no one can see you, that you’ll never reach up, only fall down, so mediocre you’re falling all ready-that feeling of everybody hates me.

The worst is the fall from the highest cloud to the lowest trench in the earth, when your hope drops so low it’s nonexistent-you’re completely alone.

The second worst it’s the fall from cloud to earth because the disappointment is suffocating, the hatred physically hurts there’s no ladder back up-only a fall further down.

That cloud is the most dangerous place, a place of perfection and wishes and unrealistic hope so that anywhere else is soul crushing and painful.

Earth is the worst because of the pain, the ability to feel and the fault and the blame, the friends who leave and you can’t make them stay-that’s worse than the well because it’s a never ending game

At least the well is permanent, you know what to expect although you feel lost and alone and dead, it’s easier to make sure that you’re alive than is to cope with pain and anger and strife

Personally the well is my favourite, the only ambition is inevitable so there’s no disappointment, the only thing the well wants from you is death and all you want is to do just that.
Jace Mar 2021
Gone
Passed on
In a better place

Gone
Passed away
Committed today

Dead.
They're all synonyms for dead
He dead
What now?
Jace Jul 2021
When I get mad at myself
For getting nothing done
And staying in bed
Even though I'm awake before the sun
But then the energy I have
Isn't enough to get stuff done
So I get ****** at myself
Because I've still got nothing done
So the more I best myself up
About getting nothing done
The more and more likely i am
To get nothing done
Jace Mar 2021
You're easy way out isn't easy for me
But my easy way out is to follow you
If I take the route first will I see you soon
Or would you stay here like I wish you to
If my life was snuffed out like a candle
Would you light yours even brighter
Or would your flame dim too
Would I see you soon?
Jace May 2021
Why is there this sickening tunnel of darkeness? It causes me to spill my darkest secrets. It wants to blurt my pain out into the night but sympathy and pity cause unbearable strife.

I don't need help and I don't want your pity. I don't want to talk. I don't want empathy. I just want someone to take my bad jokes and laugh at me.

The expression of joy in my thoughts that are 'sins ' makes the pain somewhat bearable and I can get through the day. Not as tedious as the serious talks and explanations.

"ELEPHANT BISCUITS" can summon a chuckle and a question of "what?" Instead of "why are you crying? " because it's not good enough to try and only get ninety three.

ELEPHANT BISCUITS is less likely to worry my class mates than You ******* Half Arsed ******. You're So ****** At Life. You're So Stupid. You Should Go Die.

Which is what I was thinking at the time...
Sorry V - you know who you are- I'm sorry for ******* up and thanks for not hating me don't overthink this because for once it comes at face value😁
Jace Mar 2021
Handcuffed in place
To the poles of my mind
The screeching and wailing
of the thoughts inside
The pounding ache as
The tensions building
It's like it's trying to
Crush my skull in
Bounce up and down
To release the energy
Scratch my hands
To release the anxiety
Waiting for someone to notice
My head in my hands
But when they ask
I just nod I'm fine
Jace Feb 2021
People don’t care about someone living They just don’t wanna someone to die
Normally because of the the guilt about how
They didn’t care while he was alive.

People don’t care about someone living
They just don’t want someone to die
Normally so their conscience is clear
Because they think they stopped his suicide.

We don’t stay alive because you said
‘it will get better‘
Because you don’t know if that’s true.
We stay alive for someone else
But that someone else isn’t you.

We stay alive for a friend with problems
So we don’t cause them anymore
We don’t tell them how we feel ourselves
Because they’ve got **** of their own
Jace Jul 2021
When you have a problem
With something that I say
I tend to apologise as soon
As I know that it was offensive.

When I have a problem
With something you say
I stay silent
Because I know you won’t accept
That it was offensive.

When you have a problem
With something I say
I make sure
To let you know that I know
That I was wrong

When I have a problem
With something you say
I decided to speak up
You told me I was gaslighting you

Making you doubt the events
That we both know happened
Because the problem with the thing I said
Was addressed, I told you I was sorry
I explained why I was wrong
I promised not to do it again

You said I was gaslighting you
But you’re the one making me
Hate myself for trying

So I don’t really understand.
Jace Jul 2021
I'm am not good enough.
Maybe I'm enough for everyone else
But I am not good enough.
Jace Mar 2021
Sleep deprived
Hallucinating
Dreams come back
Imagination
Sleep deprived
Hallucinating
I don't know what's left that's real...
Jace Apr 2021
Feel like I’m dreaming
She’s pretty as ****
Why does she like me?
I don’t know, she does tho
******* hell I’ve got a girlfriend
Jace Mar 2021
I wear my sleeves rolled up
To prove there aren’t any scars.
I wear a vest under my shirt
To hide the scars there.
I will never wear shorts again
Because that’s the easiest place to hide.
Jace Apr 2021
Seems like we have reached our destination
A land of unknowing and questions
But no one else knows
And no one else has the answer.
Yeah well you know by now that I rarely make sense so don't question it. I formally apologise for the comment thread started by six. Please do not read if you are sensitive to homosexual content although if you are I 'm going to track you down and ****** you in your sleep. I'm so sorry I'm basically crazy please forgive me. And ignore me. Feel free to never read anything i write ever again.
Jace Apr 2021
Please prepare for emergency landing
In the middle of an ocean of questions
I nor the staff may answer your queries
FYI If we crash it’s your fault not mine.
Idk
Jace Apr 2021
Idk
Constantly churning changing
Waiting
Always abating arranging
Debating
Forever flipping floundering
Hating
Waiting
Jace Apr 2021
You're not attractive
I know I'm not
Have you seen the scars?
If you have you know You're stating the obvious

You're not smart
I know I'm not
Have you had my exam stress?
If you have you know You're stating the obvious

You're not a writer
I know I'm not
Have you read what I've written?
If you have you know You're stating the obvious

You're not musician
I know I'm not
Have you heard me play?
If you have you know You're stating the obvious

You're not worth it
I know I'm not
Have you met me?
If you have you know You're stating the obvious

You're not perfect
I know I'm not
But neither are you.
Jace Mar 2021
Where are you
Inside my head
Why are you there
Because I can’t escape
When will you get out
I don’t know-maybe never
How did you get there
I let myself think
Imagine a prison inside your own head full of everything you’re scared of. Imagine 2 people yelling at you to do different things and you don’t know who to listen to. Maybe you don’t have to imagine-i don’t know your circumstances.
Jace Apr 2021
Why is it that sad people
Make friends with sad people
Logically that should make us sadder

It doesn't though. It just means you never have to explain.
Jace Jul 2021
The first one left without a word
Just silently abandoning me
Never telling me what I did wrong
Never letting me know how to fix it
I think it was me

The second one left with a petty insult
Just telling me I was wrong
And what I did
Never letting me know how to fix it
It was probably me

The third one left with a full blown row
Telling me exactly why I was in the wrong
And how to fix it
But when I did just that I was still left
Floundering alone
It must have been me

I think everything’s my fault
Its probably my fault
It must have been my fault
But I don’t know why.
Jace Jun 2021
~Is nothing
~Is a test of will
~Is a waist of time
~Isn’t chill
~Isn’t fun
~Isn’t fixed with a pill.
Jace Mar 2021
A person who lives only for love
Is a fool to the highest degree
A person who lives only for success
Is destined to fail eventually
A person who lives only for life
Is the smartest of them all and
A person who lives without A care in the world
Is going to live life to its full
A person who lives only to dream of death
Isn't scared of what the future may hold but
A person who lives with no expectations
Will never feel the love, success, life, cares or dreams.
You tell me which is worse
Jace Mar 2021
If we are made of stardust
Why do we feel lost in space?
Jace Mar 2021
The control that you feel
When you listen to the voice
Who says that my razor can fix everything
The control that you feel
When you wipe up the red
Because my razor helped my thoughts slow down
The control that you feel
When looking at the word
That my razor just carved into my skin
The control that you feel
When you feel the sting
That was me an my razor. I can control this
I've been clean for over a month. ***** that I've been clean less than an hour.
Jace Feb 2021
Is anybody there
Is anybody listening
Does anybody care
Would anybody miss me

Would I be like that celebrity who dies-you feel a little bit of loss but something else comes along and you’re mind just wonders off

No I’m not attention seeking, this is real and this is me
I can write and I can sing so no one cares what’s underneath

But no ones in the crowd
And no ones ever listening
So they will never know
Not for as long as I live.

Am I like that guy who is shunned while he’s alive, they only realised he was a genius after he had died

We’re all as insignificant as  a single piece of grain
But if we all died we’d be as famous as that dude who stood in the way
He was insignificant too-no one cared while he was alive.
He was a single piece of grain until he jumped in front of that train.

Now everybody knows his name and - not dissing him at all - but honestly he’s dead and so are many more.
We remember all of them that died but what about all of us.
Angels who are still alive but would rather be in out of luck
Jace Jul 2021
It's a bad sign
When I don't know whether
I'm high
Or just overly sleep deprived
Jace Mar 2021
My friend wanted to see the cuts
But my scars are like diary
FAT
BOY
WORTHLESS
HATED
never ask to see my scars
They're ugly and nasty and painful
FAT
BOY
WORTHLESS
HATED
They flare up an split
And look worse than before
FAT
BOY
WORTHLESS
HATED
block capitals now carved
Forever into my skin
FAT
BOY
WORTHLESS
HATED
Don't disagree
You don't know me.
Jace Apr 2021
I don't know my name.
Sounds clichéd,
But a name is an identifier.
Without a name
I don't know who I am.
Your name is the first thing
Somebody asks.
It's not the kind of question
In which you can say
'I don't know '.
No.
Jace Apr 2021
No.
Honestly? You want honesty?

After everything you've said
After everything you've taken
After everything you've done!

The trust is gone
It won't return
You don't deserve
I shall not oblige.

Honestly? You want honesty?

******* you *****.
Jace Feb 2021
OCD is not an adjective
It’s not synonym for perfection
It can ruin a life or end one
It’s on par, just as bad as depression
The two often come hand in hand
With anxiety on the side
If you do that 13 times tomorrow your friend won’t die
If you only write on every 4th line
You won’t get sick and die
The demon that lives in my head is trying to save my life
But is instead destroying me from inside.
I know OCD is different for everyone but I can pretty much guarantee that someone with OCD has never said ‘I’m so OCD’
Jace Apr 2021
Could everybody
Please stop
Stating the
**** obvious
Useless facts
I already
Know about
Myself. Would
Those people
Who do
State ****
Obvious facts
Kindly do
Me a
Favour and
*******
Thanks bye!!
Jace Apr 2021
An outsider in my second home
Ignored and forgotten
Oldest child syndrome
Nobody asks, nobody cares
Always blamed
Never heard
Mum Look what I did!
Oh great now look at her
My sisters always done something better
Couldn’t care less
Make your bed
Fold your clothes
Leave the house
Don’t go back home
See you next week
Bye mum
We’ll watch another film
Except we won’t because
There’s never time
Jace Oct 2021
It's too loud
Too bright
Too fast

Too many people
Too much choice
Too much noise

Too many things to go wrong
Too many problems that can't be solved
Too many things to do

Not enough time
Not enough space
Not fast enough to compensate

Can't write it as quick as I think
Can't slow my thought down
Can't explain the inside of my brain

Can't explain
Can't explain
Can't explain
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