You know what???

I think you knew… You knew what you had.
You knew how good I was and what I deserved.

I think you felt it. Sensed it.
You knew I could do better…

But once the addiction of a having a loving man hit you,
You knew you couldn't lose me.
You needed me.

I became your safety, serenity and warmth in this cold, darkened world…

So….. you broke me. You broke me down every single day.
Making me think it was my fault.
Like I was not good enough for you…
You broke me down every day I stayed
Bit by painful bit, casting storm clouds above my head that hid my true worth,

And only when you FINALLY walked away, did I begin to see,
How much I truly deserve in this life.
How much damage you truly cast upon me.

But, as time went on, I healed.

As I shed the negative energy of you, I picked up my broken pieces and put myself back together...

And now??? I am getting what I crave...

So, you watch, as I finally get what I deserve,

And you are left in the dust…

Why do I make the choice, every single day, to keep on living???
To keep on fighting, every single storm I ever go through…
Fighting every single day, to make it to the next…

Well….


I have a story.
I have a voice.
And I will never be silent…

And my voice, my story,

Can change the lives of others.
I can give them hope, for victories in their battles.
I can be a light on their darkest days.
I can protect them from facing the battles that I have faced…

I lived today, so I could be a protector…
I can help change the script in the story of someone’s life…
I can help brighten the pages, soon to be written.

This, is why I fight…
This is why I live.

Healing is glorified

They make you think healing is sweet, soft, delicate.
They show the end result, when you finally open your eyes after a long rest, feeling better and ready for life…

But really, healing the hardest process to go through

You feel so much, you relive the past. You wonder about the future and what it holds.

Sometimes, it breaks you down to your knees.

Healing is messy. Healing is painful. Healing is hard

Healing can feel like you are fighting a war, some days losing that war.
And some days winning it.

But in the end, healing is worth it

When you wake up on the other side and the sun is shining on you and you feel more free than you ever have.

When the burdens of the past cease to exist and the weight of the world you once carried on your shoulders fades into oblivion.

Some day, that is what I wish for you, and for myself.
That we are free, unburdened, unchained, by the events of our past.

My life is like a book.

Each day, words - etched into the pages of the book of my life.

Words, moments. In this ever growing tale.

Years = chapters….

Each new year - The next chapter in the book.

The Last chapter, Love, Sadness, Heartbreak, …

… Hope, Strength, Resilience.

Victory.

As rough as the battle was, victory was still achieved.


Now… Get ready for the next great chapter,

In the book of MY life…

This is a letter to you….
You know who you are.

Three years… Three ******* years of my life…. That is what I gave you. That is what you stole from me. I’ll never get those three years back…
And honestly, you didnt deserve five ******* ******* seconds of my time…
I should not have wasted my time on you. You are simply not worth dirt…

When I saw your face at the market that day, I should have walked the other way… Not knowing you would give me three ******* years of abuse, Mental, physical AND emotional… And not to mention countless breakdowns, panic attacks and endless tears that you caused me even after you left

You leaving me ended up being the best thing you could have done… Because then, I allowed myself to heal, I allowed myself the grace of knowing it was not my fault.

You made me think that I was not good enough for you? HA… *****, you were not good enough for ME… At the end of the day, you lost possibly the most amazing man you could have had. So, jokes on you! Someone else will come along and know my worth. They will fight to keep me…
YOU never did.

Whatever it is you are doing with your pitiful life now, I hope karma finds and destroys you…

While he is running through your mind,
You are constantly on mine.

Travelling through my thoughts, stuck in my head.
And I can’t get you out, but secretly, I don’t want to…

Because that’s the only place I can still belong to you.
I can still be yours. And our future can still exist.

Deep in the chaos of my mind.

Hey, kid…
You are hurting. I can tell…

I can see it in the fact that your eyes do not sparkle as bright.
Your eyes are looking out at the world, but it feels like you are seeing in black and grey.
As if a foggy haze surrounds you.

I can hear it in your voice, that doesn’t sing to your passions to the world.
Your once boisterous, carefree and cheerful voice now sounds small, sorrowful and defeated.

I can tell by the way your head hangs low, the feeling of defeat looms over you.

I can tell, by the way that your heart feels like it has been crushed.
It feels like it is beating at half speed. It feels like it’s beating for nothing.

Well, you are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to fall to your knees and fall apart.’
You are allowed to feel down and out, just allow yourself the grace and love you put out to those around you.
Be gentle on yourself. You are hurting. You are allowed to.