It hurts worse every day
I hope this will subside
The lover that you threw away
Has a hollow ache inside

The love to which I was clinging
Was only a pantomime
Your cruel indifference is still stinging
But I’ll be stronger, in good time

This loneliness is like suffocating
And my eyes can’t adjust to the light
Here in the darkness I’m navigating
Depths of despair o’er your flight

And now you’re out and I, soon,
Will have to see your pretty face
But there will be no need for swoon
And there will be no chase

I know you’re gone so go…
I guess this is where we part…
But darling dear, I hope you know
I loved you with all of my heart

Staring at the campfire, tryin’ to think of reasons
Why you were so savage that you went on ahead
Cruelly pantomiming role of “loving wife” for seasons
Messing with my heart and torturing my head

The undetected longings your anxious heart must’ve had
Were hidden so well …even when we did embrace
And there might have been a tiny tell - a sign that things were going bad
But I am blind like justice; and you were gone without a trace


The signs were there in retrospect, many signs that I had missed
I should’ve felt it when we argued, when you tried to make me leave
I should’ve sensed the wandering, detected in each kiss
That you were chained and looking for reprieve

But hindsight gives illumination, and highlights all your lies
Your personality is mimic, assimilate each one
Knowing just the thing to do or say to win your prize
And you’re not satisfied…not ever… ‘til you’ve won

Another sunrise, another day
And still, she has very little to say
She calls up from rehab, to talk sick'ning-sweet
About all the folks she now has at her feet

“People from all-walks, who’ve played my same card!
We do meetings, and yoga, and walks in the yard!
And the food is so filling, and tastes pretty great
No wonder inpatients here always gain weight!”

“I’ve met Sally, and Kate, and Pauline, (who loves Pink)
And we’re all the same! We cheat and we drink!
Then there’s Betty, and Paula, and Beth, and Marie
All of these people exactly like me!”

And the thing she repeats in the children’s ears:
“Mommy’s working real ******* herself, my dears!”
As if NOTHING had HAPPENED, talking softly and sweet
But even in rehab, continues to cheat

Not that “WE” could be mended, it’s far past that point
But it ****** me off that while she’s in that joint
Spending our money to get pampered, and “well”…
She’s still chatting on phone calls with HIM.  Go to hell!

She’s been nigh three-weeks-sober for the first time in years
When she calls me to talk, it is not to shed tears,
Nor beg for forgiveness for adulterous ways
And say that she’s sorry she’s wasted my days

But to ask why the children won’t pick up their phones
As she’s still talking daily to the geezer she bones
I ask, “…you really love him?”, she confirms that it’s true,
With a casual cruelty, as I’m cut right in two.

Did I make you feel too special?
Was it too much; too hard to accept?
The adoration that I gave you,
Did it only make you feel inept?

Did I overly pamper you, princess?
Giving in every time we’re opposed?
Did you really think, “Why am I in this,
With this pushover? I think I got hosed.”

How many years did you just make believe?
How long has it been a charade?
As I cut myself open and give you my heart
All the while you were sharpening your blade

Now run along home to your sister’s,
Guts, blood, and gore in your wake
Saying, “I’m too delicate at this stage,
So don’t throw me things I can’t take…

Else you might ruin my recovery
So, …no surprises, please.”
…WELL, what about MY recovery,  *****?
FROM THE IMAGE OF YOU ON YOUR KNEES!

You know what?

Go grind on his filthy fish tail
Go straddle his handlebars
Go send him words that you’ve stolen from me
Give to him all that was ours

Your beauty will fade from you someday
And you’ll no longer get to make jumps
Leaving lovers in puddles of gore as you go
Having lined-up your next ***** for humps

Take a hike for a while now, my strumpet,
Ride his handlebars into the night
I was waiting for you to be sorry
But it’s not worth fighting that fight

And some day in the future when you’re finally content
And you’ve ended your wand’rings and wild rides
Have us over and show us your enormous gape!
And we’ll drive our “Big Rigs” right on inside!

As you walk away, please remember how much I loved you
And that so many days I tried to make things right
No, I wasn’t perfect, I know, that’s not what I’m saying
But I did the best I could do, before you took flight

Seems the spell you were under just never dissipated
I never snapped you out of it like I thought I might…
You grabbed the yoke, bent on crashing and burning, but I held on
Thinking after this valley of darkness, we’d reach some light

As you walk away
Out into the night
Oh darling, I’m aghast
Oh dear, it’s not right

And as you round the bend
I hope you get it right
I hope you can unwind yourself
Your knots are awful tight

Now every day’s been spent just raging and weeping
At the thought of what perhaps could have been…
And the images my mind creates of the acts are just teeming
I feel stupid and blind for the things that I should have seen

On my knees in the darkness, I pray to the sky for renewal
Looking hard for what the hell it was that I lacked
Running over scenarios of a repair to this wreckage
Hazy future images where we’ve made it back

But I now realize that this fantasy is just illusion
And I know your current strategy lies with him
But when this honeymoon period that you’re now into has ended
And he’s pulls you down to the deep I just hope you swim

I’d rather you get well and get happy, dear, believe it…
Than stayin’ tied in knots from which you can’t get free
Whatever was lacking …I hope that your new love fulfills it
Dearest friend, you’ll always have a part of me

As you walk away
Out into the sunset
Oh dear, I am speechless
Oh darling, it’s not right

And as you round the bend
I hope you got it right
I hope you can unwind some day
Those knots are awful tight

I don’t tell you oft’ enough
You’re heroic! It must be tough,
Cause each night you are tryin’ to tame me

To get me to turn an eye that’s blind
To not mention the tumbler of wine
Or the whiskey, which is near enough to slay me

Oh you tell me I am being lame
And why it’s me that is to blame
And when asked whose fault this is, you’ll say me

And while you’re spewing words of hate
You tell me I don’t appreciate
All that you do, oh darling ...can you blame me?